Building Comfort - Sticking Point

[MrJack]

Sup Fellas,

So I feel like I have gotten pretty savvy as far as texting, getting first dates, attraction, kino escalation.

But I find I am lacking in building comfort with a woman.

My personality leans more towards c0cky/funny (funny being higher than c0cky) and I thrive on witty comments at times but I’m starting to feel like I need to dial that stuff down just a tad, and focus a little more on building comfort/rapport with a woman after attracting her.

I don’t think I’m completely clueless on it but it definitely needs some work.

So what are some topics of conversation/questions, or I guess some techniques/things you guys do to build comfort/rapport, that you have seen success with?

Gracias Amigos.

 

[marmel75]

Talk about family and how important they are to you(if true)

Talk about kids/nieces/nephews...women love guys that like kids whether they have any or not.

Open up a little bit without revealing too much detail initially. This was the hardest one for me to grasp...its OK to open up about yourself but don't go into TOO much detail about it at first...leave them wanting more and asking questions based on what you said.

The more questions they ask about you the more they will find themselves becoming invested in you whether they realize it or not, they can't help it. This is how you really strike hard on first dates...you open up a little bit and show a softer side but dont open up too much..women LOVE this...as long as you know how to strike the right balance.

 

[MrJack]

Talk about family and how important they are to you(if true)

Talk about kids/nieces/nephews...women love guys that like kids whether they have any or not.

Open up a little bit without revealing too much detail initially. This was the hardest one for me to grasp...its OK to open up about yourself but don't go into TOO much detail about it at first...leave them wanting more and asking questions based on what you said.

The more questions they ask about you the more they will find themselves becoming invested in you whether they realize it or not, they can't help it. This is how you really strike hard on first dates...you open up a little bit and show a softer side but dont open up too much..women LOVE this...as long as you know how to strike the right balance.

Thanks Marmel. I’m finding this part to be the hardest one for me to grasp as well. So much so, that it’s difficult for me to even know what’s “acceptable” in this department.

It’s like to the point where I almost don’t even know HOW to open up anymore lol, but I’ve always been sort of closed off in general. Working on that.

There’s only so much c0cky/funny/witty things you can spew before it’s simply too much and you become the “comedian” which I don’t want to just be that.

In your experience, how do you even get to starting those types of conversations?

Assuming you’ve done your job attracting her and it’s time to move onto comfort/rapport, do you simply ask her about her family first and then go into talking about yours?

I am really bad at transitioning to this “phase.”

 

[MrJack]

Talk about the stuff you read here

I have a feeling you’re the “comedian”

 

[marmel75]

Thanks Marmel. I’m finding this part to be the hardest one for me to grasp as well. So much so, that it’s difficult for me to even know what’s “acceptable” in this department.

It’s like to the point where I almost don’t even know HOW to open up anymore lol, but I’ve always been sort of closed off in general. Working on that.

There’s only so much c0cky/funny/witty things you can spew before it’s simply too much and you become the “comedian” which I don’t want to just be that.

In your experience, how do you even get to starting those types of conversations?

Assuming you’ve done your job attracting her and it’s time to move onto comfort/rapport, do you simply ask her about her family first and then go into talking about yours?

I am really bad at transitioning to this “phase.”

I dont think you understand how this should work. It isnt about "attracting them" they are already on a date with you when they could have been with someone else or stayed home or gone out with their friends etc. They have already shown you they are attracted.

There is no "phase" for me ehen I'm sitting there. Its just a flow of the conversation thing..sometimes it gets brought up in the first 5 minutes sometimes not til the end of the night. You are clearly doing too much thinking in date which is not helping you and which is definitely noticeable to your date whether she consciously realizes it or not. You have to understand how to let things flow. Typically a woman will give you multiple pieces of information while you are talking to them. Its your job to be listening and take advantage of these to be able to properly transition and steer the conversation where you want it to go. She gives you all the ingredients so to speak but she isnt going to bake the cake for you...you have to control where the converstion goes.

Stop thinking up all these "cool" things to say and trying to figure out phases and when to do stuff like its some type of exact recipe that at 18 minutes and 23 seconds into a conversation you have to ask about "this thing". No, that isn't how it works. All this stuff you are doing in your mind is simply preventing you from being able to flow freely...quiet your mind. I'm not saying don't have an overall idea of how you want the date to go from a high level(ie, drinks, kino, escalate, etc) but you are trying to plan minutiae that is working against you instesd of for you.

