Can I save my LTR?

[Sue Madre]

Ok mynameisnobody, aka bluntmaster etc haha. At least I know it isn't you this time.

That's right. I am happy as hell and married now to my awesome foreign girl who never does wrong. You should get with the program.

 

[JustinVerj]

This guy is a lunatic who has been following me around on the stock message boards for a while now, bashing every stock I am in, and now he has found me here. Sad he has no life. This gives him joy apparently lol.

And 49...I meant BPD as in borderline personality disorder. She seems classic.[/QUOT

What are stock message boards? Is it a board like this one where you brag and puff out your chest to total strangers? Post pics of your gf? If it is could you direct me to where these boards are? You would make a fascinating case study on narcissism. Would love to know how you ended up the way you did. How about posting a pic of yourself so everybody can see what a real winner in life looks like? But I have a feeling you wont do that. :woo:

 

[JustinVerj]

My gf of 2 years, I'm not hunting anything.

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/17/rose55.jpg/
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/163/rose4h.jpg/


If you had read my earlier posts on this, you would have seen that at first, I told the OP to NOT break up, to try and see her side, and to try and fix things. It wasnt until I found out that she was so emotional, that she had already tried to break up with the OP, and that she was talking to an ex that I told him breaking up was probably the best course of action.



Ive slept with well over 200 women and have had at least 5 relationships over a year. One for 5, another for 4, this one for 2. I am presently in a VERY happy relationship. Could not ask for more. We may have had 3-4 arguments in 2 years. And we do everything and go everyplace together.





You seem to really have some anger issues, and just in fact generalized about me, after accusing me of doing it.



People who have to point out how great they are? Usually aren't.

This last sentence of yours made me spit out my soda in laughter. You, of all people, have the kahunas to write this? Classic

 

[49au]

People with borderline personality disorder may idealize potential caregivers or lovers at the first or second meeting, demand to spend a lot of time together, and share the most intimate details early in a relationship. However, they may switch quickly from idealizing other people to devaluing them, feeling that the other person does not care enough, does not give enough, is not “there” enough.

My god.

She does not display many of the characteristics of BPD... but this... is her to a tee.

These BPD sites talk about how a person with BPD falls hard and fast, and about a honeymoon period of intense emotion and connection in their new relationships.

I still remember our first date and when she came back to my house. We were making out and I was escalating with her, but she kept stopping me to ask about my family, tell me about hers, and asking me all kinds of questions about myself. She asked if I believe in god. She told me about her baby brother that drowned when she was young. At the time I didn't think much of it; it just seemed like a slut shield so she could feel like she "knew" me better before she gave in to my advances. So I answered her questions, and while I didn't fvck her that night, we ended up in my bed and she got me off.

I have never been able to get that moment out of my head though. I can't describe how intense the connection felt, how vulnerable and warm she was, and the look in her eyes the whole time we were talking. I felt hypnotized. And it seemed as if she just opened up to me in a way that no other woman ever would have that soon. Should've been a red flag but GOD it felt good.

 

[cordoncordon]

My god.

She does not display many of the characteristics of BPD... but this... is her to a tee.

These BPD sites talk about how a person with BPD falls hard and fast, and about a honeymoon period of intense emotion and connection in their new relationships.

I still remember our first date and when she came back to my house. We were making out and I was escalating with her, but she kept stopping me to ask about my family, tell me about hers, and asking me all kinds of questions about myself. She asked if I believe in god. She told me about her baby brother that drowned when she was young. At the time I didn't think much of it; it just seemed like a slut shield so she could feel like she "knew" me better before she gave in to my advances. So I answered her questions, and while I didn't fvck her that night, we ended up in my bed and she got me off.

I have never been able to get that moment out of my head though. I can't describe how intense the connection felt, how vulnerable and warm she was, and the look in her eyes the whole time we were talking. I felt hypnotized. And it seemed as if she just opened up to me in a way that no other woman ever would have that soon. Should've been a red flag but GOD it felt good.

