Can sex for a woman be very good without an orgasm?

[lizardking82]

BASICALLY.

 

[lizardking82]

Is sex enjoyable without an orgasm? That is the question.

 

[sazc]

"very good"? Depends on why there was no orgasm.

Is it because she doesn't know how/can't?

Is it because she isn't trying to have one?

Is it because he is a selfish lover?

I'll answer in terms of me. Mind you, I'm an LTR kind of girl. I don't do random sex or FWB. I know how to have one and I'm not afraid to go after one. That said, sometimes it's all about him and/or it's just not going to happen for me. There are the situations when I won't have one. These are "one offs". Yes, being with my man without having an orgasm, the sex is still good for me because he's getting pleasure.

There is no one simple answer to this question. If a woman hasn't ever had an orgasm, or funds it difficult to have one, she may be happy enough to just have sex and let that feel good. II mean, I does feel good.

BUT I would say that, if a woman has had an orgasm before, and you are not giving her one consistently, or she finds it hard to have one with you, she's going to get frustrated eventually.

 

[lizardking82]

"very good"? Depends on why there was no orgasm.

Is it because she doesn't know how/can't?

Is it because she isn't trying to have one?

Is it because he is a selfish lover?

I'll answer in terms of me. Mind you, I'm an LTR kind of girl. I don't do random sex or FWB. I know how to have one and I'm not afraid to go after one. That said, sometimes it's all about him and/or it's just not going to happen for me. There are the situations when I won't have one. These are "one offs". Yes, being with my man without having an orgasm, the sex is still good for me because he's getting pleasure.

There is no one simple answer to this question. If a woman hasn't ever had an orgasm, or funds it difficult to have one, she may be happy enough to just have sex and let that feel good. II mean, I does feel good.

BUT I would say that, if a woman has had an orgasm before, and you are not giving her one consistently, or she finds it hard to have one with you, she's going to get frustrated eventually.

I know cases where the woman has her own mentaly psyche that no matter how good the sex is, she will not reach orgasm. Or something very specific has to happen for her to reach an orgasm, something not usual that not even she maybe knows what it is. I know it is not a simple topic, that is why I am asking and would like to discuss it.

And I totally get what you're saying, in most cases I have personally not had any "problems" with this part. It is one of the things I enjoy the most about having sex, seeing her be pleasured is what pleasures me and my ego. And yes, I also agree that if she has had no problem having orgasms before and you're not giving her one, it will eventually be a problem.

However, there are women who literally don't know how to have an orgasm, they have not had one before, they are too emotionally turned off and scared to let themselves be free enough to have one, etc.

 

[sazc]

I agree. I find incredible satisfaction and accomplishment when the man I am dating reaches orgasm. Lol "winning"

I didn't have an orgasm until I was 20ish. From conversations with my girlfriend's, they had the same experience, first orgasm near 20.

Whe I was younger (16-20) I had 2 boyfriends and was having sex with them and not orgasming. I honestly didn't realize an orgasm could be part of the event. It was pleasurable because it was all I knew.

Now, of I were in a relationship where I wasnt having an orgasm, where my needs were going un met, I would be frustrated and eventually feel resentful.

If I were a woman who had never experienced an orgasm, or found it difficult to achieve one (for whatever reason) I would most likely simply enjoy the act of love making and being with my man.

From what I understand women who have a hard time climaxing, or don't, may feel as if there is something wrong with them - akin to a man with ED. That it is their (the woman's) fault they can't climax, that they are broken.

Sometimes this situation leads her to destroy/leave the relationship, even if it's good.

 

[The Duke]

I dated a chic that found it difficult to orgasm. I tried every thing to help but she still struggled.

Eventually she told me that she had been this way her entire life and only 1 guy could make her orgasm consistenly. I'm thinking to myself...."you selfish broad.......trying to guilt trip me when it was her own issue the entire time".

There comes a point where the woman has to accept her own shortcomings. Much of their orgasm depends on what is in their head at the time. Don't let them pin all of this on the guy. A guy should do his part, but we need to end the "its always the guy's fault" mentality that is everywhere these days.

 

[lizardking82]

I dated a chic that found it difficult to orgasm. I tried every thing to help but she still struggled. Eventually she told me that she had been this way her entire life.

There comes a point where the woman has to accept her own shortcomings. Don't let them pin all of this on the guy. A guy should do his part, but we need to end the "its always the guy's fault" mentality that is everywhere these days.

That is yet another point I am making. There are a lot of women out there who never explored themselves sexually, don't know what pleases them what doesn't. There are women out there who have been raped and cannot enjoy sex properly and they never tell you this LOL they just blame it on you eventually.

 

[The Duke]

I agree. I find incredible satisfaction and accomplishment when the man I am dating reaches orgasm. Lol "winning"

I didn't have an orgasm until I was 20ish. From conversations with my girlfriend's, they had the same experience, first orgasm near 20.

Whe I was younger (16-20) I had 2 boyfriends and was having sex with them and not orgasming. I honestly didn't realize an orgasm could be part of the event. It was pleasurable because it was all I knew.