 

[resilient]

Be aware of wary of the "processing style" in convos when relating dating experiences... It may be her way of qualifying herself or trying to disqualify you. Sort of a double-edge sword if not calibrated correctly.

My recent story: This OLD chick called me up last night to "see where things go" before accepting a date. We had a few questions back and forth. What I didn't like was how she steered the convo to her experience with the OLD site/app we both were using. She talked about the type of guys she filtered out, how many messages she's received since joined 3 weeks ago.

I got the dreaded sh!t test question "Are you a nice guy too?". Loaded question, so I answered with I'm a good guy with boundaries. She was meh on that answer, lol.

Banter would have been good here with an immediate segue to a different topic if I had witty responses ready. It was late at night, so that hurt my game a bit. I'll remember to diffuse or amplify next time.

 

[MrJack]

I dont think you understand how this should work. It isnt about "attracting them" they are already on a date with you when they could have been with someone else or stayed home or gone out with their friends etc. They have already shown you they are attracted.

There is no "phase" for me ehen I'm sitting there. Its just a flow of the conversation thing..sometimes it gets brought up in the first 5 minutes sometimes not til the end of the night. You are clearly doing too much thinking in date which is not helping you and which is definitely noticeable to your date whether she consciously realizes it or not. You have to understand how to let things flow. Typically a woman will give you multiple pieces of information while you are talking to them. Its your job to be listening and take advantage of these to be able to properly transition and steer the conversation where you want it to go. She gives you all the ingredients so to speak but she isnt going to bake the cake for you...you have to control where the converstion goes.

Stop thinking up all these "cool" things to say and trying to figure out phases and when to do stuff like its some type of exact recipe that at 18 minutes and 23 seconds into a conversation you have to ask about "this thing". No, that isn't how it works. All this stuff you are doing in your mind is simply preventing you from being able to flow freely...quiet your mind. I'm not saying don't have an overall idea of how you want the date to go from a high level(ie, drinks, kino, escalate, etc) but you are trying to plan minutiae that is working against you instesd of for you.

Well right I know that she’s already attracted but at the same time you can’t just stop doing things that will continue to keep her attracted or you become boring and the nice guy.

And I’m not thinking of all these cool things to say, they just come out and are usually received well. THAT part I can flow just fine. I guess I just suck at having “normal” conversations with women lol.

I use the word “Phase” because you need the girl attracted first before you build rapport with her. You don’t start out being the nice guy who asks about her family and THEN attract her. I’m not thinking about phases or anything during my interactions with women, I just know in the back of my mind you can’t bake the cake without putting together the ingredients first.

I get what you are saying though and you’re right, I am in my head sometimes but not to the level of your exaggeration “ok at 23 seconds in I have to say this or that” lmaoo.

Thank you for the feedback though, you ARE right in that I need to be able to flow better. Maybe the way I organized my question didn’t get my point across as well as I’d hoped.

 

[MrJack]

Be aware of wary of the "processing style" in convos when relating dating experiences... It may be her way of qualifying herself or trying to disqualify you. Sort of a double-edge sword if not calibrated correctly.

My recent story: This OLD chick called me up last night to "see where things go" before accepting a date. We had a few questions back and forth. What I didn't like was how she steered the convo to her experience with the OLD site/app we both were using. She talked about the type of guys she filtered out, how many messages she's received since joined 3 weeks ago.

I got the dreaded sh!t test question "Are you a nice guy too?". Loaded question, so I answered with I'm a good guy with boundaries. She was meh on that answer, lol.

Banter would have been good here with an immediate segue to a different topic if I had witty responses ready. It was late at night, so that hurt my game a bit. I'll remember to diffuse or amplify next time.

Haha yea my response would be to amplify the shyt out of that. Thanks for the tip. I think the conclusion is I simply need to be able to flow the conversation better overall.

 

[Igetit!]

I use the word “Phase” because you need the girl attracted first before you build rapport with her. You don’t start out being the nice guy who asks about her family and THEN attract her.

