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Calling a girl out on flaking: DO or DON'T?

stringpuller

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My post was mainly for the guys on this site, that it's immature, womanly, and irresponsible to knowingly flake.

The last time I was flaked on was about 3.5 years ago when I was getting back into dating after a 9-year LTR.

Good story:

I dated this woman, 33 at the time, cute, good body, veterinarian too. And she lived close to me. Checked most boxes. We had maybe 8-9 dates. As we were dating the entire time, she had this horrible cough, so I limited my physical contact with her. One night she stays over, we were set to **** after watching a movie, and she starts coughing horribly again. We messed around, I may have gotten a BJ, but we didn't f*uck as her cough was too bad and a turn-off. We're having breakfast the next morning and she says she has a first Match.com date in a few hours. I kind of gave her a look like, "Why the F did you just say that." That's when I started to realize the dating landscape had changed big-time in 9 years. This chick was dating multiple guys--and making it known. Hey, it was within her right to do that. But I'm a very busy guy and frankly just don’t have the bandwidth (or patience actually) to play the dating merry go round with more than a couple chicks at a time. Ironically, she calls a few hours later saying the date was off asking me if I wanted to hang out. I said I was busy. I don't play backup QB to anyone. So things fizzle a few weeks later, I cancelled a date kind of tired of her date-site hopping and other BS.

A couple months later, things rekindle. Can't remember how. I think she reached out. So we set a day/time/place to meet for drinks. I thought maybe she realized her dating merry go round plan was stupid low-percentage so she was circling back to her best option, Dash RR. I pick a place close and that I like, so nothing to lose. It gets to be about 15 minutes past when she's supposed to be there, and she's not, so I call her. She’s out for a walk with her mom and dad somewhere. I say we were supposed to meet and I'm here waiting. She says, 100% true: "You didn't text or call to confirm so I figured you changed your mind." I'm like, "We just confirmed 2 days ago. If there was a question, why didn't YOU reach out?" She says, "Well, I guess I'm the ass*hole then." I just hung up. A 33 year old woman with more education than a human doctor and she can’t keep a date she agreed to. I did have some good whiskey and dinner so not a total loss. She reached out about a year and a half ago via text. I never replied.

I do always confirm dates now as my time is extremely valuable. No confirmation from her = NO DATE from me.
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Thats a hell of a story. Thanks for sharing it. Im old school. I think young boys should be paddled regularly and you should stand a girl up once in a while. Lol but hey what the hell im only human.
 

bcude

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I do always confirm dates now as my time is extremely valuable. No confirmation from her = NO DATE from me.
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This is good advice. Not confirming dates can also lead to the girl genuinely mix up the days you're supposed to meet and not show up. It happended to me recently and felt genuine from her side but it still wasted my time and makes me think back to something Glassguy posted. To have a habit of doing a quick phonecall with your date to check the vibe and confirm the date a day before to avoid any questionmarks and more importantly feel out the vibe if she sounds like someone worth spending time with.
 

SgtSplacker

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Damn, although I've never done this before, I definitely have witnessed something like this when I was on a date with someone. I would see a single gal sitting by herself, checking her phone and she would literally be waiting there for like 15-30min with a sad face. LOL
I definitely knew what was up. Even better if the girl has to travel far or uber it somewhere.

I guess Karma doesn't let me do those things though...
It's funny how things happen right. You see something like that and figure the guy is an arse. Theres always two sides to evry story.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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My post was mainly for the guys on this site, that it's immature, womanly, and irresponsible to knowingly flake.

The last time I was flaked on was about 3.5 years ago when I was getting back into dating after a 9-year LTR.