Now, of I were in a relationship where I wasnt having an orgasm, where my needs were going un met, I would be frustrated and eventually feel resentful.

If I were a woman who had never experienced an orgasm, or found it difficult to achieve one (for whatever reason) I would most likely simply enjoy the act of love making and being with my man.

From what I understand women who have a hard time climaxing, or don't, may feel as if there is something wrong with them - akin to a man with ED. That it is their (the woman's) fault they can't climax, that they are broken.

Sometimes this situation leads her to destroy/leave the relationship, even if it's good.

So at what point does a female hold herself accountable for her own deficiencies? They should feel there is something wrong with them! But we all know females have difficulty accepting fault.

And what happens when that girl who has resentment issues because of her lack of orgasms and gets into another relationship and once again can't make it happen? Ohh yeah its still the dudes fault. lmao.

 

[sazc]

@Howiestern I feel your frustration.

In general I think you, some of the smarter men in this board, would do better dating women who are more cognitively "advanced" - tho i know they are difficult to find in abundance.

Honestly, at what point does ANYONE hold themselves accountable for their own deficiencies? The real key in this scenario, in LIFE, is to be smart enough to know what is your "sh1t" and what is their "sh1t" and refuse to allow them to pin their baggage on you.

This gets back to screening for cognitive "levels", if you so choose. It narrows the dating pool if you do that, and also produces a partner who is going to want to be more of an equal. So there are trade offs in doing that.

Who knows how many relationships it takes for her/him to realize that they are the root issue, not the other person. The most important thing is for YOU to realize that the OTHER person is the one who isn't fully embracing their own sh1t. At that point you are free and clear, and have no ownership. At that point you shouldn't own so much frustration about the situation. Unless the frustration has to do with finding this type of person, "again". I get that, I deal with it too.

 

[sazc]

@MidnightCity no. My name is supposed to phonetically sounds like "sassy" which is a play io my real initials, the no one ever "gets" that, lol

 

[sazc]

If they like you, they won't care and will blame themselves. If they don't like you, they might not even bother trying to reach it(maintenance sex) and will deeply resent that. Personally, I appreciate women who are out to get theirs in bed because it seems more honest.

I don't disagree but your post makes me wonder if there will be a cross over with some women where they start out liking you, and wanting to please you, and then move into being frustrated and resentful about the situation.

Again, not the guys fault. But definitely a possibility.

When I read these boards I ALWAYS see you guys accepting blame for sh1t that is not yours to own. It's frustrating to read because I see it lead to resentment, but I realize I can't change the lot of you into understanding when sh1t isn't yours to own. That's a personal lesson each person had to learn in their own, if they can.

 

[Roober]

Some men need to quit fooling themselves... If she is not orgasming, then the "very good" sex is not very good at all. She is just protecting your fragile ego.

There are many factors to make a woman climax, both physical and emotional. I think there are other factors to consider. How bonded is she to you? I mean, if the sex is great, she will literally become obsessed with you. Is sex the 100th time the same as sex the 1st time? Does she ejaculate? When a woman is really turned on, she will ejaculate fluid ranging from 10mL, up to 500mL. This is a biological response to hitting the "G spot", which releases a massive amount of lubrication to aid in the sperm travel to the ovaries. Someone women don't do it at all, which is far more rare than those that do. I haven't been with a woman that doesn't do it.

Here is an experiment. Next time you have sex, withhold your orgasm. Make her reach her orgasm, but withhold yours. After 20-30 mins, when she climaxes a couple times, you can just stop naturally. If she asks, tell her she "needs to earn it". Now take that feeling of the bottled orgasm and think about how she feels. And if you can't hold it or don't have complete control of your orgasm, then you have some serious work to do.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I've read that almost half of women do not reach orgasm from sex alone. Some of them just have to learn to use their fingers to get themselves off during sex. Every woman is different.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Well we all know alphas can pound away at her for two to five minutes, using her as a personal materbation device and she will be cvmming multiple.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Actually I effed a few girls who had never nutted. They looked at sex with an alpha as a way to procure favor. It wasn't about pleasure for her as he wasn't focused on them. She desired to keep him please in hopes of obtaining him.

 

[BeExcellent]

My short answer to the question posed by the OP is Yes. Sex can be very good without orgasm for me (a woman).

Orgasm is generally understood to be perfunctory in males, (in other words climax and ejaculation are naturally and necessarily tied together) whereas for the female, orgasm is not tied to functional necessity. In other words, a woman (biologically speaking) does not need to climax to receive sperm, but a man needs to climax to deliver sperm.

This is an important difference because a woman's orgasm is more tied to emotional connection, emotional state (open/stifled/etc.) and it is not obligatory. A man's climax/orgasm is obligatory but a woman's isn't. The ability for a woman to orgasm and experience pleasure however is very important however for long term bonding. A woman who is emotionally bonded with a man will be more emotionally open and vulnerable to him and more able to enjoy the sex act for pleasure rather than as a means to an end.

