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Coffee shop owner kicked me out for "2-3 employees complaining over last several months, making them uncomfortable"

GeeMale

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There's a coffee shop that closes late at 2am that I've been going to on and off over last several months since June. Its called AGORA in Houston,TX and I thought it was cool as it looks like a 2 story house inside and great study and first date place from what I've observed from other peopoe. It's a coffee/wine bar. I go there to finish stuff on laptop and couldn't complain much. I 've met women who agreed to go out, including my sister's childhood friend who works there.

My gut always knew something was off when talking to a couple of chicks behind bar who have bad attitudes.I'm not the type to complain but I did observe lack of customer service/disrespect for me and others I've seen from them.

One of these chicks whistled at me and I came up to them to do what they just did as I was curious since she sounded like a bird and remember her saying I was making her uncomfortable in a giggle voice. This chick below average by the way and actually scares me with her passive/aggressive attitude. Shes always made me 'uncomfortable' and Google reviews will say how's she's rude. The other chick at another time is cute and I asked her out and she's my sister's childhood friend who I hadn't seen since 2000-2001 but somehow recognized her. She's chill and gets along with everyone. There's a 2nd employee chick who I did ask out and said she was busy. Other times I'd talk to her and ask if she had a bf after an employee next to her was talking about hers...mentioning to her "he's just teasing" while the one that turned me down once said NO. However it wasn't like I was making fun of her more like "why did you turn me down I know you think I'm cute and I think your ok we should go out".

This past Tuesday I was trying to use the only stall available for mens as I had to go #2. I went outside the restroom to make small talk with owner. I basically sarcastically (but mostly to wonder why there's only 1 stall) asked him if I could use women's restroom and lock it since men's is being used. He got pretty mad said absolutely not I would never allow that's not a real question bla bla. After getting out of restroom I saw him talking to employee guy about it who is chill and came into conversation stating that's its not serious and not a big deal. Owner said he doesn't care and that he's not having the conversation. I labeled him a douchebag but really it's kind of my fault for at least not smiling while delivering the conversation earlier to let him know I was joking and explaining it...matter of fact I shouldn't even have brought it up really. But I thought he'd get the hint because let's be real who the hell would actually do that? And even if he said yes I would never done it. In other words I was expecting him to say no but it turned it to something else I guess altogether.

Yesterday I was there talking to a friend but noticed him looking over me kind of awkward and I was feeling they way too so maybe he was mirroring it. But I was nervous from before.

Tonight when I came in around 1am he said he needed to talk to me and pulled me over. Explained that I made 2-3 employees uncomfortable over last few months. I told him he can ask me to leave for good and he proceeded to say he was going to get to that. I asked if I could speak to him outside and wanted to stay there. No matter how much I asked what happened he said it's confidential and only said I'm making them feel 'uncomfortable'. It irritated me because my gut knew something was off and the only suggestions I can come up with as an explanation are the chicks I explained above and the combination of the restroom "joke". OR him just kicking me out for that joke alone. Because he did mention that the last complaint was 2-3 weeks ago which is weird cause I was gone for a month straight at that time. I can see a small business owner kicking someone out just cause they can. I can also see passive aggressive employees trying to get me out because they think I'll complain about them first just like the other Google reviews I've seen lol

I will admit I can come off "short" sometime when talking to people if I don't feel like making eye contact and not feeling like being all big vibrant due to a down mood from something else. I'm well aware of it and think it's okay to let it go as long as I'm not hurting anyone else or insulting them...it's just adrenaline /negative feeling as it's just me letting them go/letting it run its course so it doesn't stay.

All I know is I don't have bad intentions. however I do get irrate when I'm accused of something I feel like I'm more than half innocent about. I've encountered misunderstood/mistated situations like this all my life a lot and I think it's cause my ADHD(I'm 26 got diagnosed at 21 but think I had it my whole life ) but I don't want to point to that cause I'm not the the type to blame mental illness bla bla. I try to take insign into them so I don't repeat the mistake. But when this idiot owner doesn't tell me what the real problem is that's kind of hard to do.

This is just a rant and I'm probably going to get over it soon but just wanted to put it on here someone can let me know if theyve e encountered situations like this where they're gut told them they're not at 100% to blame or what they're being accused of doesn't really match their actions.....
 

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lamath

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There's a coffee shop that closes late at 2am that I've been going to on and off over last several months since June. Its called AGORA in Houston,TX and I thought it was cool as it looks like a 2 story house inside and great study and first date place from what I've observed from other peopoe. It's a coffee/wine bar. I go there to finish stuff on laptop and couldn't complain much. I 've met women who agreed to go out, including my sister's childhood friend who works there.

