Busted by Wife...hysterical crying, no mention of divorce....

[rhythmic]

Could have gone a LOT worse. I've been woken up in the middle of the night by a punch to the head from an ex who found me out in my earlier days!

Still though
A. you've got a woman on your hands who's refusing to get a job?
B. you're not interested in her enough - hence you're communicating with these other girls?

Hide your money and get out of there bro. And don't do that **** again... If you feel the need to cheat, at least get good at it and delete traces

 

[Mike32ct]

Don't fall for this trap...

"Just ADMIT what you did, and we can put it BEHIND us. It's not so much what you did, it's that you keep lying to me about it. Just tell me the truth."

 

[Purefilth]

Not gonna join in with the "told you so" crew - but I did tell you!

Unlucky mate.

(Can't believe you didn't hide the messages though! Cmon man!)

 

[Desdinova]

Moved to Married Man...

 

[marmel75]

UPDATE:

Went to bed around 10:30pm last night as I was mentally exhausted from the day. I was awoken at 3am by her sobbing uncontrollably next to me. At first I did nothing because I didn't want to make it worse. After a few minutes I put my hand on her head and began stroking her hair. This only made her cry harder and more uncontrollably. She did not push my hand away. Finally after about 10 minutes she blurts out "I can't sleep, this is killing me inside!!" and starts crying even harder, almost hyperventilating again.

Guys I have to admit, I broke down. I do still love her and care about her. In my mind it was never about that. I don't think I have ever hurt another person as badly as I hurt her and I started crying as well. Then to my surprise she came over to me, put her head on my chest and started stroking my hair saying "It's OK Honey...it's OK"...we talked about things for an hour or so, and she told me she knew something was going on because I had been acting distant for the past while and then pretty much blamed it all starting with me going to the gym, getting in really good shape and getting hit on by other women. She did say she would never have thought I would have acted on it tho.

Then we started kissing and ended up having some of the hottest sex we have had in a long time. I fvcked the living sh!t out of her for about an hour and a half. I ended up having to sleep on top of the covers after we were done because my side of the bed was soaking wet.

So as of right now, everything looks OK. Needless to say my days doing this are pretty much over. Disaster averted. Thank God I fvck like a champ...I think this had a major role in why she didn't want to leave...never underestimate the importance of how much being really good in bed can have on saving you from breakups...

 

[LiveFreeX]

My father did something like this to my mother. I never forgave him for it, and don't trust him at all. I hope you understand what you've done to your children. They will never trust you or likely forgive you. I guarantee bro, game or no game, you are in for one hell of a bad ride.

Everyone seems to think that HELL is a place you go after you die but I know for a fact, you can create your own personal hell right here on Earth. All actions have consequences.

If I were you, I'd keep one eye open at night and sleep with a jock strap on. Your wife is now capable of Lorena Bobit type sh1t and you are up against a judicial system that is ready to cut you to pieces at every opportunity. I think you will find very little support from any friends/family from here on out. The only way I can see getting out of this would be to leave the country, you've brought some serious shame on your family and caused her to lose face in front of everyone.

Way to go.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Honestly I don't wish you harm marmel and I hope whatever happened last night helps you close the chapter on messing around...sounds like she really loves you man.

I'm not trying to lay into you like some morally perfect person -- but back in your initial thread you were describing your unhappiness in your marriage and how you were close to cheating and a lot of people were trying to tell you there were other ways to deal with those problems as it sounded like you have a really good woman. But at the time you were more so gloating and rather ****y about it.

If you are able to put this thing behind you with her, then she must really fvcking love you and you have an opportunity to not make the same mistakes. If I were you I would never tell her that you actually fvcked one of those girls are you will absolutely destroy her - that is your burden to carry to your grave. Whatever pain it causes you is simply the cost for the action. If you tell her it will destroy any healing that has taken place. You need to stick to your text story and stick to it and delete any possible anything that would point to actually fvcking.

Those who say the white nights are coming out of the woodwork...what's wrong with having morality and trying to treat other people well? How is plotting behind someone's back (whom you've expressed sincere commitment to) "the ways of the game"? If you want to sleep around so be it -- just don't get married and say that's what you want. There are contradictory things that do not jive. These are laws in the universe, there's a reason some things cannot go together.

I am not trying to flame you to pieces and I wish you and your family peace and healing man. It's clear you mean a lot to her and maybe you can really use this to make your marriage stronger, assuming she doesn't get more vindictive with time etc, as some posters have warned.