That is what they do, Make you feel like a million bucks and then they go whacko. I had my experience with one before. Look it up on my previous posts. It was a nightmare. They are chameleons, able to turn into whatever you want them to be. But as soon as they feel you abandoned them? Hell has no fury.

Read the long thread on this site about BPD's as well. It will open your eyes.

 

[49au]

Guessing you mean this one...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=164551&highlight=bpd

She does not display many of the other characteristics of BPD though... maybe she has some kind of similar disorder.

 

[nightcrawler]

Sounds to me like she's seeing someone else.

If you want to save the relationship, confront her about it and forgive her. Although personally I'd probably just leave out of the blue and ignore her calls and e mails...ex's usually come back in a matter of months...usually 4+ or so. And if she doesn't call you back then oh well..hopefully you'll heal.

 

[49au]

That is what they do, Make you feel like a million bucks and then they go whacko. I had my experience with one before. Look it up on my previous posts. It was a nightmare. They are chameleons, able to turn into whatever you want them to be. But as soon as they feel you abandoned them? Hell has no fury.

Read the long thread on this site about BPD's as well. It will open your eyes.

I read a few pages of that thread and I don't think she could be described as BPD. At worst she is very very mild BPD. She has some of the symptoms and she is definitely super emotional, but she is not pure evil like some of the women described in that thread. And she has never shown one hint of violence. She also has zero substance abuse or self-destruction issues. Most of the BPD symptoms are not there. But she does definitely have issues and she is like a drug.

I have been sitting here recalling numerous fights we had... and what's so funny is that they were all over dumb sh1t. And usually because she felt that I wasn't being available enough. Imagine that. She was like a child in some ways, and I don't know why but while I hated it, part of me liked it.

 

[cordoncordon]

I read a few pages of that thread and I don't think she could be described as BPD. At worst she is very very mild BPD. She has some of the symptoms and she is definitely super emotional, but she is not pure evil like some of the women described in that thread. And she has never shown one hint of violence. She also has zero substance abuse or self-destruction issues. Most of the BPD symptoms are not there. But she does definitely have issues and she is like a drug.

I have been sitting here recalling numerous fights we had... and what's so funny is that they were all over dumb sh1t. And usually because she felt that I wasn't being available enough. Imagine that. She was like a child in some ways, and I don't know why but while I hated it, part of me liked it.

A BPD's #1 issue is usually always a sense of abandonment. They are very afraid of that, and will do anything to stop it from happening. They always need to feel needed. Not all BPD's are violent either. And even mine, the one I dated who went psycho. I would not call her evil. She wasn't out to get me. Most people who met her thought she was the sweetest thing. Its just when they go through an episode or something causes them to lose control? They go nuts and there is nothing they can do about it. Mine knew she was BPD, knew she shouldn't be doing those things, but still did.

 

[Rikudo]

Cordon your the man.Dont Let SOme RAndom AFC TALk BS

I was following this thread for days and cordon and danger gave you the best advice.

 

[49au]

A BPD's #1 issue is usually always a sense of abandonment. They are very afraid of that, and will do anything to stop it from happening. They always need to feel needed. Not all BPD's are violent either. And even mine, the one I dated who went psycho. I would not call her evil. She wasn't out to get me. Most people who met her thought she was the sweetest thing. Its just when they go through an episode or something causes them to lose control? They go nuts and there is nothing they can do about it. Mine knew she was BPD, knew she shouldn't be doing those things, but still did.

Then it just makes no sense to me why she would leave (abandoning a sure thing with me) when I clearly showed that I wanted her.

And if she doesn't want to be alone... why isn't she back with her ex already? I read with my own eyes how bad he wants her back, and what she said to him. She said, "I just need to be alone."

Strange behavior for someone with BPD. Who knows what her psychosis is. I do know that her parent's divorce and what happened to her mom (who was really badly used/betrayed by her dad who basically started another family and ignores theirs) figures hugely into her psyche.



... btw, did a search of threads you started, and couldn't find the BPD experience.

