Changing the chase dynamics

[anonymous12345]

My plate went on a weekend trip two weeks ago, I initiated communication (asked to snap) during that to stay in contact and try to tie her experience to me. Last weekend she went again, she didn’t communicate, and I “caved in”, messaged her today, Tuesday. So, I chase her. This is not good, but I think she’s intentionally directing our relationship in the direction she want, I believe she wants more long term. Women are experts at manipulating men at this.

How do I reclaim power? One way is to withdraw and go completely silent until She caves in, but perhaps that means she never will. On the other hand I have no trouble leading, I just want it to be sustainable.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Go on your own trip to the Caribbean or somewhere else where people walk around half-naked, and take plenty of photos with the 'friendly girls'.

 

[Learning Curve]

My plate went on a weekend trip two weeks ago, I initiated communication (asked to snap) during that to stay in contact and try to tie her experience to me. Last weekend she went again, she didn’t communicate, and I “caved in”, messaged her today, Tuesday. So, I chase her. This is not good, but I think she’s intentionally directing our relationship in the direction she want, I believe she wants more long term. Women are experts at manipulating men at this.

How do I reclaim power? One way is to withdraw and go completely silent until She caves in, but perhaps that means she never will. On the other hand I have no trouble leading, I just want it to be sustainable.

You haven't shared too many details for us to understand the whole picture of this situation.

The chasing ratio should be usually 80% - 20% with 80% being the woman.

This happens quite easily once they get invested. If you feel that you have been chasing too much then pull back completely until she reaches out. That could be 2-3 weeks or less depending on how often she reaches out.

If you don't hear from her after two or three weeks shoot her a text if you want for the only purpose to set a date and then disappear until the day of the date. Let her chase in between.

If she reaches out the same scenario: Date and disappear.

Too many guys take the phone and create this chit-chat environment until a woman get's bored.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

My plate went on a weekend trip two weeks ago, I initiated communication (asked to snap) during that to stay in contact and try to tie her experience to me. Last weekend she went again, she didn’t communicate, and I “caved in”, messaged her today, Tuesday. So, I chase her. This is not good, but I think she’s intentionally directing our relationship in the direction she want, I believe she wants more long term. Women are experts at manipulating men at this.

How do I reclaim power? One way is to withdraw and go completely silent until She caves in, but perhaps that means she never will. On the other hand I have no trouble leading, I just want it to be sustainable.

You didn't tie the experience to you, you simply showed how needy you were and that you couldn't live without her for 48 hours.

Women do this kind of stuff on purpose to get answers to unasked questions in their mind.

She is a plate, not a girlfriend or wife. Start behaving as such.

 

[anonymous12345]

Yupp. I probably messed this one up. I did all the mistakes in the book: needy, desperate, scarcity mindset. I'm inexperienced in things that are of the better kind.

I don't chit chat, just set dates, maybe very small convo first to not appear direct.

I know her too poorly for reading her well, to understand her behaviour. What I messaged her today was to suggest grabbing something to eat, not overly disastrous, but still plenty of mistakes, I should have waited. It's a personality trait of mine: very restless, inpatient, stressy.

Last times I've thrown her out afterwards, naturally acted aloof, ravaged her in bed, so on the other hand a bit of more daily kindness isn't that bad. But I should have waited upon her initiating.

 

[Learning Curve]

Yupp. I probably messed this one up. I did all the mistakes in the book: needy, desperate, scarcity mindset. I'm inexperienced in things that are of the better kind.

I don't chit chat, just set dates, maybe very small convo first to not appear direct.

I know her too poorly for reading her well, to understand her behaviour. What I messaged her today was to suggest grabbing something to eat, not overly disastrous, but still plenty of mistakes, I should have waited. It's a personality trait of mine: very restless, inpatient, stressy.

Last times I've thrown her out afterwards, naturally acted aloof, ravaged her in bed, so on the other hand a bit of more daily kindness isn't that bad. But I should have waited upon her initiating.

Don't get your brain into too much hamster thinking.

It's fine, let her chase move on.

It's not that you made a mistake or not. It's more about keeping the balance of attraction in the right place by having a correct ratio of her chasing.

 

[Gamisch]

You haven't shared too many details for us to understand the whole picture of this situation.

The chasing ratio should be usually 80% - 20% with 80% being the woman.

This happens quite easily once they get invested. If you feel that you have been chasing too much then pull back completely until she reaches out. That could be 2-3 weeks or less depending on how often she reaches out.

If you don't hear from her after two or three weeks shoot her a text if you want for the only purpose to set a date and then disappear until the day of the date. Let her chase in between.

If she reaches out the same scenario: Date and disappear.

Too many guys take the phone and create this chit-chat environment until a woman get's bored.

I agree.

Most men will automatically protest and say" but c'mon man, if I ALWAYS let her chase I'll lose her!!". Most men will say they've got and kept most of the women in their lives by chasing. Not knowing that their chasing is what might've lead to some p00sy, but also chased it away.


Its always about what do YOU bringg/ add to her life? Iirc, you are the HIGHLIGHT ,the ROCK in her boring, predictable and yet chaotic life. A " beautiful woman " can be replaced easily , but a " man whose one of a kind" ,build up this good life and willing to let her in will be much harder to find.

