Christmas Presents

[Murk]

Ok guys, it's that time of year.

For those of us not spinning plates into oblivion what are your plans present-wise?

I have an on/off girlfriend I've been seeing since May. I've been spinning plates but decided to lock it all off and we are going to give it one last go (fml).

We have been arguing a lot - weekend she caught some girl messaging me who I have some previous with and she started crying. I explain that we were broken up and she was treating me like **** so I wanted attention.

She told me she had spoken to some guy she met at her friends house and they had texted for a week - I asked to see her phone and it turned out end of Oct til now they had been messaging. The messages looked harmless enough but she entertained them. I told her to stop being a hypocrite regarding me especially as she downloads tinder and bumble the moment we break up. She claims it's because she never expects to get back together and she wants to find someone who treats her nice (fair enough - I've not been the best to her).

Anyway, we are planning to do a city break in europe for a few nights and going to book it this week. Christmas is coming up and I'm wondering how much to spend, considering likelihood of this lasting is slim (we just have amazing chemistry, great sex and are actually in love with each other) as we are not compatible and she get upset/sensitive a lot of the time.

I'm thinking £100, $135, €111 - nothing major, but more than nothing. We may even be broken up by Christmas I mean it's a month away and the last 1.5 months we have broken up about 3 times.

What do you guys think?

 

[Glassguy]

Not sure why you would spend any amount of money on this chick since things seem shaky at best.

 

[Murk]

Not sure why you would spend any amount of money on this chick since things seem shaky at best.

Out of duty and expectancy I guess. Maybe we should have a chat and agree no presents due to the fragility of the rship?

 

[marmel75]

There was no reason to explain anything to her other than saying "you arent mt girlfriend so whats the problem?" In a calm cool way.

Certainly not "I was looking for attention"...that's what women do. You were looking to fvck lets be real.

You asked to see her phone? My God you are really playing this all wrong aren't you? That makes you look insecure AF.

Again...something a woman would do not a man...I would have laughed and said "Awesome have fun with him!" With a big smile.

No women you constantly fight and break up and get back together with should ever be considered as a long term partner. Stop wasting your time.

Now You want to buy her a Xmas present? No..she isnt your girlfriend she doesnt get crap.

 

[marmel75]

Out of duty and expectancy I guess. Maybe we should have a chat and agree no presents due to the fragility of the rship?

Fvck duty and what expectancy? You said its not going anywhere so basically she is a FWB.. Women in love don't constantly break up with guys, FYI unless they are fvcked up in the head.

Seems to me you are only putting up with her due to sex

 

[wifehunter]

As long as you're giving out presents to people 'you think' you know... send me some Reese's peanutbutter trees!

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Do what you want, but for me, giving should come from the heart, not any sort of sense of obligation. And, especially not from any sense of expectation.

The fact you are thinking about this in financial terms is very telling as well. You think this is some kind of relationship, but really it's not. It's just two people stuck in a cycle because of a lack of better/other options. It certainly doesn't sound like it's worthy of any sort of investment beyond the odd night out.

I just spent ten quid online for a book that I know one of my girls will appreciate, on a subject she is truly passionate about. That's what giving is; not simply marking it up as a specific financial cost. It's observing someone's personality and lust for life and reacting accordingly.

 

[Murk]

There was no reason to explain anything to her other than saying "you arent mt girlfriend so whats the problem?" In a calm cool way.

Certainly not "I was looking for attention"...that's what women do. You were looking to fvck lets be real.

You asked to see her phone? My God you are really playing this all wrong aren't you? That makes you look insecure AF.

Again...something a woman would do not a man...I would have laughed and said "Awesome have fun with him!" With a big smile.

No women you constantly fight and break up and get back together with should ever be considered as a long term partner. Stop wasting your time.

Now You want to buy her a Xmas present? No..she isnt your girlfriend she doesnt get crap.

"You asked to see her phone? My God you are really playing this all wrong aren't you? That makes you look insecure AF."

It was really more in response to her wanting to see my phone after the text popped up (and me refusing, then her crying) rather than me really wanting to see anything - she hesitated and skimmed through not allowing me to see properly so I kind of thought "hah - you can't ask to see my phone any more"

"Fvck duty and what expectancy? You said its not going anywhere so basically she is a FWB.. Women in love don't constantly break up with guys, FYI unless they are fvcked up in the head.

Seems to me you are only putting up with her due to sex"

Yes, definitely, but I do like chilling with her too, ultimately it's not going anywhere.

 

[Murk]

Do what you want, but for me, giving should come from the heart, not any sort of sense of obligation. And, especially not from any sense of expectation.

The fact you are thinking about this in financial terms is very telling as well. You think this is some kind of relationship, but really it's not. It's just two people stuck in a cycle because of a lack of better/other options. It certainly doesn't sound like it's worthy of any sort of investment beyond the odd night out.

I just spent ten quid online for a book that I know one of my girls will appreciate, on a subject she is truly passionate about. That's what giving is; not simply marking it up as a specific financial cost. It's observing someone's personality and lust for life and reacting accordingly.

Yep - I just don't want her to feel bad too - we are trying to go clean slate and give it one last try. When I saw her crying over the text she saw I felt awful, like I'd done this, I don't want to hurt anyone.

 

[lizardking82]

You are being a weakling. Do not go around buying her gifts, they will not fix the issues with the communication between you and her. Give this one more try if you want, try and observe what in her and your behaviour leads to fights. For one, I can tell right away you most probably do not know how to lead a relationship and that is problem nr. 1 you gotta work on.

 

[Murk]

You are being a weakling. Do not go around buying her gifts, they will not fix the issues with the communication between you and her. Give this one more try if you want, try and observe what in her and your behaviour leads to fights. For one, I can tell right away you most probably do not know how to lead a relationship and that is problem nr. 1 you gotta work on.

Disagree, I've been in relationships before that have been less volatile. the problem is I didn't take the relationship seriously in the early days, she caught me flirting and spinning plates = trust gone in the first couple months.

Ultimately it should be doomed from the no trust on her side, but I am trying to win her over. I just made a mess in the beginning and it's been very rocky ever since. She said she resents me, doesn't trust me when I go out and says I'm a naturally flirtatious person who loves attention from women (all partly/mostly true).

 

[dustmuffin]

I'm giving my main plate a flogger. She said that she wants her a ss flogged. Problem solved.