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Cola's pic thread got me thinking

Glassguy

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It's rare, but if someone expresses any kind of shaming toward me dating a younger woman, I respond by asking them if they would have a problem if my girl were black, or a man. Most people accept interracial and same sex relationships, but will question differences in age with impunity. I see it all as consenting adults and not anyone else's problem. Turn the PC tables back on them - people are hypocrites.
Its mainly jealousy and spite.

If men try to shame you for dating a younger attractive woman, they are jealous. Dont think for a second they wouldnt do it if they COULD.

If women try to shame you they are just spiteful. Its a slap in their face to an extent to see a man their own age with the capability to spin a chick 10-15 years younger than him (sometimes even more of a gap).

Give no fvcks to other's opinions. Put yourself first.
 

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Rictor1

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It's rare, but if someone expresses any kind of shaming toward me dating a younger woman, I respond by asking them if they would have a problem if my girl were black, or a man. Most people accept interracial and same sex relationships, but will question differences in age with impunity. I see it all as consenting adults and not anyone else's problem. Turn the PC tables back on them - people are hypocrites.
This is very true. And ageism still falls under "lookisms" but is not looked down upon as much as racism and the like. I'll never forget back when I was doing clinical rotations and one of my patients was in her 90s but looked 60ish due to a healthy lifestyle and genetics. My preceptor at the time kept shouting each time she addressed the lady. "HOW ARE YOU TODAY???" Whenever my preceptor would walk out of the room, the patient and I would just start laughing. And at one point I said, "you know, it doesn't say anywhere in your file that you're deaf. You're older, but you're not deaf." She laughed and said, "I'm used to people assuming that I am."

Imagine living through world wars, the civil rights movement, trials and tribulations of life, raising kids, raising grandkids, and then going in for hip surgery only to have someone constantly shout at you because they think you're deaf by default since you're old. Wtf.
 

Focal core

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Good, mentally stable women bore me. I need a woman to have some type of “problem” I can fix so I can be her “hero”..

I’ve gotten much better over the years with this.
I always wanted that goodlooking emotionally stable boring women, wtf, i hardly encounter one. My last ex wife were pure BPD witch. Wtf again pffffffff...
 

Focal core

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Those are the exact types that will pull you "under".
people fixer personallity cant help it dude, just accept that, like he said it gave him the satisfaction of doing so, so i know what we dealing with here.. Dont take it the wrong way @cola , you could done it better.
 

Focal core

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@Glassguy no comment..i rarely comment on game thread or how to get that women attention thread etc, Im not easily attracted to women, i either take them to myside or dump them before anything serious even started, one thing i notice though i dont gave a damn about a women, yet i can have whoever i want. Not sure how it work that way though.. a natural i would say.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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people fixer personallity cant help it dude, just accept that, like he said it gave him the satisfaction of doing so, so i know what we dealing with here.. Dont take it the wrong way @cola , you could done it better.
We know that fixer mentality can get our li oeves damaged or people round us hurt. We need to identify it and thru discipline not fall into the "fixer traps".
 

andreihaha

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I guess I'm not good at letting go women I shouldn't be with.
Atracting women wasn't really a problem for me, but that resulted in also attracting women that are not LTR-material.
But they are still very attractive women. Which can be a bit...blinding sometimes. So I sometimes do stay too much with a woman despite some obvious red flags.
I like to think that this is becoming less of a problem in recent years but only time will tell.

Also, I seem to attract quite a lot of skinny women. And I still give them a chance, even tho I know I like boobs. Man, boobs are great!
 

Glassguy

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I guess I'm not good at letting go women I shouldn't be with.
Atracting women wasn't really a problem for me, but that resulted in also attracting women that are not LTR-material.
But they are still very attractive women. Which can be a bit...blinding sometimes. So I sometimes do stay too much with a woman despite some obvious red flags.
I like to think that this is becoming less of a problem in recent years but only time will tell.

