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Buddy is delusional and now mad at me

jnMissouri

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It really is amazing how blind he is to this, how his emotions hide it from him. He spent 25K last year on a girl that has a BF who is a broke bartender. He get's a kiss here and there that's it, while her hot boyfriend bangs her in his apartment. He then bought her a 20K ring to propose, she said no, she wants to see the bartender thing through first. I'm like dude, you are a back up plan and gift guy to her. You buy alllll the gifts he can't afford while she sleeps with him. I told him to stop with the gifts. He did and exactly what I told him would happen happened. She tried to charm him back with sweet talk about how connected she feels to him and how she wants him, and he fell for it, right back to the gifts...His response to me? Well it took 3 years for my friend X to bang her. I'm like, dude she told you at 31 she has slept with over 300 men...you really think she makes most guys wait 3 years or buy her gifts? Delusional AF!!!

So he meets 1 other girl that gave him the time of day. Never any relationship, barely/allegedly slept with her, and she walked away. He was so heart broken after....wait for it....6 weeks. Again, this was one with expensive gifts and $800 dinners...So he is all telling me that she told him it's not him, it's her, she only feels close to her brother and hiking partner, that she doesn't feel anything with him, etc. He's like, she's open to hanging out with me still, if I call her to hang out she will because she said she would, she wants to hang out. I'm like, women who want to hang out don't give you the friends speech and "break up" with you....

Fast forward to now. Dating a girl who has a bf. She is 45, divorced, has a kid. She has hung out with him a few times, no sex. Yet she goes over to her bf's apartment and sucks him off and leaves. He doesn't respond to her texts sometimes and she asks my friend for advice for it. Just days prior he was telling me how she is thinking of leaving the bf because "she is so into me!".

I couldn't take it anymore. I've told him some of this before but he just doesn't get it. Girl 1 is just using him for gifts, she sleeps with random dudes for a cheeseburger and here he is buying her 5K handbags, 3K shoues, Botox, etc. I tell him the FIRST girl that gave him the time of day he tries to put a ring on her finger and she says no, keeps him around for gifts while she sleeps with her bf. I could understand if she was married, hasn't slept with many men, religious, etc. But come on man, none of that applies here!!!

I tell him the 1 girl he ACTUALLY slept with last year gave him the friends speech and he thinks she wants to hang out still...Bro, girls who want to hang out don't give you the friends speech and stop talking to you.

So the current girl, has not even slept with her, ex cheerleader/passed around middle aged single mom...expensive dinners, gifts, etc. He thinks she is so into him after 3 dates that she wants to leave her bf for him. I'm like, dude, she goes to his apartment and sucks him off then leaves. He cheats on her (it's obvious) and doesn't respond to her texts sometimes and then she comes to YOU for advice on what to do...you are delusional and this girl has NO interest in you...

That was a week ago and he has not spoken to me since. I've never met anyone as delusional as this guy. It's like he wants to believe things that the evidence doesn't support.

I will say his no contact game is on point, but other than that, I have waaaay better luck than him and slept with many more women than his 1 of last year. He was useful for keeping me on the no contact train with a few ex's last year, is it worth to try to rekindle this friendship?
 

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Black Widow Void

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Yes. It's worth it.

Eventually, he's going to face the reality. It may not be any time soon, but it will eventually sink in.

When it does, this guy will be a wreck. He will hate these women for haven "taken advantage of him" (although you and I both know that he was an enabler) , but worse, he'll hate himself even worse.
I know this type very well. Many years ago, my best friend (at that time) married one.
You want to be there to open their eyes, but they refuse to see the reality. It's frustrating and eventually, you throw your hands up in the air and give up on them. I did this to a friend. After his separation, I eventually came back around.