 

[nightcrawler]

I read a few pages of that thread and I don't think she could be described as BPD. At worst she is very very mild BPD. She has some of the symptoms and she is definitely super emotional, but she is not pure evil like some of the women described in that thread. And she has never shown one hint of violence. She also has zero substance abuse or self-destruction issues. Most of the BPD symptoms are not there. But she does definitely have issues and she is like a drug.

I have been sitting here recalling numerous fights we had... and what's so funny is that they were all over dumb sh1t. And usually because she felt that I wasn't being available enough. Imagine that. She was like a child in some ways, and I don't know why but while I hated it, part of me liked it.

bro..it's not BDP...usually when a girl argues over petty **** it's because she's unhappy with the relationship, not because she has psychological issues.

She brought up a break-up, and we all know that women don't break up with their boyfriends just like that...they are like monkeys....isn't that like the #1 rule about women?

She's seeing someone else...the signs are obvious. Dump her before she dumps you or confront her about it and be ready to forgive her if you want to save the relationship. As I said before I'd just leave outta the blue and chances are she'll come back to you once her other relationship become monotonous and boring.

 

[49au]

nightcrawler,

I realize this is a long thread, but you should probably at least skim it before you comment. If you had, you would know that I did break up with her. You would also realize why I am having this BPD discussion (though I do not believe she has it... if she does then it is very very mild.)


Also realize, she was arguing over petty sh1t with me FROM THE BEGINNING when she was fvcking my brains out (one time I flew back into town after being gone like 4 days and she was giving me a BJ in the car before we even got out of the airport arrivals lane then fvcked me in the car), wanted to see me every single day, cooking me four course dinners in lingerie with candles and rose petals leading to the bed, cleaning my house without me asking, constantly calling/texting me, and just generally being absolutely crazy about me. She is just a super emotional girl. This was all within like the first 2-3 months.

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

Elmer Gantry,

I appreciate your post. I agree that IL was not there. That IS the problem. Everything else is just a symptom of that problem. I disagree with other parts of your posts, for reasons which are detailed in the parts of this thread you admitted you did not read.

No, I didn't read all of it but from looking at your OP and going by with what you said, that's exactly how it went down. she lost IL, had the ex, wanted to dump you, you tried to hang on, then it ended as I stated.


All,

Just some random observations about this girl that I find humorous in the context of the DJ mindset. Both myself and some others have suggested that I got too needy and available with her. And I do believe that. But it's so funny that she was exactly the same way with me for most of the relationship. Examples:

- After we had started sleeping together but were unofficial, I decided to take her to Key West for a weekend just to see if I could stand to be around her that long. We went, had a great time, tons of sex, everything was perfect. Again, she was not my girlfriend yet. The night we come back I tell her, "I had a great time this weekend. I'll call you in a couple days." She did NOT like that and said, "What do you mean a couple of days? We just spent the weekend together. Why can't you call me tomorrow?" I told her that we weren't at the stage yet where we should talk every day. She got really upset.


early clingy behavior

- I was having dinner with her one time (we were together at this point) and we had a conversation about all the time we were spending together. She literally wanted to see me every day. I told her that I didn't think that was wise. She got really upset by that and started questioning me about how I felt about her.

That is what BPD girls do....they want and need you 24/7...yes and when you don't deliver they question you and accuse you.

- One time, several months ago, she packed up most of the stuff she had at my house because I politely suggested that I had a lot to do that day and I needed her to leave. She had been spending a LOT of time at my house, sleeping over almost every night (she lives 30 minutes away), and she got really upset. She kept going on about how she felt I was kicking her out and that she would "never do that" to me. After that point she didn't leave a ton of stuff at my house like before, she would always just bring it with her.

fear of abdandonment is why she was staying with you.

- With her ex, she told me that in the last half of the relationship, they were together 24/7 and that is what she got used to. Most of that time was spent studying, but basically they were never out of each other's sight for any reason. This went on a year.

she was clingy and afraid of losng him and she expected the same from you

Like I said somewhere ITT, when I met her I knew she was a very emotional/passionate girl and was going to be a huge challenge to deal with. She is aware of that herself and made numerous comments during our relationship about how thankful she feels to have found someone who knows how to deal with her and her complicated emotions. She is definitely 100x more emotional than most all other girls I've been with, but something in me absolutely loved it.

like some guys do, you felt like you needed to care for her and she was like a drug, an intense relationship.