I'm not saying all men have sex as a means to an end (climax) at all, but I'm saying climax is the natural culmination of the sex act very reliably for men. So I think there exists in men a tendency to see sex as a means to an end regarding climax, because that is physiologically how men are built. And men do indeed get disappointed if the woman doesn't climax at times (which can become, frankly a negative feedback loop for the woman) - as that disappointment can be palpable and can indeed interfere with a woman letting go to enjoy sex just as a woman expressing disappointment in member size or some other thing can kill the moment for a man. It can be rather strange to men that women don't need to climax, and in fact many do not, or many do not from penetration itself.

Personally I can climax and very much enjoy that part of sex but I find I require a certain amount of emotional depth in the relationship, a certain level of trust and vulnerability, and I need time to warm and emotionally invest in a partner before I am able to climax regularly/easily. And by time I mean two things. Firstly I need time for the emotional connection to develop and for my comfort level to increase (this is over the course of the relationship) and secondly, particularly early on I need a lengthy lovemaking session to climax. I also need a lover who is willing to learn the individual things that I know I can reliably climax doing - so that I can relax and allow myself to explore in a deeper way with that lover. So for me, all this requires emotional investment over time, as I'm not a ONS/FWB/STR chick either.

I've never been a "squirter" and frankly I don't like the idea of peeing on my partner or peeing the bed. Maybe that isn't an evolved view, but medically females don't ejaculate like men do. If some women contract during climax such that the bladder forces out liquid (pee) then that's great but it's not something my body has ever done or felt close to doing. And lubrication and arousal has never been an issue for me. And I have powerful orgasms.

I have climaxed once in a while from penetrative sex, and the vaginal orgasms are different & more powerful than ****oral ones, but I must admit I'm still exploring what my body will do. I've only has vaginal orgasms with very long term partners with whom I've been able to learn with about my body through sex, who I loved deeply, and who I was strongly emotionally connected to.

My experience has taught me that the sexual experience as lovers is a journey and that it improves and becomes better over time. Currently on that journey with the boyfriend now...he is learning to slow down, engage more deeply emotionally and enjoy without worrying so much about performance and in turn I am able to get deeper with him on an emotional level, which allows me to open more and experience him on a physical level. There is a progressive quality to the interaction, a building of intimacy.

For me, orgasm is more the by-product of authentic intimacy in relationship. There's a purity to it, a joy. I'm not emotionally open to just any man or potential lover. Sex isn't about just me, I find that misses the point of connectedness with another human being, and I don't regularly play or use toys alone to self pleasure because I prefer the company of a lover, although I will do those things with a lover. Selfish lovers will create resentment over time, as @sazc notes above, but I find that I tend to weed out selfish lovers because I require emotional investment before I'll allow the physical conquest. And then once the physical conquest has occurred I have to get to another level of intimacy before I am able to flow easily toward climax.

I think for many women the emotional component is very important in being able to let down emotional safeguards to experience the heights of pleasure in sex. For me the sexual experience and intimacy becomes a spiritual experience as well, and that level of emotional exposure and vulnerability is reserved for only the most beloved and trusted of lovers.

Outside of that I can enjoy my lover's pleasure and enjoyment, and am happy to please him as he wishes and I am not disappointed in that. I'm not up for lengthy starry eyed lovemaking every single time, I love a good quickie or a giving a good bj or a hot & heavy sex session or make out session very much. Sometimes I enjoy having my lover let himself go and quit worrying about holding himself back (this gets back to unlearning performance & goal oriented sex) and let him climax as he may naturally. I find this builds the closeness and intimacy that then encourages me to open more...so when we do have the time for the starry eyed lovemaking? Depth & dynamite.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

lizardking, love seeing my girl’s thighs shake and having em squirt (preferably not in my face, midnight agree w ya on that 100% it’s just piss) but my current LTR of four years rarely gets an orgasm but she says the sex is great and her pvssy is always sore. That’s what she says anyway.

Love it when it happens but i won’t lose sleep if it doesn’t.

"Sore" but she keeps coming back for more! I love it! That means her love muscle is being worked out!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

not as great as it sounds havent fvcked her in a week properly cuz one night i just went all out on her last saturday after the club and she’s been sore since. sometimes i’m just shocked at how much pounding these petite girls can take. She can’t seem to get enough, while i’m fvcking her she always demands i give it to her harder but then afterward she pays for it and is sometimes sore for days. She’s had to go to the doctors a couple times because of this over the years. I try to take it easy but you know how it is sometimes u get carried away, and my slvt knows what to wear to get me excited.

She came over the other night we tried to fvck but every time i even touched her cl*t she shuddered in pain. So it’s been nothing but bj’s for me the last few days, not that i’m complaining at all.

But u gotta look at the positive.. whenever my gf gets sore for a couple days i just hit the weights hard or do stuff w other friends/b*tches.

Switch to anal or head to let her love muscle recover.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Vaginal orgasm requires a great mental connection. That's what I've found. The other way was angling your c@ck high in the missionary so it rubs the lower part of the cl1t.

The best vaginal orgasm was from woman in love who'd fight over me. It was her surrender that allows it.

 

[Murk]

I gave my ex orgasms on command, she was shocked as I was the first person she could O with so fast and so easily.

That;s my one saving grace while she's banging every Tom, D!ck and Abdul. Wait, why am I still thinking about her? FML