"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

casual coffee internet meeting problem

pete101

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
1,030
Reaction score
8
i was suppose to meet this HB yesterday for a casual coffee meet up, i met her from the internet but she refused to give me her number citing that back in the day people were able to get by without the need to exchange numbers so she was sure we could manage too..

i accepted this but provided mine so that she could call me on the day when she got there with the caller id blocked. she did not see this message till a few days after i sent it.

we arranged this coffee meet up over a week ago and she doesn't come on facebook very often so i did not expect her to remember since it's been 7 days ago unless her interest level was really really high.

long story short she didn't turn up and didn't even make an effort to let me know in advance she wasn't coming.

i get a msg from her a few hours after we were suppose to meet that she couldnt' make it and something came up.. i proceeded to send a msg back giving her some grief about not even letting me know and that she should have confirmed it with me yesterday or made an effort to come on FB to do so.

obviously i can't give someone so much grief who i've never met before but i feel like if i let her get away with this i'll be a major AFC. she did counter offer with another time after she got back from holiday next week but it was more a casual 'let's do this after next week i'll let you know' type offers which don't really mean sh1t.

how should i respond to this sort of actions?
im trying my best not to give much grief but i dont know what to say to make it sound like that i will not accept this kind of behaviour.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

Mavrick

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 1, 2008
Messages
902
Reaction score
43
You know what was AFC? It was the fact that you gave her grief about not showing up. You should have told her that you forgot about it and didn't show up either, or you should have told her that you were there for about 15 minutes, and you left. Then you should have proceeded to tell her that it's all good, and you went out with another chick.

She should be making the move now. There shouldn't been any plans for a second date unless she's initiated it and wants to make it up to you.
 

SickAgain

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 9, 2007
Messages
414
Reaction score
11
Location
Orange County
I had a similar incident occur to me. My case: she said she's down to kick it, when i call her to come kick it, she doesn't pick up phone or respond to e-mail.

My take: either they like to lead guys on or they're just nervous about meeting strangers online. I'm gonna give mine one more try after a week. In your case, I think she lost her chance, but it may be worth one more shot.
 

Mavrick

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 1, 2008
Messages
902
Reaction score
43
He lost his chance by being reactive and not showing any value.
 

JackPrescott

Banned
Joined
Apr 19, 2005
Messages
860
Reaction score
7
pete101 said:
i was suppose to meet this HB yesterday for a casual coffee meet up, i met her from the internet but she refused to give me her number citing that back in the day people were able to get by without the need to exchange numbers so she was sure we could manage too..

i accepted this but provided mine so that she could call me on the day when she got there with the caller id blocked. she did not see this message till a few days after i sent it.

we arranged this coffee meet up over a week ago and she doesn't come on facebook very often so i did not expect her to remember since it's been 7 days ago unless her interest level was really really high.

long story short she didn't turn up and didn't even make an effort to let me know in advance she wasn't coming.

i get a msg from her a few hours after we were suppose to meet that she couldnt' make it and something came up.. i proceeded to send a msg back giving her some grief about not even letting me know and that she should have confirmed it with me yesterday or made an effort to come on FB to do so.

obviously i can't give someone so much grief who i've never met before but i feel like if i let her get away with this i'll be a major AFC. she did counter offer with another time after she got back from holiday next week but it was more a casual 'let's do this after next week i'll let you know' type offers which don't really mean sh1t.

how should i respond to this sort of actions?
im trying my best not to give much grief but i dont know what to say to make it sound like that i will not accept this kind of behaviour.
Congrats, you got FLAKED. This woman has no sexual interest in you. She is playing internet site games.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

pete101

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
1,030
Reaction score
8
JackPrescott said:
Congrats, you got FLAKED. This woman has no sexual interest in you. She is playing internet site games.
yeah that's what i thought. i guess with internet chicks there's a higher incidence of them flaking because well.. it's so easy for them to do it.

i thought about the saying i didnt show either but thought i should try to establish my boundaries clear that it's appropriate to let someone know you're not coming.
 

MacAvoy

Banned
Joined
May 10, 2003
Messages
2,940
Reaction score
35
Location
Northern Ontario
Pete, I've got a question for you.

If she's not that interested in you, why are you wasting your time chasing someone who doesn't like you? Do you really want a relationship with a women who doesn't like you enough to keep her plans with you, which will lead to her disrespecting you in the future because she doesn't like you that much?

Flaking is a direct result of LOW IL. Its because you didn't create attraction when you were interacting with her up to that point. So stop focussing on the flake and focus on what your doing wrong. Step up your game gentelmen.

In this case, your biggest mistake was making plans so far in the future with no follow up prior. Your insticts told you she was going to flake so you should have either followed up or not went.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
pete101 said:
...how should i respond to this sort of actions?
im trying my best not to give much grief but i dont know what to say to make it sound like that i will not accept this kind of behaviour.
Qualify, qualify, qualify. Women who are interested won't flake unless it is an emergency. You are in no place to demand the behavior of someone you barely know either. It's you're choice whether to accept it or move on just like it was her choice to show up or not. No need to get upset about it, you don't even know her.
 
Top