Can anyone relate?

[futureWSOPchamp]

I just got out of a bad relationship. I was not getting treated the way I thought I deserved and not the way I was treating her. I broke up with her and I am the one that is very sad. I don't wanna log into my facebook because I do not wanna stumble across any pictures of my ex and just wanna do general NC. She texted me twice yesterday and asked me if I wanted her to bring me all my stuff and told me sorry for treating me so horribly. I told her no hard feelings and to just drop it off tomorrow.

I hate feeling this way. The girlfriend before her was very good to me but hit me a year before we broke it off. I was never able to get that love back after she put her hands on me. To the point.... I wanna know if any of you guys feel like having a good woman is the icing on the cake to a good life. I have alot of good things going for me and I just want to share them with someone special. I really don't wanna see this ex in person and I feel like if she gets all emotional that she might convince me to take her back.

I just don't know anymore. It's easy to hook up with someone and not get feelings for them. I feel like when you agree to start dating someone that you are just placing an end to a beginning. I think I am going through a depression because I have lost interests in many things that make me happy and now want to start new projects. If anyone has been through a similar situation i'd like to hear what you did to recover. I'm really hating being alone and want to be around someone 24/7. Thank you for your time.

 

[dustmuffin]

Yes....I bet almost all on this board have been in your shoes. Read the just been dumped thread for ideas on how to handle yourself.

Some things to think about, stay busy, work on yourself, get a hobby, exercise, hit up other women, read the dj bible and be selfish.

The two things that will help you the most are time and no contact.

 

[blind_one]

First of a all, hit the gym or some other physical activity. It will make you feel better and stronger, always. Pushing myself to the limit and beyond always made me a better person while at the same time making me happy.

Secondly,

I don't wanna log into my facebook because I do not wanna stumble across any pictures of my ex

Man the fvck up. Block her like you said so on all possible channels of communication and don't look back.

to get that love back

Love is just a four letter word. She did not deserve you, she should be in nuclear hamster mode right now since she lost the great catch. Well, tough sh!t for her, you are single now.

I wanna know if any of you guys feel like having a good woman is the icing on the cake to a good life.

I wholeheartedly agree that is is possible. A good addition to an already great life. But you have to realize you still are the helmsman of you great like called cake, with or without that icing.

Hope that helps.

 

[skinnyguy]

You're really dependent on puss and hopefully this experience will teach you that only you can make yourself happy.

The girlfriends I have had caused me a lot of pain and wasted time so I don't actively seek a relationship. If this stuff has happened twice in the past why do you keep doing it?

Read up on plate spinning theory and realize that your self worth will go up when you have ABUNDANCE and aren't relying on one physically abusive woman to give you happiness.

It could be that you're just really bad at picking women to be your girlfriend.

 

[marmel75]

You get treated badly because they don't respect you. They don't respect you because you aren't playing the male role in the relationship sufficiently well.

Be a man in the relationship.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Yup, separated from my wife. She had anger issues. I didn't make my boundaries strong enough and forgave bad behavior.
I got over it by realising I wasn't the man my wife made me feel like.
Daring to date, and acknowledge that I was a sexual masculine being made a lot of difference. That sounds dumb but we need to give ourselves permission to be sexual and to enjoy being men (not lib-tard pseudo men). That is what makes the difference for me. I also realised I was depressed and dealt with it by lots of exercise, lots of sleep, a better diet and being around positive people. I also learned to stop putting myself down. I struggle with it still but I have a social life I love.
I also learned the power of saying no to women and showing that I don't need them in my life.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yup, separated from my wife. She had anger issues. I didn't make my boundaries strong enough and forgave bad behavior.
I got over it by realising I wasn't the man my wife made me feel like.
Daring to date, and acknowledge that I was a sexual masculine being made a lot of difference. That sounds dumb but we need to give ourselves permission to be sexual and to enjoy being men (not lib-tard pseudo men). That is what makes the difference for me. I also realised I was depressed and dealt with it by lots of exercise, lots of sleep, a better diet and being around positive people. I also learned to stop putting myself down. I struggle with it still but I have a social life I love.
I also learned the power of saying no to women and showing that I don't need them in my life.

Hey bro, with the boundaries and those kind of people who will always be trying you or disrespecting you. Do you find that you have to maintain boundaries with someone who likes you enough, or do you find that the people who need to be explained your boundaries and repurcussions are ones you cannot simply deal with. IE: your not going to train them how to act around you like a dog. I was just curious.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Yes, I find that I have to maintain my boundaries harder with women I am seeing, because I do like them and it is easy to slip into old unhealthy relationship patterns. Also women you are seeing push harder, because they need to be confident in your strength of character.

The trick is knowing what your values are first.

I don't stress too much about other people. People joke and tease. It is human nature. It is sometimes just people finding out whether you are a douche or a cool social guy.

The one I struggle most with is my ex, mainly because over 10 years we both developed unhealthy patterns of behavior and she knows how to p-ss me off. Once you can spot a **** test it all becomes a lot easier, although telling it apart from someone being a deliberately hurtful manipulative bytch can be hard.
Telling a woman she is being disrespectful doesn't work very well unless you can genuinely back it up with the ability to get rid of her.
Showing her she is being disrespectful by reducing affection (without acting butthurt) and increasing your interest in other activities works better.

You have to lay the groundwork early though. You CANNOT go from AFC to assertive male.

