Can anyone give me some advice for online dating?

[Zircon916]

First of all let me state that I don't really have a desire to be a player and just game on women for a hit it and quit it kind of thing. I'm more interested in picking up women to actually date and have fun with; basically to have a normal relationship with. With that out the way...

Right now I have a profile on 4 dating sites (match, eharmony, plentyoffish, and okcupid), which I have been on for about 6-8 months or so on and off. My success on all 4 sites has been absolute ass. From the few threads I have read on here about online dating I see people claiming it's very easy and they pick up women all the time, so I would guess there’s nothing wrong with the medium but something wrong with my approach...

I'm not an ugly looking guy (fit, professional and fun pictures). I also am an excellent writer and have a well written profile. I have tried different approaches to how to construct my profile ranging from the fun party type, the adventurous, the mysterious, and the intellectual (this is what I have up right now). I've also tried different ways to initiate the first contact and nothing has been solid so far.

So I'm just looking for tips/suggestions on what the hell I'm doing wrong. I know it would be hard to judge without seeing my profile so if you're interested in helping go ahead and PM and I’ll send you links to my profile. Also if you have any general tips you can go ahead and post them here.

 

[magickarl]

Want my advice on online dating?

Don't do it.

Go out and meet women in the real world. You'll thank me later.

 

[Zircon916]

Can anybody give me some actual advice?

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Why don't you just copy (use the right button of your mouse) the profiles of successful guys, or the most successful guys online, or even from here, clone them, post your pic up on it, and see if you get a similar response.

There is only two things you can change - your pic and your profile and nobody knows you so you can continue changing them until you get the results you want. People don't reply to your message unless you have a good profile. People wont even read your profile if the message and head profile pic is really bad.

POF allows you to experiment because they show who read your profile, and if they deleted your original message so in terms of adjusting your profile or approach -- POF is actually the best site for getting feedback.

 

[Evzone]

Want my advice on online dating?

Don't do it.

Go out and meet women in the real world. You'll thank me later.

Agreed.

 

[rapidfire]

Yes. The best advice I can give you is don't bother. Most chicks online aren't what they are cracked up to be. I had a friend once that traveled through a couple of states to see some girl. When he finally met her she was distant the whole time. He was miserable when he came back.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

And going with the other concensus of people on this thread, I agree with everyone. I was heavy into the online thing in 2006, then sort of slowed down in 2007 and got some extreme experiences (both good and bad) that are etched on my mind like forever and I've like totally got my fill from that to last a lifetime. Basically, what happened was I picked up a severe oneitis from someone I meet online early 2006 and was crushing over her like crazy. I meet other women that didn't work out. My heart broke when I found out my crush went with another guy when I got back from Italy later that year. I berated her then went on adult internet sites to look for pity-sex, but I aborted at the last minute (had a few people I could have pursued). Then I went back online with a different profile, picked up a few new girls, one of which I had my first kiss with, and another was a short-term girlfriend that introduced me to french kissing - and sort of made up for the heart-break of that previous oneitis (sort of like nature balancing itself). This girlfriend eventually faded away and was the last serious encounter I had from online.
My steam or desire to engage in online dating also faded with all of that and think I really had it.

After all of this I'm like WTF was that - I meet a 50 y/o woman this year and Ukranian woman who responded to my profile first, and haven't even tried -- I've just lost steam of what I feel was an emotional rollercoaster with brief encounters that seemed to have permamently laser beamed some wicked experiences. Sort of like a virtual movie that perpetually repeats itself.

I'm not motivated to go back online -- but hey, maybe you may get a story in your life too out of it like I did. Having a personal story that you are connected with is never a bad thing.

 

[Fleshy99]

Can anybody give me some actual advice?

Hey man,

I have an okcupid account right now and I must say I havent been very lucky - the second I meet someone interesting they turn out to be a psycho or just a waste of my time(I'm looking for the same thing as you, I'm not a player).

So I'll agree with these guys and say to not meet anyone online but to go out in person. I myself dont really have that much time to go out - and i HATE clubs because they are awful.

I'm sort of in the same boat as you but at this point in my life I dont really care (I'm 21) and it seems like alot of these girls are naive or just stupid. I want someone on my level I'll probobly have to wait a few years.

That isnt really advice but I just wanted to post because I've been trying it too and all the girls I've met are just dead ends that go no where.
The last girl I wanted to go out with cancelled on me twice... so its pretty bad.

I think with all this online and non-verbal communication we do, its hard to get out points accross with anything these days. Everything is better off in person.

Good luck man.

