Can I be nice without being AFC?

[Dirtheart]

I am a nice person by nature and I treat people with respect. I'm a very popular person and I can't count the amount of people who want to be my friend - non of whom treat me as a pushover.

However, I keep reading that nice guys don't get women, but I'm not so sure I want to sacrifice my principles and my popularity just to gain the respect of a woman.

Isn't it just a case of being confident and not being treated as a doormat, or do I need to stop being so nice altogether?

 

[ali_g]

No not all. The words 'nice guy' are used in a context which the guy mentioned is spineless or a doormat when it comes to women. Just practice challenge, be confident and don't tolerate any BS, but at the same time keep your word and be courteous.

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks Ali, that's reassuring. I can do that.

 

[Cremasta]

The reason why the "Nice guys don't get the girl" message is all over this board is because a lot of guys mistake being 'nice' for 'Do everything the girl says because you will get lucky that way'

There is a big difference between being nice and being at a woman's beck and call... but unfortunately, with Oprah, Cosmo, Cleo and all the other women-empowering literature out there, many guys are socially beaten into thinking the two are the same.

Being 'nice' (to me at least), means being sociable, smiling as often as not and helping your friends out.
If a girl asks you to do something for her, ask yourself "Would she do this for me if I asked her?"

 

[Tails]

forgive me, but i forget what AFC mean.

 

[tactic]

Average Fustrated Chump

Sure you can be nice to people in the beginning, but that does not mean you're an AFC. You can be nice and still get chicks some ways.

 

[torqueboxer]

Ok if you are as nice as i used to be, then yes, you can be nice. But if you want to break out of the AFC mentality you will have to work really hard to not be "too nice" as I had to. Probably if you are like I was, being a "jerk" to woman means a much different thing than what it means to the other guys here. For example here's a few questions for you.

Would you feel bad if you hadn't talked to a girl for a few weeks and only called her to get some sex?

Does it make you nervous to ask a girl to perform sex on you for the first time?

If a girl paid for your ticket to the movies do you feel like its weird?

On a first date would you drop off the girl early if she was acting like a ***** or wasnt showing enough attention to you?

If a hot chick was cutting up on you somewhere would you send it right back at her even though she might hate you cause of it?

I dont ever take a girl out for a second date if she dosnt at least try to open my car door after i let her in.

When I was starting to try to be a DON JUAN I wouldnt have ever thought that I would do or say the things that I commonly do now with girls. I was a nice guy and it got me nowhere. Now I spend half the $$$$ and try half as hard to get girls and I get twice the sex!!! Start slow and try your luck with being a little more aggresive and less supplicating to the ladies till you find the balance point that works for you

 

[Austin Allegro]

I had a lot of problems with this issue myself when I first discovered the world of the DJ.

The trouble is that 'nice' guys (and we all know they finish last) in addition to being good blokes, tend to veer towards being wet and weedy, and supplicating and making covert contracts in order to please others, especially women. The fact is women don't usually want this.

Instead of the word 'nice' I prefer the word 'decent' - ie I treat people with politeness, good humour, respect where it is due, and I don't bullsh9t people or try to f8ck them over, but I will speak my mind and stand up for myself - something I'd never have done in my AFC days.