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Cold Approaching

Rainman4707

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Had several oppurtunities to cold approach women in last couple weeks. My mind always found an excuse as to why NOT to approach the women. The oppurtunity arises so quick sometimes there is'nt much time at all to think. I drove past a women last night. My mind thought "hmm i could stop my car, no traffic around me" By then i was past her. I was a little frustrated by this (but not much because i dont care to much about women nowadays, but thats another topic)

I was in supermarket this morning. Noticed a woman who was quite pretty. As i got closer to here my mind thought "hmm should i cold approach, no i won't because she is'nt hot enough for the effort.

It so happens that this women came right up behind me in queue. I told her to keep her distance because of virus. I noticed that her man was behind her. He is a good friend of my family. I was relieved that i had'nt cold approched her earlier.
 

SirBigBell

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I understand your frustration with cold approach hesitancy. Last month I was in the supermarket at night in the medicines isle looking to pick up some multivitamins. This juicy dime came and stood near me in front of the condoms section. With the corner of my eye I was looking to see what she was gonna pick up. After some time she reached up and picked up a tube of lube and walked away.
I still kick myself for not exploiting that opportunity to approach. She literally was half a meter from me! I wont ever drop the ball like that again, damn
 

logicallefty

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OP that's a funny story. Thinking about cold approaching earlier and then finding out you know her man.

The secret to good cold approaching and opening lines is not to overthink it. Have some generic common openers in memory that you know like the back of your hand. Then when the opportunity comes in a microsecond, the openers come out without you even having to think about it. A few of mine are below. Bear in mind that these match me and my demeanor with women. Do your own accordingly:

"Its colder than a witch's t|t in a brass bra out there" (in winter months)

"This is taking a while. I shoulda brought a lawn chair and a good book" (if standing in a long line like at a grocery store)

"You dropped your nose" (point up to the ceiling, look up, and act really serious)

"Hey save some phone data for the rest of us, I have to order a pizza tonight" (to women who are buried in their phones. typically I use this one at bars or maybe like a doctors waiting room or something like that)
 

mikedee

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OP that's a funny story. Thinking about cold approaching earlier and then finding out you know her man.

The secret to good cold approaching and opening lines is not to overthink it. Have some generic common openers in memory that you know like the back of your hand. Then when the opportunity comes in a microsecond, the openers come out without you even having to think about it. A few of mine are below. Bear in mind that these match me and my demeanor with women. Do your own accordingly:

"Its colder than a witch's t|t in a brass bra out there" (in winter months)

"This is taking a while. I shoulda brought a lawn chair and a good book" (if standing in a long line like at a grocery store)

"You dropped your nose" (point up to the ceiling, look up, and act really serious)

"Hey save some phone data for the rest of us, I have to order a pizza tonight" (to women who are buried in their phones. typically I use this one at bars or maybe like a doctors waiting room or something like that)
2 and 4 are really good indirect openers, I will use them for sure!
 

KindredSpiritzz

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I was pleased with myself for asking a pretty woman in the store last night if she knew where the spice aisle was. The way she turned and smiled at me like she thought i was trying to hit on her made me panic and bolt tho
......baby steps
 

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Serenity

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I have only ever "approached" once, all I have done since is just walk up and strike up a conversation. At first glance you may think it's the same and practically it is, but mentally it's not. By "approaching" you're putting higher expectations and pressures on yourself, you have a very specific goal and not fulfilling that goal is bound to feel bad. By just striking up a conversation you're open from the beginning, open for it to go any number of ways, you're not staking your sense of self on a specific outcome.

So let's say you go up to the woman of your family friend to strike up a conversation. You're just talking, it's harmless, there's no pressure to immediately push towards a specific outcome, you're just exploring the world and people around you. Through this harmless conversation you come to learn she has a man, you might learn that you know this man. You see them together, greet the family friend while at it and wish them a nice day. Nothing awkward about it because you didn't go balls deep into it from the start by having a single desired outcome.

I will have to say it's a bit strange to stop the car to strike up a conversation just for the sake of it, probably shouldn't ever do that. Maybe someone else knows a smooth way to do this? It's very niche though, lol.