My gut always knew something was off when talking to a couple of chicks behind bar who have bad attitudes.I'm not the type to complain but I did observe lack of customer service/disrespect for me and others I've seen from them.

One of these chicks whistled at me and I came up to them to do what they just did as I was curious since she sounded like a bird and remember her saying I was making her uncomfortable in a giggle voice. This chick below average by the way and actually scares me with her passive/aggressive attitude. Shes always made me 'uncomfortable' and Google reviews will say how's she's rude. The other chick at another time is cute and I asked her out and she's my sister's childhood friend who I hadn't seen since 2000-2001 but somehow recognized her. She's chill and gets along with everyone. There's a 2nd employee chick who I did ask out and said she was busy. Other times I'd talk to her and ask if she had a bf after an employee next to her was talking about hers...mentioning to her "he's just teasing" while the one that turned me down once said NO. However it wasn't like I was making fun of her more like "why did you turn me down I know you think I'm cute and I think your ok we should go out".

This past Tuesday I was trying to use the only stall available for mens as I had to go #2. I went outside the restroom to make small talk with owner. I basically sarcastically (but mostly to wonder why there's only 1 stall) asked him if I could use women's restroom and lock it since men's is being used. He got pretty mad said absolutely not I would never allow that's not a real question bla bla. After getting out of restroom I saw him talking to employee guy about it who is chill and came into conversation stating that's its not serious and not a big deal. Owner said he doesn't care and that he's not having the conversation. I labeled him a douchebag but really it's kind of my fault for at least not smiling while delivering the conversation earlier to let him know I was joking and explaining it...matter of fact I shouldn't even have brought it up really. But I thought he'd get the hint because let's be real who the hell would actually do that? And even if he said yes I would never done it. In other words I was expecting him to say no but it turned it to something else I guess altogether.

Yesterday I was there talking to a friend but noticed him looking over me kind of awkward and I was feeling they way too so maybe he was mirroring it. But I was nervous from before.

Tonight when I came in around 1am he said he needed to talk to me and pulled me over. Explained that I made 2-3 employees uncomfortable over last few months. I told him he can ask me to leave for good and he proceeded to say he was going to get to that. I asked if I could speak to him outside and wanted to stay there. No matter how much I asked what happened he said it's confidential and only said I'm making them feel 'uncomfortable'. It irritated me because my gut knew something was off and the only suggestions I can come up with as an explanation are the chicks I explained above and the combination of the restroom "joke". OR him just kicking me out for that joke alone. Because he did mention that the last complaint was 2-3 weeks ago which is weird cause I was gone for a month straight at that time. I can see a small business owner kicking someone out just cause they can. I can also see passive aggressive employees trying to get me out because they think I'll complain about them first just like the other Google reviews I've seen lol

I will admit I can come off "short" sometime when talking to people if I don't feel like making eye contact and not feeling like being all big vibrant due to a down mood from something else. I'm well aware of it and think it's okay to let it go as long as I'm not hurting anyone else or insulting them...it's just adrenaline /negative feeling as it's just me letting them go/letting it run its course so it doesn't stay.

All I know is I don't have bad intentions. however I do get irrate when I'm accused of something I feel like I'm more than half innocent about. I've encountered misunderstood/mistated situations like this all my life a lot and I think it's cause my ADHD(I'm 26 got diagnosed at 21 but think I had it my whole life ) but I don't want to point to that cause I'm not the the type to blame mental illness bla bla. I try to take insign into them so I don't repeat the mistake. But when this idiot owner doesn't tell me what the real problem is that's kind of hard to do.

This is just a rant and I'm probably going to get over it soon but just wanted to put it on here someone can let me know if theyve e encountered situations like this where they're gut told them they're not at 100% to blame or what they're being accused of doesn't really match their actions.....
Its sometime hard to objectively see how our word and action are seen from others.....

I think you most likely are not aware on how you come off.


That said ppl at that coffee shop might just be a bunch of crazy.
 

jaymbrs

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Don't **** where you eat. You say you like this place to do work, etc. But at the same time you're asking out all the chicks who work there, most of whom said no, yet you continued to press on. Then you asked to use the women's bathroom. All of this combined does come off as creepy. I'm not surprised the owner finally put his foot down and addressed it.
 

