"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Chick passes out with my **** in her mouth

Magma

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I usually don't post my activities/field reports here, and I wanted to take a break from SS, but this one was just too funny to not post. :up:

I was at the bar alone, and was approached by a woman a few years my senior while standing outside between the band's sets. She was drunk, but wasn't overly smashed. She started to kino me and gently pushed me up against the wall, running her hands over my stomach and my pecs (to check out my physique. women do this.). Apparantly she liked what she felt and she leaned in and we began to make out. This all happened in the span of about one minute.

We chatted for about 15 minutes. I gathered that she was a bit drunk, but I didn't give a fvck because it just landed in my lap and was getting late.

Long story slightly less long, I follow her home to make sure she doesn't get pulled over and get to her house. We begin to make out savagely upon entering her condo and leave a trail of clothes into the bedroom. Now I realize that this chick is pretty fvcking drunk, but again, don't care.

So I have her naked on the bed except for her panties. I go to remove the very standard cotton panties she was wearing (ugh) and discover a fvcking maxi pad! I puked a little in my mouth.

So I tell her to just give me head and she obliges. The head was absolutely horrible. She was waaaay too drunk. All of a sudden she kind of stops and is laying on my legs her face is in my balls. Next thing I know I hear snoring!!! LOL!!

So I gently slide out from under her and briefly entertained the thought of jerking one off onto her whilst being passed out. It was three in the morning and I just wanted to get the fvck out of there. So I got dressed and went home.

Funny as all get out. I'm cracking up just thinking about it. I gotta say, that's definitely a first for me.

Hoped you enjoyed this tale, gents.

Ahhhh. Good times.....
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Bible_Belt

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briefly entertained the thought of jerking one off onto her whilst being passed out.

lol, me too. I have never had a girl pass out mid-oral, but have thought the same thing about a passed-out chick - that she deserved to wake up with crusty hair as punishment for passing out on me.
 
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You guys are going to get hit with a rape charge one day.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Real_Deal

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Thats just priceless, I bet it's a once in a lifetime thing.
 

PRMoon

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Nice! Mad props killer!
 

oakraiderz2

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You just made my day.
 

Latinoman

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I don't deal with drunks to avoid legal issues. But if I was in that situation...I would have left her with a load on her face/hair. Should have gotten a beer or two in your way out too.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Lololol I wish I had a sleep story to tell like that, the best I got is a girl threw up on my d1ck while she blowin me one time...and she had grilled cheese for lunch :\
 

Demon Wolf

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:crackup: hilarious, but My Name is Noboby is right. If she is passed out she cannot legally give consent.
 

SinJester

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LOL

Thats why ya try and avoid the drunks :p
 

Red07

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hahahahahahahaahahahaahahaha! Nothing wrong with leaving an angry gorilla!
 

michaelhctam

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you're lucky she didn't puke whilst she passed out.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

comic_relief

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ok, that made my day as a I write a paper.

comic_relief
 
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