Clashing Alphas within a friendship

[kel]

I have a friend of mine who is by all means the epitome of an alpha male and a true DJ. We hang out fairly often, especially at social gatherings (ie parties). We also sing in the same a cappella group.

This is a problem because although he's a lot of fun to be with, there's no doubt who's the alpha when he's around. I dont mind not being the alpha all the time since i'm still very much a student of "the game". The problem is, at a party, I'm almost one of his henchmen

This is good and bad. Good because being associated with him, especially as more than an acquaintance, is social proof at its best. Bad because clearly I'm second fiddle. He's not especially better looking or better dressed than I, but he has that DJ atmosphere we all crave to adopt.

The question here is, how do I go about being an alpha (which i'm getting good at) while I'm with my friend? I've noticed that when Im acting especially confident, he subconsciously gets defensive about it and does things that assert his dominance. Its immature, i feel, but I understand what's going on.

Anyone have any thoughts on the matter? Similar experiences? How do I stop being a subordinate and be an equal and how do I do so without him basically freaking out?

--Kel

PS This seems to be the first post i've read in a while that is more concerned with being a DJ with another guy than a girl

 

[biker_gixxer]

The problem is, at a party, I'm almost one of his henchmen

First thing you need to do is change this way of thinking. You're putting him in the alpha role and yourself into Beta by simply talking like this.

Good because being associated with him, especially as more than an acquaintance, is social proof at its best. Bad because clearly I'm second fiddle.

See first reply.

I've noticed that when Im acting especially confident, he subconsciously gets defensive about it and does things that assert his dominance.

If you act confident and he get's defensive, DO NOT BACK DOWN!! This is when you do something to reassert YOUR dominance right back!! This is a win/win situation. He'll either back down and take the Beta role, or see that your also an alpha and you won't take 2nd fiddle anymore. Other people will take notice as well.

How do I stop being a subordinate and be an equal and how do I do so without him basically freaking out?

So what if he freaks out? What are you, scared? Are you afraid the big bad alpha male is going to hurt you? Be a BIGGER alpha and let him know that you will ***** slap him if 'he' steps out of line.

 

[Alpine]

I posted a similar thread, feeling I wasn't top dog and didn't like it.

Not much response, but generally the feeling was a true alpha is unconcerned about it, he knows who's the Daddy.

I'd say within reason let him take the lead, learn from him/model him. As soon as you are apart from him you can assume the role and be dominant.

The only time it matters might be if he is creating a situation that you are not prepared to tolerate, in which case, like anybody, you should make a stand.

Also, I guess the group assigns the top dog, not the top dog. So the answer would be to influence them, not fight with your mate over it. But do you really want to go down that route.?

 

[Maverick001]

kel,

In a group of alpha male friends there can't be a group alpha, otherwise clashing will occur.

What has to happen is that all the guys in the group need to realize that they have to be wingmen for each other and so all the guys can be dominant.

Maybe you can start that discussion with your friend(s). All of you can be dominant.

I'm still learning all this DJ stuff too so like Alpine said, learn from your alpha friends and figure out what works for you.

For myself, the dominant wingmen concept works with a select group of friends that I hang with.

Ditto on biker_gixxer's reply. Don't back down but don't diss your buddy either. He has to know that you're dominant too and it can work to his advantage as well because an alpha can always use another alpha wingman.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[AFCinBC]

I have the same problem, but the thing is with me I never argue or try to gain social dominance ... what for I'm by far the smarter and more attractive the only reason *alpha* males try to gain dominance is because they arnt really alpha they just pretend like they are by overcoming the insecurities they have with lots of aggression/overtalking ect. I just let them run with it because most of the time they just look like jackasses anyway. thats why at parties everyone else is bumping chests... and I'm talking to the girls. because I'm natural if its a contest on who is the bigger man they can have the ego trip... I'll have the girls.

 

[frivolousz21]

dont worry about him..and what role you play with him.

**** roles.

this is ur MOVIE..and you Star in it. Maybe in his movie you are"robin" but thats his..so ignore him..and be your own Superman

 

[gav]

please shut up about alphas and betas. there are no such things