Cold Text Game

[DragonBlood]

I got into an argument with one of my HB8 co-workers who I only started dating. She refused to speak to me and slept around with someone else out of anger, so I went hard NC for 7 months.

Not a single text of apology, no drama or emotion about it at work, not even talking about her to other co-workers and instead started dating other women outside of work. She basically ceased to exist. The last point (date girls) lead to her becoming notably depressed when word got around and she just stopped showing up at work the past couple of weeks.

However most of my cold approaches were boring by comparison because I have 3 years of rapport with this women. Additionally the guy she was seeing without me adding pressure to the picture at all got oneitis fast leaving her with nothing. I felt sorry for her and decided I would be the one to "break the silence" and ask her out for Christmas. I dont care about this women the way I used to but I would definitely appreciate your advice on my text game after 7 months of NC.

The first text took me three days to come up with, Ive never been in deep NC before so I was being indecisive.. mainly should I send or not but also keeping it simple and free of emotional nonsense and really asking myself if I want this women in my life. Basically I wanted to be sure my thoughts were coming from a good and non-needy place before following through on a decision. I decided I had nothing to lose at this point and could always ask someone else out anyway if she doesnt bite. Then it would be her own damn fault for not moving if I was seeing someone else and I would have no creeping doubts of my own while Im with a new person.


DB: hey becky do you want to go out for xmas
HB8: Sorry i dont have your number. who are u?
DB: DB the biggest nightmare of ALL TIME
HB8: I am in France for Christmas visiting family
DB: Hows your sister?
HB8: She is good. Meeting in France for Christmas, thank you for asking!
DB: Cool have a good Christmas becky
HB8: See you at work tomorrow btw... bye (I have not SEEN this women in two months)
DB: Im staying at home tomorrow, I was planning on going to the group meeting on Tue though (truth, it was a bit much for her to expect me to just jump to her command)
<no response>

All texts are within 2-5mins of each other both sides. This is the healthiest exchange Ive had with this person in pretty much a year even though we work in a small office. Even though it might not seem like much to you guys this is actually a big difference and very positive for me because it frees up so much energy and drama from work.

Notice how she first gives the impression of not knowing who I am to blow off not contacting me for so long and also telling me she is actually in another country right now. I follow with a non-secular and suddenly she wants to see me tomorrow, albeit at work hours. I didnt push any harder because I will see her alot at work and there is no hurry in this month. It was mainly important just to get her TALKING again and baby step from there.

I guess my goal is to sleep with her but she has made no counter offers. One other thing that posses a problem is that I planned to invite a HB6 to the office christmas party this friday if she ignored my text, but now Im concerned I cant do that. Showing up to the party with HB6 only a few days after asking out and opening comms for the first time in 7 months with becky would be pretty dumb. Being attention seeking beckys ego is actually very fragile, She would get jealous and upset and close off, I have no interest in tossing up a HB8 for a HB6! On the other hand I dont want to LOSE my HB6 altogether by inviting neither one. thoughts?

 

[Heisenberg]

I thank you for posting this, because every once in a while I flirt with the idea of cold texting a girl I NC'd nearly a year ago.

However, yours does not exactly fill me with inspiration, as it's evident you're not getting a bang out of this girl. No counter offer, no apology about not knowing who you were, no real energy in her texts.

I was so proud of you when I saw your text "Cool have a good Christmas becky." I thought good for DB, he knows when to end it. Then you started telling her about your schedule :\

 

[El Payaso]

7 months. Seriously, why are you contacting her? Let this one die. It's done. She's an ex for a reason.

 

[DragonBlood]

Thanks guys. Well, the game is wearing me down.

I guess the main reason I reached out to her is because I have not got dates with equally attractive women from my cold approach recently. She made some half hearted attempts to get back into my circle and possibly date again but I was so SICKENED and taken back by her sleeping around instead of talking to me at the time I just did nothing with it and decided I need to be a man and step up my game. I was mostly mad at myself, because it was obvious I was investing more emotion into this than she had rightly earned if she was capable of doing that and that it would upset me. If becky was happy and social around the office I would not have had any reason to contact her after such a long time.


@Heisenberg: thanks, I was going to leave it. But if you read the texts again she responds and tells me HER schedule but no date offer. In hindsight however, her response to "Cool have a good Christmas becky." was probably because she didnt want to look like an idiot if I bumped into her at work after giving me the impression she was abroad.


Am I being a hater?

No counter offer, no apology about not knowing who you were, no real energy in her texts.

Yep shes a real dime piece alright. However, when I see her isolating herself and depressed at work it takes away my enjoyment in seeing other women. Its easy to come off low energy and cold when we have both been distant... there is definitely a truth in what you say but I also try to "judge actions not words". She was cold over text but responded within 2-5min and was ok/asking to seeing me at work. Normally when a girl doesnt like me it takes 3hrs+ for them to respond with some long and poorly thought out excuse where they come across super friendly and aloof. In beckys case I realistically expected her to completely ignore the text.

