Changing my image and learning to converse ...

[rgeere]

This seems odd to me asking these sort of questions, because normally I am able to find these sort of answers by searching within myself and then posting a worthwhile article in response for others to read, but I have to admit I am at a total loss on this one..

I am wondering if I can get some feedback from you guys on my current dilemma.

I want to change my image away from the *smart* intelligent type of aura I project to people. The past couple of girls I have met have all commented that I am *intelligent* and they all seem to label me as some sort of computer person. You know, like a computer geek except maybe a bit more refined.

This really bugs me because I have sworn off computers and video games and have begun to search for new meaning in life beyond these old self-destructive habits. I really really do not need people reminding me.

One thing I have tried to do is to not hang around, and politly avoid at times, some of the people I know that insist on acting like they are insufficent, unkempt, lackies who hang around in their own click away from the people who are are suave and djish.

Don't think I am putting these guys down, as they have been friendly to me and want to be friends with me. I just can't relate to the type of lifestyle they project anymore. In fact, in most ways they are not only counter-productive to their own selves and abilities, I feel at times they are unintentionally trying to drag me down to the same level.

I told them today that I will not talk about negitive subjects in public with them. Like debating, conspiracy theories, religion, or basically anything that will scare most normal people outside of their click away, including the majority of girls at school who I have personally witnessed leave once these guys (I use to join them in discussions) would start talking.

Now back to the purpose of me writting this post...

I have ABSOLUTLY no idea what to talk about to anyone now that I have told the people around me that I don't want to talk about these things.

Seriously, I just can't think of anything worthwhile to say ... It's like I have been stuck acting this way for so long that I havn't grown past it.

Somehow I am going to have to find a way to carry on a conversation using neutral subjects that will not chase people off.

Well, I know I can do it. I can change myself from the inside out just like I have been doing all along and nothing is going to stop me. I will gain the level of social comprehension I want regardless of the difficulties.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

This is funny as I don't often think about things like this. I sort of just converse and don't think to much about it. Humour may be something you need to inject more into your conversations. Try and see the funny/ironic side in things more and discuss it.

Also you should maybe think about asking women more questions and let them start yakking, cuz we all know they love to. They will feel that they are controlling the conversation, but really, you will be doing that in the direction you lead the conversation.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
This is funny as I don't often think about things like this. I sort of just converse and don't think to much about it. Humour may be something you need to inject more into your conversations. Try and see the funny/ironic side in things more and discuss it.

Also you should maybe think about asking women more questions and let them start yakking, cuz we all know they love to. They will feel that they are controlling the conversation, but really, you will be doing that in the direction you lead the conversation.

I know where you are getting at with this. I think to a certain degree I do this, but I don't normally see the results that I would like.

Like for example at lunch yesterday....

Girl: Ohh, hey buddy, I havn't seen you in a long time. Where have you been?

Me: Right here ...


Girl: Really, what did you do all summer?
Me: Very exciting things
Girl: Like what?
(15 second pause)

Me: [while girl is looking at me] I'm building for suspense..
Her: *chuckles*

(15 second pause)

Me: I took classes ...
Her: Which classes?

(15 second pause)

Me: Religion
Her: Ohh, yeah, that sounds like an exciting class..
Me: Ohh yeah, real exciting, that's why I was doing it during the summer to get it out of the way.

(2 minutes later)

Me: That wasn't the only class I took...
Me: Ohh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you as I have wax in my ears..
Her: What did you do for the summer?
Her: Ohh, that's right, you said you stayed here..
Her: What else did you take?
Me: I took a paleontology class. Have you ever taken this class?
Her: No, ohh, you went with my most favorite person in the whole wide world!
Me: And who is your "most favorite person in the whole wide world?
Her: The head of the biology department Dr. ********
Me: I see..