Good story:

I dated this woman, 33 at the time, cute, good body, veterinarian too. And she lived close to me. Checked most boxes. We had maybe 8-9 dates. As we were dating the entire time, she had this horrible cough, so I limited my physical contact with her. One night she stays over, we were set to **** after watching a movie, and she starts coughing horribly again. We messed around, I may have gotten a BJ, but we didn't f*uck as her cough was too bad and a turn-off. We're having breakfast the next morning and she says she has a first Match.com date in a few hours. I kind of gave her a look like, "Why the F did you just say that." That's when I started to realize the dating landscape had changed big-time in 9 years. This chick was dating multiple guys--and making it known. Hey, it was within her right to do that. But I'm a very busy guy and frankly just don’t have the bandwidth (or patience actually) to play the dating merry go round with more than a couple chicks at a time. Ironically, she calls a few hours later saying the date was off asking me if I wanted to hang out. I said I was busy. I don't play backup QB to anyone. So things fizzle a few weeks later, I cancelled a date kind of tired of her date-site hopping and other BS.

A couple months later, things rekindle. Can't remember how. I think she reached out. So we set a day/time/place to meet for drinks. I thought maybe she realized her dating merry go round plan was stupid low-percentage so she was circling back to her best option, Dash RR. I pick a place close and that I like, so nothing to lose. It gets to be about 15 minutes past when she's supposed to be there, and she's not, so I call her. She’s out for a walk with her mom and dad somewhere. I say we were supposed to meet and I'm here waiting. She says, 100% true: "You didn't text or call to confirm so I figured you changed your mind." I'm like, "We just confirmed 2 days ago. If there was a question, why didn't YOU reach out?" She says, "Well, I guess I'm the ass*hole then." I just hung up. A 33 year old woman with more education than a human doctor and she can’t keep a date she agreed to. I did have some good whiskey and dinner so not a total loss. She reached out about a year and a half ago via text. I never replied.

I do always confirm dates now as my time is extremely valuable. No confirmation from her = NO DATE from me.
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If the chick doesn't reach out to confirm I'll simply let her know my plans a few hours in advance when the meet up time comes. If we're set to meet at 6 I'll text her at 3 or 4 with something like 'grabbing some groceries then I'll get ready and be omw'. Even if she forgot and I've just reminded her she's got plenty of time to get ready and be present. It also lets me gauge her and gives me plenty of time to set up other plans if she's cold.

I prefer to disappear rather than call women out. I don't provide unsolicited criticism or advice, it tends to feel like a waste of breath. I'd never do something salty like set up a date and ditch a girl on purpose.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
 

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stringpuller

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Too many guys fail to realize is that women hate pushovers. I want to be clear on my opinion. Being a dik has its place but if you do it in reaction that is ment to just manipulate her to get what you want instead of true disgust or IDGF.
You run the risk of coming off as an unstable psycho thats going to yell at her instead of saying what you say directly and be done with it.
Women love azzholes. Thats no secret.
 

Solomon

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Too many guys fail to realize is that women hate pushovers. I want to be clear on my opinion. Being a dik has its place but if you do it in reaction that is ment to just manipulate her to get what you want instead of true disgust or IDGF.
You run the risk of coming off as an unstable psycho thats going to yell at her instead of saying what you say directly and be done with it.
Women love azzholes. Thats no secret.
I had a chick flake on me yesterday, she has been wishy-washy with texting back and was dropping major clues she was gonna flake
Older, fit blond. Once it was 2.5 hours past our date time I sent a text "I guess were not hanging out tonight thanks for wasting my time"

Some people may say this is being butthurt, or beta but for a guy like myself who works 50-70hours a week it's the principle. She texted back multiple long text, apologizing making up excuses and wanting to meet me on the spot, I never responded. The thing is with that text I'm not trying to manipulate a woman to going on a date, I'm simply stating that I do not appreciate her bad behavior and move on with my life

Stringpuller is totally right!!!! gaslighting a woman or trying to manipulate her makes you look weak, the text I sent has no venom in it, no calling her out her name. The response I have gotton from women is amazing from begging to make it up to me, to all of a sudden meeting on the spot. The power to walk away from a woman with bad behavior shows you have self-respect and low tolerance for b.s.
 

stringpuller

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I had a chick flake on me yesterday, she has been wishy-washy with texting back and was dropping major clues she was gonna flake
Older, fit blond. Once it was 2.5 hours past our date time I sent a text "I guess were not hanging out tonight thanks for wasting my time"