You can't betray your Crew man. You're the captain. They're you're CREW - you can't betray them! Be a real man! That goes beyond just fvcking random bishes! That means having values you maintain and believe in and uphold! Don't destroy your own family! You have created it! You are the maestro!

**edit** there is an old phrase somewhere on this site: SEX does not equal VICTORY

 

[Epimanes]

You can recover. I have posted much help here. This is far from over if ur still lying. And when those lies get exposed ur wife will feel even more betrayed.

 

[Epimanes]

Marriage builders can help a lot and fix the broken parts of ur marriage even with Infidelity. I have seen this kind of situation recover on their forum and the marriage be better than it was pre affair.

 

[JohnChops]

^So sick and soooooo wrong! I remember this clown, asking for advice on HOW to cheat. I'm glad you got caught & I hope she takes you through the ringer. There were so many more things you could have done if you were unhappy that don't go all the way to divorce (which btw you may think is off the table but she might just surprise ya ;-) but you are just an idiot and wanted to get your **** wet......

100% agree. Technically it shouldnt have been moved to the married men forum since he wont be married for much longer lol

 

[samspade]

Marmel,

Think seriously about whether YOU want to stay with her. Of course your kneejerk reaction is not to blow up the marriage. But then why did you cheat? Do you really want to be monogamous, or do you just fear losing that steady someone to come home to? Do you only want to salvage the marriage because SHE now has her hands on the red button?

You say you were under financial strain. But then you go on POF, and I presume you paid for the second tier. Not that that breaks the bank, but stay with me here. You're spending valuable time texting women, going behind your wife's back. Even if you don't physically cheat, man that shyt takes time and effort. You do realize that money earned is simply a conversion of time spent, right? Your excuse of financial straits sounds like a smokescreen, so that YOU would have a reason to be angry with her (especially if she finds out, which she did).

Good luck bro. Hope you're deleting your cookies online.

 

[Plutoman]

Bear in mind that I'm only 21; I'll give my honest take from what I've seen, but it's colored by a lack of life experience (though I've had some experience similar to this nature).

What Mike32ct and Buddha_Mind said; don't fall for the trap of wanting to tell more. Stick with the story. As time passes, she'll fill in the details with what she wants to believe. But it'll take time, and she'll be sitting her wondering how far it went. Don't indulge her.

Don't count it all as good-to-go right now, as she'll still go through more hot and cold sessions. However, that is an excellent start (it's a good sign of the direction the marriage will go). You can see it there.. she pulls away, comes back. Won't be the only time it happens.

Unlike others, I'm not predicting a divorce coming out of this. If your wife cares about you, she'll stick through with it - because she knows at the core that this was her failing just as much as it was yours. I doubt that she is considering the financial pain a divorce would have on you, because there's too many other considerations, and in my experience, money is usually far from consideration besides "is there enough", especially if she's never been money conscious enough to realize she should also work.

More than likely, in my experience, is that she's considering how many options you have, and realizing that you are wanting to stay with her. This will be the spark to rebuild the relationship. The relationship evidently needed that spark.

I wish you the best of luck with it.

 

[Boilermaker]

My dad cheated on my mother all his life.

I think your wife is a little overreacting. You are still with her, you still sleep with her.

She's being a little spoiled. I guess. Good luck,

 

[zekko]

So you were upset with your wife for not contributing enough to the household financially. How was cheating supposed to improve your financial situation?

 

[sarcastic sam]

because we all know that cheating on your wife is a great way of getting her back for not having a job

 

[CostaDeSol]

UPDATE:
she...pretty much blamed it all starting with me going to the gym, getting in really good shape and getting hit on by other women.

this is part is gold.

working out leads to more women hitting on you. which leads to sex.

Point taken.

 

[Desdinova]

The free ebook that I stickied in this forum states that most of the time, you can get caught once - but only once. You may have to make sacrifices, but it's possible to keep your marriage intact and move ahead with only one mistake. If you fvck up again, you'll likely be out on your ass.

 

[foreverAFC]

because we all know that cheating on your wife is a great way of getting her back for not having a job

lol

 

[moon goddess]

She may SEEM to be okay but you never know. She may just go out and get herself a sidepiece.

 

[jammer]

She may SEEM to be okay but you never know. She may just go out and get herself a sidepiece.

ah Mrs. Marmel75, what brings you here