Whenever I speak to a chick, regardless of whether I am just being polite or attempting a pickup, I always come across as way too much of a nice guy. It's not just in what I say (Hi. How are you? or whatever), it's also in the tone of my voice and the way I say it. I feel like I speak and act kind of gay, and friends of mine have told me that I do come across as kind of gay when I talk to chicks. How can I change the way I come across and not make my first impressions make me seem too nice or gay?
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Coming Across Too Nice...and Gay
- Thread starter Ian19
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"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
ArmondTamzarian
Don Juan
Well, I guess I am on the other side of table. I've had women tell me there is no one alive who could mistake me as gay. My question is what are you doing that is so gay? Are you ecxitable, is your voice not very deep? After five minutes talking to a woman, what is the subject of the conversion? Have you seen the Comedy Central Show"Staight Plan for the Gay Man?" it might show you what is going on.
I think I'm just speaking in a overly-nice tone and it comes across as a bit feminine. I don't really have a naturally high voice, usually moderately deep, it's just that for some reason it doesn't come across that way if I'm talking to a chick. I can talk to males, whether friends or males I've just met, and my voice sounds perfectly fine and I sound masculine enough. It's hard to figure out why I do this with females though.
Thanks for the feedback.
Thanks for the feedback.
biker_gixxer
Master Don Juan
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Well, I think that your voice may change when talking to a female out of nervousness and you come off as being 'to nice' because your looking for her approval (although you may not notice this on the surface). Everyone has different reactions when they're nervous. Some sweat, some shake, etc. What you have to do is 'relax' and go with the flow. Remember, don't go out there trying to get a girls approval, they have to look for YOURS.
Hope this helped.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
I've been mistaken for being gay too, many times. A lot has to do with the way I dress and groom myself, but I also portray the impression of being nice. Yet, I get a lot of female attention and a lot of friends, so I would never call it a problem.
The voice thing can definitely be altered. As ScrewIt said, learn to talk slowly and also learn to breathe deeply (from the diaphram) and take regular breaths. When you are nervous, your chest becomes restricted and if that's where you breathe from, your voice tone will be much higher.
It may also be your body language. Gay men tend to move and gesture a lot, and generally appear buoyant and hyperactive. If you notice yourself doing this, try to move in a slower and more controlled manner.
The voice thing can definitely be altered. As ScrewIt said, learn to talk slowly and also learn to breathe deeply (from the diaphram) and take regular breaths. When you are nervous, your chest becomes restricted and if that's where you breathe from, your voice tone will be much higher.
It may also be your body language. Gay men tend to move and gesture a lot, and generally appear buoyant and hyperactive. If you notice yourself doing this, try to move in a slower and more controlled manner.
also on another note, your tone and clarity of voice will change when you lose your confidence.
once in awhile when i talk to ppl i find my voice pattern isnt as clear, deep, and slow as it may be. it may not be as deep and not as clear when i speak.
once in awhile when i talk to ppl i find my voice pattern isnt as clear, deep, and slow as it may be. it may not be as deep and not as clear when i speak.
ArcturusXIV
Don Juan
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Can someone addy me to the thread about improving my voice? I definitely need that. Not only for women, but because I'm a telemarketer. 
well where i work, i sit around telemarketers all day long.
their voice is consistent and confident, they have to sound liek they know what they're talking about. and precise with clarity, no mumbling. dont wanna repeat again if they dont hear it, as you're already wasting their time.
Speak in a friendly tone, no hostile tone. Be as optimistic as you can, no one wants to hear a sad/emotionless speaker. they wanna hear a guy who knows his **** and wont stutter when the client asks them back a question. stuttering means you're unsure about the answer and unconfident.
if i had the chance @ work, i woudlnt mind trying out telemarketing. it would help improve my ppl skills and voice in general.
their voice is consistent and confident, they have to sound liek they know what they're talking about. and precise with clarity, no mumbling. dont wanna repeat again if they dont hear it, as you're already wasting their time.
Speak in a friendly tone, no hostile tone. Be as optimistic as you can, no one wants to hear a sad/emotionless speaker. they wanna hear a guy who knows his **** and wont stutter when the client asks them back a question. stuttering means you're unsure about the answer and unconfident.
if i had the chance @ work, i woudlnt mind trying out telemarketing. it would help improve my ppl skills and voice in general.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
hmm.. i get told i sound gay alot... i talk pretty fast and upbeat, but i think maybe i should do the slower talking thing from now on.... the gay voice helped with telemarketing though!!
and im WAY to comfortable talking to girls, i can sit in a group of 10 girls and talk to all of them and they all talk to me....