Also, I seem to attract quite a lot of skinny women. And I still give them a chance, even tho I know I like boobs. Man, boobs are great!
Boobs are great lol
 

Amante Silvestre

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At what part of the attraction/interest process through the first couple of dates with a woman do you think you really need to improve?
I do very well up front in the first few dates. I don’t think I can really do any better. No flakes, always progresses to more dates, sex easily, etc. But I do have issues further down the road and I think it’s a result of how well I do up front.

I can often be seen as very cold, in that it is always noticed by women that I can cut the cord on the turn of a dime and move on. I don’t put up with sh*t, and it works well.

Problem is that it works so well that they mold to it and don’t leave. This creates a breeding ground for arguments about how I don’t care, have no feelings, etc. But it’s never so bad that they leave.

So right now I’m in this purgatorial state of having sex appeal, charisma, attraction, etc., but also in a constant battle against the stigma of the Tin Man: heavily armored with no heart. Lol.

Truth is though, I do develop connections and I do have feelings. I’m not robotic. I also don’t hold back for fear of being hurt.

I’m almost starting to wonder if I lack empathy sometimes.
 
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Roober

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For me...

When things don't go according to plan, it throws a wrench into my psyche. With work, I adjust no problem. I am actually extremely adaptable with work and other such trivial matters. However, when people disappoint, abandon, or don't act in a way that is consistent with their character, it bugs me far more than it should. For example, if I invite people out to do things and they just blatantly say no; or if someone cancels on me, or some event I looked forward to doesn't work out the way I planned. It could put my mental state in a funk for hours or even days.

I suppose it occurs when I think the care or feelings of endearment are mutual, then the persons actions suggest that they really don't give a flying fvck, or maybe that they really don't feel the same way. This seems to be most common with longtime friends, family, or colleagues.

I imagine it has ties to some sort of childhood trauma, but that certainly doesn't help address it...
 

lamath

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I can often be seen as very cold, in that it is always noticed by women that I can cut the cord on the turn of a dime and move on. I don’t put up with sh*t, and it works well.

Problem is that it works so well that they mold to it and don’t leave. This creates a breeding ground for arguments about how I don’t care, have no feelings, etc. But it’s never so bad that they leave.
Ive experience this too
Always be the one willing to walk as a big effect on them, when they see that coldness when they are acting in a unreasonable way.
Last women i was seeing try to shame me about it, telling me every-time we have an argument its like i stop caring.
Its not that i stop caring its that her emotional distress, tears wont sway me if it does fit into my way of thinking.


From what ive seen it makes them very insecure and often make them act out to try a have a reaction from me.
And indeed it never get t a point where they leave, i actually think that the insecurities created make them crave my attention even more.

Not sure however that its always the best way to handle thing, however i have a hard time doing it any other way
 

Amante Silvestre

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Ive experience this too
Always be the one willing to walk as a big effect on them, when they see that coldness when they are acting in a unreasonable way.
Last women i was seeing try to shame me about it, telling me every-time we have an argument its like i stop caring.
Its not that i stop caring its that her emotional distress, tears wont sway me if it does fit into my way of thinking.


From what ive seen it makes them very insecure and often make them act out to try a have a reaction from me.
And indeed it never get t a point where they leave, i actually think that the insecurities created make them crave my attention even more.

Not sure however that its always the best way to handle thing, however i have a hard time doing it any other way
Yup. It’s a problem but I’m not sure I really want to fix it.
 

lamath

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Yup. It’s a problem but I’m not sure I really want to fix it.
Im actually not sure if its good or bad.

From my limited experience it does create more issues and conflict most are childish af too and i also think that in a way it might actually increase attraction to me. However i wonder if there is not a softer way to handle this.

I've always been like that, i just cant be bothered dealing with mostly insignificant touchy feely issues.

My friends tell me i should be more patient with this and indulge them in their non sense
they also tell me that there is no going around it if i want less crap i should date men.
The thing is i dont want to reward them for creating issues out of thin air by giving them concession.


I want more.....rather be single and have peace of mind than stay with a energy drain.
 

Glassguy

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@lamath @Amante Silvestre

The ability to eject once the dullness sets in/red flags show up/quickness to stop caring is a good trait in today's dating game. In a weird way that ability to walk away is what separates us from a lot of the other guys. We live in a world where the expiration date on a relationship gets smaller and smaller because people do in fact have so many options out there with social media, OLD, etc.

