Called her out on her Sh!t

[ProDJ26]

Been talking to this woman recently. She invited me over a couple of times (I've already banged her). I'm still kind of upset because my gut told me to bail before she does. Went over to her place for new years to only to be ignored the entire time. (She had her friends over) Oh it gets better. I "lost" my phone at her house (which she probably has and went through). She usually makes excuses about "being busy, having to write papers,etc". I finally got fed up and called her out on it. Here's the text she sent:

"Ok so I am going to tell you this because it has been bothering me for a little while, I am not going to change how busy I am or what I do just to impress or get a guy, I like to be busy and I like to also have space sometimes, I do enjoy spending time with you and also feel safe with you, but I will not compete to keep you in my life, if u want to go find someone easier then you are welcome to. I will miss u and the time we spend together but I am only trying to please one person in my life and that is me. I know there is someone out there who will take me just as I am and who will not critizies me all the time for what I do and the time I don't have , they will appreciate the time I give, because they know that it is a sacrifice I am make when I should be doing something else. For one you have made it clear that we are only friends so I have no obligation to u and u don't have one to me either. I have spent my hole life trying to please people and I am done, I just want people in my life who will not be judging and just take me as I am, happy, grumpy, busy sad and sometimes upset! Sorry you got all this now I hope u find your phone and I am happy to get together and talk this all out some time. I am looking for someone who is just as motivated and driven as I am and also someone who goes as much as I do that way we understand each other .Don't forget I have a choice too, it's not just yours!"


My first reaction was to respond with vengeful words. But no I refuse to give this woman power. I deleted her @$$ from my contact list and Facebook (which she responded with an immediate friend request). I DID NOT add her back. She made her choice to throw away her chances on the great catch and must now live with regret!!!

 

[TheCWord]

That sounded like a very level-headed, mature reply from her...

 

[devilkingx2]

That sounded like a very level-headed, mature reply from her...

I thought you were being sarcastic because I read this reply before the OP but....

OP you messed up, you're being crazy for no reason at all, it doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with her

she ignored you with her friends... people do that, you have to neglect one group or the other if they're together(the solution is to hang out with your bf/gf separately from your friends)

that phone thing sounds like intensely insane paranoia on your part

finally, she could legitimately have a life and be busy and not be at your beckoned call.

 

[VladPatton]

I'm with OP on this one. Something about that text message doesn't sit right with me. Too calculated, too manly even. She sounds like a whack job, and I'd let her be. As a general, I've noticed overly busy people are running from something or are not stopping to face something in their lives.

I'd cut her loose, but that's just MY gut instinct.

 

[DarkDetective50]

Wow. If I ever heard of a red pill woman, this is her right here. No emotion just pure logic. Wow. I am really impressed. Many men don't even have her level of emotional maturity. I would almost think that reply was typed by a man. OP, are you sure it wasn't her brother or cousin who sent that reply while pretending to be her? Or maybe OP is actually the woman in this relationship.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

I see nothing wrong with her message. I think you messed this one up OP. Sounds like a level-headed woman to me.

I feel this site is somewhat imbalanced and people take the ideas prescribed herein to extremist positions. Experience is still the best teacher; we live and we learn.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'm still kind of upset because my gut told me to bail before she does.

There's where you made your mistake, as you already know.

I'm with the OP. Selfish, manly whack-job. What could a man possibly want with a testosterone-fueled career girl?

 

[DMEDFISIK]

There's where you made your mistake, as you already know.

I'm with the OP. Selfish, manly whack-job. What could a man possibly want with a testosterone-fueled career girl?

According to the message, he told her they were "only friends", hence her behavior. It appears she is open to a larger form of relationship with the OP, but she is aware that she won't be getting that.

 

[Atom Smasher]

A fair point but note that SHE said that he said "only friends". If I had a nickel for every time a woman misquoted me or misrepresented something I said...

She also said:
"I am only trying to please one person in my life and that is me". Huge red flag.

also:
"they will appreciate the time I give, because they know that it is a sacrifice I am mak[ing]." Another huge red flag. If she's making a "sacrifice" to see a man, her relationships are doomed.

She is "done trying to please people". Very non-feminine and a huge red flag.

"I am looking for someone who is just as motivated and driven as I am..." Masculine traits. No time and no use for a man. Huge red flag.

My position stands.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I am happy to get together...

that means "I will still have sex with you."

