"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Can I bite your perfect breasts?

johnny789

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A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Skilla_Staz

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lol i love it
 

KillaCam

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Lol, yup, I smell a lawsuit in the air :p

Classic.
 

Vulpine

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A dirty old lady walks up to a guy in a bar and tells him:
OL: "I bet you $100 that your balls are square."
GIB: "HAHA! Are you crazy? That's a silly bet, my balls are round!"
OL: "Then you won't mind if I feel them to be sure?" *as she slaps down a $100 bill on the bar*
GIB: "Uh... I'll take your money, sure, go ahead." *reaches for money*
OL: *feels balls* "Yep, they're round. You win." *huge smile*
GIB: "Why are you smiling? You just lost $100!"
OL: "I just bet the guy over there $1000 that you'd let me feel your balls."
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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MrS

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They're a lot of different versions of that joke, Vulpine, see Desperado.
:D
 

Vulpine

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Yeah, it's a basic "joke format". You can substitute anything you want for "perfect boobs" or "square balls". The generic formats are easy to remember, and you can switch them up to fit the situations.

"I bet you $100 that my jizz tastes like apple pie."
"Will you let me bone you in the azz for $100?"
"Darn, your wife is tight. You win."

Whatever.

They are like the "An XXX walks into a bar..." format.

"So this blind mime walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a Harvey Wallbanger."

From there, you can say whatever you want.

"I don't know what happened next, I got up and went to the bathroom."
"You missed the joke already, nevermind."
*make motions like a blind mime drinking a drink or paying for a drink or feeling around on the bar trying to find the drink*

Whatever. Generic joke format. I can never remember jokes, so I make them up on the fly using the "standard templates".
 
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