There's nothing to think about. You feel like talking to a woman you pass by, you just start talking, no attachment to outcome. If they're not at least polite and all you're doing is harmlessly conversing then that's on them, simply shrug and walk away as if they're the crazy person (because they are).

Drop the idea of approaching, that's not what you're doing, you don't need a specific outcome. You're just exploring the world and the people in it, is that a reasonable thing to do or am I completely nuts for thinking that's a valid thing to do? You tell me.
 

MoMoses

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Had several oppurtunities to cold approach women in last couple weeks. My mind always found an excuse as to why NOT to approach the women. The oppurtunity arises so quick sometimes there is'nt much time at all to think.
Ow I can relate. I think we all can. Only pick up artists who do this all the time or men who've been doing this for over a decade might don't give a shiit and approach at every opportunity they get. I approached 4 women this month. And I wanted to walk up to at least 5 more but thought it wouldn't be a successful approach. Reasons being one girl that seemed to be in a hurry (that's often a difficult one), one girl just gave me a bad vibe when I tried to make eye contact, one girl had a male friend nearby and I wasn't too sure if it was her man.. probably not, he looked younger than her.. but you see where I'm going with this. Excuses, presumptions that aren't based on anything but my imagination, etc

I know in my heart that this is a bad mindset. Overthinking things instead of just doing it. What's the worst that can happen? She says no... and still, I let some women just walk by while I was drooling over them like a thirsty little puppy. Pretty weak of me.

Still, I did approach 4 others. One claimed to have a boyfriend, One was a total disaster (hey, I'm being honest), one added me on facebook (= safe way of rejecting me and still be able to check on me to see what kind of person I am) and one gave me her number and I'm seeing her next week.

So one month. 5 failures to approach, 4 approaches and one possible date/opportunity to hook up. I don't need a rotation of 9 women. I'm quite happy with this one successful approach. It's still one girl more than if I hadn't approached any. I'm not good at math but that's a positive number according to my accountant ;) It's a number's game. Remember that.

I drove past a women last night. My mind thought "hmm i could stop my car, no traffic around me" By then i was past her. I was a little frustrated by this (but not much because i dont care to much about women nowadays, but thats another topic)
I would never recommend cold approaching a woman by riding next to her and lowering your window. That's creepy AF man. Hell, just don't do it when you're driving by. It's even worse than approaching them from behind.. you don't want them to roll their eyes before you even open your mouth.


It so happens that this women came right up behind me in queue. I told her to keep her distance because of virus. I noticed that her man was behind her. He is a good friend of my family. I was relieved that i had'nt cold approched her earlier.
You think that's bad? I once brought a date to a family party. Turns out she slept with my niece (yes niece!) a few months before. It's still a story my dad likes to tell other people, preferably when I'm sitting there aswell. Oh well, live a little :)
 
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MoMoses

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I have only ever "approached" once, all I have done since is just walk up and strike up a conversation. At first glance you may think it's the same and practically it is, but mentally it's not. By "approaching" you're putting higher expectations and pressures on yourself, you have a very specific goal and not fulfilling that goal is bound to feel bad. By just striking up a conversation you're open from the beginning, open for it to go any number of ways, you're not staking your sense of self on a specific outcome.
This is very, very, very true. The best approaches I ever did weren't even intended as an approach. I dated a girl for 2 years and we met because I was lost and needed directions. Like.. really.. I would have asked a 90 yo nun if she had passed by, but it just happened to be a pretty blonde.
 

Serenity

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This is very, very, very true. The best approaches I ever did weren't even intended as an approach. I dated a girl for 2 years and we met because I was lost and needed directions. Like.. really.. I would have asked a 90 yo nun if she had passed by, but it just happened to be a pretty blonde.
I got married to the woman I met when literally the last thing on my mind was to try to pick up anyone. Just talking, joking around and somehow it naturally escalated. We've been together for 5 and a half years now and it's still as great as it was when we met, maybe even better. I get what you're saying, maybe more than most guys.
 

FraUnderRadaren

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In my experience, cold approaching is a way to get used to handling rejection. Generally, most women are going to turn you down when you approach them out on the street because that's just not normal in social situations. However, what you're getting is a combined effect: the rejection starts stinging a lot less the more random women you approach, and you start picking up on social cues through experimentation.

