"Cold approaching doesn'nt work"

[tksniper]

Stop thinking in terms of "cold approach", and instead as a key component of being a vibrant, heterosexual man. You'll stop coming across as a guy desperate for a slice of p-s-y, be far more attractive subsequently

That’s a great way to look at it. You don’t want to be a raging bull in a delicate china shop knocking everything over, approaching “targets” like you were on some kind of mission. I’ve seen guys banned from social circles and even venues acting like this.

This may sound counter intuitive but the best approach is just having an over the top warm and friendly vibe. My best interactions where the woman was actually the one seducing me is usually when I already have a smile on my face as soon as I enter the room/venue/social activity.

There’s an art to being approachable and seductively accessible that isn’t often talked about.

On the other hand, if you are carrying a bad/needy/desperate vibe, it don’t matter what the hell you say to women, they will run for the hills. Words are just 10% communication. The other 90% is non verbal.

Back in ancient times before words were discovered, if you gave off a bad vibe, it could lead to you getting killed or kicked out of the tribe. You give off a bad vibe to an animal and it might attack you.

Vibe literally is just the totality of who you are. You can’t fake it. If you are an angry person, then that’s the vibe you will give off. We all have that “bad vibe” family member that we avoid at all costs. As soon as they enter the room, we leave. Or if they give us a call, we pretend we are busy.

Women react to men’ vibes the same way, except their radars are way more sensitive.

 

[characternote]

This led me to the belief that as long as I have hobbies that have women in it, I never really have to do random street approaches.

what are them hobbies out of interest?

 

[tksniper]

what are them hobbies out of interest?

I used to work at this art center that had yoga classes, dance classes (salsa, tango, capoeira, etc), theatre shows, art festivals, etc. One thing I noticed was that for a lot of women there, that very art center was their entire social life Monday through Sunday. Even Friday night. Their entire dating life came from that art center as well.

Friday night was usually “hookup night” where you see the same damn guys talking with new women who’ve just signed up. They would usually end up making plans to meet up afterwards.

I used to think these guys were on to something. They were pretty average looking but were social. They had hobbies that had women in it, knew how to dance salsa, etc. They were the “artsy” type and they were cleaning up all the women at that center.

At the top of the art center were apartment condos. There was this one guy that I knew who was a dance instructor. He’d teach classes to pay for his rent upstairs. One day he came up to me and said “Bro I just banged this chick that be attending my classes. And then I banged her friend the same day!” And I was like “When was this?” And he said “Today! Just right now. Upstairs in my apartment! I know it’s crazy. Anyway I’m trying to avoid them so my class is canceled today if they ask you about me.”

So anyway, that’s just to give you an idea where all the women are at. They are at “third places” where there are art or physical activities. If you can find these venues, it’s better than going to a bar or club.

Currently I have a friend who owns an art company. He usually throws events every weekend. It’s pretty much my entire social life. I usually meet new women every weekend whom I’ve never met before. Sometimes we hit it off, sometimes we don’t. But I find that these women are a lot nicer and open sexually than women I would typically meet out in wild.

 

[characternote]

Very young girls (18-21) just don't seem to have hobbies. At least where I live lol. They don't do anything other than social media at home and go drinking with their friends. I used to think about doing something to put me around them but literally the only possibility seemed getting a second job at a clothes store or something! haha

I have a friend who is a purple belt in juijitsu and he's banged quite a few girls from that class over the years, although they tend to be older (30+) so wouldn't be worth it to me

 

[characternote]

I used to work at this art center that had yoga classes, dance classes (salsa, tango, capoeira, etc), theatre shows, art festivals, etc. One thing I noticed was that for a lot of women there, that very art center was their entire social life Monday through Sunday. Even Friday night. Their entire dating life came from that art center as well.

Friday night was usually “hookup night” where you see the same damn guys talking with new women who’ve just signed up. They would usually end up making plans to meet up afterwards.

I used to think these guys were on to something. They were pretty average looking but were social. They had hobbies that had women in it, knew how to dance salsa, etc. They were the “artsy” type and they were cleaning up all the women at that center.

At the top of the art center were apartment condos. There was this one guy that I knew who was a dance instructor. He’d teach classes to pay for his rent upstairs. One day he came up to me and said “Bro I just banged this chick that be attending my classes. And then I banged her friend the same day!” And I was like “When was this?” And he said “Today! Just right now. Upstairs in my apartment! I know it’s crazy. Anyway I’m trying to avoid them so my class is canceled today if they ask you about me.”

So anyway, that’s just to give you an idea where all the women are at. They are at “third places” where there are art or physical activities. If you can find these venues, it’s better than going to a bar or club.

Currently I have a friend who owns an art company. He usually throws events every weekend. It’s pretty much my entire social life. I usually meet new women every weekend whom I’ve never met before. Sometimes we hit it off, sometimes we don’t. But I find that these women are a lot nicer and open sexually than women I would typically meet out in wild.

But yes, in general I think you're totally right, and if I could do it all again, i'd probably try to engineer my life in a way to be around the girls I want as opposed to relying on cold approach in bars which has made up nearly all of my lays! It's tough!! And the rejections (which are guaranteed unless you look like a young brad pitt) can be rough!