 

[Plinco]

I have an OKcupid profile, and make good use of that "hide" button. I see internet dating as something for time convenience. The only advice I can give is that you should have good pictures and a profile that is honest (which will make it original). Do not spend a lot of time on them!

 

[Lust]

Hey mate,

I have quite some experience with online game, and would love to help you out.

I tried sending you a pm, but you have it disabled?

Anyways,

You have to think what do you have to offer a girl online? What is it that she may want?

I think it's important to frame every interaction/relationship I have with a woman. The profiles don't do all that much, all you need is to initiate contact and make them curious, curious enough to respond.

I try and frame myself as the fun, chilled guy who offers a good time. I try and convey that I am socially aware of the problems women face, the social pressures that come with sex, and whatever discomforts a woman may experience, then, I try and create a reality where sex is just fun, it's normal and it's all about having a good time. Once they fully take in and register that they can have a sexual relationship with you without any uncomfortable feelings, and you are a socially aware man who understands her needs, she'll be more than happy to have sex with you.

And you notice I'm saying sex, while I know you are looking for more than that. Whatever you are after, it starts with sex. Take it slow, don't barrage them with too much "feelings" and what not.

Also, these online sites are fine, but simple, free sites such as MySpace and Facebook work extremely well too. The advantage of online dating sites is that you're all there for a reason, you know what you want so you can be much more direct/upfront about your intentions.

And the profiles don't do that much. Just have a few decent pictures of you out, having fun. A profile that doesn't seem like you spend ages on (this may be your problem), and convey all the personality through messaging them.

And remember, YOU'RE ON A DATING SITE. You're allowed to message them with simple, cheesy one liners like "wow you look hot *cheeky smile*... soo how about it?".

All you need to do is get them curious enough to respond. Then, fluff a bit, DHV if you can, and TRANSITION TO SEXUAL. This is important, you don't want to be talking about fluff for too long. Also, you want to transition to sexual so you can throw your little reality up, where sex is normal etc etc...

Anyways, I may have some examples in my inbox, if you would like to have a squizz at them, send me a PM (after you enable it... i presume?).

Cheers,

-Lust.

 

[MascaraSnake]

have been on OKcupid for a bit...

Meh, that's all I can say. Most of the meetings on there have been just ishy (had a mutual one-night stand with one of them and the others have been either poor or boring). At least it's free.

That aside, I HAVE met a couple of good female friends from there. Still though, if you only get a couple of non-doable friends and a 'she'll do' one night stand after sifting through dozens of profiles, there's no point to date online. I like my profile an awful lot, though...

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Guys, I know it has become more socially acceptable to date online. Consider though the kind of woman that is going to be attracted to online dating sites.

1) Ugly women with standards that are too high
2) Psycho women who blame men for all their failed relationships and are now trying "online dating because I get to choose more carefully"
3) Mothers looking for someone, anyone, that is going to stick around
4) Attention *****s.
5) Reformed sluts who are "tired of the bar and club scene". Basically ****ed out and looking to slow down a little.

What attractive woman is going to battle to meet men? No happy normal healthy girl is going to struggle unless she is high maintenance in the first place

Put up some decent pictures. Act like a ****. If you must date online thats the only advice worth offering. Pics are probably the most important aspect. Acting like a **** is probably second. I can just imagine the lame arsed **** these girls must get in their mailboxes

 

[Lust]

Guys, I know it has become more socially acceptable to date online. Consider though the kind of woman that is going to be attracted to online dating sites.

1) Ugly women with standards that are too high
2) Psycho women who blame men for all their failed relationships and are now trying "online dating because I get to choose more carefully"
3) Mothers looking for someone, anyone, that is going to stick around
4) Attention *****s.
5) Reformed sluts who are "tired of the bar and club scene". Basically ****ed out and looking to slow down a little.

What attractive woman is going to battle to meet men? No happy normal healthy girl is going to struggle unless she is high maintenance in the first place

Put up some decent pictures. Act like a ****. If you must date online thats the only advice worth offering. Pics are probably the most important aspect. Acting like a **** is probably second. I can just imagine the lame arsed **** these girls must get in their mailboxes

A lot of younger women these days are using online dating, and plenty of high value, attractive women do it in their spare, or find it interesting/exciting to meet someone online.

Some points are valid, but I think you over-exaggerated a little.

Still, this is why free, social-networking sites such as myspace and facebook are better IMHO.

 

[nismo-4]

Never use online dating. Seriously. Don't.

I've had to do a lot of frontin', this includes faking like I'm a model, faking like a millionaire, among other things. It helped, but I eventually attracted a bunch of golddiggers.

