Casual sex is no longer casual for me

Pandora

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I don't know what has changed. I am in my late 30s now and women get more attached now than ever before. I am afraid of having sex with women that I do not want to fully commit to. Sex is not casual anymore. If you fyck her well she will get attached ( as she should).

If she is healthy she will have healthy coping mechanisms to her attachment. If she is unhealthy then things will get real interesting in a bad way. When I was in my younger years I never cared or noticed. It was not a big deal if they got attached or not. I was just really horny and wanted to smash everything. I truly did not connect the dots between sex and tears. I was mostly the one getting hurt more often than not. Girls would semi ghost after sex.

Now I think and say " maybe I should not have sex with her because if she starts to fall for me its going to be a lot of tears and a broken heart. That's not cool to do to someone".

I wish I viewed sex in the same way when I was younger. I also do not remember girls getting as attached. Or maybe my sex game was not that good. Or maybe girls in their 20s have so many options that they can fight their attachment with finding another guy quickly.

Years ago I asked a co worker why he does not pursue a certain girl sexually. He told me " I know myself, if I smash she will get all crazy and attached". I did not understand what he meant. I thought he was being ****y and hyperbolic. Sure enough he was right. He passed, I smashed, and I regret it lol.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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Maybe it's the build up to the smashing that has changed?

Back then, it was no big thang. Now, are you putting more work in before hand? Maybe making a deeper connection and then smashing? Versus, before, it was just an easy come easy go for both of you?
 

Ricky

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Its the age of the women. Rollo would say the women in their 20s are riding the **** carousel but if they are in their 30s and you have your **** together they may want more

i used to always call it their egg timer going off
 

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I don't know what has changed. I am in my late 30s now and women get more attached now than ever before. I am afraid of having sex with women that I do not want to fully commit to. Sex is not casual anymore. If you fyck her well she will get attached ( as she should).

If she is healthy she will have healthy coping mechanisms to her attachment. If she is unhealthy then things will get real interesting in a bad way. When I was in my younger years I never cared or noticed. It was not a big deal if they got attached or not. I was just really horny and wanted to smash everything. I truly did not connect the dots between sex and tears. I was mostly the one getting hurt more often than not. Girls would semi ghost after sex.

Now I think and say " maybe I should not have sex with her because if she starts to fall for me its going to be a lot of tears and a broken heart. That's not cool to do to someone".

I wish I viewed sex in the same way when I was younger. I also do not remember girls getting as attached. Or maybe my sex game was not that good. Or maybe girls in their 20s have so many options that they can fight their attachment with finding another guy quickly.

Years ago I asked a co worker why he does not pursue a certain girl sexually. He told me " I know myself, if I smash she will get all crazy and attached". I did not understand what he meant. I thought he was being ****y and hyperbolic. Sure enough he was right. He passed, I smashed, and I regret it lol.
Can relate to this post, I have a neighbor and a side chick who are keen but I've been ghosting them to avoid the inevitable fallout when I pump and dump them. What ever happened to a mutual carefree relationship..........
 

zekko

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I wish I viewed sex in the same way when I was younger. I also do not remember girls getting as attached. Or maybe my sex game was not that good. Or maybe girls in their 20s have so many options that they can fight their attachment with finding another guy quickly.
Maybe your value is higher now than it was when you were younger. If you've put in any sort of work in on yourself, it should be. So the higher your value, the greater the emotional response from the girl.
 

Gamisch

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Same problem. I made a thread called taking a break from dating. But i think your OP describes it even better.

I keep running into the same situation when i use OLD for example. If I would swipe like a woman( consciously and not power right swiping) , I would hardly ever get the matches i truly want. So I power swipe, get matched with a mweh lady imo, BUT from the first sentence you can tell she is REALLY into me. And that's where the problems start.

By proceeding its like I take this burden on me on purpose. Just recently a woman flipped out on me because she felt I was stringing her along (which I did). When giving the choice not playing such a woman somehow feels better. By the way this was an age thing, while she was just slightly older than me.

After getting my own fair share of getting strung along I somehow feel more sympathy for women when I am the one doing it. Like I know what's she goes through, and its difficult to just put it aside. It's like I became more human over time.