The better way to picking up women is doing more activities that involves being part of a group or joining a social circle. There's more opportunities for warm approaches and women are going to more interested in you when you already have a rapport established.
 

Guitar_Whizz

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I've been doing cold approaches, mostly in the daytime, since 2002. I used to be indirect but eventually concluded the direct approach is far better (I never liked all the PUA game type stuff). I became so good at it and developed my level of game and confidence to the point where I can approach any girl, any time, any place with no hesitation and no significant AA.

I'm pretty much indifferent to rejection too. Once you no longer fear rejection, it frees you up to express yourself freely with women and be your true self and best self around them.

I've developed my direct approach to a level where I can get away with sexual/erotic/dirty talk within the first few minutes of a conversation with a girl. There's an art to dirty talk, and if done right it gets women really turned on. I don't recommend most guys here do it unless you know what you're doing. You have to be able to read women really well to know when it's safe to transition into dirty talk, and that only comes from experience.

I think direct, cold approaches in daytime situations are the ultimate way to meet women and I think more guys here need to start doing it. I'm sick of reading about all the guys here who use only use online dating - you're supposed to be Don Juans, and that means you should be approaching women IN PERSON.

I don't really buy into the idea of 'warm approaches' being better. If you're only doing activities, classes, going to events etc to get women then it's the wrong approach. Plus if you get rejected, it can make going back to the event somewhat awkward next time. Also, there are limited numbers of girls you can hit on if you only approach those at activities.

However, cold approach gives you almost unlimited numbers of women you can meet, and potentially unlimited options. It also gives you access to a wider range of types and age groups of women too. I don't think anything beats cold approach besides being a famous celebrity, rock/pop star etc. If you can master cold approach, you'll never need to worry about not having a girl again, nor will you ever feel needy due to your abundance mindset.

I won't sugarcoat it - cold approach is hard to master, and you will learn that no matter how good you get at it, there's no such thing as a 100% success rate in this game. It's an impossible goal. However you CAN do really well with cold approach if you're prepared to work at it, and it's infinitely better than online dating or being single forever. It'll also do wonders for your self-confidence as a man too (online dating does absolutely nothing to increase your level of balls and confidence with women btw).
 

Rainman4707

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Point of the post really was that I put a lot of pressure on myself to approach . I've been doing it for a lot of years now. I know that you have to act quick. I put a lot of pressure on myself to approach because i know i will feel like a failure if i hesitate.

The incident with the guy i know just proved to me that maybe i'm being to hard on myself =)

Thanks for the feedback and maybe some other posters can learn something from this thread.
 

christie

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I've been doing cold approaches, mostly in the daytime, since 2002. I used to be indirect but eventually concluded the direct approach is far better (I never liked all the PUA game type stuff). I became so good at it and developed my level of game and confidence to the point where I can approach any girl, any time, any place with no hesitation and no significant AA.

I'm pretty much indifferent to rejection too. Once you no longer fear rejection, it frees you up to express yourself freely with women and be your true self and best self around them.

I've developed my direct approach to a level where I can get away with sexual/erotic/dirty talk within the first few minutes of a conversation with a girl. There's an art to dirty talk, and if done right it gets women really turned on. I don't recommend most guys here do it unless you know what you're doing. You have to be able to read women really well to know when it's safe to transition into dirty talk, and that only comes from experience.

I think direct, cold approaches in daytime situations are the ultimate way to meet women and I think more guys here need to start doing it. I'm sick of reading about all the guys here who use only use online dating - you're supposed to be Don Juans, and that means you should be approaching women IN PERSON.

I don't really buy into the idea of 'warm approaches' being better. If you're only doing activities, classes, going to events etc to get women then it's the wrong approach. Plus if you get rejected, it can make going back to the event somewhat awkward next time. Also, there are limited numbers of girls you can hit on if you only approach those at activities.

However, cold approach gives you almost unlimited numbers of women you can meet, and potentially unlimited options. It also gives you access to a wider range of types and age groups of women too. I don't think anything beats cold approach besides being a famous celebrity, rock/pop star etc. If you can master cold approach, you'll never need to worry about not having a girl again, nor will you ever feel needy due to your abundance mindset.