When his eyes finally open, he's not only going to feel depressed, but he's also going to really need a true friend (one that doesn't say "I told you so.")
 

mrgoodstuff

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It really is amazing how blind he is to this, how his emotions hide it from him. He spent 25K last year on a girl that has a BF who is a broke bartender. He get's a kiss here and there that's it, while her hot boyfriend bangs her in his apartment. He then bought her a 20K ring to propose, she said no, she wants to see the bartender thing through first. I'm like dude, you are a back up plan and gift guy to her. You buy alllll the gifts he can't afford while she sleeps with him. I told him to stop with the gifts. He did and exactly what I told him would happen happened. She tried to charm him back with sweet talk about how connected she feels to him and how she wants him, and he fell for it, right back to the gifts...His response to me? Well it took 3 years for my friend X to bang her. I'm like, dude she told you at 31 she has slept with over 300 men...you really think she makes most guys wait 3 years or buy her gifts? Delusional AF!!!

So he meets 1 other girl that gave him the time of day. Never any relationship, barely/allegedly slept with her, and she walked away. He was so heart broken after....wait for it....6 weeks. Again, this was one with expensive gifts and $800 dinners...So he is all telling me that she told him it's not him, it's her, she only feels close to her brother and hiking partner, that she doesn't feel anything with him, etc. He's like, she's open to hanging out with me still, if I call her to hang out she will because she said she would, she wants to hang out. I'm like, women who want to hang out don't give you the friends speech and "break up" with you....

Fast forward to now. Dating a girl who has a bf. She is 45, divorced, has a kid. She has hung out with him a few times, no sex. Yet she goes over to her bf's apartment and sucks him off and leaves. He doesn't respond to her texts sometimes and she asks my friend for advice for it. Just days prior he was telling me how she is thinking of leaving the bf because "she is so into me!".

I couldn't take it anymore. I've told him some of this before but he just doesn't get it. Girl 1 is just using him for gifts, she sleeps with random dudes for a cheeseburger and here he is buying her 5K handbags, 3K shoues, Botox, etc. I tell him the FIRST girl that gave him the time of day he tries to put a ring on her finger and she says no, keeps him around for gifts while she sleeps with her bf. I could understand if she was married, hasn't slept with many men, religious, etc. But come on man, none of that applies here!!!

I tell him the 1 girl he ACTUALLY slept with last year gave him the friends speech and he thinks she wants to hang out still...Bro, girls who want to hang out don't give you the friends speech and stop talking to you.

So the current girl, has not even slept with her, ex cheerleader/passed around middle aged single mom...expensive dinners, gifts, etc. He thinks she is so into him after 3 dates that she wants to leave her bf for him. I'm like, dude, she goes to his apartment and sucks him off then leaves. He cheats on her (it's obvious) and doesn't respond to her texts sometimes and then she comes to YOU for advice on what to do...you are delusional and this girl has NO interest in you...

That was a week ago and he has not spoken to me since. I've never met anyone as delusional as this guy. It's like he wants to believe things that the evidence doesn't support.

I will say his no contact game is on point, but other than that, I have waaaay better luck than him and slept with many more women than his 1 of last year. He was useful for keeping me on the no contact train with a few ex's last year, is it worth to try to rekindle this friendship?
It's a painful lesson. But they learn on their own time. You said your peace.
 

jnMissouri

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Yes. It's worth it.

Eventually, he's going to face the reality. It may not be any time soon, but it will eventually sink in.

When it does, this guy will be a wreck. He will hate these women for haven "taken advantage of him" (although you and I both know that he was an enabler) , but worse, he'll hate himself even worse.
I know this type very well. Many years ago, my best friend (at that time) married one.
You want to be there to open their eyes, but they refuse to see the reality. It's frustrating and eventually, you throw your hands up in the air and give up on them. I did this to a friend. After his separation, I eventually came back around.

When his eyes finally open, he's not only going to feel depressed, but he's also going to really need a true friend (one that doesn't say "I told you so.")

I forgot to mention that his wife, who was way out of his league (I saw her at the office once, he is about 340 lbs, she is a tiny blonde) cheated on him...after she sat on her butt all day watching Netflix and banging other guys while he paid for it all (she didn't work). I really don't understand the guys who think any good can come from a woman at home all day, you're basically the beta provider while she sleeps around with alphas.

