Calling women you meet online

[armstrong]

Does anyone have any suggestions for calling a woman for the first time who you've been chatting with online? I've done it a few times and they can be pretty awkward because there's no real rapport you have with the person, outside of chatting online.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Make sure you build rapport and build comfort before, it should happen within a two or three email exchanges. Besides, you don't have to waste your time calling, if she's comfortable and interested you may not need to call.

 

[armstrong]

Make sure you build rapport and build comfort before, it should happen within a two or three email exchanges. Besides, you don't have to waste your time calling, if she's comfortable and interested you may not need to call.

We're at that level. We're talking about getting together when I come to town next week. She gave me her number and said to give her a call when I get in.

The last one I had the potential to meet fizzled out when I called her. We seemed to have rapport online, but over the phone it was awkward. It turned into one of those job interview-type conversations. I'm trying to avoid that this time around.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

How does telling her where and when to meet you on a date turn into an interview?

 

[armstrong]

How does telling her where and when to meet you on a date turn into an interview?

We talked online about how we should meet up when I got to town (same situation as the girl I'm talking to now). It just felt awkward; there was no chemistry. As much as we joked around online, C/F didn't work over the phone. She lives far from where I'll be going so maybe that had something to do with the conversation going south.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

We talked online about how we should meet up when I got to town (same situation as the girl I'm talking to now). It just felt awkward; there was no chemistry. As much as we joked around online, C/F didn't work over the phone. She lives far from where I'll be going so maybe that had something to do with the conversation going south.

Well, it does make a difference whether there's chemistry or not. It can be forced but it's chance of lasting is slim. Was there any chemistry in your exchanges online as apposed to just rapport?

 

[armstrong]

Well, it does make a difference whether there's chemistry or not. It can be forced but it's chance of lasting is slim. Was there any chemistry in your exchanges online as apposed to just rapport?

I'd say it was leaning more towards rapport, although we flirted back and forth. That's the way it is with this one now. It was just weird talking with the first one. I thought to myself, "This doesn't sound like the girl I've been chatting online with!" But regardless, you're talking on the phone with someone you've never actually spoken to before, so maybe that's just the way it is with some of them.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I'd say it was leaning more towards rapport, although we flirted back and forth. That's the way it is with this one now. It was just weird talking with the first one. I thought to myself, "This doesn't sound like the girl I've been chatting online with!" But regardless, you're talking on the phone with someone you've never actually spoken to before, so maybe that's just the way it is with some of them.

It's usually to go straight to a face to face without a ton of online or phone conversations. It'll let you know in no uncertain terms whether there's chemistry or not. The problem is that it's important to have the chemistry as soon as possible, it's the foundation to which the relationship will be built upon. It's the guys who spend a lot of time finding the mutual chemistry who end up in the friend zone.

 

[frivolousz21]

Id prefere not to call..but to be honest my voice is one of my sexy appealness to women..so the phone call before I met really gets them interested..

I ussually dont call until the day I meet them

 

[armstrong]

It's usually to go straight to a face to face without a ton of online or phone conversations. It'll let you know in no uncertain terms whether there's chemistry or not. The problem is that it's important to have the chemistry as soon as possible, it's the foundation to which the relationship will be built upon. It's the guys who spend a lot of time finding the mutual chemistry who end up in the friend zone.

I get what you're saying and I agree with it. But in my case I'm talking to women in a totally different city and attempting to set up meetings with them. How would you play that? Would you wait until the night before you leave to go online and chat up someone?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I get what you're saying and I agree with it. But in my case I'm talking to women in a totally different city and attempting to set up meetings with them. How would you play that? Would you wait until the night before you leave to go online and chat up someone?

Personally I stay away from women who aren't convenient to get together with on a consistent basis. LDRs are a pain to sustain, they're an even a bigger pain to create in the first place. All that needs to happen is that she comes across someone closer to home that she's interested in at least as much as she is interested in you, it's the path of lesser resistance.

 

[Interceptor]

You defintiely need to call her and speak to her at least 1 or 2 times BEFORE the day of the MEETING.




Also, you need to let go of the control any previous expereince that has happened COLOR your current experience.

Its as if you are wearing a tshirt that says : "I HAD A BAD ONL:INE EXPERIENCE IN MEETING A WOMAN ONLINE SO I GOT THIS T SHRT TO REMIND ME HOW BAD EVERY MEETING WILL BE IN THE FUTURE"

You will project your fears, anxiety , and apprehension.
THIS is what is downing your successs, and coloring your interactions.

You are bringing in previous negativity and projecting your fears onto this new woman.
Learn to not do that anymore.

