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Cancellation guilt

BJP1991

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I had to cancel a date today. It was a 2nd date for apps and drinks/pool afterward. Turns out I had a super long work day and stomach issues all day - bottom line is I don’t feel like I can be 100% present /in the moment in the date, so I cancelled and offered her to pick a day next week if she’s interested in rescheduling.

I feel super guilty. I also am somewhat a believer in bad karma when it comes to cancelling plans. Is being burnt out from a stressful workday and feeling rough stomach-wise a decent enough reason to cancel? I always try to keep my word and hold dates, but I had to cancel one tonight. With my later than usual workday, it would be a massive rush for me to run home, get ready, then go back down to the city to pick her up.

Am I overthinking this? I really just don’t wanna show up and have it be plainly obvious that I had a stressful day and am not feeling 100% with it.
 

LARaiders85

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Do you feel GUILTY or do you feel fear of losing her? Not sure why you would feel guilty considering she has cancelled on dozens if not hundreds of dates.
 

BJP1991

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Do you feel GUILTY or do you feel fear of losing her? Not sure why you would feel guilty considering she has cancelled on dozens if not hundreds of dates.
Fair question. I don’t fear losing her at all, she isn’t the only girl I’m seeing. I feel guilty because I know how it feels to be on the other side of this and get cancelled on. I also feel guilty because I hate making plans only to cancel on them for personal reasons. And I’m sure you’re probably right - people cancel dates all the time for reasons lesser than mine today. She’s never cancelled on me personally and I value and respect her time in addition to my own.
 

LARaiders85

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Fair question. I don’t fear losing her at all, she isn’t the only girl I’m seeing. I feel guilty because I know how it feels to be on the other side of this and get cancelled on. I also feel guilty because I hate making plans only to cancel on them for personal reasons. And I’m sure you’re probably right - people cancel dates all the time for reasons lesser than mine today. She’s never cancelled on me personally and I value and respect her time in addition to my own.
Empathy is commendable, but your empathy is false in this situation because it ignores the status quo and sporting nature of the beast.
 

EyeBRollin

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You should not ever feel guilty about cancelling with a woman. Do they feel guilty about cancelling on you?

However, your counter offer was improper. If you cancel a date, the onus is on you to reschedule, not her.

“Hey, unfortunately I have to reschedule our date. Can you meet on <Thursday> at <7:30> instead?

Don’t be surprised if she ghosts, denies your counteroffer, or simply revenge flakes on you. Women cannot handle rejection. Do not cancel your own dates unless you are content with losing the girl completely.
 

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Dr.Suave

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Dont feel guity. Girls cancel dates all the time.
 

Robert28

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I had a woman cancel a second date with me with a vague “can we reschedule?” offer. Sure why not. She continues texting me for a week but never brings up going out again and then falls off. Months later she hits me up and I mentioned it, she claims “I guess I got it in my head that you should have asked me out again even though I had to cancel.” Yeah, I was done with her after that.lol
 

EyeBRollin

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I had a woman cancel a second date with me with a vague “can we reschedule?” offer. Sure why not. She continues texting me for a week but never brings up going out again and then falls off. Months later she hits me up and I mentioned it, she claims “I guess I got it in my head that you should have asked me out again even though I had to cancel.” Yeah, I was done with her after that.lol
She was correct. That was a counter offer yet you did nothing with it.

Men, women don’t want to plan dates. That’s your job.
 

Robert28

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She was correct. That was a counter offer yet you did nothing with it.

Men, women don’t want to plan dates. That’s your job.
Fvck that. I’m not rescheduling a date SHE cancelled. If she wanted to give me an exact time and date she could have. If she was waiting on me to ask “so when you want to go mount again?” she’s gonna be waiting a long time. You cancel on me, you better be the one to set it up next time. I’m not asking you out again if you cancel on me.
 