Not sure why I'm typing any of this. I just look back on it and smile. Yes, she was unstable. But man was she fun..

This chick is emotional and is very unstable since you described all this. In fact, I mentioned BPD when I quoted your original thread. All BPD girls have different forms of it, some have an extreme case, some not so much, but the behavior and end results are the same. emotional, needy, clingy, attaches to you quickly, very sexual, mood swings, fear of abandonment, cries all the time, sucks you in fast to a relationship, devaules you quick, cheats on you, has other guys in the background....etc. You should of added this to your OP or said this in your earlier posts. But she will be in constant contact with you trying to get you back, so be aware.

The thread below is another thread that is about a BPD relationship. Read the last page where I detail a BPD relationship from beginning to end. Your girl displayed it right from the start.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=183517

....

 

[cordoncordon]

Then it just makes no sense to me why she would leave (abandoning a sure thing with me) when I clearly showed that I wanted her.

And if she doesn't want to be alone... why isn't she back with her ex already? I read with my own eyes how bad he wants her back, and what she said to him. She said, "I just need to be alone."

Strange behavior for someone with BPD. Who knows what her psychosis is. I do know that her parent's divorce and what happened to her mom (who was really badly used/betrayed by her dad who basically started another family and ignores theirs) figures hugely into her psyche.



... btw, did a search of threads you started, and couldn't find the BPD experience.

Because that is another thing they do. Fall deeply in love-using that term loosely, tell that person things that make them think they are the best thing in the world, fall just as quickly out of love and fall right back in love with someone new.

I am not saying your is ex BPD, she just may be VERY emotional, but she does show traits of it. And like I said, dating her sounds exhausting bro. Not very fun either.

The post I did about my BPD was in a thread someone else had already started. Ill try and find it.

 

[cordoncordon]

nightcrawler,

I realize this is a long thread, but you should probably at least skim it before you comment. If you had, you would know that I did break up with her. You would also realize why I am having this BPD discussion (though I do not believe she has it... if she does then it is very very mild.)


Also realize, she was arguing over petty sh1t with me FROM THE BEGINNING when she was fvcking my brains out (one time I flew back into town after being gone like 4 days and she was giving me a BJ in the car before we even got out of the airport arrivals lane then fvcked me in the car), wanted to see me every single day, cooking me four course dinners in lingerie with candles and rose petals leading to the bed, cleaning my house without me asking, constantly calling/texting me, and just generally being absolutely crazy about me. She is just a super emotional girl. This was all within like the first 2-3 months.

Boom, that sounds like BPD to a T. They go overboard with their love, and do it right away. That's what draws you in. You are king of the world! haha Then they go to the other extreme when they want to leave you.

 

[cordoncordon]

I'll just write this out.....I lived with a certified BDP for about 1.5 years. She was diagnosed with it and has been under therapy of some sort for most of her life.

Like many BPD's she seemed perfectly normal when i first met her. Pretty, well spoken, funny. And she came on like gang busters when I first met her. Sex right away, declaring her love for me within a week or two. Saying how i was her knight in shining armor. Couldn't live without me. Yeah I thought it was "odd", but it felt so good to hear! Hooked me immeaditely.

Soon I began to see many red flags. Drinking, many past failed relationships, emotional outbursts for no reason-just out of left field, always thinking I would leave her for no reason, many different jobs, strange stories about her past, changed her hair style and color many times, could go from one hobby to the next like the drop of a hat and never revisit the old one again. She began to have depression, raging like you have never seen someone rage. I mean could literally go on for hours screaming over nothing. And then the next day be the sweetest person you would ever meet. The emotional outbursts got to be SO draining. It was like I was having to babysit my gf half the time. That is no fun.