(5 minute pause)

Me: So, what did you do for the summer?
Her: Very exciting things, and I'm not being sarcastic about saying that either!
Me: what exactly?
Her: I went and spent a month in the philipines..
Me: I bet you had a fun time..
Her: Yeah, it was great
Me: Did you do anything else when you got back?
Her: Yup, I spent the rest of the summer working as a lifeguard...
Me: That's pretty cool

*guy comes up and sits next to me*

Guy: That's a lot of spinach you have on your plate
Me: Yeah, it coontains vitamin B
Guy: What does that do for you?
Me: Well, you see vitimin B increases intelligence
Me: I figure that if I subject myself to eating this stuff every day I'll become a guiness.
Me: It's my master plan.

*The guy had no sense of humor.

Guy: Wouldn't you have to worry about eating to much of that and losing out on other nutrients?
Me: No, I'm not changing my diet. I'm just eating more leafy greens.
Me: Plus, I'll lose weight by stuffing myself with this before I 'll eat anything else.
Guy: Got you...
(5 minutes later)

* Girl next to me was talking about her ex-boyfriend and the girl I was talking to started to comment on things she was saying along with a guy who was handing out advice like a tampon despenser, so I had to get out of there.

Guy: Well, you know, I saw the guy who your were dating *blah* *blah* *blah* *puke*

Me: You know people are eating at the table, right?
Girl: what?
Me: People are eating here...

* The girl next to me kept talking about the guy she was seeing so I picked my tray up and went to another table, I came back to get my book bag, and the girl asked me.*

Her: Hey, when are you coming back, tommorow?
Me: When the topic of discussion changes...

*I go over and sit next to two of the guys who I would list in the click I am now trying to avoid, and there are two girls sitting with them*

Me: *sitting between two guys in an empty chair*
Guy1: What are you doing sitting over here?
Me: Explain to me why not ...
Guy1: *silence*
Me: Hey, have you ever gotten over your old habit?
Guy1: What habits?
Me: Well, I figured since you are rooming with one of my old roommates now, he would make you feel like your old habits are nothing ...
Guy1: What are you talking about?
Me: You'll see soon enough.
*I've known this girl for three years*
Girl: Wow! You are acting so mysterious today...
Guy1: So why did you come sit over here anyways?
Me: Well, this girl had me trapped in a corner subjecting me to talk about guys and I had to escape ..
Guy1: Yeah, she has a habit of doing that at times. Were there any other girls over there?
Me: *starting to laugh*
Me: Well, jake was other there obsorbing everything she said and handing out advice like a candy despenser. I feel sorry for that guy.
Guy1: Yeah, I feel sorry for him

(one minute pause)
*sitting between these two guys*
Guy2: Hey, are you still coming over tonight with your cd-burner?
Guy1: Heck Yeah, we are going to *BLAH* *BLAH* *GEEKY COMPUTER/ANIME CRAP*
Me: Why in the world did I sit between you two?

At this point I go and sit on the other side of the table ...

Note that it wasn't the girl who initiated the origional conversation with me that was talking about ex-boyfriends, it was another girl who was talking to her.

Go ahead and scrutinize specific instances of this conversation if you guys want..

 

[joecollapoppa]

Wow, you have no right criticizing my posts ever again "nerd".
Im only saying this to help you, You get smart and try to sound like an interllectual whenever you talk to someone and that why you look like a geek. Try mixing it with some stupid things. And try not to get too smart cuz it seems like these people you talk to try to have a normal conversation with you without all the hassle.
Oh and that spinach genious plan, would've got you jumped or looked at funny in NYC. Oh and theres nothin wrong with videogames!! what da hell iz wrong wit u? LOL

 

[rgeere]

That's not funny ...

 

[true|hockey]

I am going to have to agree with the previous poster, your trying to come off as an intellectual. Stop trying so hard to develop a whitty comeback, or comment, and just converse normally.


Guy1: What are you doing sitting over here?
Me: Explain to me why not ...
Guy1: *silence*
Me: Hey, have you ever gotten over your old habit?
Guy1: What habits?
Me: Well, I figured since you are rooming with one of my old roommates now, he would make you feel like your old habits are nothing ...


You sound like your trying too hard to think of clever retorts to their origional question ( although I still dont understand why youd opt to sit at a table with two random guys you dont know). Had some random guy sat down at a table and started talking about my old habits, i'd probably have told him to get lost or something.

some more advice..don't try to hide who you are. you like computers, don't be ashamed of it. you are the only person who lives your life, not everyone else. I am not saying talk about NTFS hard drive formatting, or object oriented programming when talking to a pretty women, but don't pretend you hate something you normally dont...it'll make you look fake.