He always says "well in my EXPERIENCE" when I'm talking to him and I'm like...I banged multiple girls who ended up becoming my gf's, 3 of them overlapping as gf's who pushed ME for a relationship, and knew of the fact that I had a live in or suspected it, depending on the girl, and still slept with others on the side...then bought them a drink AFTER I slept with them. And here you are buying them 25K worth of gifts one expensive hand bag at a time...in exchange for a kiss...tell me again about your experience???

Not to say all his game is bad. His no contact game is ON POINT. I learned a lot about that from him. Whenever I was tempted to reach out after a break up or a fight with one of the girls, he and everyone else (including a girl I'm now dating, we used to work together) would tell me to wait for the girl to reach out and it was golden. Not only that, when they would reach out, he's say, no, wait a little longer for a better message...and by the third text the girl was practically submitting 100% to do things my way.

So not ALL is bad in his game. But I just don't see how his initial sex game is so off while his no contact game is so much better than mine. He conceded we both have missing pieces of the puzzle. But man, he is delusional. All that money spent on nothing...

He sent the current girl he is seeing (the cheerleader) an expensive bouquet of flowers for VD while her boyfriend who she sucks off at his apartment then leaves didn't...and he was surprised when I didn't send one of the girls I'm dating flowers for VD when she repeatedly asked me to. I was like, ummmm...We aren't a couple and I'd I'm not that interested in her, I'd rather spend the $80 on myself....The girl still talks to me....lol. She is in Canada so I don't see her too often.
 

jnMissouri

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It's a painful lesson. But they learn on their own time. You said your peace.

So don't reach out and try to rekindle things? Go no contact which he taught me lol? He only has one other friend to hang out with and that's rare from what I understand. At 45 I don't think he will ever learn...

Also, I'm a bit miffed, because I think he pushed for me to break up with my live in gf so he had me to hang out with since he has no one really. He used it as an excuse all the time (that other girl that's tied down, etc. won't leave her husband until you're single, blah blah blah). Well I did and we are still seeing each other but she has still not left on account of the kids. Similar with another girl that wouldn't come back until my live in was out.
 
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Robert28

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Actually women DO give the friends speech and then proceed to act on it. That’s the worst part, the ones that act on it and use your feelings against you to get you to do favors for them. Had it happen to me, seen it happen to others. They give the speech, don’t wait too long as to not let you get over them and then here comes the favors and you’re hooked. You think if you do this just one favor maybe she will like you again and it snowballs from there. That’s what’s happening to your friend. Not saying it’s smart on his part but I’ve been there before, although not nearly as bad as he is. My favors consisted of “can you fix this? Can you take here here since my car broke down? Can you bring this?” Don’t be mad at your friend, these women know what they’re doing and are eating him up like a school of sharks. He will have to learn the hard way but right now you need to keep telling him the hard truth.
 

Kotaix

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Unless someone is ready to listen, they won't, and they'll usually fight whatever you say. In these cases I find that some people will eventually hear what you said if they digest it, and in those cases they will eventually reach out to you and want to talk. But more often than not they are beyond help.

No contact is probably a good idea. I have friends that I no longer call because I'm no longer they person that they used to know, and talking to them turns into a test of my patience and a waste of time. They claim to be open-minded and tolerant, but in reality they are anything but.
 

BeExcellent

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J you mentioned he weighs over 300 lbs.

Unless he is a 6’8” professional athlete he is morbidly obese.

Fat is gross. Women have no desire to have sex with obese people if they are themselves attractive. I will not see men who are too heavy. Sorry. I bust my rear to look good and weigh 115 lbs give or take...I eat right, exercise, and pay close attention to my appearance and this requires self discipline and not eating just whatever FEELS good to eat...I’m not going to go out with men who do not reflect my commitment to fitness & appearance.

I dismiss over a beer belly. The man I’ve been seeing weighed 245 lbs at 6’3” and snored like crazy. I told him his snoring would improve greatly if he lost 40 pounds...and he lost the weight.

He was very handsome to start with. After losing 40 lbs he looked incredible AND his snoring greatly reduced so he was sleeping better. He still struggles and stays between 215 and 225 most of the time. Women pay attention to him constantly.

But your friend cannot reasonably expect hot women to see him sexually if he is obese.

