"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

can't get into conversation

hope7

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jul 14, 2006
Messages
265
Reaction score
5
I just can't get into the conversation. . . . .

Im trying to make friends (i don't have any close friends right now).
Whenever im with a group of people, I feel like I don't anything to add to the conversation. I just sorta sit there waiting for an oppurtunity to talk.

Has anyone else felt this way. Anything I can do to change my mentallity.
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

Read more...

deano

New Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2006
Messages
5
Reaction score
0
Location
bradford united kingdom
hey there mate
i had a simular issue
what i did was:
1. talk to evrybody who i met no matter how unconfertable i felt
2. watched ALLOT of stnd up comedy
3. allways made sure i dressed well looking good on the outside makes you feel good on the inside

listion mate just talk to as amny people as you can keep firm eye contact whilst doing so, not matter how unconfertable you feel within a few weeks you be ok
hte stand up comedy helps allot, gives you a ton of jokes to lighten the mood!

hope this helps
(pardon the spelling moistakes)
 

nyc123

Don Juan
Joined
Aug 13, 2006
Messages
74
Reaction score
6
Location
queens ny
just be confident about yourself. if you have interests that are similar to other peoples then you will easily make friends. having similar interests means easier conversations
 

Doggystyle

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Aug 20, 2005
Messages
374
Reaction score
4
really really listen to what the people are saying, this should give you all sorts of conversational threads to go off

boring example:
someone in group: i went swimming the other day
you: i love going swimming, i've been going 3 times a week, my shoulders are absolutely aching!

do a search on spirit fingers post called, complete guide to vibing, i'd post a link but can't work out how!
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

Read more...

squirrels

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 15, 2003
Messages
6,620
Reaction score
186
Age
47
Location
A universe...where heartbreak and sadness have bee
hope7 said:
I just can't get into the conversation. . . . .

Im trying to make friends (i don't have any close friends right now).
Whenever im with a group of people, I feel like I don't anything to add to the conversation. I just sorta sit there waiting for an oppurtunity to talk.

Has anyone else felt this way. Anything I can do to change my mentallity.
You have something to add. Unless it's something very specific. What kind of convos? Give an example.
 

Ol'BlueEyes

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
389
Reaction score
0
Age
48
Location
The towner
be interrogative

I just can't get into the conversation. . . . .

Im trying to make friends (i don't have any close friends right now).
Whenever im with a group of people, I feel like I don't anything to add to the conversation. I just sorta sit there waiting for an oppurtunity to talk.
You don't need to add anything or try to be an expert to impress them into being friends with you. If they're talking about something you know nothing about, ask tons of questions rather than make statements. Don't say, "I've never done that/went there or I don't know him/her." These are conversation killers.
 

SamePendo

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 30, 2003
Messages
2,393
Reaction score
14
Location
At home
I personally suck at making conversation with a group. Now, something that is very easy is when it's talking about you, since, well, you talk and talk. I'd advice you to go 1 on 1, and make ... friends ... that way. Babysteps, you'll probably won't be able to make conversation with a group if you can't with an individual.
 

Hitman10000

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
602
Reaction score
9
Go to the library there are plenty of books on how to communicate effectively.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

Read more...

Quiksilver

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 30, 2006
Messages
2,813
Reaction score
55
When there's a big enough pause in the conversation(one topic is dying down and another is beginning), start your own topic.

Example:

person1: so yeah, that [whatever] was pretty funny back there...
everyone else: Haha yeah...

[PAUSE]

You: so did any of you guys see that new movie that's come out?

this should start the convo in a new direction under your control. hint: try to make it a topic that you are genuinely interested in, this will ensure that you remain 'in' the convo and don't get butted out by people that are just talking loud and making noise.

Also, watch the news and keep track of sports scores, etc...this'll give some nice convo's with you again as the 'lead man'.

Talking loudly works too.

If it's a social setting, don't be afraid to shut someone down if they say something stupid(in a joking way of course). This generally gets a laugh out of the rest of your buddies and sends out the 'dominance' vibe.

If you're all just milling around hanging out somewhere, take physical control of the group by suggesting going somewhere/doing something more fun, etc. Think of something decent while you aren't talking, and suggest it in a commanding tone in one of those pauses i talked about above.

Try to refrain from too many questions or you'll get bumped down the social ladder and it gives people a chance to act condescending towards you.

Be the man with the plan! act like a leader, not a follower(do what YOU want to do, not what THEY want to)...and people will follow if they think your idea would be more fun.


FYI this all comes from experience, there's no philosophical bull**** in there.

and one more thing that I thought of, because you're gunna be pretty new to these people you're meeting: because you're the new guy, they're gonna be testing you...giving you verbal punches, etc..generally not respecting you fully yet. For a situation like this, draw a line for yourself somewhere between Not taking **** from ANYBODY, to not being an uptight bastard who can't take a joke.

Play it cool.
 
Top