GeeMale

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Don't **** where you eat. You say you like this place to do work, etc. But at the same time you're asking out all the chicks who work there, most of whom said no, yet you continued to press on. Then you asked to use the women's bathroom. All of this combined does come off as creepy. I'm not surprised the owner finally put his foot down and addressed it.
Woah dude I never pressed on after the chick turned me down I talked casually to her after about other stuff but not too much cause she kind of has a resting ***** face to the point I always lowered my gaze at register. I literally asked out 2. 1 said yes, other said no.....I'm 100% sure these "complaints" were exaggerated a bit so that I don't complain first and get them in trouble about their customer service. Oh and I explained to the owner about the restroom joke yesterday and he didn't seem to care about it like he was over it but I could tell he just didn't want me there and wouldn't go into detail about anything which really made me mad cause it sounds like something is being hidden plus how does someone learn from their mistake if they don't know what it is this is why I'm sharing it on here along with just ranting lol
 
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biggoal

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Am I the only one noticing women in crap service type jobs like restaurants and such giving bad customer service and overall acting snobby or rude? It's just something I notice a lot lately. Women think they're hot sh** I notice it in retail too.

I just let my wallet talk and would never return to this place or I'll leave a cheap tip if they're giving bad service or rude.
 
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GeeMale

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I kind of feel like they banded together and set me up or the owner didn't like me at all and just took his own decision to exaggerate cause he didn't give any details on how I made his employees uncomfortable no matter how rational I was about asking so I could fix any misunderstandings and walk out ...before I actually walked out lol.
 

GeeMale

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I think I found out what happen after talking to sister.

She said I'm an awkward person. Sometimes when I saw employees working or register who have a negative expression/passive aggressive/rude / etc. I'll ask them if I making them feel uncomfortable. They'll usually respond with a no but will associate the fact I asked that question with how they are feeling on the job at the moment / current shift and label me as uncomfortable. They may or may not talk about it with their boss however the uncomfort was never innapropriate comments but the awkward uncomfortable. This could be misunderstood as something else by another employee they tell....or the boss himself word will go around nonetheless Combine that with the restroom joke from Original post and the fact it's easy to make yourself look like a victim for attention from entitled people or others who could be malicious and there you go. Owner brings me over exaggerates a little to me so he can get me out of there so he can be more at ease with the vibes between me and him while I'm there and / or along with other employees. Explains why he is so general and won't give me detail about any of it.

I'll keep in mind not to give a **** about others feelings unless it really is my fault at the moment vs how they really are....which happens but is rare...and not give a sh*t to people please them... especially employees at places I shop where I should put myself first. Oh and to smile when im making a joke lol
 

2Rocky

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Apparently you aren't a good enough customer to tolerate. I manage female customer service reps and I've told customers to change their approach or don't come back. One was a wannabe PUA. Another was a Swan's rep who thought it was funny to sneak up behind one and startle her. Another was someone who thought every interaction was an opportunity to give a lecture on political topics.

You **** the bed. Better work on your approach.
 

ShePays

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It's good that you try. I suspect your social skills need a lot of development, though. Work on the social skills, first, and leave the pickup for later.
 
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GeeMale

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Apparently you aren't a good enough customer to tolerate. I manage female customer service reps and I've told customers to change their approach or don't come back. One was a wannabe PUA. Another was a Swan's rep who thought it was funny to sneak up behind one and startle her. Another was someone who thought every interaction was an opportunity to give a lecture on political topics.

You **** the bed. Better work on your approach.
No man I'm not consistently awkward like that lol .If I happened to be stressed and allow myself to let it go for the sake of becoming less stressed, it'll show and people will mirror that. How is it my fault for asking if I'm making them uncomfortable and apologizing for it? I'm not demanding anything from them or things to be faster... just that I can come off short because of my tone sometimes. Besides I think the owner honestly didn't like me we never vibed he knew me as be walks around and sits near the bar watching each interaction when I'm there or not just how he is....he's a young looking hipster type and quite honestly I think he exaggerated like a mofo and I respected his wishes.. some small business owners are a**holes just like some customers and that shows in his responses to reviews on Google. At least business owners in my family will ask a customer to call the business to explain things further so they both have an understanding.
 