In some ways it is not about training other people. It is really about knowing who you are and what you want and expect. You don't need to be an assh-le but it is OK to let people know when they are pushing yours.
An example my ex-wife would always make the conversation be about past mistakes and blame. I told her that if she tried that the next time we spoke I would end the conversation. She did so I walked away, and do every time she tries it. She is slowly learning not to do it.

Does any of that help? Other people's experiences nay differ.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes, I find that I have to maintain my boundaries harder with women I am seeing, because I do like them and it is easy to slip into old unhealthy relationship patterns. Also women you are seeing push harder, because they need to be confident in your strength of character.

The trick is knowing what your values are first.

I don't stress too much about other people. People joke and tease. It is human nature. It is sometimes just people finding out whether you are a douche or a cool social guy.

The one I struggle most with is my ex, mainly because over 10 years we both developed unhealthy patterns of behavior and she knows how to p-ss me off. Once you can spot a **** test it all becomes a lot easier, although telling it apart from someone being a deliberately hurtful manipulative bytch can be hard.
Telling a woman she is being disrespectful doesn't work very well unless you can genuinely back it up with the ability to get rid of her.
Showing her she is being disrespectful by reducing affection (without acting butthurt) and increasing your interest in other activities works better.

You have to lay the groundwork early though. You CANNOT go from AFC to assertive male.

In some ways it is not about training other people. It is really about knowing who you are and what you want and expect. You don't need to be an assh-le but it is OK to let people know when they are pushing yours.
An example my ex-wife would always make the conversation be about past mistakes and blame. I told her that if she tried that the next time we spoke I would end the conversation. She did so I walked away, and do every time she tries it. She is slowly learning not to do it.

Does any of that help? Other people's experiences nay differ.

I was just saying some can know your boundaries and gotchas and break it on purpose. Do you bucket those into people you just cannot be around, or are you tit for tatting with them on repurcussions?

 

[futureWSOPchamp]

Taking the high road is sometimes very lonely path. My first ex was beautiful and very good to me for the most part. When she hit me I couldn't ever forgive her because the behavior didn't follow what I believed love was about. She begged and pleaded for a long time but I eventually cut off every source of contact. I haven't felt very bad about leaving her because I experienced being hit as a child and it hit me at a deeper level. This new ex affected me more, even though it wasn't as long-term. I felt on the outside looking in at someone who was pushing me away. She threw our relationship away and I broke up with her. I got under someone else shortly after to get over her but it felt like sport f***ing to be honest. In a perfect world she would call me and apologize for everything and mean it sincerely. I probably wouldn't get back together because it almost never works out, but it would be nice to know that someone has compassion like I do.

Going NC with these people who once thought the world of you is ****ty and it takes a very strong will. Thinking and feeling like a great catch, and expecting others to treat you as such, will cause you to cycle through many partners to find what works for you. This can harden the heart I feel.

I care about all of this self improvement and I know what I am going to do with my life. I don't need to soul-search or find my passion, I know what I am meant to do. I just want a woman that can hold the fort down so to speak and I can relax with. Thank you guys for your advice.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Taking the high road is sometimes very lonely path. My first ex was beautiful and very good to me for the most part. When she hit me I couldn't ever forgive her because the behavior didn't follow what I believed love was about. She begged and pleaded for a long time but I eventually cut off every source of contact. I haven't felt very bad about leaving her because I experienced being hit as a child and it hit me at a deeper level. This new ex affected me more, even though it wasn't as long-term. I felt on the outside looking in at someone who was pushing me away. She threw our relationship away and I broke up with her. I got under someone else shortly after to get over her but it felt like sport f***ing to be honest. In a perfect world she would call me and apologize for everything and mean it sincerely. I probably wouldn't get back together because it almost never works out, but it would be nice to know that someone has compassion like I do.

Going NC with these people who once thought the world of you is ****ty and it takes a very strong will. Thinking and feeling like a great catch, and expecting others to treat you as such, will cause you to cycle through many partners to find what works for you. This can harden the heart I feel.

I care about all of this self improvement and I know what I am going to do with my life. I don't need to soul-search or find my passion, I know what I am meant to do. I just want a woman that can hold the fort down so to speak and I can relax with. Thank you guys for your advice.

You probably witnessed other situations with verbal and physical abuse, and you understood that the ego required to do this always makes it happen again. Almost never does it not happen again.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Some people are broken. It doesn't matter what you do or did. Sometimes your actions give the approval. If people are abusers they will sense your "weaknesses'. My weakness was I didn't like shouting. Guess what my ex would do every time. My other weakness was I wanted to give her and her kids a better life. Whenever she was really angry she would point out how I had failed to do that. These toxic people just need to be gone and you must be stronger in yourself so that you stop choosing abusers as partners.

 

[Julian]

Whats with all these unstable abusive women....man. I just went thru the same ****. no bueno. Took me a good week of hell to get her out of my system finally.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

You managed it in a week! That must be a recorded. Abusive women are caused by society raising men to treat women like princesses and sacrifice everything for them, including self-esteem, health, youth, income and our core values. If you raise peope to think there are no consewuences f9r their actions you will create selfish spoiled people.
Women thought if they had evrrything they believed men had life w9uld be great. Guess what! W
Being a man can be hardwork.
Women are angry. They have everything they thought they wanted. Rights, freedom, caring sensitive men, but actually what they want is strong men that that won't put up with their ****. You can't have both

 

[Caravaggio]

A statement I've always liked was "love is a self hypnosis"

You condition youself to personn and your perception of the value exchange of the relationship... and the hormones do wonders facilitating this experience also.

Just get your head back in the game of life and go say hi to new people.