"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Communication Breakdown

bigneil

bigneil

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Ok I usually don't post text conversations, but in this case I think I may have misinterpreted something so I'd like to get feedback on how others read this.

Here was the conversation with a girl I went on one date with April 7:


April 13, 2012

ME) Hi, How are things? (3:10PM)
HER) Hey! Things are good. How are you? (3:11PM)
ME) We should get together again Sunday night. (3:12PM)
HER) I have a little birthday party to go to Sunday (3:16PM)

(no contact for 7 days)

April 20, 2012

ME) Hi, How are things? You've been awfully quiet. (3:00PM)
HER) Hey!! I'm fine working every day. You've been quiet also. How are you? (5:43PM)
ME) The photo of you came out great. When you called after we had dinner that night I thought for sure I'd see you again. Are you still single? ;) (5:45PM)
HER) Photo of me? Send it to me please. Yes still single. (5:48PM)
ME) Please send your email as it's a large file. (6:06PM)
HER) (her email) (6:08PM)
ME) (emailed photo)
ME) No comment on the photo? Anyhow if you're available Monday we should get together for a drink. (7:37PM)
HER) I haven't checked it out yet. Just got the ballpark for baseball game. (8:04PM)
HER) I don't like my hair in that picture. But everything else seems fine ;) Thank you. (8:36PM)
ME) Ok well it was nice knowing you. (9:07PM)
HER) What does that mean? (9:14PM)



-----------------------

At first I thought she was avoiding the question and applied the two strike rule, but then I realized that by "everything else seems fine" she might have been agreeing to a drink Monday (versus referring to the photo). If that's the case, how do I back my way out of this one?
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Chamber36

Chamber36

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lol I don't think you can.

She doesn't seem very excited by the offer of drinks on monday. I'd say you can charge it to the game.

Of course you can always text her something like: "well do you want to go out or not?" Or you could tell her that you need confirmation because you could do other stuff on monday.

You might still be able to weasel your way out of this one. Of course my idea is just off the top of my head, maybe you know better, or someone else.
 
B

betheman

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Just leave it, nothing to go on, your wasting time and texts by replying anymore
 
bigneil

bigneil

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This might not be high interest, but it's clearly not low interest either. They don't go on a date, make out, respond quickly to lots of messages on Friday night, ask lots of questions, provide their email, and say they are single if they have low interest.
 
P

Pimp-sicle

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Her comment about everything else seems fine was strictly referring to the photo. So you were correct in assuming that.

Other thing I would point out is you went almost a week without contact and then jumped right into asking her out. I would've bantered with her for a little, get the good vibes going, maybe make a reference to something from your date the previous week to get her feeling that good vibe she felt when she was with you.

Also I know there is differing opinion on this, but giving options works better to secure dates than saying one day that your free, especially early on.





PIMP
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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PrettyBoyAJ

PrettyBoyAJ

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Pick up the phone. Don't text her like the other 50+ guys are doing.
 
bigneil

bigneil

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Well I took the advice of the previous 3 posts by PrettyBoyAJ, ezio and JohnCrops (in that order!) - but I took it to the next level.

Tonight I randomly showed up at her work where she is a barmaid - she ran over and hugged me and kissed me on the lips and said "What the hell were you talking about last night? It's over?" and I said "Of course not... we just had a communication breakdown... with texting it's hard to convey sarcasm...".

We're going out Sunday. Thanks everyone.
 
Atom Smasher

Atom Smasher

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Late to the party, but you let way too much time pass for that week.

Not sure saying "I thought for sure I'd see you again" was a good idea. Sounds a little passive and dependent.

She seems to ignore your questions and only responds that which strokes her ego.

I'm writing from my tablet so please excuse the brevity.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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