 

[Trump]

I see nothing wrong with her message. I think you messed this one up OP. Sounds like a level-headed woman to me.

I feel this site is somewhat imbalanced and people take the ideas prescribed herein to extremist positions. Experience is still the best teacher; we live and we learn.

She's not level headed, she is crazy.

The women wrote that long winded message to PROTECT herself. She doesn't care about the OP or anything else, she just cares to look good in front of others. Woman ALWAYS the victim, woe is me, save me attitude.

 

[nismo-4]

Level headed my ass!

OP, when your gut says bail, B.A.I.L.!

BTW, she is playing the princess who wants to be saved from another castle. Don't save her. It won't do you any good.

Case closed.

 

[SamTheHobit]

She doesn't sound very feminine.

 

[joker79]

Think the OP caught her and now she's annoyed by his understanding of her behaviour. What I struggle to see though are strong IOIs from her since the beginning of the entire story. She invites you to the party and ignores you? Why? IMO You were just a ego boost for her, women like attention and having yourself there instead of you going to some other party made her feel good. Going NC will kill every hope you have with this girl - although I think it's not relationship material at all - but I think it's the best thing to do right now. if she contacts you again in the next weeks be careful not to get caught in her game again.

 

[Jariel]

You withhold your part in all of this but judging from her message I'm guessing you have been too demanding. In fact, it sounds like you've been making the same kind of mistakes I have made in the past, that when a girl isn't showing me enough attention or respect, I'd basically throw a tantrum and either walk away and try to make a point or call her out on it.

It's a very egotistical way to think, that women should put you first.

Like others have said, her reply sounds very mature and level headed. I'm very impressed how she has directly addressed the issue without resorting to games. She has also given you a choice, but shown willingness to walk away. A lot of guys here could learn from that message.

What I would recommend is that you take a time out to really look at your own behaviour and ask yourself if your ego has got the better of you.

I have behaved this way with girls before, including my ex. I felt like I was being ignored by one girlfriend so I walked out of a club and expected her to follow me. She didn't...she dumped me instead. I felt another girl was being disrespectful by liking a male friend's photos on Facebook so I deleted her and had a bit of a tantrum. By the time I realise I'd overreacted, it was too late and she refused to put up with that. And my ex was acting distant with me and we were going through a bad phase, so I pre-emptively dumped her hoping it would stir her up and bring her back, but she ended up leaving me and claimed that my egotistical and immature behaviour was more than she was willing to put up with.

This is one of the big problems with this site. So many of us guys have been walked over in the past, that we often go to opposite extremes and get defensive. We claim "we're not taking any sh1t from women" and so many bitter guys here will tell you if she's not paying you attention, she must be banging other guys or she's not interested and they inspire this paranoia and try to push you into ditching women over the slightest thing.

Basically, a lot of us turn out like spoilt brats who "call a woman out" or next her when we don't get our own way.

This is such destructive behaviour and no way to sustain a healthy relationship or even enjoy dating. We have to learn to accept women as they are rather than trying to own them.

Just relax and either accept this woman as a bonus in your life, or move on and look for someone who wants more.

 

[Don_Dom]

^^^This

The OP may not be giving us the whole story, may be being paranoid about his phone, and may be overplaying his hand with all the Facebook drama and whatnot.....but that doesn't mean she didn't disrespect him by ignoring him on nye and that her response isn't just a tad much. Like the old saying goes, just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean nobody's out to get me. That email just sounds like she's trying to put him on his place, entirely on her terms...If she were this model of well adjusted maturity that she's proffering in the email, there's no way this same person had a nye date that she completely ignored 3 days ago. There is manipulation at work here.

There may be a way of turning this into a FB but, personally, I would give a minimal response like "nah" or "ill have to think about it" and go completely ghost....Of she gets back see how she sounds then. If not, next.

Whatever you do, DO NOT feed this girl any more drama for her to "high ground" you with. Girls become obsessed with percieved maturity around age 11 and they use it for manipulation and shaming tactics for the rest of their lives. She basicly have you an ultimatum to get in the box she wants you in. Call her bluff and stop playing onto her hand and let her worry about what she wants to do to keep you. If she doesn't, there's your answer. You just saved yourself a lot of time and future heartache.