 

[true|hockey]

Hmm maybe I should chime in concerning the origional post

I have ABSOLUTLY no idea what to talk about to anyone now that I have told the people around me that I don't want to talk about these things.

Seriously, I just can't think of anything worthwhile to say ... It's like I have been stuck acting this way for so long that I havn't grown past it.

Somehow I am going to have to find a way to carry on a conversation using neutral subjects that will not chase people off.

Well, I know I can do it. I can change myself from the inside out just like I have been doing all along and nothing is going to stop me. I will gain the level of social comprehension I want regardless of the difficulties.

It seems to me that most girls get extatic if you somehow are interested in aspects in their life. Usually it can be stupid mundane details, but if you act genuinly interested in where they are from and the like, you can probably make a pretty easy conversation from that. Im not saying drill them with 20 random questions, just try and build on what they tell you. If they have any interest at all, they'll easly keep the conversation going, and might even do so if they arent interested.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by true|hockey
You sound like your trying too hard to think of clever retorts to their origional question ( although I still dont understand why youd opt to sit at a table with two random guys you dont know). Had some random guy sat down at a table and started talking about my old habits, i'd probably have told him to get lost or something.

Actually, they both know me. The guy who he is rooming with now use to be an old roommate and I can't handle living with the guy because of some bad habits of his. I was inferring that any habits he has himself are going to be strongly overshadowed by the guy to an insane level of annoyance.

I probably would have been more direct if there were not two girls sitting there, but then I could have also just not said anything. It prompted one of the girls to make a statement that I was acting mysterious.

 

[So Many Ways]

Originally posted by rgeere
Me: I figure that if I subject myself to eating this stuff every day I'll become a guiness.
Me: It's my master plan.

http://home.earthlink.net/~mikerider/webpics/GuinnessBeer.jpg

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by So Many Ways
http://home.earthlink.net/~mikerider/webpics/GuinnessBeer.jpg

You are correct, beer also contains vitimin B.

I stay sober enough with spinach, though.

 

[HHloser2]

Dude so your abandoning Video games and Computers because they are "geeky"? lol thats your first mistake. You can have fun with them but dont get obseeded over them either.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by HHloser2
Dude so your abandoning Video games and Computers because they are "geeky"? lol thats your first mistake. You can have fun with them but dont get obseeded over them either.

If I abondoned computers and video games completely I would not spend my free time playing Carcasonne or posting in this forum.

What I don't like is that the guys who apparently believe that I belong in their click will not move past old ideals and maintain some self control in their own lives.

For example, they talk about subjects that scare college aged girls away from them during school activities and when in the cafeteria. I am not judging them as harsh as it may seem because I use to do the same thing, and I have come to the conclusion that its just wrong to talk about those sort of things in the presence of beautiful women.

Yes, I may come off as stuck up like these guys are cramping my style now. I completely know that, but to advance into the person I want to be it means change myself, and that could also mean a chang around in the people that I chose to associate with.

 

[evolvingnerd]

wow
this situation is very similar to mine, except i highly doubt i'm anywhere near the DJ you are

what i'm finding that works for me is, i do'nt hide the fact that i love computers, because through body language and such, i'm sure i'm revealing i'm fake

but rather, i only talk about my geeky stuff when i want to with my geeky friends

else, i talk about subjects, lecturers, movies, (damn im' boring ) with my lecture buddies, or whatever random topic they or sometimes i bring up

you have to come to terms with who you are, and who you want to be, and then adjust the amount of time u spend with the relevant friend groups

good luck

 

[FreeStyleZ]

um.. well heres some topics me and my friends talk about when together..

- Sports
- What fine girls we see in the room or around that we'd like to ****. Something like "ok, what about the girl in the front row.. far left?"
- Poker
- Cars
- Stuff that happened at the last party we went to
- Crazy **** we did the night before

- Wutever else we feel like talking about.. we dont think about it we just talk