Soon when she began to doubt my true love for her she made up stories to attract sympathy. Saying she was raped in a parking lot, saying she was attacked when she took out the garbage and even had perfectly placed slice marks on her head to "prove it". Of course since I had found out so many of her past stories were lies, i really didn't believe these either and of course those turned out to be false as well. All to get my "attention". She had sliced her head herself.

After a while her daily drinking became so bad, her raging so bad, I was ready to move out and on with my life. Thats when she took a knife and in front of me slit her wrist wide open. Thankfully she sliced it parellel and not across, or she would have died right there. I mean her wrist was wide open, cut all her tendons, everything. She also o d'd on her her meds to try and kill herself.

She really tried to get help. I mean she realized what she had and didnt want to be that way but there was nothing she could do at times, she just lost control, at least according to her.

Finally when i left for good, she hit and sliced herself and then called the police saying I attacked her-which I didnt. I was arrested, put in jail for two days, humiliated. I eventually got everything cleared but only after paying court costs, lawyer fees, and attending anger management class for 15 weeks at $50 a pop. If anyone knows me they call me the most laid back person they know. I never get angry, which is why that class was such a joke, and the instructor knew that after a week or two and gave me a glowing report to the judge.

She also stole my car, slandered me to everyone she knew. All because I left her.

There are a million other stories I could tell about her in the time we were together, but suffice it to say they are all very similar to the ones I gave here. Lets just call it a neverending soap opera.

I was sucked in. I thought I could "fix" her. When i got out of that relationship eventually it felt like all the life had been sucked out of me. I was defeated. That's what they do, suck the life out of you and then move on since they always need new forms of excitement and drama to keep them from thinking about their own depression. OP this is what you need to look at. Maybe she was just getting bored, and looking for a little drama and excitement, started talking to the ex again. They do that. They have no boundries.

I am telling anyone now, if you have any inkling that your gf or wife has borderline personality disorder, run like you have never run before. I have had numerous psychiatrists tell me BPD is the one disorder they are actually scared of. It is untreatable.

The girl I am seeing now is like night and day. No drama. No emotional outbursts. No babysitting. Just a nice fun person, in a loving relationship. Believe it or not there are still good women out there.

One thing that many BPD's become after the break up is a clinger. They don't let go of you. It is up to you to rid yourself of the drug that they are. Just ignore them totally. Because they will never leave if you don't.

 

[49au]

cordon,

My god... that is truly an insane woman. I don't know how you did it. Reminds me of the ex before this girl that kicked a hole in my wall, stalked my house, and once barged in while I had another girl over (we were broken up at this time) and got in the girls face and yelled at her after trying to kick me in the balls and smacking her hard in the face. After my ex finally left, I took a sip of my wine, looked at the girl, and said something like, "Looks like she really misses me." The girl laughed and said she had no problem staying, but I was so rattled I just took her back home. She left for break the next day, I moved away, and I never did get to bang that one.


All,

After further reading about BPD and the extreme behaviors associated with it, however, I have serious doubts that is what she has.

There are certainly arguments for it - early, intense emotion, neediness, insatiable sex drive, fights over nothing, moments of depression (the "I don't want to live" moment) etc. as demonstrated by the stories I've shared. And I just remembered this morning that at one point after maybe 3-4 months together she hinted several times about having a key to my place. I playfully turned her down each time, and she never brought it up again. But I thought it was a little soon.

She also had moments of what seemed like paranoia, believing that I was talking to other girls. She was really into visiting psychics and kept a journal of things these psychics told her. One time several months ago she got very upset because one of these psychics told her that my ex still wanted me (probably true), and I wanted her back (NOT true). She really believed it. I almost left her then out of sheer frustration of her trusting some quack more than me. But I gave her assurance, time passed, she got over it.

Early on, she met (not by my design) other girls I had either hooked up with or fvcked, and in addition to her knowing that I was dating other girls when I met her, it added to her complex. Throughout the relationship she made comments about how I was "easy", a "wh0re", etc. But this was like our little joke and she always said it very playfully. I got the sense that she knew I could easily cheat on her if I wanted, but she also knew that I loved her and wouldn't. Yet within the last several weeks she made a comment to me about how she thinks I am talking to girls on FB. I told her I wasn't. But this time it felt different. It felt like she wasn't playing around like before. So even though I constantly gave her affirmation, affection, and made it clear she was what I wanted, she did have some trust issues.