Don't know where you got this from,but you're 100% RIGHT ON THE MONEY.

I learned that years ago....learned it from Mystery Method.

 

[marmel75]

Well right I know that she’s already attracted but at the same time you can’t just stop doing things that will continue to keep her attracted or you become boring and the nice guy.

And I’m not thinking of all these cool things to say, they just come out and are usually received well. THAT part I can flow just fine. I guess I just suck at having “normal” conversations with women lol.

I use the word “Phase” because you need the girl attracted first before you build rapport with her. You don’t start out being the nice guy who asks about her family and THEN attract her. I’m not thinking about phases or anything during my interactions with women, I just know in the back of my mind you can’t bake the cake without putting together the ingredients first.

I get what you are saying though and you’re right, I am in my head sometimes but not to the level of your exaggeration “ok at 23 seconds in I have to say this or that” lmaoo.

Thank you for the feedback though, you ARE right in that I need to be able to flow better. Maybe the way I organized my question didn’t get my point across as well as I’d hoped.

Again...you seem to not get the flow part...I am not advocating just coming out and asking about her family. I would ask a question like "so are you originally from here?" Which typically brings family into the conversation from her and then I would respond with something about family on my end, blah blah blah...

But again this is done within the flow of the conversation. And I don't worry about doing stuff to "keep her attracted". Either she likes you or she doesn't.

 

[Von]

Thanks Marmel. I’m finding this part to be the hardest one for me to grasp as well. So much so, that it’s difficult for me to even know what’s “acceptable” in this department.

It’s like to the point where I almost don’t even know HOW to open up anymore lol, but I’ve always been sort of closed off in general. Working on that.

There’s only so much c0cky/funny/witty things you can spew before it’s simply too much and you become the “comedian” which I don’t want to just be that.

In your experience, how do you even get to starting those types of conversations?

Assuming you’ve done your job attracting her and it’s time to move onto comfort/rapport, do you simply ask her about her family first and then go into talking about yours?

I am really bad at transitioning to this “phase.”

Become Mysterious....

It's basically what Marmel wrote... Show Interest, Get Her Interest, Give a Little about You, Find out ALOT about Her.

She knows initially if she attracted. You will know by getting the date.

At the Date: You need to seduce HER MIND and Emotions.

Eventually she will open up physically.

You need to have her TALK... women who are having fun have tendencies to wanna TALK ALOT especially about HERSELF. Even the quiet ones!

Find a question that will spark her interest/have her make development. My favorite line (and only one I always remember no matter all the others I tried to learn.) :

You: What are your 3 favorites passions in life ?
Her: Oh wow what can I say, where should I start... what If I have more....
You: Start with what comes to mind and yes your top 3

Than whatever her answer..... get her to talk... where did she pick this, what her favorite memory etc....

You don't want to interview her... you need to make it ''flow'' / make it feel ''natural''..... that will come with experience.

Tips on making it ''flow'' during the date: Always pick back her last sentence and send it back to her in a interogative way. ''Girl: I love wave board'' ''You: Wave Board !?'' Girl''YES!'' ''You: Really, see your passion there or How so?''
and progress in the ''phases (date, seduction, kino, sex, plate, ltr).

Avoid making jokes but be funny (it might come across as sexual vibe killer or trying to hard nice guy)... If she laugh = good

She will want to poke at you and find out stuff, give her the minimun and remains ''mysterious'' but confident and clear in your 'desire''. Girl: ''What About you'' ... You: Me, I thought we were about you... but i'll give you a sneakpeak.. I love X (X being in the current context of topic or date setting/area).

Another tip: Build on what she wearing, what she's going, what you guys are doing, date setting, quality of the food, memories the place/activities/area/setting/festival etc.. reminds you.

You have an agenda... keep leading that agenda... it's your job to transition from phase to phase and make the agenda flow... You can't always go point by point but you have to control the ''ending/conclusion''... Also... it's your JOB to NOT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN AGENDA!

If you need it.... give yourself bullet forms questions, or topics... or things to do..... but don't see them as ''the truth''.... You are the leader, you have a goal keep your eyes on it, and get there.

Make her talk 80% of the time you talk 20% and do some light kino as the date progress... just enjoy yourself and don,t think about anything than the moment (cause it has to come natural)