Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Choosing signals

BJP1991

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
432
Reaction score
187
Age
29
What are some common examples/what exactly are they?

How do they differ in strangers vs someone you already know?
 

Ohso-Phresh

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 22, 2020
Messages
402
Reaction score
291
What are some common examples/what exactly are they?

How do they differ in strangers vs someone you already know?
Eye contact, shifts in proximity. Eye contact will be sustained relative to interest. Proximity will be closer and more frequent.

Not really ‘choosing’ more like ‘broadcasting a signal’ and ‘who’s receiving?’

Ask better questions if you want better answers.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
14,119
Reaction score
6,352
I was talking to a random girl in line the other day. After we spoke briefly, she kind of did a little dance. Not an intentional dance, it was like her body was responding to the interaction, and she quickly stopped herself. It was an odd, cute thing.
I don't really think it was choosing signals though, because she was absolutely smoking hot. I just think it was nerves, plus she seemed a little flattered by the attention.
 

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
437
Reaction score
335
Location
The City
I think it's a silly concept. More than half the girls that I successfully asked out to a date didnt give me any "choosing signals". And some of the girls I approached that did give me choosing signals ended up just wanting to use me for a bit of attention.

I think the best way is when you see a girl you like just shoot your shot and see what happens.
 

Fan

New Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2019
Messages
8
Reaction score
9
I am not sure but back in the PUA days all these signs are called IOI (indicator of interest). Women behaviours that explicate interest. I started hearing this word from channels like AMS in recent years. I would guess the re-naming serves to bring some originality in their material and to distant themselves from PUA connotation (or stigma if you will). It sounds more passive (you were "chosen") instead of something that you have to actively work for.
 

da storm

Banned
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
2,270
Reaction score
4,392
Age
32
I think it's a silly concept. More than half the girls that I successfully asked out to a date didnt give me any "choosing signals". And some of the girls I approached that did give me choosing signals ended up just wanting to use me for a bit of attention.

I think the best way is when you see a girl you like just shoot your shot and see what happens.
For me, the signals are only reliable in social circles. In my experience, women are rarely stupid enough to give me cues just because they want my attention in social circles. A woman knows there's a real possibility I would escalate and make things awkward. Or I might judge her and dismiss her for playing games with me and lower her reputation in the tribe.

In a club however, there have been times I've approached women with a poker face and they would make out with me right away. There have also been times I've approached women who stared a hole into my head only for them to walk away afterwards. Signals mean nothing in the sexual market place. Only actual effort on her part to help you move the interaction forward means anything.

Forget about signals. Focus on effort. Is she participating in the seduction and making solid efforts? Or is it just one sided and you are playing tennis by yourself?

There is no such thing as choosing signals. There's only worthy efforts.

Guys think attention = she likes me. That's not true. Women are notorious attention wh0res. They will play the attention game all day.

A woman's worthy efforts/investment = her interest.
 
Last edited:

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
16,411
Reaction score
10,677
Location
DFW, TX
For me, the signals are only reliable in social circles. In my experience, women are rarely stupid enough to give me cues just because they want my attention in social circles. A woman knows there's a real possibility I would escalate and make things awkward. Or I might judge her and dismiss her for playing games with me and lower her reputation in the tribe.

In a club however, there have been times I've approached women with a poker face and they would make out with me right away. There have also been times I've approached women who stared a hole into my head only to walk away afterwards. Signals mean nothing in the sexual market place. Only actual effort on her part to help you move the interaction forward means anything.

Forget about signals. Focus on effort. Is she participating in the seduction and making solid efforts? Or is it just one sided and you are playing tennis by yourself?

There is no such thing as choosing signals. There's only worthy efforts.

Guys think attention = she likes me. That's not true. Women are notorious attention wh0res. They will play the attention game all day.

A woman's worthy efforts/investment = her interest.
True.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
16,411
Reaction score
10,677
Location
DFW, TX
Effort is a pretty clear signal.

I look at it like this: if I ask you to give me a list of your top 5 dream cars, in order from 1 to 5, and I give you number 3 on your list, delivered to your home, no strings attached, how much effort are you going to put into chasing down, numbers one and two on your list?

That's the point of the woman expending effort and expense to be with you. Your time is valuable. Your resources are valuable. Your mental energy is valuable. Why expend unnecessary effort chasing an ideal, when you have a low maintenance classic in the garage? ...unless that's just your thing.

As far as effort goes, there are married men who expend effort just trying to get their own wives into bed. They come to bed, and their wives pretend to be sound asleep. SMH. Better to just kiss your wife goodnight, and tell her you're going to bed. When she jumps in the shower, comes into the bedroom 30 minutes after you, wearing something sexy you bought her, and closes and locks the door behind herself(so the kids won't barge in), there really isn't any guessing about what's going on in her head.

Flirting is cheap, but picking up the check requires an investment. Action speaks loudest. No doubt.
Best kind. Guys have issues cause they let a babe "settle" for him or he bought her with money or popularity. A babe who really likes you will give you something money can't buy.
 

da storm

Banned
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
2,270
Reaction score
4,392
Age
32
Best kind. Guys have issues cause they let a babe "settle" for him or he bought her with money or popularity. A babe who really likes you will give you something money can't buy.
In principle, you should only reward a woman for making a worthy effort to invest in the interaction/relationship. The reason why is because it shows that she likes you. Because you like yourself, this is your standard for women. They have to like you as much as you like you.

But most guys don't even like themselves. If anything they look for women to like them. So they end up seeking validation and approval, and in turn, end up supplicating. This is the frame of 90% of guys on this forum, and that's why you see all of these female issues in every thread.