 

[Colossus]

Does anyone have any suggestions for calling a woman for the first time who you've been chatting with online? I've done it a few times and they can be pretty awkward because there's no real rapport you have with the person, outside of chatting online.

Dont call just to chat. Build some rapport through a few emails, then call to SET THE DATE. No phone calls over 5 min!! As potential lovers you talk on a date, over some drinks maybe. NOT on the phone. She can do that with her chatty-cathy girlfriends.

 

[Mr. Me]

She gave me her number and said to give her a call when I get in.

My spidey sense is tingling. If you know you're going to be in town on a certain date, why didn't you arrange ahead to meet her via email? Likewise on her part: this sounds vague on her part, and may be another flake coming your way.

The advice from Colossus and F'd is dead on. I'd add this: stay off the phone. You're sabotaging yourself.

 

[armstrong]

My spidey sense is tingling. If you know you're going to be in town on a certain date, why didn't you arrange ahead to meet her via email? Likewise on her part: this sounds vague on her part, and may be another flake coming your way.

The advice from Colossus and F'd is dead on. I'd add this: stay off the phone. You're sabotaging yourself.

I understand but she gave me her number already. Do I disregard that and try to set something up via e-mail or do I disregard this whole situation altogether? The reason I haven't set anything concrete up is because I'll be there for work and have no idea when I'd be able to get away. So we've talked about getting together for drinks one night. The other reason is because we didn't exchange photos until just now. I like what I saw and so did she.

And I'm not looking for a LDR. This one would be a one-time LTD = long distance lay.

 

[Mr. Me]

I understand but she gave me her number already. Do I disregard that and try to set something up via e-mail or do I disregard this whole situation altogether? The reason I haven't set anything concrete up is because I'll be there for work and have no idea when I'd be able to get away. So we've talked about getting together for drinks one night.

My opinion is that many guys need to run a tighter ship. This situation of not knowing when you'll be free until practically the last minute doesn't lend itself well to not being flaked on.

Why don't you do this: Email her now with a definite time/date to meet, making it for some time you think is reasonably when you may be able to make it. Don't tell her that it's iffy, though. The idea is this: I'd rather have you cancel out at the last minute rather than her. And I want to see what her response is. We want to see "Yes" and not any variation of "No", such as "I don't know what my schedule is yet", "let's confirm", "My kitty cat needs a leg cast removed", "My mother may come into town and I haven't seen her in ten years" or "I'm moving that day" or no response at all.

we didn't exchange photos until just now. I like what I saw and so did she.

Hopefully, she's not lying to you about that. She could be and that's why she was vague with the "call me when you're around" instead of trying to help you figure out when you could meet her, such as her saying to you, "well, perhaps we could meet during your lunch break?". Exchanging photos ought to be something you do way up front. In fact, you should have photos of yourself online if you're doing the online dating thing.

 

[guru1000]

I DESIRE to talk on the phone initally before planning a date.

I am not trying to SEDUCE a plant. If the girl has no personality, I wouldn't even set the date.

It's hard enough to find one ATTRACTIVE enough that can keep me stimulated through conversation.

The goal here is not to get a date with any attractive girl. You must find one that is most compatible with you.

There is alot I can find out within 1 minute of conversation.

Attractive women are dime a dozen. One that can keep you interested is the rarity.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

There is alot I can find out within 1 minute of conversation.

What do you say in 1 minute to find stuff out?


As for the OP call her and ask her where she is going to buy you dinner. Then set up the place. That's all the phone is for.

 

[armstrong]

My opinion is that many guys need to run a tighter ship. This situation of not knowing when you'll be free until practically the last minute doesn't lend itself well to not being flaked on.

Why don't you do this: Email her now with a definite time/date to meet, making it for some time you think is reasonably when you may be able to make it. Don't tell her that it's iffy, though. The idea is this: I'd rather have you cancel out at the last minute rather than her. And I want to see what her response is. We want to see "Yes" and not any variation of "No", such as "I don't know what my schedule is yet", "let's confirm", "My kitty cat needs a leg cast removed", "My mother may come into town and I haven't seen her in ten years" or "I'm moving that day" or no response at all.



Hopefully, she's not lying to you about that. She could be and that's why she was vague with the "call me when you're around" instead of trying to help you figure out when you could meet her, such as her saying to you, "well, perhaps we could meet during your lunch break?". Exchanging photos ought to be something you do way up front. In fact, you should have photos of yourself online if you're doing the online dating thing.

I can try this but the problem is that I've never been to this city. I don't have the first clue where to tell her to meet me, other than the hotel where I'll be staying. lol

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I can try this but the problem is that I've never been to this city. I don't have the first clue where to tell her to meet me, other than the hotel where I'll be staying. lol

All of this for a one time lay?