Scam websites: Fling.com, Hornymatches.com, Sexsearch.com, and any similar adult paysite. Adult Friend Finder is similar.

Finally, f**k online dating!

 

[Zircon916]

Why don't you just copy (use the right button of your mouse) the profiles of successful guys, or the most successful guys online, or even from here, clone them, post your pic up on it, and see if you get a similar response.

There is only two things you can change - your pic and your profile and nobody knows you so you can continue changing them until you get the results you want. People don't reply to your message unless you have a good profile. People wont even read your profile if the message and head profile pic is really bad.

POF allows you to experiment because they show who read your profile, and if they deleted your original message so in terms of adjusting your profile or approach -- POF is actually the best site for getting feedback.

Well for one, the people I mentioned were people on this forum and I have no idea what they posted in their profile, so that idea is out. Like I said I have changed my pics and my profile many times without success so I think it is obvious I am doing something fundamentally wrong thus I need some advice. I'm fairly sure my pics are decent, at least good enough to warrant some responses, way more than I have been getting. For the hell of it I even have been trying to email some ugly girls and I don't get responses.

 

[Zircon916]

Hey mate,

I have quite some experience with online game, and would love to help you out.

I tried sending you a pm, but you have it disabled?

Anyways,

You have to think what do you have to offer a girl online? What is it that she may want?

I think it's important to frame every interaction/relationship I have with a woman. The profiles don't do all that much, all you need is to initiate contact and make them curious, curious enough to respond.

I try and frame myself as the fun, chilled guy who offers a good time. I try and convey that I am socially aware of the problems women face, the social pressures that come with sex, and whatever discomforts a woman may experience, then, I try and create a reality where sex is just fun, it's normal and it's all about having a good time. Once they fully take in and register that they can have a sexual relationship with you without any uncomfortable feelings, and you are a socially aware man who understands her needs, she'll be more than happy to have sex with you.

And you notice I'm saying sex, while I know you are looking for more than that. Whatever you are after, it starts with sex. Take it slow, don't barrage them with too much "feelings" and what not.

Also, these online sites are fine, but simple, free sites such as MySpace and Facebook work extremely well too. The advantage of online dating sites is that you're all there for a reason, you know what you want so you can be much more direct/upfront about your intentions.

And the profiles don't do that much. Just have a few decent pictures of you out, having fun. A profile that doesn't seem like you spend ages on (this may be your problem), and convey all the personality through messaging them.

And remember, YOU'RE ON A DATING SITE. You're allowed to message them with simple, cheesy one liners like "wow you look hot *cheeky smile*... soo how about it?".

All you need to do is get them curious enough to respond. Then, fluff a bit, DHV if you can, and TRANSITION TO SEXUAL. This is important, you don't want to be talking about fluff for too long. Also, you want to transition to sexual so you can throw your little reality up, where sex is normal etc etc...

Anyways, I may have some examples in my inbox, if you would like to have a squizz at them, send me a PM (after you enable it... i presume?).

Cheers,

-Lust.

Hey bro, I'm not sure why but apparently I don't have access to PMs. Can you email me? My email is [email protected]

 

[Rounder]

If you need help with online dating then you probably need help with dating face to face even more.

Read posts on this board, listen to advice how other people handle various situations. Learn the mentality. Understand why various methods/approaches/attitudes work - what is it about them that is successful?

Start talking to LOTS of women - any time you get a chance to strike up a conversation with a woman, do so. Get comfortable talking to them, the more you do, the more you'll be at ease and the conversation will just flow.

Magickarl is right - don't do it - if you get out and meet women face to face, you'll be twice the man than doing it from behind a computer screen between masturbation sessions.

Most importantly - find these things out for yourself, discovery and exploration of this topic ON YOUR OWN is what will lead you to success. People spoon feeding you lines or methods might get you a girl or 2, but not success in the long run.

Be patient - success with women, online or not, comes with time, don't expect immediate results and if you don't hear back from a woman, again online or not, don't let it bother you.

 

[Duffdog]

Online dating is not worth a sh1t. Seriously, it is an excuse for unvaluable females to try to feel attractive and wanted. While I won't make the claim that you will not like online girls, fact is, they ARE LEFTOVERS. If they were super desirable they would not be online...duh.

What I will tell you is that they are easy to fvck most of the time because their propensity to be online means they have little going on in the real world. So don't do online dating, thats the best advise you are going to get.

Dating online is equal to low-risk investment. Minimal risk=Minimal returns.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Think about it... Why would a woman look for someone over the internet? It must be because, no one wants them in real life!!

 

[Zircon916]

Anybody else wanna help me out?