"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Building a circle of friends (getting a life)

cupraikso

Don Juan
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I've searched in the forum for articles on "getting a life", but I have not had much success.

I'm a 28 yr old in grad school, and my social life is really bad. I used to be pretty popular in highschool and college, just because of the great highschool friendships that I made, but now almost every friend has left school and I find it really difficult to build friendships. In highschool it was really easy -- but now it seems like a chore. The other grad students in my school are either married, working a lot, or unrecoverable introverts. I've tried to hang out with them and although I try to spice things up, it's hard to deal with negative and overly 'serious' people.

I need to change this because it affects my happiness levels and makes me needy in relationships.

I need to find a pool of people around my age that like to do fun things.

I don't know where to start. Hobbies that interest me are not of the 'social' kind. Photography and sound engineering. I also used to have a band where I played the guitar, but I haven't touched that thing for 5 years, so I'm really lousy.

Perhaps joining a dance club? I have been to two dance studios and there are only people of 50 yrs and older. I'm in a small town.

Perhaps Toastmasters?

Any tips?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Warrior74

Master Don Juan
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Try toastmaster, but also check your city council, see if they have a business group for young adults 25-40, we have one here and they have mixers once or twice a week at hot spots...you can find professional fun people at events like that.
 

I'm in the Mood

Master Don Juan
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May 3, 2008
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cupraikso said:
I'm in a small town.
I am by no means an expert on building a social network or getting a life, but I think this could be your biggest setback.

Think about it: if you live in a small town, your options are limited to whatever your town has to offer.

I would save money and move to someplace bigger, with more opportunity.

This has probably crossed your mind before, but there have to be at least some cool people living in your town.

I want you to think about these two questions for awhile, let them really sink in:
What are the types of people I like?
Where can I find them?

If you know exactly what you're after, and then pursue it, you will definitely find the people you're looking for.
 
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