Commitment Issues

[Pierce Manhammer]

Well, here I am, a guy in his 50’s in excellent physical shape and I clean up ok. Been divorced and living alone for a few years. Been tearing it up, up to 5-6 plates in rotation, most relatively high quality and well stable financially and mentally. Been doing that for years.

Fast forward to now: met a gal who is attractive, in great shape, age appropriate, active, smart, successful and fun. We get along like thieves - everything is awesome this far and improves every time we’re together.

Shes talking about the future and what could be. Why am I hesitant? Why do I get breathless and slightly anxious. I clearly have commitment issues. Is it the freedom and abundance ****ing up what could be a great LTR for me?

Have any of you gotten off the v-train and been able to successfully go monogamous? If so how’d you handle it.

input appreciated.

 

[RickTheToad]

Well, here I am, a guy in his 50’s in excellent physical shape and I clean up ok. Been divorced and living alone for a few years. Been tearing it up, up to 5-6 plates in rotation, most relatively high quality and well stable financially and mentally. Been doing that for years.

Fast forward to now: met a gal who is attractive, in great shape, age appropriate, active, smart, successful and fun. We get along like thieves - everything is awesome this far and improves every time we’re together.

Shes talking about the future and what could be. Why am I hesitant? Why do I get breathless and slightly anxious. I clearly have commitment issues. Is it the freedom and abundance ****ing up what could be a great LTR for me?

Have any of you gotten off the v-train and been able to successfully go monogamous? If so how’d you handle it.

input appreciated.

Yea, I hear ya. Mid 30's and I filed to have my marriage annulled 11 years ago, took 2 years to reach that accomplishment. You can, arrange your finances and legal protections via irrevocable trusts and pre-nups to protect everything you have. Cannot protect from egregious child support, so if you are a minimalist that should solve that issue. However, if this is not an option for you, then you need to move on and realize all relationships with females will be temporary for the rest of your life. I even said I might consider marriage again with an iron-clad pre-nup and waiver of all legal rights (aside from children and medical); she agreed. So, we shall see. Just remember to talk to both an estate (elder law) lawyer as well as a divorce lawyer to make sure everything is a tight running ship.

 

[Barrister]

If you decide to go monogamous, I think keeping your sense of purpose/self is absolutely imperative. She needs to enter your world as well and not vice versa. Keep your hobbies going and keep your friends in your life. Don't drop those out now she is in the picture.

I think all of us get commitment issues after we have been through a few LTRs that start out great then end up crashing and burning. It is natural. But I think it gives us a much better sense of where things stands and at least for myself I have been much better about not wearing rose tinted glasses about my relationships. Doesn't make them any less - it just lets me see things for what they are.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Well, here I am, a guy in his 50’s in excellent physical shape and I clean up ok. Been divorced and living alone for a few years. Been tearing it up, up to 5-6 plates in rotation, most relatively high quality and well stable financially and mentally. Been doing that for years.

Fast forward to now: met a gal who is attractive, in great shape, age appropriate, active, smart, successful and fun. We get along like thieves - everything is awesome this far and improves every time we’re together.

Shes talking about the future and what could be. Why am I hesitant? Why do I get breathless and slightly anxious. I clearly have commitment issues. Is it the freedom and abundance ****ing up what could be a great LTR for me?

Have any of you gotten off the v-train and been able to successfully go monogamous? If so how’d you handle it.

input appreciated.

Just pretend she's the Covid Narrative. You'll be instantly committed.

For real though, if you haven't woken up yet I would wait until the "pandemic" is over. She's likely brainwashed too. I say this because people "wake up" at their own pace, and if you want to be in a relationship with this woman, this will be a likely source of friction (judging by your very opinionated post history). You may be hesitant due to your cognitive dissonance regarding the state of the world and society. Your repressed anxiety about societal issues could very well be surfacing with this woman.

Might as well deal with these crazy "conspiracy theorists" sooner rather than later because you're going to have to at some point anyway, and we're growing in number at an exponential pace. Nobody goes from the "conspiracy" camp to the "narrative" camp. The direction of migration is one-way.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

You're probably traumatized by the divorce (assuming she initiated it - most women do)

Nope I did, no malfeasance involved, we get along well.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Thank you for your reply not thinking of marriage at this juncture by any means, just monogamy. That’s the first step ;-)

Yea, I hear ya. Mid 30's and I filed to have my marriage annulled 11 years ago, took 2 years to reach that accomplishment. You can, arrange your finances and legal protections via irrevocable trusts and pre-nups to protect everything you have. Cannot protect from egregious child support, so if you are a minimalist that should solve that issue. However, if this is not an option for you, then you need to move on and realize all relationships with females will be temporary for the rest of your life. I even said I might consider marriage again with an iron-clad pre-nup and waiver of all legal rights (aside from children and medical); she agreed. So, we shall see. Just remember to talk to both an estate (elder law) lawyer as well as a divorce lawyer to make sure everything is a tight running ship.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Great reply. Thank you. This chick is saying all the right things, her history checks out, and is being super supportive or my career and previous commitments, she must sense I’m a flight risk. Other than that she’s batting up there, certainly much better than all that have come since the end of my marriage.

She‘s either a sociopath or 1000% in, as much as a chick can be. She’s busy introducing me to her whole extended set of acquaintances. Ugh.