Forget game. Their "frame" is completely a$$ backwards.

It all starts with you liking yourself. And you can't lie to yourself. The only way for you to like yourself is to have principles and the integrity to live up to those principles daily. If a guy manages to do this, he will stop giving a fvck about what people think because he knows his worth and integrity. He is "self-validated."

And a self-validated guy is completely impervious to female games. He does everything "right" automatically. Things like "only rewarding women for their worthy efforts/investment" would be as obvious to him as "The earth is round."
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
16,411
Reaction score
10,677
Location
DFW, TX
In principle, you should only reward a woman for making a worthy effort to invest in the interaction/relationship. The reason why is because it shows that she likes you. Because you like yourself, this is your standard for women. They have to like you as much as you like you.

But most guys don't even like themselves. If anything they look for women to like them. So they end up seeking validation and approval, and in turn, end up supplicating. This is the frame of 90% of guys on this forum, and that's why you see all of these female issues in every thread.

Forget game. Their "frame" is completely a$$ backwards.

It all starts with you liking yourself. And you can't lie to yourself. The only way for you to like yourself is to have principles and the integrity to live up to those principles daily. If a guy manages to do this, he will stop giving a fvck about what people think because he knows his worth and integrity. He is "self-validated."

And a self-validated guy is completely impervious to female games. He does everything "right" automatically. Things like "only rewarding women for their worthy efforts/investment" would be as obvious to him as "The earth is round."
Life will bless him with this view.
 

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
437
Reaction score
335
Location
The City
I think indicators of interest(or whatever else you want to call it) is just reading social cues.

Waiting for a woman to demonstrate her interest in you, prior to making any social contact with her, is a chicken s hit approach to life.

Obviously, if a woman appeals to you, you should initiate contact, whether or not she has made any prior indication that she's even aware of your existence. The exception is if she is otherwise engaged, at that moment. Approaching a woman who is currently in the middle of a heated public argument with her husband or employer, for example, demonstrates an autism-level obliviousness to just about every social cue. Anyone THAT socially awkward shouldn't be allowed out of the house without a qualified chaperone.

The importance of reading indicators of interest isn't to know whether you should approach, but to gauge how she's responding to you, and whether you should escalate or extricate.
I agree with all this. But I think when people say "choosing signals", they are referring to when girls give you an indication that they want you to initiate the first approach. Like a random girl at a club staring at you. I think the stuff you're talking about applies while you are already talking to the chick.

A lot of guys are scared of rejection. So they are obsessed with detecting these choosing signals so that they can guarantee the girl they approach won't reject them. I might be wrong but I think that's what's actually going on here.
 

da storm

Banned
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
2,270
Reaction score
4,392
Age
32
I agree with all this. But I think when people say "choosing signals", they are referring to when girls give you an indication that they want you to initiate the first approach. Like a random girl at a club staring at you. I think the stuff you're talking about applies while you are already talking to the chick.

A lot of guys are scared of rejection. So they are obsessed with detecting these choosing signals so that they can guarantee the girl they approach won't reject them. I might be wrong but I think that's what's actually going on here.
I've had women eject after THEY'VE approached me, lol. Like she just wanted to get my validation and as soon as I would acknowledge her, she quickly moves on. This happens a lot actually. More so the past 10 years during the social media explosion. It's like women are so addicted to validation that they would even go out of their way to approach you.

In 2020, even when a woman approaches you, it could mean absolutely nothing. So forget signals. They are so far down the order of significance it's not even funny, lol.

Most of club game is just semantics. None of it means anything. Now if a woman is making efforts to get to know you and is contributing to the interaction, closing the distance on you and touching you, then you have some traction.

The only thing any guy should focus on is worthy efforts. Everything else is validation/fluff talk/semantics.

Guys get phone numbers based on an interaction that was based on validation and then they get flaked on and think their phone game sucks. When a chick is into you, phone game is inconsequential. When a chick just wants validation, phone game is inconsequential. Either way, phone game is inconsequential. The initial interaction was just based on validation and nothing more. That's why the flake happened, not because you forgot to type with a smiley face.
 
Last edited:

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
437
Reaction score
335
Location
The City
I've had women eject after THEY'VE approached me, lol. Like she just wanted to get my validation and as soon as I would acknowledge her, she quickly moves on. This happens a lot actually. More so the past 10 years during the social media explosion. It's like women are so addicted to validation that they would even go out of their way to approach you.

In 2020, even when a woman approaches you, it could mean absolutely nothing. So forget signals. They are so far down the order of significance, lol.

Most of club game is just semantics. None of it means anything. Now if a woman is making efforts to get to know you and is contributing to the interaction, closing the distance on you and touching you, then you have some traction.

The only thing any guy should focus on is worthy efforts. Everything else is validation/fluff talk/semantics.

Guys get phone numbers based on an interaction that was based on validation and then they get flaked on and think their phone game sucks. When a chick is into you, phone game is inconsequential. When a chick just wants validation, phone game is inconsequential. Either way, phone game is inconsequential. The initial interaction was just based on validation and nothing more. That's why the flake happened, not because you forgot to type with a smiley face.
100% agree.

The thing with girls approaching first then using you for attention I can relate to a lot. Just a couple days ago I had a girl on OLD message me first, tell me I'm attractive, yet ghosts me as soon as I bring up the subject of meeting up.

I've had chicks in the club dance and make out with me, give me their number, then not reply to my text the next day.

In 2020 you need to be completely outcome independent, and you just can't care. Even when you find a girl that is making effort, you can't get too emotionally attached to her because she can just leave and jump ship at any time. You have to be selfish and focused on you otherwise these girls will get to your head
 
Top