On the flip side, women are women. Certain things are ALWAYS going to come up albeit to different degrees, with every woman. Part of being able to move forward with the same woman is to be able to understand that women are going to act like women, looking past it and moving forward in the relationship. That is where most of my hang ups happen as well. Normally at the 3-4 month point. They want more and I (selfishly) dont want to give them more because I know what is waiting behind door #2. I've seen it too many times with my own eyes.

Now that I have said that, I will say this: The freedom of rotations, spinning plates, FWB, etc is that we can eject rather easily because we are focusing on several women and not just one. But it is a matter of time before all current plates get us to the place that we have to eject rather than deal with the hassles of a relationship (exclusive).

There are certainly pros and cons. I have 3 women right now that I would be CRAZY not to date exclusively. Great careers, phenominal sex, easy to get along with......but I also know that the paradigm begins to change once things get to that place of a LTR. So I dont date them. I am glad that I can selfishly make whichever choice I want with each of them.

For one I have had too much psychology and two, I have too much experience with women lol.

It could be worse and we could not be attracting any women to begin with. Its like the comparison of the problems of being broke compared to the problems that come with having some money. I choose the problems that come with the latter every time, and I like that philosophy with women also.
 
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Kotaix

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Its not that I am interested in a numbers count because I would love to find someone that has potential for a LTR and actually get there. Its that most (not all) women are so shallow or their drive/determination in life is low and they bore me after a few months. I have high expectations and most women I date cannot reach them......even though I string them along as plates if they are good enough to keep me semi interested.
This is a problem I share. I've really improved my frame of mind over the past year and I've found close to zero women who might be interested in sharing the mental/spiritual journey. In general, they're not interested in seeing reality for what it is. They just want to live in a fantasy.

Things I need to improve:

balancing the a$$hole against the nice guy. I can be both, but it's a knife edge you need to walk to get it right. I need to keep the a$$hole on tap to prevent myself from developing one-itis, but be nice enough to her that she feels appreciated. And stay present enough to read the situation as it develops.

I'm succeeding so far in not saying Sorry anymore to women. I have to stifle the urge to apologize all the time, but I can tell that maintaining my frame is greatly benefiting me.
 

lamath

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@lamath @Amante Silvestre

The ability to eject once the dullness sets in/red flags show up/quickness to stop caring is a good trait in today's dating game. In a weird way that ability to walk away is what separates us from a lot of the other guys. We live in a world where the expiration date on a relationship gets smaller and smaller because people do in fact have so many options out there with social media, OLD, etc.

On the flip side, women are women. Certain things are ALWAYS going to come up albeit to different degrees, with every woman. Part of being able to move forward with the same woman is to be able to understand that women are going to act like women, looking past it and moving forward in the relationship. That is where most of my hang ups happen as well. Normally at the 3-4 month point. They want more and I (selfishly) dont want to give them more because I know what is waiting behind door #2. I've seen it too many times with my own eyes.

Now that I have said that, I will say this: The freedom of rotations, spinning plates, FWB, etc is that we can eject rather easily because we are focusing on several women and not just one. But it is a matter of time before all current plates get us to the place that we have to eject rather than deal with the hassles of a relationship (exclusive).

There are certainly pros and cons. I have 3 women right now that I would be CRAZY not to date exclusively. Great careers, phenominal sex, easy to get along with......but I also know that the paradigm begins to change once things get to that place of a LTR. So I dont date them. I am glad that I can selfishly make whichever choice I want with each of them.

For one I have had too much psychology and two, I have too much experience with women lol.

It could be worse and we could not be attracting any women to begin with. Its like the comparison of the problems of being broke compared to the problems that come with having some money. I choose the problems that come with the latter every time, and I like that philosophy with women also.
Im alot less experienced than you guys and i dont do plate, it just dont feel natural to me.
Because of this in a way i dont have the abundance mindset, however im not living in a scarcity mindset either.
Im at a place where i know i will get more women but it wont be instant.
Either way idc if they become drama or demanding i dont feel like seeing them anymore.