After 7 months of cold approach I have got dates with HB5-6 but I just cant click with HB8-9 who "already have bfs". So even after pushing myself in cold approach and bars Im left with this internal dialog and conflict inside me "Sarge on **** beckys BS hot babes will come", "Dont be so hard on becky shes hot who cares, why you being a hater?".


Self reflection from CA adventures

Since walking away from this person I decided to make a huge effort to improve myself and understand what I want in terms of success with women. What I know now for me I just dont get excited for HB7- like I use to, they can be my friends, maybe even fb or ons.... but its not for me in the long run, Holy **** I would be depressed if I knocked up HB7s when I could of pushed harder. Becky is beyond question a hate ****. Have you ever hated a girls personality so much that you want to ride the **** out of them just for treating you badly... ? just me then? hahaha

Why should I take a bad personality to heart? Does a PIMP worry about his hoes BS or does he let it blow over him like a gentle breeze? My gf doesnt have to satisfy my emotional needs AND be a hot minx.

 

[Rainman4707]

To me it sounds like you're WAY to interested in this woman.

 

[DragonBlood]

To me it sounds like you're WAY to interested in this woman.

Yeah, Im inclined to agree. I like to create threads like this to "catch myself in the act" and avoid making an ass out of myself. I find it easier to think and write at the same time and the advice in SS is usually great.


From what I understand here are my main sticking points.

1. In the past (pre-CA) I attributed and projected values onto this women that werent there. Not a mistake I plan on making in the future but this spiked up my initial interest.

2. I have not succeeded in building up plates of equal physical attraction and start to think I have become too icey towards this person. The fact that its a small and social office doesnt help as it always leaves this women on the simmer. As such a part of me is all jammed up out of fear of losing this women by moving strong on less attractive ones in my circle and closing the door (indicating my lack of persistence or interest). Im not tied up to this specific girl but to her level, the LACK of HB8-9 in my life right now is messing me up.

I can count at least 5 different girls I could sleep with in two-three weeks or have already dated or straight up asked me for sex from all my CA and social circle but not one of them really bumps higher than HB6.5!!! Becky looks like an oasis in the desert compared to the boring and sub-par girls in my life. I myself am about an 8 so I find dating down a very depressing idea. My friends are asking who am I bringing to the xmas party because Im some bad ass ladiesman and so far always have brought someone, but in reality I tell them "I dont know really" because Im jammed up and a bit burned out. An abundance of average girls and not being able to close the gap on HB8s is making me indecisive and crushy for what I actually want.

 

[JohnChops]

7 months. Seriously, why are you contacting her? Let this one die. It's done. She's an ex for a reason.

easier said than done sometimes, took me 1.5 years to drop/go NC fully on a girl i had partial oneitis for.

 

[DragonBlood]

easier said than done sometimes, took me 1.5 years to drop/go NC fully on a girl i had partial oneitis for.

Try doing that in a small office were you bump into her every week or so, becky flying gossip around, regular office social events and people prying into your business around the topic, thats my life :cheer: And why Im sure she is human as well. Its like sharing a house with your ex and not being allowed to leave for another 2-3 years.

I have to make it work on some level or I will lose my mind. Im thinking of just chilling back like the texts never happened anyway and waiting for her to get into my face now that the ice is finally ****ing broken. At first she will start using me for attention obviously, but sooner or later it will go up and up. How I am going to keep my own emotions in check I have no idea. No intentions of inviting to xmas party unless she brings it up. Go hard on CA in january when I feel more recharged.

Most of my interest is birthed from her outstanding looks and, not lack of options, but lack of comparable options. Why focus on fatties or getting into serious relationships with average looking virgins when I have this one tapering around the edges (dangerous logic). Especially when I KNOW she chews out beta guys that like to jump for treats and shower her with attention. Thats what gets me, guys that are socially awkward and nowhere near my level are sex worthy (for awhile) but when she hears about my behavior around other girls that makes me depression worthy. WTF. On some level I feel like she expects more power in a relationship than I would EVER consider offering, as you can probably guess from her snappy texts.

"thou handsome man must fall before my feet, do as I say, go where I go, or I shall move to the next branch with speed and get my fix elsewhere".

Most girls either dont like me, chase for validation or make their intentions clear. Why when I focused on other girls after she sleeps around that this one just gets depressed???? Am I expected to give unconditional love (see: desperation) while she burns through betas out of spite and comes back buzzing like a dumb ass waiting for me to gush?? What kind of reaction is that?? Its like she hasnt being paying the SLIGHTEST amount of attention to how I run girls. My sexy time and attention comes at a premium! I reward good behavior and withdraw from bad behavior regardless of my desire.

 

[Rainman4707]

Wow, I wasn't aware that especially a guy like JohnChops could take so long to get over a girl.

 

[JohnChops]

@dragonsblood i work with her to, different hours now though

@rainman we all gotta start somewhere on this site, that was my starting point.