He isn’t going to want to face that. But it’s no less true.
 
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ShePays

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It really is amazing how blind he is to this, how his emotions hide it from him. He spent 25K last year on a girl that has a BF who is a broke bartender. He get's a kiss here and there that's it, while her hot boyfriend bangs her in his apartment. He then bought her a 20K ring to propose, she said no, she wants to see the bartender thing through first. I'm like dude, you are a back up plan and gift guy to her. You buy alllll the gifts he can't afford while she sleeps with him. I told him to stop with the gifts. He did and exactly what I told him would happen happened. She tried to charm him back with sweet talk about how connected she feels to him and how she wants him, and he fell for it, right back to the gifts...His response to me? Well it took 3 years for my friend X to bang her. I'm like, dude she told you at 31 she has slept with over 300 men...you really think she makes most guys wait 3 years or buy her gifts? Delusional AF!!!

So he meets 1 other girl that gave him the time of day. Never any relationship, barely/allegedly slept with her, and she walked away. He was so heart broken after....wait for it....6 weeks. Again, this was one with expensive gifts and $800 dinners...So he is all telling me that she told him it's not him, it's her, she only feels close to her brother and hiking partner, that she doesn't feel anything with him, etc. He's like, she's open to hanging out with me still, if I call her to hang out she will because she said she would, she wants to hang out. I'm like, women who want to hang out don't give you the friends speech and "break up" with you....

Fast forward to now. Dating a girl who has a bf. She is 45, divorced, has a kid. She has hung out with him a few times, no sex. Yet she goes over to her bf's apartment and sucks him off and leaves. He doesn't respond to her texts sometimes and she asks my friend for advice for it. Just days prior he was telling me how she is thinking of leaving the bf because "she is so into me!".

I couldn't take it anymore. I've told him some of this before but he just doesn't get it. Girl 1 is just using him for gifts, she sleeps with random dudes for a cheeseburger and here he is buying her 5K handbags, 3K shoues, Botox, etc. I tell him the FIRST girl that gave him the time of day he tries to put a ring on her finger and she says no, keeps him around for gifts while she sleeps with her bf. I could understand if she was married, hasn't slept with many men, religious, etc. But come on man, none of that applies here!!!

I tell him the 1 girl he ACTUALLY slept with last year gave him the friends speech and he thinks she wants to hang out still...Bro, girls who want to hang out don't give you the friends speech and stop talking to you.

So the current girl, has not even slept with her, ex cheerleader/passed around middle aged single mom...expensive dinners, gifts, etc. He thinks she is so into him after 3 dates that she wants to leave her bf for him. I'm like, dude, she goes to his apartment and sucks him off then leaves. He cheats on her (it's obvious) and doesn't respond to her texts sometimes and then she comes to YOU for advice on what to do...you are delusional and this girl has NO interest in you...

That was a week ago and he has not spoken to me since. I've never met anyone as delusional as this guy. It's like he wants to believe things that the evidence doesn't support.

I will say his no contact game is on point, but other than that, I have waaaay better luck than him and slept with many more women than his 1 of last year. He was useful for keeping me on the no contact train with a few ex's last year, is it worth to try to rekindle this friendship?
The best you can do, if you're friends, is to support him as much as you can. He's obviously addicted to these women, and they know just how to play him. Just try to keep him from spending any money on them, or from doing favors for them. Other than that, if he wants to hang out with them, there isn't too much you can do. Calling a chick a wh0re, when your buddy thinks he's in love with her, no matter how obvious it is to an objective observer, probably isn't helpful.
 

jnMissouri

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J you mentioned he weighs over 300 lbs.

Unless he is a 6’8” professional athlete he is morbidly obese.

Fat is gross. Women have no desire to have sex with obese people if they are themselves attractive. I will not see men who are too heavy. Sorry. I bust my rear to look good and weigh 115 lbs give or take...I eat right, exercise, and pay close attention to my appearance and this requires self discipline and not eating just whatever FEELS good to eat...I’m not going to go out with men who do not reflect my commitment to fitness & appearance.

