Hey guys, new to the forum here, but I have enjoyed many of the articles on this sight. I kind of need some tailored advice though.
A bit about my personality when it comes to dating first...I have been rather shy most of my life, but lately I have been working on that and it has been improving. I can approach, start, and hold conversations with someone of interest without too much trouble, for instance. Also, I tend to think of myself as a bit of a high roller, in the fact that I am somewhat choosey with who I like to go for, and tend to find myself in the dilemma of putting "all my eggs in one basket". Nevertheless, this is just part of who I am...
On the the situation at hand. I met this girl freshman year of college, gorgeous, and with a very cool personality. I had a thing for her on and off a couple times, but just let it pass. Anyway, I hadn't seen her much in awhile, but we started talking indirectly more often during the Fall 2011 semester. We agreed to hang out one night, and it went fairly well. By this point, I knew some feelings were starting to surface again. Only this time, I convinced myself that I wanted to act on them. I tried casually inviting her places within a group of our friends, but scheduling just never seemed to work out. We didn't hang again in a group until a month and a half later.
Over winter break, we texted quite a bit, and nearly never ran out of anything to talk about, and had fairly interesting conversations. It was at this point we discussed ideas for group outtings the coming semester, and she even expressed interest in me meeting a family member of hers...
The new semester rolls around. And within the first week of being back at school, I begin subtly hinting that we should hang out, but she doesn't seem to catch on. Midweek, after I contacted her, she asks me to come kill time with her between classes. I did.
Over the next few weeks I make a point to ask her here and there to come hang out on campus, again, our timing doesn't line up well. Finally, in February, we agree to a group adventure. Only she cancels coming...first time was definitely a legitimate reason, she even apologized for not making it. Next time she is tied up as well, and the time after that, and the time after that she claims she does not feel well. After reading articles on this site, I honestly believe this is where my first mistake was made...making myself too readily available. The reason I had been so persistent though, is because this is when I decided I finally wanted to wait no longer to ask her out on a date.
I did ask her, and urged her to be honest, as to whether or not my persistence was just that or if she felt I was being pushy. And that if she did not want to hang out, and was rescheduling to put it off, to just come clean about it. She convinced me that this was not the case.
Exasperated at the fact we were not seeing eachother in person so I could make my move, I ended up writing a letter...this is where I may have committed two, even three more mistakes...in the letter, I came clean about why I had been so persistent about hanging out, and putting forth the scenario of how I had wished to ask her out. I said, I didn't expect anything too serious to just erupt, I wanted to get to know her better and see if there may be anything between us.......... -_- Also, had a bag of peanut butter m&m's (inside joke). double -_-
So, I went to her house, to deliver these, however, she was there. She invited me inside and we talked for a few minutes. I gave her the m&m's, and she seemed gracious I suppose...but I left the note in the bag. After we were done talking, I told her I would let her get back to studying, and as I was leaving I asked her if she would like to see a movie with me this weekend. She very quickly said, "yes, that would be awesome." Just that she would have to check her availability at work. On the way out, I added, "as a date." Just to make sure this wasn't turning into a friendzone hangout or something...and her response was, "*slight pause* umm, yeah."
I texted her later that night while I was at a party, and she read my note. She said: I am flattered that you want to get to know me better, and think you're a pretty awesome guy as well. I am totally down to go to the movies, however, this weekend won't work. I just need you to know where I stand. I actually have this thing with a friend back home and have no desire to get involved with anyone else on a more than friendly basis.
So...she seemed sincere. I expressed that I was a bit disappointed, but appreciated her honesty. She thanked me for understanding, and continued talking to me for a bit, before going to bed.
I had a strictly non dating related question to ask her today, which I did. She responded normally as if nothing happened. Then I texted her nonchalantly about alternative times to go to the movie. (After the movie, I planned on backing off for awhile.) I have yet to get a response, though she said quite clearly she still wanted to go.....
So...just how bad is it??? My goals right now are to try and move on, if I find someone new, great. Getting friendzoned is the last thing I want, but if I can still keep this girl in my life at arms length, I would want just that. My feelings unfortunately, run a long term course for the most part. I am open minded about meeting someone new, however, I want my soon-to-be-acquired suave skills to help me level the playing field, and potentially create another opportunity in the future, if my feelings stick, or resurface some day. I don't want her gone for good.