Yet there are also important BPD symptoms that are clearly lacking.

She has never once, and I mean NEVER, raised her voice with me. She has NEVER cursed me, called me names (other than the standard "you're being a jerk"), etc. When she would get angry, it was a "hurt" anger, never violent.

She is very disciplined and very rarely gets drunk, has a serious aversion to drugs and smoking of any kind, has never self-mutilated or threatened to harm herself or others. There were not "lots of guy friends" - all her male friends are gay in fact. She does not binge eat, or shop, or drive recklessly. She is actually pretty conservative and careful in most areas of life. She has never threatened me, stolen anything, or any of that other crazy behavior.

I think it's also worth noting that when I met her, it was pretty obvious to me that she was one of those girls in a "holding" stage of her life where she really didn't seem to want a relationship. She did not seem desperate to get involved with someone at ALL. I think my confidence/aura was just SO strong at that time in my life, and my game was so sharp, I changed her mind.

Let's also keep in mind that BPD is said to affect 1-2% of the population... even if you want to say those are only confirmed cases and the true number is higher, surely it is not some staggering figure like 1 in 10 girls will have this. BPD would be a convenient excuse and let me off the hook for the massive rejection, confusion, and sense of failure that I'm feeling. But I don't want to just take the easy road.

=========================================================

Looking back I really regret my OP because there was SO much more background I could've put in that I think is pertinent. Like the fact that she actually broke up with me back in January over the following incident:

We were on a "bus loop" with about 15 of my friends, which is basically just a bar-hopping event where you get free trolley transport and free drinks at several bars for a small gift to charity. I was drunk, she was a little drunk, and there was a REALLY drunk obnoxious girl sitting next to a friend right behind us that was being her usual self and claiming that I had fvcked her. My ex got really upset and asked me if it was true. I told her vehemently that it wasn't. But I had banged her friend, and my ex knew that, so maybe that didn't help my case. But in the midst of this time I was going through a lot of stuff opening a new business location which at the time was falling flat on its face, and I was having serious issues about it. On top of that, she had been in one of her "I believe everyone else over you" moods the last day or two and I was just fed up with it. So the drunk b1tch in the back kept going on, even louder, and my ex said, "It's OK if you fvcked her, you can tell me. I know it was before you and I."

Something in me just absolutely snapped. It has been years - if ever - since I lost control like I did in the next few seconds. I looked back at the girl and cursed her out pretty hardcore. Then I looked at my ex and said "Fvck you you fvcking b1tch, if I had fvcked her I would've told you. I'm sick of you not trusting me. Fvck you." I yelled this while the trolley was stopped, and a bunch of mutual friends witnessed this. I stumbled off and walked home. I saw the look in her eyes and the second the words had come out of my mouth, I regretted them. I have never seen her look at me that way. I don't know if I've EVER seen anyone look at me with that much sadness in their eyes. And remember, this is a VERY sensitive emotional woman. So the effect was magnified.

I know what you guys are thinking, but I have never treated or talked to her like that before or since. I cannot explain what happened, ALL this stuff just welled up in me in that drunken moment and I just flat out lost it. I tried calling and texting her but she wouldn't respond.

The next day she broke up with me, sobbing. She asked me how I could do that to someone I loved. She told me how humiliated she was in front of everyone. Long story short, I went over to her house, I cried my eyes out, I told her all the sh1t that had been going through my head and how frustrated I was, and she took me back.

However, she kept saying how hurt she was and that she didn't think things could be the same. I think that may have been the turning point in our relationship. But at the time of my OP I was more in the mode of trying to figure out how to save the relationship than analyze what HAPPENED so I could find some kind of peace about losing the most intense thing I've ever had.