Dumping them is hard for me, not because of scarcity or i need the sex, its mostly because i dont like to hurt them.

Im at that same spot right now with chick ive been seeing for a few month, she is overall a really great person but she started pushing for more than im willing to give right now. That stuff she want should not be shove down my throat its should be freely given and the more she ask for it the less i feel like giving it to her. IDK why ppl dont understand that demands are never freely given and when it is given there is recentment coming with it.
In the last 2 week my interest level has been going down and down, i have not next her yet because i know she is a overall great person but i dont think my interest level is going to go up again.



I have experienced that 3-4 month expiration date also, seems like after a while they become boring to me i dont even feel like ****ing them.
From your experience is there any women that last longer than this?
 

Glassguy

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Im alot less experienced than you guys and i dont do plate, it just dont feel natural to me.
Because of this in a way i dont have the abundance mindset, however im not living in a scarcity mindset either.
Im at a place where i know i will get more women but it wont be instant.
Either way idc if they become drama or demanding i dont feel like seeing them anymore.

Dumping them is hard for me, not because of scarcity or i need the sex, its mostly because i dont like to hurt them.

Im at that same spot right now with chick ive been seeing for a few month, she is overall a really great person but she started pushing for more than im willing to give right now. That stuff she want should not be shove down my throat its should be freely given and the more she ask for it the less i feel like giving it to her. IDK why ppl dont understand that demands are never freely given and when it is given there is recentment coming with it.
In the last 2 week my interest level has been going down and down, i have not next her yet because i know she is a overall great person but i dont think my interest level is going to go up again.



I have experienced that 3-4 month expiration date also, seems like after a while they become boring to me i dont even feel like ****ing them.
From your experience is there any women that last longer than this?
Once you realize they will dump you and not care about your feelings AT all as they monkey branch to their "next better option" you will lose the nice guy mentality in terms of not wanting to hurt them.

@Amante Silvestre might be able to shed more light on this. But I just do as the average woman would do. Dump and disregard.

On top of this, most of them will stay in your orbit and turn into FWB instead of it being dragged out and turning into animosity.
 

Amante Silvestre

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Dumping them is hard for me, not because of scarcity or i need the sex, its mostly because i dont like to hurt them.
80% of the time I am letting women go because of excessive drama or stress I simply can’t put up with. For that reason, I don’t feel obligated in any way to save them from the hurt of their own poor behavior. It’s really not an issue for me.

The rest of the time is more like you said, there’s nothing particularly wrong but I’m just not interested in something more serious with them. In those cases I just let that be known very clearly, then let them decide whether they will stick around and accept it or to move on based on their own decision. The latter may hurt them, but it is by their own choosing. It allows them to leave with some sense of dignity or moral principle.
 

Kotaix

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Im alot less experienced than you guys and i dont do plate, it just dont feel natural to me.
Because of this in a way i dont have the abundance mindset, however im not living in a scarcity mindset either.
Im at a place where i know i will get more women but it wont be instant.
Either way idc if they become drama or demanding i dont feel like seeing them anymore.

Dumping them is hard for me, not because of scarcity or i need the sex, its mostly because i dont like to hurt them.

Im at that same spot right now with chick ive been seeing for a few month, she is overall a really great person but she started pushing for more than im willing to give right now. That stuff she want should not be shove down my throat its should be freely given and the more she ask for it the less i feel like giving it to her. IDK why ppl dont understand that demands are never freely given and when it is given there is recentment coming with it.
In the last 2 week my interest level has been going down and down, i have not next her yet because i know she is a overall great person but i dont think my interest level is going to go up again.



I have experienced that 3-4 month expiration date also, seems like after a while they become boring to me i dont even feel like ****ing them.
From your experience is there any women that last longer than this?
You need to say what's on your mind, even if it hurts her. And you need to say it when it comes to your mind. If you hold it in, you're not being true to yourself and it might be part of why you behave you do.

I know it sucks to hurt people, but you're probably doing more damage than good by not bringing it up in the moment. A woman will always respect you if you stick to your guns, even if she doesn't like what you say.
 
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