I mentioned the clothes store because when I was young I had a friend who worked at BHS which was like a Department store here in the UK. They hired loads of 16-18 year old girls in the clothing part, and my friend who was about 21 was like a supervisor, and he was banging a good handful of these girls and they were GORGEOUS!! He wasn't a bad looking guy, but these girls were just stunners and I had better looking friends who weren't getting anything close to the sort of action he was seeing. I must be stupid because it didn't even 'click' for me until years later that it was more about 'exposure'/propinquity. He wasn't running some magic 'game' or anything! He wasn't a million times better looking in the eyes of girls than I thought he was. It was just about him being surrounded by a tonne of hot very young girls for large chunks of the day, and him being the only dude (who was also fairly young and not ugly). Also probably helped a lot that there was no social media/smart phones in them days

 

[tksniper]

But yes, in general I think you're totally right, and if I could do it all again, i'd probably try to engineer my life in a way to be around the girls I want as opposed to relying on cold approach in bars which has made up nearly all of my lays! It's tough!! And the rejections (which are guaranteed unless you look like a young brad pitt) can be rough!

I mentioned the clothes store because when I was young I had a friend who worked at BHS which was like a Department store here in the UK. They hired loads of 16-18 year old girls in the clothing part, and my friend who was about 21 was like a supervisor, and he was banging a good handful of these girls and they were GORGEOUS!! He wasn't a bad looking guy, but these girls were just stunners and I had better looking friends who weren't getting anything close to the sort of action he was seeing. I must be stupid because it didn't even 'click' for me until years later that it was more about 'exposure'/propinquity. He wasn't running some magic 'game' or anything! He wasn't a million times better looking in the eyes of girls than I thought he was. It was just about him being surrounded by a tonne of hot very young girls for large chunks of the day, and him being the only dude (who was also fairly young and not ugly). Also probably helped a lot that there was no social media/smart phones in them days

I know, it seems so simple right? Almost as if it’s just a matter of logistics if you are constantly around women and you’re not a bad looking guy. I think I wrote about this before and some people either didn’t get it, or tried to complicate it.

All it takes is a little bit of social engineering. Have some hobbies that have women in it, or find “third places” that a lot of women go to. You don’t need to be an approach machine.

I think as men, we don’t generally have these “artsy” hobbies so it seems foreign to us that all the women are there - until someone points it out.

 

[tksniper]

As a last note- I strongly advise men to develop hobbies that have women in it or frequent “third places” that a lot of women go to (bars and clubs don’t count) EVEN if these activities/venues aren’t something you normally do. Most women outside of bars and clubs are usually doing something art/fitness related. They both go hand in hand.

Most of us can use some more art and culture in our lives. And what about fitness classes? We could all get more fit.

But the more important reason to develop hobbies that have women in it is that the longer you go without daily exposure to women, the weirder you become.

You might not notice it, but the women will. It’s like if you haven’t showered in 3 days and you don’t think you smell but everyone else does.

Social isolation from women is not a natural thing. Humans evolved from tribes.

Being isolated from women is going to throw off your social calibration. Even if you are 10% off, it’s enough to send red flags that you might be weird.

You can even tell from a lot of posts on this very forum that it’s written by guys who are socially isolated from women. Their questions border on being socially weird.

And the hobbies don’t even have to be art/fitness related. It could be anything, as long as you get your daily dose of female exposure.

Most “calibration” issues can be solved just by being surrounded by women alone, instead of having to learn “advanced game techniques.”

In the social media age, avoiding social isolation from females is more important than ever.

Case in point- I became known as a romantic guy at 15 years old with zero experience. I was just surrounded by a lot of estrogen from high school girls and it naturally calibrated/regulated my hormones and I knew exactly what to say and how to act towards females despite zero previous experience.

“Game” is already built into your DNA. But it becomes dormant with social isolation.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

@AureliusMaximus So it looks like if you want to follow this method you only go on, on average 1 or 2 dates per woman.

Never said that. You do what you do.

 

[Borknagar]

For myself I rarely see women anywhere to cold approach. Bar? Rarely these days? Store? Nope, work? Hell no.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

total dates: 59
girls: 34

does that mean 25 of them were men?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

total dates: 59
girls: 34

does that mean 25 of them were men?

It means 25 were second dates.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Vibe literally is just the totality of who you are. You can’t fake it. If you are an angry person, then that’s the vibe you will give off. We all have that “bad vibe” family member that we avoid at all costs. As soon as they enter the room, we leave. Or if they give us a call, we pretend we are busy.

Women react to men’ vibes the same way, except their radars are way more sensitive.

This is why managing your internal thought processes is so important.

 

[tksniper]

This is why managing your internal thought processes is so important.

I’ve found that listening to spiritual “satsangs” has really helped me maintain a positive attitude throughout the day.

 

[Barrister]

total dates: 59
girls: 34

does that mean 25 of them were men?

The first time I read this I thought the same thing for a moment lol. It was more than a little ambiguous but I am sure he means the other dates were dates with the same women.

Not sure I buy the numbers, but cold approach is proven to be far more effective. You will date hotter and younger with cold approach than OLD. You need good social skills/charisma to pull it off. Depending on venue, how you dress will also come into play but is less important.

 

[Bokanovsky]

View attachment 14752
But it does work!
Personally I don't use social apps, but just talk to girls IRL too.

Thoughts from your own experience?
Any technique that worked more well for you than others and why?

This is highly dependent on where you live.