If you decide to go monogamous, I think keeping your sense of purpose/self is absolutely imperative. She needs to enter your world as well and not vice versa. Keep your hobbies going and keep your friends in your life. Don't drop those out now she is in the picture.

I think all of us get commitment issues after we have been through a few LTRs that start out great then end up crashing and burning. It is natural. But I think it gives us a much better sense of where things stands and at least for myself I have been much better about not wearing rose tinted glasses about my relationships. Doesn't make them any less - it just lets me see things for what they are.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

You slay me dude.

Why bring in the COVID thing? Yes I hear vent alarms in my sleep, has nothing to do with this post. Sorry I hurt your feelings man, I realize you’re truly a sensitive 90’s kinda guy now. Hugs?

Just pretend she's the Covid Narrative. You'll be instantly committed.

For real though, if you haven't woken up yet I would wait until the pandemic is over. She's likely brainwashed too. I say this because people "wake up" at their own pace, and if you want to be in a relationship with this woman, this will be a likely source of friction (judging by your very opinionated post history).

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Pierce, this isn't going away buddy.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You slay me dude.

Why bring in the COVID thing? Yes I hear vent alarms in my sleep, has nothing to do with this post. Sorry I hurt your feelings man, I realize you’re truly a sensitive 90’s kinda guy now. Hugs?

Dude, you're a rabid control freak. This has everything to do with it. You're not well, and you will continue to decline. You are in a cult and if this chick is too, which is very likely, your relationship with this woman will be strained unless you happen to "wake up" simultaneously.

I am a Grunge fan, so you have me on that.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

No it isn’t. 80% of my pts where COVID+ last shift, we’re running out of iso rooms.

I’d rather keep this thread on topic please, you and I can discuss this elsewhere if you’d like to start a thread again.

thanks!

Pierce, this isn't going away buddy.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Pre-Plandemic Women and Current-Plandemic Women are behaving very differently I've noticed,

Definitely more anxiety on their part these days.

Ok, keeping the thread on topic, cut it off with this woman until all of the Covid and Vax BS clears up. Things are way too volatile right now to start any kind of serious relationship. You need a platform of stability, which isn't there during time of war (be it overt or covert).


Keep your rotation. Now is not a good time to start anything serious.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Thank you for your reply.

Definitely more anxiety on their part these days.
<edited to keep it tight>
Keep your rotation. Now is not a good time to start anything serious.

 

[2Rocky]

Pierce, Go monogamous when you feel like you have your fundamentals to go back out and restart the plate spinning party if this one doesn't work out. If she is checking all your boxes, then roll with it. Ride that wave as long as you can. You KNOW you can meet and lay women now's the time to maintain one if you like the deal...

 

[Bokanovsky]

Shes talking about the future and what could be. Why am I hesitant? Why do I get breathless and slightly anxious. I clearly have commitment issues. Is it the freedom and abundance ****ing up what could be a great LTR for me?

Have any of you gotten off the v-train and been able to successfully go monogamous? If so how’d you handle it.

The question is, do you want to be monogamous? What are the pros and cons, from your (and not society's) standpoint? You are in your 50's, divorced. I am going to assume that you either have children or don't want children (since an "age appropriate" partner would no longer be fertile, in your case). There is nothing wrong for someone in your position to never want to be in an LTR again.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Thanks for the reply.

Pierce, Go monogamous when you feel like you have your fundamentals to go back out and restart the plate spinning party if this one doesn't work out. If she is checking all your boxes, then roll with it. Ride that wave as long as you can. You KNOW you can meet and lay women now's the time to maintain one if you like the deal...

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

At the risk of sounding BP, there is a certain comfort in the knowledge of aging with a desirable, dependable partner. I know that my expiration date is arriving, and like they say maybe it's time to "consolidate", I vacillate on a number of things.

I think I may hang up my six-shooters for a bit and see where this goes: if I still feel this way in 6 months to a year then - well, time will tell.

Thank you for your reply.

The question is, do you want to be monogamous? What are the pros and cons, from your (and not society's) standpoint? You are in your 50's, divorced. I am going to assume that you either have children or don't want children (since an "age appropriate" partner would no longer be fertile, in your case). There is nothing wrong for someone in your position to never want to be in an LTR again.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Pierce,
Kipling said it all...."The more you have known of the others,the less will you settle to one".

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

No doubt, it will be a struggle; I enjoy the variety way too much. I've already been paring down the entourage to make room for spending more time with the new find, and one plate is NOT taking no for an answer; she is the most attractive of the bunch and also the best lay but has so many foundational issues it's laughable - never expected her to try to hang in there - it's interesting the things one learns sometimes.

The way I see this playing out is spending the bulk of my time with the new gal and keeping the "insistent one" in the wings; this will allow me to retain perspective. This is by far a sea change for me, to go from 5-6 down to 2, possibly 3. I know this seems like a humblebrag, but the struggle is real.

It feels like I've been out riding fences for way too long and done rewired my brain in a way that makes monogamy monotony.

Hi Pierce,
Kipling said it all...."The more you have known of the others, the less will you settle to one".

 

[ubercat]

5-6. Nevermind this post tell us about your time management tricks. Yes go monogamist for at least a while you need the rest