Some people may say this is being butthurt, or beta but for a guy like myself who works 50-70hours a week it's the principle. She texted back multiple long text, apologizing making up excuses and wanting to meet me on the spot, I never responded. The thing is with that text I'm not trying to manipulate a woman to going on a date, I'm simply stating that I do not appreciate her bad behavior and move on with my life

Stringpuller is totally right!!!! gaslighting a woman or tryng to manipulate her makes you look weak, the text I sent has no venom in it, no calling he rout her name. The response I have gotton from women is amazing from begging to make it up to me, to all of a sudden meeting on the spot. The power to walk away from a woman with bad behavior shows you have self-respect and low tolerance for b.s.
Solomon i actually misread your post lol my bad bro
 

Lookatu

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The power to walk away from a woman with bad behavior shows you have self-respect and low tolerance for b.s.
x2 Right on man.

I don't see anything wrong with either approach, professionally in a calm manner telling a girl you didn't appreciate her wasting your time or giving her the silent treatment and just having her wonder if she was even worth a response. Both ways are effective in their own rights and will depend on the individual.

It's when you don't conduct yourself in a calm manner and start responding with profanities and such that would communicate a butt hurt behavior. You don't wanna ever give the girl that satisfaction knowing that they affected you that much or that she really mattered that much.
 

RangerMIke

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Calling her out on anything assumes she cares about your feelings. Women really do not care how you 'feel' they only care about how you make THEM feel. It also assumes she doesn't know how her behavior impacts you... If you ask a chick out... she knows you cared enough to set aside your time for her... she suspects you are NOT going to like that she cancelled... when you act butt hurt about it you are just becoming predictable. Predictable is boring.

The best way to respond to flaking is to just accept whatever dumb @ss reason she gives you and tell her to reach out if she wants to reschedule.... Then ignore her. The ball is in her court... then you go spend time with women that want to see you. In most cases you will never hear from her again... and that's fine... You should EXPECT to never hear from her again, because this is NOT a 'game', 'technique', or 'strategy'. It's you as a man moving on because you don't want to waste your time.
 

Georgepithyou

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I've had a girl always initiate contact but would always flake right before the date, I found out she was just an attention Hoe stringing me along
 

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Atom Smasher

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Why do women keep on exhibiting rude behavior? Because they are never called out for it. They live with no concept of accountability.

I think it’s dead wrong to let women get away with bad behavior. We should register our disgust with them and then let them go. Communicating disgust with their behavior is not the same as communicating hurt feelings. We are the judges, not them. We call the shots of what’s appropriate, not them.

Men’s inaction and unwillingness to enforce boundaries is precisely why women are running roughshod over them. The reason SoSuave is a necessity is because men have abdicated their role as the authority. Not calling women out for fear of appearing “hurt” simply perpetuates the bratty, entitled behavior. If most men stood up and conveyed disgust at their immoral and amoral behavior, nature would correct itself and we wouldn’t have this big mess on our hands.

Women are nothing more than children. Women retain a child’s voice when growing up, a child’s emotional makeup and a child’s propensity to test what they can get away with.

We should always convey that we are evaluating (judging) them.

When a woman flakes, we should let them know we consider them classless, and walk away unaffected.
 

Dash Riprock

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If the girl flaked and 1) didn't provide a legit reason and 2) didn't offer a counter date, then the best reply to a flake text is NO REPLY.

It's disrespectful and sends the message you're a low priority, not worth her time, or she's just plain dumb and can't manage her time or life.

I lump this in the same category as email spam and robo calls on my phone--NO REPLY (obviously). It's "junk" to me and a waste of my valuable time.

Do you reply to and tell off every spammer and robo caller? Probably not.

Flakey women who don't value you are in the same category, whether social circle, Facebook buddy, whatever. You have far more dignity and higher standards than that.

Good luck.
 