I won't sugarcoat it - cold approach is hard to master, and you will learn that no matter how good you get at it, there's no such thing as a 100% success rate in this game. It's an impossible goal. However you CAN do really well with cold approach if you're prepared to work at it, and it's infinitely better than online dating or being single forever. It'll also do wonders for your self-confidence as a man too (online dating does absolutely nothing to increase your level of balls and confidence with women btw).
Man, there's so much value in your multiparagraph post this could be pinned.

Absolute GOAT status with 19 years cold approach experience.
Member Deezedbrah has just over 10 years experience and both of your regular posts could almost be explained on a sentence by sentence separate thread on their own.
Please keep posting and repeating your success and methods with this.
Please consider describing a specific scenario for guys that need the visualisation.
 

christie

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Point of the post really was that I put a lot of pressure on myself to approach . I've been doing it for a lot of years now. I know that you have to act quick. I put a lot of pressure on myself to approach because i know i will feel like a failure if i hesitate.

The incident with the guy i know just proved to me that maybe i'm being to hard on myself =)

Thanks for the feedback and maybe some other posters can learn something from this thread.
great job!
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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Had several oppurtunities to cold approach women in last couple weeks. My mind always found an excuse as to why NOT to approach the women. The oppurtunity arises so quick sometimes there is'nt much time at all to think. I drove past a women last night. My mind thought "hmm i could stop my car, no traffic around me" By then i was past her. I was a little frustrated by this (but not much because i dont care to much about women nowadays, but thats another topic)

I was in supermarket this morning. Noticed a woman who was quite pretty. As i got closer to here my mind thought "hmm should i cold approach, no i won't because she is'nt hot enough for the effort.

It so happens that this women came right up behind me in queue. I told her to keep her distance because of virus. I noticed that her man was behind her. He is a good friend of my family. I was relieved that i had'nt cold approched her earlier.
Most red pill is phaghotry married don't approach and do any of the things they champion. Few are legit like Cobra Tate.

Pickup is like any other skill set. it can be learned. You aren't supposed to be thinking. It's beast mode. Caveman. Lizard brain. Hindbrain. You are unapologetic is the term beat to death in the game. it goes to show how domesticated. house broken. You go full neanderthal. You just Go!

Read Mystery Method. Don't do routines or magic. Extract the bare bones basic information and template. field work is key. work volume. 3 sec rules, dhv, preselection, etc. get creative.
 

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MoMoses

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Start off by aaking people for the weqther or directions as a warm up
Exactly. And start with the less beautiful ones. You'll be more confident. I know I sound like a dik for saying this, but you really should.

It's rare and wasn't my initial intention but I even dated a "warm up girl" for a few months. I wasn't feeling it one evening and I always try to "warm up" by talking and approaching lesser attractive ones to get me in the zone. Surprise surprise.. that girl that looked a bit too chubby was a lot of fun to talk to and she was great in bed. It ended because she moved back to Poland at the end of the year. Good times. If sometimes wonder... what if she was a local girl? Never met a girl who knew more about star wars and dinosaurs than I did :D If this was Tinder I would have swiped her ass to the left quicker than an beta orbiter likes his crush's facebook posts. One of the many reasons why cold approaching is better than Tinder.

Empty slogans as "never judge a book by its cover" aren't always that empty so it seems
 

Velasco

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My two posts in this journal


On cold approaching

One last thing I didn't include is to block the voice in ur head that says, "she’s above me and wouldn’t like me" from taking over. The voice doesn't know anything. That voice that shows up when ur about to go do something you feel like u shouldn't do cuz ur not at that imaginary level yet.
 

FuzzX

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In Canada cold approaching can get you jail time. I'd leave the country and goto Asia or Mexico before I'd cold approach anyone here.
 

Rainman4707

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I would never recommend cold approaching a woman by riding next to her and lowering your window. That's creepy AF man. Hell, just don't do it when you're driving by. It's even worse than approaching them from behind.. you don't want them to roll their eyes before you even open
Yeah, ìt is a bit creepy and may be perceived as desperate, but if an oppurtunity arises i will try my best to take it.
 
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