This Bob qoute hit me hard.
20230518_140223.jpg
 
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The Duke

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I reserve the most respect for the ones I respect the most. Although its always good to consider the effect you may have on someone, you never know what they are really looking for. There are healthy minded girls out there that don't mind experiencing casual sex with someone and you might be that guy. Everyone is at different places at different times in their life.
 

zekko

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After getting my own fair share of getting strung along I somehow feel more sympathy for women when I am the one doing it. Like I know what's she goes through, and its difficult to just put it aside. It's like I became more human over time.
That's the problem with being male, it's a big disadvantage to have a soul.
:)
 

Kotaix

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I don't know what has changed. I am in my late 30s now and women get more attached now than ever before. I am afraid of having sex with women that I do not want to fully commit to. Sex is not casual anymore. If you fyck her well she will get attached ( as she should).

If she is healthy she will have healthy coping mechanisms to her attachment. If she is unhealthy then things will get real interesting in a bad way. When I was in my younger years I never cared or noticed. It was not a big deal if they got attached or not. I was just really horny and wanted to smash everything. I truly did not connect the dots between sex and tears. I was mostly the one getting hurt more often than not. Girls would semi ghost after sex.

Now I think and say " maybe I should not have sex with her because if she starts to fall for me its going to be a lot of tears and a broken heart. That's not cool to do to someone".

I wish I viewed sex in the same way when I was younger. I also do not remember girls getting as attached. Or maybe my sex game was not that good. Or maybe girls in their 20s have so many options that they can fight their attachment with finding another guy quickly.

Years ago I asked a co worker why he does not pursue a certain girl sexually. He told me " I know myself, if I smash she will get all crazy and attached". I did not understand what he meant. I thought he was being ****y and hyperbolic. Sure enough he was right. He passed, I smashed, and I regret it lol.
I have been in this position for a while, and it's partly down to the fact that I've done my share of ruining some women. It might have started with good intentions, or just from a point of just wanting to get my d!ck wet, but ended with the woman being hurt rather badly for whatever reason.

I think the men who are out there to smash as much poon as they can just to run up their ego notch count has a lot to do with the current terrible state of women.

But ultimately the blame for this lies with the birth control pill that enabled women to engage in this kind of behavior.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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Alright, enough. Listen up, gents.

Here's the thing:

Why is she getting attached?

I'll tell you why. It's because us men, as @zekko pointed out, have souls. Therefore, we are the ones who are treating these "casual" encounters as something more than they actually are.

She has needs just like we do. It ain't the 1950's, she feels it's okay to act out on those needs. Either with a dildo or some guy that will take care of those tingles without her having to open up her nights stand drawer: a dildo with a heartbeat if you will.

So, as men, what do we do when these women want to fvck us and that's it? We start doing sh1t that fvcks up the dynamic of the fb relationship. We stay over. We take them out to breakfast. We text them "how was your day?". Sh1t like that. When all they wanted to do was have someone to fvck and that's it, we start doing boyfriend type **** when we never wanted to be their boyfriend and they never wanted us to be their boyfriend. They just wanted someone to fvck. But we can't help ourselves, we are men. We do have souls. We are the protectors of civilizations. We don't get it though. The world has changed. In this scenario, it's okay to be the bad boy. That's what she wants.

 
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Just show her a good time, not just in the bedroom. Everyone wins. Women will be attached after sex outside of ONS. Hell, I invested effort and resources to take her out on dates. Sex should be a plus for both of us, not a predetermined negotiation for commitment.
 

Gamisch

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Alright, enough. Listen up, gents.

Here's the thing:

Why is she getting attached?

I'll tell you why. It's because us men, as @zekko pointed out, have souls. Therefore, we are the ones who are treating these "casual" encounters as something more than they actually are.

She has needs just like we do. It ain't the 1950's, she feels it's okay to act out on those needs. Either with a dildo or some guy that will take care of those tingles without her having to open up her nights stand drawer: a dildo with a heartbeat if you will.

