Naughty Ninja
Banned
Forget coffee dates. They're played out. Try taking a chick to a Hookah place instead.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Coffee dates are played out
- Thread starter Naughty Ninja
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
HedoRick
Senior Don Juan
Agree with that! Refuse to go on coffee dates...
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
to me what gets me about most guys when it comes to this issue is that they are more concerned about not ****ing up a date by doing something "wrong" / "too out there" versus doing something really right and taking a chance she might not dig it.
coffee dates show no personality whatsoever. no imagination and it's a sign of a guy who is not confident enough in himself to push boundaries.
keep detailed stats of your girls you spin and how the dates went. not every first date i've ever been on has been an action date but i've never had what i woiuld consider a positive longer term deal with a girl that stemed from a coffee date.
the more i think about it, it makes perfect sense the reemergence of coffee dates. we had pretty much weeded thats hit out on this site 5-6 years ago. no one went on coffee dates. but now with the resurgence of online dating / POF/Whatever the ****, guys who are not cold approaching girls and are using one buffer are not going to have any objections towards using another one. it's all in the same to them.
guys who have the balls to cold approach a broad are going to be more inclined to want to do something fun. like i was reading sarge's post about hte girl he approached and they went ice skating. i bet he sucks ass at ice skating lol, but you know what he got a 2nd and a third date. that's how it's supposed to work. a guy friend of mine met a girl at the mall a few weeks ago they went to the mountains on a first date saturday and he ****ed that night. going on a 2nd date this weekend. that's how you do it.
you know what's funny i've dated my wife for 3 years before we were married we have been married for almost 2 years now. we have never in our lives been out for coffee together. ever. not once i mean i've been to starbucks, she's been but we don't "go together" like to go chill or some ****. nor was it ever a date. we actually accomplished **** on our dates. we went to the beach we went and tried restaurants or we watched fireworks or we went to an aquarium or something.
coffee dates show no personality whatsoever. no imagination and it's a sign of a guy who is not confident enough in himself to push boundaries.
keep detailed stats of your girls you spin and how the dates went. not every first date i've ever been on has been an action date but i've never had what i woiuld consider a positive longer term deal with a girl that stemed from a coffee date.
the more i think about it, it makes perfect sense the reemergence of coffee dates. we had pretty much weeded thats hit out on this site 5-6 years ago. no one went on coffee dates. but now with the resurgence of online dating / POF/Whatever the ****, guys who are not cold approaching girls and are using one buffer are not going to have any objections towards using another one. it's all in the same to them.
guys who have the balls to cold approach a broad are going to be more inclined to want to do something fun. like i was reading sarge's post about hte girl he approached and they went ice skating. i bet he sucks ass at ice skating lol, but you know what he got a 2nd and a third date. that's how it's supposed to work. a guy friend of mine met a girl at the mall a few weeks ago they went to the mountains on a first date saturday and he ****ed that night. going on a 2nd date this weekend. that's how you do it.
you know what's funny i've dated my wife for 3 years before we were married we have been married for almost 2 years now. we have never in our lives been out for coffee together. ever. not once i mean i've been to starbucks, she's been but we don't "go together" like to go chill or some ****. nor was it ever a date. we actually accomplished **** on our dates. we went to the beach we went and tried restaurants or we watched fireworks or we went to an aquarium or something.
Uncharted
Master Don Juan
I get that "simple" dates are boring. I've never met someone for coffee - but my usual first date is drinks at a bar. If a chick thinks that's too boring then I couldn't be bothered.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
synergy1 said:I don't like complicated first dates. Ice skating would be a follow up. Besides, i wouldn't want them to be too intimidated or anything. Got to play it easy at first
Absolutely.
If she doesn't click with me, no way I'd want to be stuck doing some activity.
Just a brief "get to know you" works best in my experience.
yyc12
Senior Don Juan
not much to do in the middle of the week other than coffee/tea. weekends have more options.
sageproduct
Banned
LOL spot on. Could barely keep my balance, slipped multiple times and was [] close to falling.backbreaker said:
I took that girl bowling a few weeks ago, she kicked my arse like 108-92.
Packers2010
Master Don Juan
the only reason i would do a coffee date is because it's cheap
though i shoot pool, I'm good at it, i have my own cue and i own it
though i shoot pool, I'm good at it, i have my own cue and i own it
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
j0504s
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2012
- Messages
- 425
- Reaction score
- 22
Forget that just bring em to Naughty ninjas bed or to concerned lauries feminest party!Naughty Ninja said:
VladPatton
Master Don Juan
Coffee. If she turns out to be some fücked up weirdo the last thing I would wanna do is spend the rest of the day with her. That would kill the actual activity and I'd associate it with her. I think I would intentionally NOT bring her to anything I'd like to have fun at until I know her better. You just don't know what you are getting.
