Re:
The majority of these posts are guys hoping for a PERFECT, SURE thing, as if it exists. Can we agree it doesn't?
Guys, even we're not perfect, and as much as you DO NOT want to be hurt by a woman, or figure if she isn't perfect, you won't committ, you must first live by your principles and values, for yourself, SO IN THE EVENT you're blind-sided for whatever, you can prepare and be ready to move on.
Too many people, even young guys not yet married, believe in the permanence of the relationship. Or are so SHOCKED when something goes awry, they become immobile. This isn't to say that you have to be "negative", but just be watchful.
People in my family I never thought would divorce have. An uncle who was like a second father had told me in HIS words, "he was only separating for a little to get straight after a DUI." This was 2 summers ago and he was the President of a Local Boston Firm. Only months later he files for divorce, and on VALENTINE's day, it's complete. Here's a guy who has 4 children, a multil million dollar firm, and what appear to be 1 of the strongest marriages we felt possible, and he's divorced his wife and 4 kids. He can be found on Match.com now.
So does life change? Absolutely. Most people can't accept that or deal with it, because they act as if it will never happen. And that was the crux of my other thread. Change happens on all fronts, it is so slow that by the time it sets it, it's too late.
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The things is, and I can see where friv is getting frustrated in other posts, is that you have 100% responsibility, and I mean that COMPLETELY. In the beginning, you say "yeah well, I get it, and I'll care, and I'll watch out, and if something happens, at least I know it can." BUT IT CAN.
Sometimes we want to attribute a woman being so quiet or distant as being upset over a recent fight, or stressed out, or worse, depressed. But over a long-enough time period, it could be more than that, and the fault lies in the fact that "men just accept that." Maybe it's selfish, but if you're constantly evaluting if a relationship is making you happy and if you're on a good course, you'll be more aware. Just like you would do with work or with finances. At least this way you're not surprised by anything.
Looking back, the times I was most shocked by a break up was when I LOST SIGHT OF MY OWN HAPPINESS. Why? Because normally when a person is becoming distant, or changes are around the corner, a woman WILL act different. Maybes there's less sex. Or her schedule changes. Or she's not affectionate or excited when she's around you. Or her favorite things are done and gone. Whatever it maybe, it becomes a slow changing process, and one day you "just accept that this is what happens." NO! It doesn't.
Ever see the vast amount of threads about guys who allow their woman to hang with totally new guys? Or booze it loads of nights now? Or she's UNSEXUAL (wrong word)? Or she's NOT affectionate? Or she's...whatever?
THESE are critical things! Seriously. They are. Aren't they the BASIS for getting together? You're better off hearing "you're not affectionate anymore" because it demonstrates she's desiring of it, then "i found someone new." And if you WAIT too long to correct something, knowing how ladies are with their emotions, it will tip past the turning point.
SO DO NOT LET IT HAPPEN!
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Alot of this deals with the EASY American culture we have. And I'll be bold and say, the WORST situations in America are BETTER than MOST situations in other countries. We forget where we came from and what we have before us. We forget how the world is outside the walls and conspiracy theorists, and terrorists and idealists (myself included). That there's murder, rape, kidnappings, no health care, low birth counts, poverty, war, disease, no wealth, no political stability, no economy.
And sure you might say "well I can move to XYZ country." Fine and Dandy. BUT HAD you not been BORN in the US, Canada or say Europe or Australia, IT MIGHT NOT BE POSSIBLE to move in the first place. Because if you couldn't amass any wealth to move, you'd be living a pipe dream of titanic proportions.
YES, women and even men, are OVER-priviledged in our country. What is common PLACE here, is REALLY a luxury in another country, and that in and of itself creates EGOTISTICAL MONSTERS. We're all a bunch of dumb apes, crying over the creatures of life, trying to feed our fragile egos, because most people are unsure in 1 way or another.
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To me ALOT of the heart-ache, especially of the BAD BOY SYNDROME hinges on that DREAMY aspect we have. Alot of us have big dreams, of grand women. We're told to be specific, and when it walks in to our life, seize it. We've all dayed hoards of women. I've dated a few I felt walked right out of a PORNO dream, and while I dated them, wondering if they'd come around, it never happened. Sure, we'd hook up now and then and go on dates, but the nature of the relationship never progressed.
People who drop their family or even just drop their life do much the same thing. It's ok to do, just pay the penalties if any come to fruition. Same goes for guys dating slvts here. Just know you can't turn a hoe into a housewife.
Really, you'll never have a good relationship with a woman UNLESS she succumbs to you leading, because her flightly, flaky nature will keep you in a rollercoaster of emotion, so you'll never know if you're together, or not. And so unless a woman can sort of settle down, and you can find trust in her, it's worthless. Yeah, she might come around, but let her PROVE it, through doing, NOT JUST saying. Lots of girls will pop back into your lives, but just because they do, and they promise to CHANGE, give it time. Let it be months or even a year before you CHANGE your judgement on them.
I've done it quite often. Many girls fall off the face of the earth, then they come back months later "realizing" things, promising changes, regretting leaving. They're nostalgic for the past, but that's just it, the time has past, and new memories formed. She expects it to be different, or the same, but guess what, it's the PEOPLE who remain the same, who cares about the relationship. And that's just it. Relationships are TEMPORARY, people are PERMANENT.
If you find a girl who's GOOD at the core, you can work with, CHANGE with, and GROW with, you can have a long-term relationship. But if your relationship is only built on EXTERNAL things of today, it will dissolve the minute 1 of you changes.
The most basic example is friendships. Very often they're built on mutual interests. It's a given that they are good people, but you spend time with a friend normally because of commonality. When those things change, so does the relationship. Sure you might keep in touch, but you're not the same relationship.
Same with women. In High School, you have girlfriends you date. When it ends, meaning High School, normally going to College is enough to end the relationship because the commonality ends. You don't frequent the same parties, have the same interests, or same scene around you. If you invest lots of time into each other, say on the weekends, it might fly, but you'll still have to be part of each other's worlds to maintain that relationship.
As you progress beyond college, even more drastic changes occur. The first major job or career. Moving out. Bills. Moving around the country. Etc. That's the time, where couples can stick together because there's more freedom, your'e a bit more grown and have the opportunity to be together more.
Don't worry, be happy.
A-Unit