So, as men, what do we do when these women want to fvck us and that's it? We start doing sh1t that fvcks up the dynamic of the fb relationship. We stay over. We take them out to breakfast. We text them "how was your day?". Sh1t like that. When all they wanted to do was have someone to fvck and that's it, we start doing boyfriend type **** when we never wanted to be their boyfriend and they never wanted us to be their boyfriend. They just wanted someone to fvck. But we can't help ourselves, we are men. We do have souls. We are the protectors of civilizations. We don't get it though. The world has changed. In this scenario, it's okay to be the bad boy. That's what she wants.

Spot on. One of the hottest woman I had started out as casual as possible. She was a young hot girl intrigued by me. Cool. 6 months and many feck marathons later it was ME who got attached. After a night out I drunkenly confessed my feelings tor her. Two weeks later she was gone.

Every time when a relationship that I cared for ends I need to tell myself;" she was just a woman, just a mami who smiled at you, a stranger. Now she's the whole world. Lets get back to her being just a mami, a stanger".
 

Bingo-Player

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Its the age of the women. Rollo would say the women in their 20s are riding the **** carousel but if they are in their 30s and you have your **** together they may want more

i used to always call it their egg timer going off
Yeh of course I mean most women have a much shorter shelf life than a man , they find it indefinitely harder to keep their weight down to start with

I don't come across many 40 year old women and think to myself "Jesus I want a bit of her"

On top of that its not really socially acceptable for an older woman to date a younger man , it just doesn't happen so they are heavily restricted to either dating their own age or older

Its strange though because not many 30 year old women won't want a 40+ year old man , they will primarily want someone their own age to have kids with which narrows the pool even more

Women are acutely aware of this and once they get into their 30's and are still single that ticker starts getting louder and louder
 
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Peaks&Valleys

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Spot on. One of the hottest woman I had started out as casual as possible. She was a young hot girl intrigued by me. Cool. 6 months and many feck marathons later it was ME who got attached. After a night out I drunkenly confessed my feelings tor her. Two weeks later she was gone.
Yep yep yep.

When I originally wrote that other thread I linked to the post, I had just ended it with one of my plates who was my Thursday nighter (soft 7). One of the few times in my life I had one designated night of the week to hang out with a certain chick. And it was solid. She had no qualms about having me over only once a week and, at the time, I had two other plates that were low maintenance so I was happy to oblige. Met her off Tinder and originally banged her within about an hour or two of meeting her at her place, and that was the foundation of our relationship, banging. However, because of the distance (45 minute drive) and the fact that we'd (me) usually drink, I'd end up staying over. Then it gradually expanded from there. I'd come earlier to eat dinner, stay a while in the morning for breakfast. But as soon as that started happening, the sexual attraction started to disappear. Something you'd think would help the relationship actually killed it. Then it just ended. One week I didn't reach out to her and she didn't reach out to me. And that was it.
 

Pandora

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Maybe it's the build up to the smashing that has changed?

Back then, it was no big thang. Now, are you putting more work in before hand? Maybe making a deeper connection and then smashing? Versus, before, it was just an easy come easy go for both of you?
Yes I agree about the connection. I am better at creating a deeper connection with the female than I was in my 20s. By the time a man gets in his late 30s he should have honed in on what works for him. That is at least 20 yrs of dealing with women.
 

Pandora

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Can relate to this post, I have a neighbor and a side chick who are keen but I've been ghosting them to avoid the inevitable fallout when I pump and dump them. What ever happened to a mutual carefree relationship..........
Exactly bro. The tears to vagina ratio is not worth it. You know the tears will happen when you stop "dating" them. What are the ages of these girls. If they are in their 30s they will definately give you drama. A 20 yr old will just go find another guy lol.
 

Pandora

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It's also possible that you are so much better in bed now than when you were younger so the women just can't get enough of you ;)
Yes this is probably true for most men in their 30s. This is 100% part of the reason they get more attached.

By the time a guy is in his middle age his sex game will be drastically more well rounded than it was in his 20s.
 

Pandora

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Maybe your value is higher now than it was when you were younger. If you've put in any sort of work in on yourself, it should be. So the higher your value, the greater the emotional response from the girl.
Yeh that could be it. I have more money now. I can take them to better places and not stress too much. I am funnier. I am not as handsome but I am more interesting to talk to now. Older guys were not joking when they said it gets better in your 30s. What is your opinion on this Zekko?
 
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