 

[TheException]

"Ok so I am going to tell you this because it has been bothering me for a little while, I am not going to change how busy I am or what I do just to impress or get a guy, I like to be busy and I like to also have space sometimes, I do enjoy spending time with you and also feel safe with you, but I will not compete to keep you in my life, if u want to go find someone easier then you are welcome to. I will miss u and the time we spend together but I am only trying to please one person in my life and that is me. I know there is someone out there who will take me just as I am and who will not critizies me all the time for what I do and the time I don't have , they will appreciate the time I give, because they know that it is a sacrifice I am make when I should be doing something else. For one you have made it clear that we are only friends so I have no obligation to u and u don't have one to me either. I have spent my hole life trying to please people and I am done, I just want people in my life who will not be judging and just take me as I am, happy, grumpy, busy sad and sometimes upset! Sorry you got all this now I hope u find your phone and I am happy to get together and talk this all out some time. I am looking for someone who is just as motivated and driven as I am and also someone who goes as much as I do that way we understand each other .Don't forget I have a choice too, it's not just yours!"

To be honest....Im am 10000% shocked by the replies getting all deep and "analyzing" her text:

Something about that text message doesn't sit right with me. Too calculated, too manly even. She sounds like a whack job

I see nothing wrong with her message. I think you messed this one up OP. Sounds like a level-headed woman to me.

Selfish, manly whack-job.
She also said:
"I am only trying to please one person in my life and that is me". Huge red flag.

also:
"they will appreciate the time I give, because they know that it is a sacrifice I am mak[ing]." Another huge red flag. If she's making a "sacrifice" to see a man, her relationships are doomed.

She is "done trying to please people". Very non-feminine and a huge red flag.

"I am looking for someone who is just as motivated and driven as I am..." Masculine traits. No time and no use for a man. Huge red flag.

My position stands.

She doesn't sound very feminine.

Are you all really trying to breakdown what she said logically? Women do not communicate with logic. When they are done with a guy....they are done.

My translation of what happened.....judging by the insecurity wreaking from the OP I can say that I bet he did things right in the beginning. Met this girl, turned on enough attraction switches and eventually slept with her. However a beta chump can only hide his insecurities for so long and they eventually begin to seep out and he took them out on her in the form of "pouting" when he doesnt receive attention. The girl's attraction buttons became turned OFF....and she sent some long message to send him packing.

Remember....dont fool yourselves. Women are only "too busy pursuing their careers" for chump guys. Women with high interest would move mountains to be with an alpha male. This guy acted like a chump and she decided to quit seeing him under the guise of "too busy". Period.

OP, come in to these forums and learn pal. There is knowledge if you seek it. You shouldnt be going through life concerned with such frivolous things as "not getting enough attention at a party." Plus actions like this come from insecurity....and that repels women like a fat chick repels men.

 

[TheException]

I tend to agree with most things you say round here but this isn't fair.

You've literally put all the blame on the OP.

Honestly any girl saying sh!t like this

" I am only trying to please one person in my life and that is me."

is selfish and low quality. Pure and simple.

Again....you are listening to the words she is saying. They are meaningless....her whole text can be summed up as "I lost attraction for you...beat it."

You really believe she thinks that? You think she would tell the resident Alpha on campus that she is "only trying to please one person in her life, and thats me". No....she wouldnt.

 

[Jariel]

You shouldnt be going through life concerned with such frivolous things as "not getting enough attention at a party." Plus actions like this come from insecurity....and that repels women like a fat chick repels men.

Good advice. This is something we all need to sink in.

A man of value is not someone who calls out a girl and demands that she feed his ego. A man of value is someone who creates his own source of contentment and doesn't need anyone to stimulate his ego or offer reassurance.

I've been in the same situation as the OP before. A lot of times I've handled it as badly as he did or behaved clingy, but when I've been on top form, I would just go and engage her friends in conversation and enjoy the opportunity to meet new people and socialise. And if you make a good impression with her friends, that goes a very long way.

 

[joker79]

Again....you are listening to the words she is saying. They are meaningless....her whole text can be summed up as "I lost attraction for you...beat it."

You really believe she thinks that? You think she would tell the resident Alpha on campus that she is "only trying to please one person in her life, and thats me". No....she wouldnt.

Agree 100%. To much drama in the txt, too much logic for a chick. She is simply not interested. The mistake the OP did was to assume that her IL was high (even banging her it not a good indicator) but her actions spoke louder than words.

Move on