I dismiss over a beer belly. The man I’ve been seeing weighed 245 lbs at 6’3” and snored like crazy. I told him his snoring would improve greatly if he lost 40 pounds...and he lost the weight.

He was very handsome to start with. After losing 40 lbs he looked incredible AND his snoring greatly reduced so he was sleeping better. He still struggles and stays between 215 and 225 most of the time. Women pay attention to him constantly.

But your friend cannot reasonably expect hot women to see him sexually if he is obese.

He isn’t going to want to face that. But it’s no less true.
Yeah and when we used to go out he would order 2 meals....no exercise either.

When I first met his wife I was realized what was going on. She was a 9, short, slim, attractive, younger than him. Sure enough, found out she didn't work, he paid the bills and she sat at home doing nothing...except she was doing other guys behind his back. They are divorced now. At 45 he has still not figured out that money is NOT the way to get women. It's the way to get used. None of these women care about him, just his expensive gifts. He is still not responding to calls or texts. It's a shame, the one area of game he was good at was no contact. I did learn that from him very well but he was my pillar when in a situation that required silence and I wanted to talk instead. His strength of getting me to be silent helped me a lot.

I still don't understand how he could be so good at no contact but fail so miserably in dating. He slept with only 1 girl in the last 1+ year or so. I slept with much more and mine were attractive, slim and didn't get gifts from me. Because I couldn't bring them home we largely had sex in the bathroom at my work, hotels, cars and a few times in a tent while camping. Amazing how we all have different pieces of the puzzle.
 

Atom Smasher

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J you mentioned he weighs over 300 lbs.

Unless he is a 6’8” professional athlete he is morbidly obese.

Fat is gross. Women have no desire to have sex with obese people if they are themselves attractive. I will not see men who are too heavy. Sorry. I bust my rear to look good and weigh 115 lbs give or take...I eat right, exercise, and pay close attention to my appearance and this requires self discipline and not eating just whatever FEELS good to eat...I’m not going to go out with men who do not reflect my commitment to fitness & appearance.

I dismiss over a beer belly. The man I’ve been seeing weighed 245 lbs at 6’3” and snored like crazy. I told him his snoring would improve greatly if he lost 40 pounds...and he lost the weight.

He was very handsome to start with. After losing 40 lbs he looked incredible AND his snoring greatly reduced so he was sleeping better. He still struggles and stays between 215 and 225 most of the time. Women pay attention to him constantly.

But your friend cannot reasonably expect hot women to see him sexually if he is obese.

He isn’t going to want to face that. But it’s no less true.
I've had a serious stomach problem all my life, and I vacillate between a flat stomach and swollen like I'm pregnant, and everything in-between. It all depends on what kid of party the bacteria are throwing in there on any given day. Mostly I'm middle ground between the extremes, and it varies wildly day by day. One day I'll wake up with a flat stomach, the next bloated. I have found that women are easily able to overlook this. I know there are a fair amount of women out there who actually like a bit of a belly on their man.

My point is that women can and do overlook something like that, but obesity is an absolute disqualifier, as @BeExcellent says.

There are times when women can enjoy a fat guy's company and personality, but again, they just can't see him in a sexual way. Fat advertises to the world what your self-respect and self-discipline level really is.
 

jnMissouri

Master Don Juan
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I've had a serious stomach problem all my life, and I vacillate between a flat stomach and swollen like I'm pregnant, and everything in-between. It all depends on what kid of party the bacteria are throwing in there on any given day. Mostly I'm middle ground between the extremes, and it varies wildly day by day. One day I'll wake up with a flat stomach, the next bloated. I have found that women are easily able to overlook this. I know there are a fair amount of women out there who actually like a bit of a belly on their man.

My point is that women can and do overlook something like that, but obesity is an absolute disqualifier, as @BeExcellent says.

There are times when women can enjoy a fat guy's company and personality, but again, they just can't see him in a sexual way. Fat advertises to the world what your self-respect and self-discipline level really is.
Yeah come to think of it I can't think of many times I saw an attractive woman with a fat man. Oddly though, I do see a lot of slimmer guys with fat women. I mean huge women. That is surprisingly common.
 
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