This is my advice to all men: find out what YOU got offer these h0es. What are they after when they're dealing with you? What's her dream, her fantasy? What's she looking for in life?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree.

Most men will automatically protest and say" but c'mon man, if I ALWAYS let her chase I'll lose her!!". Most men will say they've got and kept most of the women in their lives by chasing. Not knowing that their chasing is what might've lead to some p00sy, but also chased it away.


Its always about what do YOU bringg/ add to her life? Iirc, you are the HIGHLIGHT ,the ROCK in her boring, predictable and yet chaotic life. A " beautiful woman " can be replaced easily , but a " man whose one of a kind" ,build up this good life and willing to let her in will be much harder to find.

This is my advice to all men: find out what YOU got offer these h0es. What are they after when they're dealing with you? What's her dream, her fantasy? What's she looking for in life?

Women will complain about it to the guy, to their girlfriends and to anyone who will listen but they secretly LOVE it...even if they will only admit it to themselves on rare occasions.

 

[Learning Curve]

This is the only way. Gotta hold the line man. Or if you can. Another girl in your life. That leaves you 2 options.
You will never be able to beat her on her terf.

This.

And it will not be easy. Especially if you are into the girl.

It's nerve-racking as hell. Because when you are really into a woman that's the only thing you have in your brain.

Opening and closing your phone and constantly thinking "What if she never reaches out?"

But remember Scarcity creates value.

Let her wonder if you will ever reach out then you actually remove ur-self from her frame and she enters yours.

 

[Gamisch]

This.

And it will not be easy. Especially if you are into the girl.

It's nerve-racking as hell. Because when you are really into a woman that's the only thing you have in your brain.

Opening and closing your phone and constantly thinking "What if she never reaches out?"

But remember Scarcity creates value.

Let her wonder if you will ever reach out then you actually remove ur-self from her frame and she enters yours.

Especially when you actually start to learn game and realize you've been "wrong" the whole time.

A man might say" F all that game bs, I lost frame with Stacy LONG time ago. I've texted her daily ever since day one. She wont buy this change of character. And she'll test the hell outof me until I succumb under pressure"

A man gets stuck in the dynamic, and actually becomes the consumer instead of the supplier . She is now your drugsdealer, one that's not even after your money but after your soul. You'll only get a fix when she has mercy on your sorry azz soul.

All the while you can change up EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. But again, most men will say its "natural " to be bluepilled, because that's how their fathers seemingly kept mommy in check.

 

[anonymous12345]

An update.

Sequence of communication:

1. I wrote two weeks ago “Let’s go out and eat. Talk. Perhaps Wednesday is suitable.”
2. She saved that comment in snapchat (highly positive), but replied “We could do that. Next week, in that case.” which is at best lukewarm.
3. I left her on read.
4. During the week she was back, she did not contact, no contact what so ever.
5. After 12 days (approx. 2 weeks), I wrote a neutral comment.
6. She replied
7. I suggested to meet
8. She replied (translation imperfect) “I feel done/satisfied” which is a polite way of saying it’s over.

Realistically I think it is indeed over. It’s the top 2 best sex I’ve had, and my ideal girl: 26 year old adopted Vietnamese (I have yellow fever) that is nasty af. It feels so darn stupid that I should go hunt for the exact same thing again.

Maybe I messed it up by not following the advice of waiting for her to chase (but look above — she had chased and was on read — there were good reasons for writing, I think).

A contribution: it’s about waiting until the aching feeling of neediness/lve/loneliness/etc. is gone, so one can act/communicate rationally, no matter what. Once it’s over, one can break the rules, do what’s best, or in better condition wait for the possible chase (or stronger chase, which I didn’t).

 

[anonymous12345]

Possible actions now:

Silence, NEXT. Go get more girls, and if she returns in a month or two that is a positive bonus but it likely won’t happen.

However, I want to saviour it. So, I want to negotiate/beg/simp/the-big-letter. Something like this:

“No worries. We had ok sex [neg], but we didn’t connect well. I feel bad for kicking you out when you wanted to sleep. I never told you I had a career in IT/programming, we could have talked for long [she’s interested in that] I have taken a lot of beating in my life and have a hard shell, I was distant. [cue the violins] Hence I wanted to go out with you. But you’ve made up your mind, but now you know. It’s cool [neg].”

But it was oddly good in many ways, I think she lost interest because I am boring and neutral/distant/slightly depressed, didn’t make her laugh.

Another option is just “It’s cool ” Or perhaps there's a middle ground.

Shall I just move on, or is there anything, such as the above paragraphs, that can be done? What would make her change her mind? Some big humorous baller neg?

 

[soulforge]

This.

And it will not be easy. Especially if you are into the girl.

It's nerve-racking as hell. Because when you are really into a woman that's the only thing you have in your brain.

Opening and closing your phone and constantly thinking "What if she never reaches out?"

But remember Scarcity creates value.

Let her wonder if you will ever reach out then you actually remove ur-self from her frame and she enters yours.

Never do I double text a chick... Never do I chase (learned this the hard way)

Be willing to lose her... More likely she will come back, months, years down the line.

Then you can use her like the skank that she is lol