Mauser96

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I had a chick flake on me yesterday, she has been wishy-washy with texting back and was dropping major clues she was gonna flake
Older, fit blond. Once it was 2.5 hours past our date time I sent a text "I guess were not hanging out tonight thanks for wasting my time"

Some people may say this is being butthurt, or beta but for a guy like myself who works 50-70hours a week it's the principle. She texted back multiple long text, apologizing making up excuses and wanting to meet me on the spot, I never responded. The thing is with that text I'm not trying to manipulate a woman to going on a date, I'm simply stating that I do not appreciate her bad behavior and move on with my life

Stringpuller is totally right!!!! gaslighting a woman or trying to manipulate her makes you look weak, the text I sent has no venom in it, no calling her out her name. The response I have gotton from women is amazing from begging to make it up to me, to all of a sudden meeting on the spot. The power to walk away from a woman with bad behavior shows you have self-respect and low tolerance for b.s.
This is how I roll now as well.

I don't entertain games or low interest. One chick and I smashed. Set a date up for two weeks later - I literally was walking out the door to travel one hour to her place, with my overnight bag (very remote area) and she texted to cancel as she had had a very stressful day at work and thought she would be poor company - I thought maybe on her period....I said "no problem, another time" She contacted me a week later, coming to my area, etc. I invited her over and said to come at noon. She replied 2pm works better. I told her that was cool. at 1:30 she said she was going to do one more load of laundry.( she lives an hour away, so that would put her at my place after 4) I replied "You are kidding, right? You are supposed to be here at 2, you chose that time" She played the coy game of "If I do one more load of laundry, I will have more off my plate and be more horny"

So now it appears I fall just below laundry on the priority list. Keep in mind SHE contacted me to get together...so

a) low interest - doubtful since she contacted me to set this up
b) Immediate games to get me chasing/begging

I told her not to contact me anymore and made other plans.

The ONLY way women will stop these games is if they get shut down. Men have to have some standards and fvcking self-respect.
 
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Mauser96

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If she disrespects your time and gets away with it, you can certainly expect more of it. You are telling her it is acceptable.

She immediately loses respect for you.

If you call her out on it, or tell her "we obviously are on different pages, and not a good fit. Good luck"

she will

a) if she has sincere interest and this was habit, a test, laziness, etc.....she will reverse her course and try and accommodate you
b) if she has low interest she will not reply, say something snarky, etc - indicating low interest.

Either way you win. You set a high interest woman straight on how you value your time, or you got rid of a low interest woman.

I don't see any downside.
 
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Who Dares Win

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As an average man Im the right guy to drop my cents, given that its normal guys the ones more likely to deal with crappy behaviours.

First of all, it needs focus on the women which means to see her subconscious reactions rather than the conscious ones as much as pay attention to her action rather than her words...this alone gets you a more or the less precise evaluation of her chances to flake.

You invite her to go out on thursday evening, two possible replies:

1)uhmm ok why not, I'll let you know thursday afternoon
2)ok lets do it, are we going to dance later? let me know so I can take the morning off on friday at work
(guess no explanations are necessary, we can clearly see her interest and the degree to which she visualize already the date).

Also the lenght of her message, the emotional involvement and the time she needed to reply are all indicators, not sure ones but still.

In terms of tactics, I suggest to settle the date in a place near-by your house, not too close of course and still close enough that you can go there walking in less than 15 minutes...I not concerned of psychos so I usually invite them in a bar 50 metres from my house.
This way if she flakes you dont lose time or money.

Someone suggest to drop her a text 10 minutes before saying that you may be late few minutes, this is not to inform her but to get a feedback from here...if she is gonna flake after this hint she will reply that "she is sorry but cant make it"...no big deal since you're still in your sofa wearing a tank top and underwear.

In my opinion traditional dating and traditional arrangements are dead in 2020, women killed it and we have to adapt to cut potential losses.

Whoever drives hours to pick a girl at her place or reserve a table in a restaurant is someone that likes to challenge fate, common sense and human intelligence....this world doesnt need people like them and its good that they do no reproduce.

In case of flakes I have a zero tolerance policy, number doesnt get blocked or deleted (she will be satisfied that she pissed you off) she just gets ignored...she gets and "ok" at her first message then radio silence and if she writes again the following weeks she gets the two blue lines on whatsapp and no further replies.

And please, remember the JUMBOTRON RULE, always remember about it.
 
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