I don't know if that incident alone was enough to slowly kill the IL for her, coupled with the fact that to win her back I had to sit there and explain all the things I was feeling including deep regret over decisions I'd made in my life, doubts about my future, and not feeling confident. That was the first time she ever saw me vulnerable and not 100% alpha. Maybe she had this idealized version of me and she lost that. Again, I'm just rambling here and getting stuff out. Sorry for the aimlessness.

We still had a lot of great times after that. She took me to South Beach for my birthday for the weekend. She threw a surprise party for me as well. Things were good, but we started fighting more. She told me even the last time we talked that she still thinks about it and it still hurts. I have never regretted something so much in my life as that moment. And since then, even when we've argued, I have never, ever called her a b1tch or anything else. I've never insulted her again. But maybe the damage was done, and it was too deep.

 

[JustinVerj]

cordon,

My god... that is truly an insane woman. I don't know how you did it. Reminds me of the ex before this girl that kicked a hole in my wall, stalked my house, and once barged in while I had another girl over (we were broken up at this time) and got in the girls face and yelled at her after trying to kick me in the balls and smacking her hard in the face. After my ex finally left, I took a sip of my wine, looked at the girl, and said something like, "Looks like she really misses me." The girl laughed and said she had no problem staying, but I was so rattled I just took her back home. She left for break the next day, I moved away, and I never did get to bang that one.


All,

After further reading about BPD and the extreme behaviors associated with it, however, I have serious doubts that is what she has.

There are certainly arguments for it - early, intense emotion, neediness, insatiable sex drive, fights over nothing, moments of depression (the "I don't want to live" moment) etc. as demonstrated by the stories I've shared. And I just remembered this morning that at one point after maybe 3-4 months together she hinted several times about having a key to my place. I playfully turned her down each time, and she never brought it up again. But I thought it was a little soon.

She also had moments of what seemed like paranoia, believing that I was talking to other girls. She was really into visiting psychics and kept a journal of things these psychics told her. One time several months ago she got very upset because one of these psychics told her that my ex still wanted me (probably true), and I wanted her back (NOT true). She really believed it. I almost left her then out of sheer frustration of her trusting some quack more than me. But I gave her assurance, time passed, she got over it.

Early on, she met (not by my design) other girls I had either hooked up with or fvcked, and in addition to her knowing that I was dating other girls when I met her, it added to her complex. Throughout the relationship she made comments about how I was "easy", a "wh0re", etc. But this was like our little joke and she always said it very playfully. I got the sense that she knew I could easily cheat on her if I wanted, but she also knew that I loved her and wouldn't. Yet within the last several weeks she made a comment to me about how she thinks I am talking to girls on FB. I told her I wasn't. But this time it felt different. It felt like she wasn't playing around like before. So even though I constantly gave her affirmation, affection, and made it clear she was what I wanted, she did have some trust issues.


Yet there are also important BPD symptoms that are clearly lacking.

She has never once, and I mean NEVER, raised her voice with me. She has NEVER cursed me, called me names (other than the standard "you're being a jerk"), etc. When she would get angry, it was a "hurt" anger, never violent.

She is very disciplined and very rarely gets drunk, has a serious aversion to drugs and smoking of any kind, has never self-mutilated or threatened to harm herself or others. There were not "lots of guy friends" - all her male friends are gay in fact. She does not binge eat, or shop, or drive recklessly. She is actually pretty conservative and careful in most areas of life. She has never threatened me, stolen anything, or any of that other crazy behavior.

I think it's also worth noting that when I met her, it was pretty obvious to me that she was one of those girls in a "holding" stage of her life where she really didn't seem to want a relationship. She did not seem desperate to get involved with someone at ALL. I think my confidence/aura was just SO strong at that time in my life, and my game was so sharp, I changed her mind.

Let's also keep in mind that BPD is said to affect 1-2% of the population... even if you want to say those are only confirmed cases and the true number is higher, surely it is not some staggering figure like 1 in 10 girls will have this. BPD would be a convenient excuse and let me off the hook for the massive rejection, confusion, and sense of failure that I'm feeling. But I don't want to just take the easy road.