Thanks to anyone who reads and replies to this long-winded post.
A bit about my personality when it comes to dating first...I have been rather shy most of my life, but lately I have been working on that and it has been improving. I can approach, start, and hold conversations with someone of interest without too much trouble, for instance. Also, I tend to think of myself as a bit of a high roller, in the fact that I am somewhat choosey with who I like to go for, and tend to find myself in the dilemma of putting "all my eggs in one basket". Nevertheless, this is just part of who I am...
On the the situation at hand. I met this girl freshman year of college, gorgeous, and with a very cool personality. I had a thing for her on and off a couple times, but just let it pass. Anyway, I hadn't seen her much in awhile, but we started talking indirectly more often during the Fall 2011 semester. We agreed to hang out one night, and it went fairly well. By this point, I knew some feelings were starting to surface again. Only this time, I convinced myself that I wanted to act on them. I tried casually inviting her places within a group of our friends, but scheduling just never seemed to work out. We didn't hang again in a group until a month and a half later.
Over winter break, we texted quite a bit, and nearly never ran out of anything to talk about, and had fairly interesting conversations. It was at this point we discussed ideas for group outtings the coming semester, and she even expressed interest in me meeting a family member of hers...
The new semester rolls around. And within the first week of being back at school, I begin subtly hinting that we should hang out, but she doesn't seem to catch on. Midweek, after I contacted her, she asks me to come kill time with her between classes. I did.
Over the next few weeks I make a point to ask her here and there to come hang out on campus, again, our timing doesn't line up well. Finally, in February, we agree to a group adventure. Only she cancels coming...first time was definitely a legitimate reason, she even apologized for not making it. Next time she is tied up as well, and the time after that, and the time after that she claims she does not feel well. After reading articles on this site, I honestly believe this is where my first mistake was made...making myself too readily available. The reason I had been so persistent though, is because this is when I decided I finally wanted to wait no longer to ask her out on a date.
I did ask her, and urged her to be honest, as to whether or not my persistence was just that or if she felt I was being pushy. And that if she did not want to hang out, and was rescheduling to put it off, to just come clean about it. She convinced me that this was not the case.
Exasperated at the fact we were not seeing eachother in person so I could make my move, I ended up writing a letter...this is where I may have committed two, even three more mistakes...in the letter, I came clean about why I had been so persistent about hanging out, and putting forth the scenario of how I had wished to ask her out. I said, I didn't expect anything too serious to just erupt, I wanted to get to know her better and see if there may be anything between us.......... -_- Also, had a bag of peanut butter m&m's (inside joke). double -_-
So, I went to her house, to deliver these, however, she was there. She invited me inside and we talked for a few minutes. I gave her the m&m's, and she seemed gracious I suppose...but I left the note in the bag. After we were done talking, I told her I would let her get back to studying, and as I was leaving I asked her if she would like to see a movie with me this weekend. She very quickly said, "yes, that would be awesome." Just that she would have to check her availability at work. On the way out, I added, "as a date." Just to make sure this wasn't turning into a friendzone hangout or something...and her response was, "*slight pause* umm, yeah."
I texted her later that night while I was at a party, and she read my note. She said: I am flattered that you want to get to know me better, and think you're a pretty awesome guy as well. I am totally down to go to the movies, however, this weekend won't work. I just need you to know where I stand. I actually have this thing with a friend back home and have no desire to get involved with anyone else on a more than friendly basis.
So...she seemed sincere. I expressed that I was a bit disappointed, but appreciated her honesty. She thanked me for understanding, and continued talking to me for a bit, before going to bed.
I had a strictly non dating related question to ask her today, which I did. She responded normally as if nothing happened. Then I texted her nonchalantly about alternative times to go to the movie. (After the movie, I planned on backing off for awhile.) I have yet to get a response, though she said quite clearly she still wanted to go.....
So...just how bad is it??? My goals right now are to try and move on, if I find someone new, great. Getting friendzoned is the last thing I want, but if I can still keep this girl in my life at arms length, I would want just that. My feelings unfortunately, run a long term course for the most part. I am open minded about meeting someone new, however, I want my soon-to-be-acquired suave skills to help me level the playing field, and potentially create another opportunity in the future, if my feelings stick, or resurface some day. I don't want her gone for good.
Thanks to anyone who reads and replies to this long-winded post.