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GeeMale

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It's good that you try. I suspect your social skill need a lot of development, though. Work on the social skills, first, and leave the pickup for later.
Social skills are fine bro so is pick up read the latest post I put.... I'm not consistently like that women or else ill have much more things to talk about like that with other women and I've approached 100's of women in 2019. Nothing like that more like I should coat my words with kindness when feeling stressed / irritated from other things going on and not let it effect others....but whatever I'm not going to go that deep it's something that's isn't a major thing I need help on just something I should watch out for more time to time
 

sosousage

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damn OP sounds like an annoying guy tbh lol. also you said a jooke and they took it seriously. it is not really their fault
 

ShePays

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Social skills are fine bro so is pick up read the latest post I put.... I'm not consistently like that women or else ill have much more things to talk about like that with other women and I've approached 100's of women in 2019. Nothing like that more like I should coat my words with kindness when feeling stressed / irritated from other things going on and not let it effect others....but whatever I'm not going to go that deep it's something that's isn't a major thing I need help on just something I should watch out for more time to time
Don't take it personally. You're swinging the bat, which is more than most guys do. A couple of your posts indicate you could probably improve your self-awareness, though.

You asked for help. I'm saying you should improve your social skills. If you think your social skills don't need improvement, that could be part of the problem. We all need constant improvement, in that area, most of all.

For instance, why do you insist that asking to use the woman's restroom was a joke? I would have, if I needed to, and it wouldn't have been a joke. However, if you've already been labeled a creep, asking to use the woman's restroom probably didn't help.

It's just a matter of self-awareness, being aware of the impression you're giving, and being able to read faces, body language, tone of voice, subtext, and context are all elements of social skills. If you don't know what the people you're interacting with are thinking, and how to influence what they're thinking, your social skills aren't fine.

Don't take it personally. We all need to be always learning.
 

diogenes84

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Don't **** where you eat. You say you like this place to do work, etc. But at the same time you're asking out all the chicks who work there, most of whom said no, yet you continued to press on. Then you asked to use the women's bathroom. All of this combined does come off as creepy. I'm not surprised the owner finally put his foot down and addressed it.
I also see how it could seem like that even though Im sure you didnt mean it that way. Just find a different place to work from now on.

Im sure employees at a place would be uncomfortable if I came there often after asking them out...unless you manage to do it in a reeally playful way that doesnt make anyone feel awkward afterwards.

So its a lesson: no big deal man! chin up
 

nicksaiz65

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Don't **** where you eat. You say you like this place to do work, etc. But at the same time you're asking out all the chicks who work there, most of whom said no, yet you continued to press on. Then you asked to use the women's bathroom. All of this combined does come off as creepy. I'm not surprised the owner finally put his foot down and addressed it.
Hm. I've heard this before, and I definitely see how it applies to the work place.

I didn't know it applied to a coffee shop you visited a lot though. Would you say it applies to a setting like a classroom as well?

Not to de-rail the thread. Just curious.
 
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GeeMale

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Don't take it personally. You're swinging the bat, which is more than most guys do. A couple of your posts indicate you could probably improve your self-awareness, though.

You asked for help. I'm saying you should improve your social skills. If you think your social skills don't need improvement, that could be part of the problem. We all need constant improvement, in that area, most of all.

For instance, why do you insist that asking to use the woman's restroom was a joke? I would have, if I needed to, and it wouldn't have been a joke. However, if you've already been labeled a creep, asking to use the woman's restroom probably didn't help.

It's just a matter of self-awareness, being aware of the impression you're giving, and being able to read faces, body language, tone of voice, subtext, and context are all elements of social skills. If you don't know what the people you're interacting with are thinking, and how to influence what they're thinking, your social skills aren't fine.

Don't take it personally. We all need to be always learning.
Ok
 

MrWood

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Asking out several employees and getting involved in some coffeeshop's internal drama and politics is, abit much and creepy... if I am honest.

Are you so fvcking bored you need to get involved in a retail business's politics?
Go do something else, go somewhere else and stop gaming and getting involved with the employees of places you visit.
 
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GeeMale

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Hm. I've heard this before, and I definitely see how it applies to the work place.

I didn't know it applied to a coffee shop you visited a lot though. Would you say it applies to a setting like a classroom as well?

Not to de-rail the thread. Just curious.
Lol
 

jaymbrs

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Hm. I've heard this before, and I definitely see how it applies to the work place.

I didn't know it applied to a coffee shop you visited a lot though. Would you say it applies to a setting like a classroom as well?

Not to de-rail the thread. Just curious.
Anywhere you go to work/study shouldn't be a place you want to create tension. A classroom should be viewed the same way. There's nothing wrong with being friendly and making friends in these places but when you start asking your classmates out on dates, you're at a high risk of putting them and you in an awkward position for the rest of the semester. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with building rapport with the women in your classroom, but wait until after the semester to ask them out.
 
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