Isn't it preached here that you leave Saturday nights for your friends, not dates? Because you don't know her well enough. I like to apply the same to first dates.
Isn't it preached here that you leave Saturday nights for your friends, not dates? Because you don't know her well enough. I like to apply the same to first dates.
B
BeDJ
Guest
Coffee dates are great if you have excellent conversation skills.
- Able to redirect the conversation to stimulate her mind
- Able to arouse her verbally
If you are unable to do both, it is much better to grab drinks or take her somewhere fun where kino is much more natural. Coffee dates are usually before the sun comes down, so their defenses higher. It can sometimes be very hard for intimacy considering the environment. I'm able to sneak in a kiss midway during a night date, but would most likely fail when the sun is up. I'd rather have home field advantage.
- Able to redirect the conversation to stimulate her mind
- Able to arouse her verbally
If you are unable to do both, it is much better to grab drinks or take her somewhere fun where kino is much more natural. Coffee dates are usually before the sun comes down, so their defenses higher. It can sometimes be very hard for intimacy considering the environment. I'm able to sneak in a kiss midway during a night date, but would most likely fail when the sun is up. I'd rather have home field advantage.
I totally agree, screw coffee dates. Definitely flogged to death. Also though, I don't drink coffee, so I don't have this problem! Also quite a few women suggest coffee, and when I say no and suggest an alternative, I think they like the assertiveness.
Mike32ct
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2007
- Messages
- 8,410
- Reaction score
- 5,175
I don't recall reading many lay reports that began with a coffee date lol.
“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”
Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.
when I think of first dates, the word "cheap" comes to mind. be damned if I'm going to shell out a bunch of money on some gal I barely know on a first date and risk not getting a second one and be out $60. screw that. I'm pretty well off financially, and it's because I think "cheap". my friends rag me about it all the time because they say "why don't you hardly ever spend money? you got it!". well no sh!t Sherlock, how do you think I "got it"? if I could skip going out all together on a first date, I'd just invite them over to my place and go from there. problem is most girls won't do that. they expect to get taken out these days. I hate meeting for drinks because drinks are expensive and I doubt I'll meet a girl who prefers drinking $1 Papst Blue Ribbon. she'll most likely want to order $7 drinks all night. hell with that. not to mention you're bringing a girl into an environment where there are TONS of lonely desperate drunk men who will make your night a pain in the @$$ because they'll try to come talk to you to "be friends". I don't mind spending the cash after the 4th date and on, but before that point I try to keep it as cheap as possible. I'm not into investing a bunch of money into a girl that I might not get a return on my investment.
Naughty Ninja
Banned
Instead of Coffee you can try going to:
Ice Cream
Slot Car racing
Hookah place
Air Hockey
Walking around a mall
Pool
for drinks.
Park. (going on swings, and or picnic, walking)
Take her if you are a gym member as a one time pass to work out and also for some "proof" to other chicks in the gym. (If it doesn't work other chicks who're members will notice you and you may wind up piquing their curiosity in the future.)
Something with a little bit of action and or opportunities to feel each other up.
Coffee is okay but it's getting played out.
Ice Cream
Slot Car racing
Hookah place
Air Hockey
Walking around a mall
Pool
for drinks.
Park. (going on swings, and or picnic, walking)
Take her if you are a gym member as a one time pass to work out and also for some "proof" to other chicks in the gym. (If it doesn't work other chicks who're members will notice you and you may wind up piquing their curiosity in the future.)
Something with a little bit of action and or opportunities to feel each other up.
Coffee is okay but it's getting played out.
I'll share a first date idea that worked for me onetime with this georgeous girl. the reason it works is because it's non-threatning and it's not treated as a date, but it really is IF you do your part. ask her if she will go shopping for clothes with you and help you pick out some. women love a man that dresses well, but they also like to have their opinion on the matter and let's be honest....it's shopping. what woman is going to turn that down? you're spending money on YOU and getting to spend time with her at the same time. if you have any personality whatsoever you can use this to your advantage by making her laugh, inviting her into the dressing room to "help you"(don't do this right away, gotta build some chemistry first). after she dolls you up with some clothes, offer to go get lunch or something afterwards. after lunch mention how you'd like to wear your new clothes out that she picked out for you and set up another date.
yyc12
Senior Don Juan
...but mine last night ended with a good kiss, :rock:Mike32ct said:
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.