EyeBRollin

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Fvck that. I’m not rescheduling a date SHE cancelled. If she wanted to give me an exact time and date she could have. If she was waiting on me to ask “so when you want to go mount again?” she’s gonna be waiting a long time. You cancel on me, you better be the one to set it up next time. I’m not asking you out again if you cancel on me.
She did counteroffer. It was in woman-ese. This is how they operate. If you expect a woman to plan the date you are leaving a lot of ass on the table. Your ego threw away this opportunity.
 

Robert28

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She did counteroffer. It was in woman-ese. This is how they operate. If you expect a woman to plan the date you are leaving a lot of ass on the table. Your ego threw away this opportunity.
Nope. Where I come
from, if you cancel, you reschedule by giving me a day you’re free and want to see me and I’ll plan the rest, unless you throw out an idea first. I’ve been canceled on the day of the date before, I’ve had this happen and I’ve had it happen where the woman was asking me the next day or couple of days “are you free this weekend to make up our date the other day?”.
 

EyeBRollin

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Nope. Where I come
from, if you cancel, you reschedule by giving me a day you’re free and want to see me and I’ll plan the rest, unless you throw out an idea first. I’ve been canceled on the day of the date before, I’ve had this happen and I’ve had it happen where the woman was asking me the next day or couple of days “are you free this weekend to make up our date the other day?”.
Low probability. It leaves ass on the table. It’s cool though, Chad will bang her out.
 

Robert28

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Low probability. It leaves ass on the table. It’s cool though, Chad will bang her out.
Ha! If she cancels on Chad he’s damn sure not waiting around to ask her out again or for her to bring it up.
 

bat soup

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I had to cancel a date today. It was a 2nd date for apps and drinks/pool afterward. Turns out I had a super long work day and stomach issues all day - bottom line is I don’t feel like I can be 100% present /in the moment in the date, so I cancelled and offered her to pick a day next week if she’s interested in rescheduling.

I feel super guilty. I also am somewhat a believer in bad karma when it comes to cancelling plans. Is being burnt out from a stressful workday and feeling rough stomach-wise a decent enough reason to cancel? I always try to keep my word and hold dates, but I had to cancel one tonight. With my later than usual workday, it would be a massive rush for me to run home, get ready, then go back down to the city to pick her up.

Am I overthinking this? I really just don’t wanna show up and have it be plainly obvious that I had a stressful day and am not feeling 100% with it.
It's better to cancel when you feel unwell.
I once made the mistake of going on a date when I felt like shiiit and all I did was mess up the situation irreparably.

Just one time you're not on top form is enough for a woman to get the wrong "feeling" and then you're screwed.
 

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BJP1991

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It's better to cancel when you feel unwell.
I once made the mistake of going on a date when I felt like shiiit and all I did was mess up the situation irreparably.

Just one time you're not on top form is enough for a woman to get the wrong "feeling" and then you're screwed.
My thoughts exactly. She been texting me today so I’m not worried
 

Bokanovsky

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She was correct. That was a counter offer yet you did nothing with it.
Dislike.

When a woman wants to counteroffer, she will make a specific counteroffer. When a woman wants to play games, she will give you a vague "woman-ese" version of a counteroffer.

Men, women don’t want to plan dates. That’s your job.
True. If you're perceived as low value or she has low interest for some other reason, she will play games and leave it up to you to chase. However, if she actually wants to meet, she will not pull a stunt like this.
 
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EyeBRollin

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When a woman wants to counteroffer, she will make a specific counteroffer.
You can argue what you think it should be, but it’s not reality. She made a counter offer, he did nothing with it. A month later she says exactly what I’m telling you women do- They expect the man to make all dates. Even on a counter offer. That’s how they are hardwired. It’s not going to change.
 

Bokanovsky

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You can argue what you think it should be, but it’s not reality. She made a counter offer, he did nothing with it. A month later she says exactly what I’m telling you women do- They expect the man to make all dates. Even on a counter offer. That’s how they are hardwired. It’s not going to change.
I'm going based off personal experience. This is my reality. It may be that your reality is different. Given your "everything is a man's job" attitude, I wouldn't be surprised.
 
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