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Looking back I really regret my OP because there was SO much more background I could've put in that I think is pertinent. Like the fact that she actually broke up with me back in January over the following incident:

We were on a "bus loop" with about 15 of my friends, which is basically just a bar-hopping event where you get free trolley transport and free drinks at several bars for a small gift to charity. I was drunk, she was a little drunk, and there was a REALLY drunk obnoxious girl sitting next to a friend right behind us that was being her usual self and claiming that I had fvcked her. My ex got really upset and asked me if it was true. I told her vehemently that it wasn't. But I had banged her friend, and my ex knew that, so maybe that didn't help my case. But in the midst of this time I was going through a lot of stuff opening a new business location which at the time was falling flat on its face, and I was having serious issues about it. On top of that, she had been in one of her "I believe everyone else over you" moods the last day or two and I was just fed up with it. So the drunk b1tch in the back kept going on, even louder, and my ex said, "It's OK if you fvcked her, you can tell me. I know it was before you and I."

Something in me just absolutely snapped. It has been years - if ever - since I lost control like I did in the next few seconds. I looked back at the girl and cursed her out pretty hardcore. Then I looked at my ex and said "Fvck you you fvcking b1tch, if I had fvcked her I would've told you. I'm sick of you not trusting me. Fvck you." I yelled this while the trolley was stopped, and a bunch of mutual friends witnessed this. I stumbled off and walked home. I saw the look in her eyes and the second the words had come out of my mouth, I regretted them. I have never seen her look at me that way. I don't know if I've EVER seen anyone look at me with that much sadness in their eyes. And remember, this is a VERY sensitive emotional woman. So the effect was magnified.

I know what you guys are thinking, but I have never treated or talked to her like that before or since. I cannot explain what happened, ALL this stuff just welled up in me in that drunken moment and I just flat out lost it. I tried calling and texting her but she wouldn't respond.

The next day she broke up with me, sobbing. She asked me how I could do that to someone I loved. She told me how humiliated she was in front of everyone. Long story short, I went over to her house, I cried my eyes out, I told her all the sh1t that had been going through my head and how frustrated I was, and she took me back.

However, she kept saying how hurt she was and that she didn't think things could be the same. I think that may have been the turning point in our relationship. But at the time of my OP I was more in the mode of trying to figure out how to save the relationship than analyze what HAPPENED so I could find some kind of peace about losing the most intense thing I've ever had.

I don't know if that incident alone was enough to slowly kill the IL for her, coupled with the fact that to win her back I had to sit there and explain all the things I was feeling including deep regret over decisions I'd made in my life, doubts about my future, and not feeling confident. That was the first time she ever saw me vulnerable and not 100% alpha. Maybe she had this idealized version of me and she lost that. Again, I'm just rambling here and getting stuff out. Sorry for the aimlessness.

We still had a lot of great times after that. She took me to South Beach for my birthday for the weekend. She threw a surprise party for me as well. Things were good, but we started fighting more. She told me even the last time we talked that she still thinks about it and it still hurts. I have never regretted something so much in my life as that moment. And since then, even when we've argued, I have never, ever called her a b1tch or anything else. I've never insulted her again. But maybe the damage was done, and it was too deep.

What youre doing here is not good. You need to let this go. Youve made your decision, imo the wrong one, but you did it and you need to own it. I have no doubts you still really love this girl, it shows through in every post you write, but at this point youre not doing yourself any good by constantly reminiscing about the relationship. This girl seemed very emotional yes, was she bipolar? Lol no. She just seemed like a very emotional latin girl. At this point because of the way you handled things the last few weeks I believe so much damage has been done that you simply need to move on and if in a few months or a year things have calmed down and you meet up again you can go from there. I told you to work hard to save it and it seems you did the opposite. Now Im saying to let it go dude...let it go.

 

[49au]

That's what I'm working on. There is a point where I just have STOP thinking about it and trying to figure it out, but I haven't gotten there yet.

I am pretty OCD. Everything has to be "solved" and in its right place in my mind. I will really fixate on some emotional issue until I can figure it out. And the SECOND I figure it out, I'm done with it forever.