Broke no contact after 4 months.

[RicBoy]

I don't like being driven by a woman either. Unless she's wearing a suit & cap and I'm in the back seat with another woman or two or course.

Clinging on to your dominant masculinity is a good thing. In fact it's the first good news you've given us about you, apart from the new job and house.

Men lead, women follow. Damaged women try to lead, weak men want to follow.

No more damaged women for you.

I think most guys will fail with this woman. She came to Finland from Estonia alone with her little kid by the end. Started a cleaning job, eventually got promoted to supervisor, got a car, a house, raised her kid alone. She supervises 45 workers. It's in her blood to cold and strong.
I tried to impose my masculinity but eventually failed, arguments, abuse. She was constantly disputing my rules etc. That's why she felt smothered. But ofc all the rest we talked about, working together etc.

 

[JayAce]

Bottom of line, she didn't reply to my birthday text and email after 4,5 months no contact. Its not just lack of interest, she really hates my guts.
She is friends with all her exes.

let her hate you. the past is the past
all the screwups you made w her, etc dont matter anymore. today and beyond is what matters. how you live your life now is what matters

 

[RicBoy]

We have been talking so much about this woman, I might as well show her.
I'll delete it later.

Screenshot-2020-07-02-20-18-18-447-com-whatsapp hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-2020-07-02-20-18-18-447-com-whatsapp hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

Screenshot-2020-07-02-20-18-11-858-com-whatsapp hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-2020-07-02-20-18-11-858-com-whatsapp hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

Screenshot-2020-07-02-20-18-06-950-com-whatsapp hosted at ImgBB

Image Screenshot-2020-07-02-20-18-06-950-com-whatsapp hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

And my kid's mom

FB-IMG-1593710566401 hosted at ImgBB

Image FB-IMG-1593710566401 hosted in ImgBB

ibb.co

 

[Robert28]

Yup, she’s got the look of a narcissist. Her eyes give it away, cold and dead, no depth at all. Don’t mess with those, boy, they’re bad news.

 

[bcude]

I think most guys will fail with this woman.

Most healthy guys are not interested in masculine women who want to fight for control over every little decision. It's a constant headache, sets up for drama and leads to a miserable existence. That's why i asked you what you see in her but never got an answer.

From what i've read so far she seems to be of low hanging fruit and a real turn-off.

Don't confuse macho with masculinity. Imposing your masculinity would be to lead, to be secure in yourself, unphased to emotional whims and generally confident. You did however impose your insecurity on her in many many ways. There's nothing like too much masculinity with a woman. A controlling freak always comes off as insecure though.

 

[Lookatu]

I think most guys will fail with this woman. She came to Finland from Estonia alone with her little kid by the end.

Nuff said...

 

[Billtx49]

Try to implement the great advice given you in this thread @RicBoy

 

[ghcortez253]

learn from how this feels and never contact her again.

 

[Robert28]

Try to implement the great advice given you in this thread @RicBoy

Honestly the only advice he’s going to listen to is learn the hard way by trial and error. I was at the point when I was younger that I wouldn’t listen to anyone’s advice and had to learn my own way. Eventually you get tired of making a fool of yourself and that lesson will stick with you for the next time. He will eventually get to a point where he says “this isn’t worth it, I’m stopping for good”. No one can make him do it, he’s got to get to that conclusion himself, and he will eventually.

 

[lamath]

Yup, she’s got the look of a narcissist. Her eyes give it away, cold and dead, no depth at all. Don’t mess with those, boy, they’re bad news.

Heard of that narc stare , but i always wonder if it can be identify with a picture.
Sure look like an empty stare to me.

 

[Robert28]

Heard of that narc stare , but i always wonder if it can be identify with a picture.
Sure look like an empty stare to me.

Before I dated one for a year I couldn’t tell you by looking at someone’s eyes. But now I know exactly what “the stare” looks like.

 

[lamath]

Before I dated one for a year I couldn’t tell you by looking at someone’s eyes. But now I know exactly what “the stare” looks like.

On photos too?

 

[Robert28]

On photos too?

On photos too. You can’t hide that stare. Especially from anyone that’s seen it before and knows what to look for.

 

[lamath]

On photos too. You can’t hide that stare. Especially from anyone that’s seen it before and knows what to look for.

Had an ex with some Narc traits noting to makes me say she was one for sure.
Was not grandiose in the way i would expect a narc to be.
I got to say that there was something with her eyes( Sad puppy eyes is how id describe it)
But it was not exactly a stare, because i was not noticing anything obvious when talking to her.

 

[Robert28]

Had an ex with some Narc traits noting to makes me say she was one for sure.
Was not grandiose in the way i would expect a narc to be.
I got to say that there was something with her eyes( Sad puppy eyes is how id describe it)
But it was not exactly a stare, because i was not noticing anything obvious when talking to her.

Might have been the covert type. Those are dangerous because they can hide it for so long and do it so well, but I know what to look for now. They’re silent ragers, they’ll use silent treatment like it’s their job. My first experience with a narcissist, my instincts were sounding the alarms that something was off but in didn’t listen. Now I listen if I am around a girl and get that weird feeling again. I recently ghosted a girl because she came on way too strong and too fast after knowing her for only 2 weeks, I was like “nope, been here before, let me nope the fvck outta here!”. She was love bombing me, I’d attracted another narcissist but this time I knew what to do and I got rid of her.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Some men come here and they are suffering with serious emotional pain that completely prevents solid advice from taking root. The fact is they must suffer some more until they get completely sick and tired of living the way they are. But the seeds we are planting are not sewn in vain, because they will likely spring to life down the road in their due time. Plus, others who read this thread and similar, will benefit from the golden advice given here.


You can usually tell when a guy simply has to suffer more and see the drama through before getting to the point of being able to understand and assimilate. I’ve observed that it’s usually not a matter of intellectual shortcomings, but rather deep emotional pain that makes a man unable to accept and act upon solid advice. What has to be, has to be.

 

[lamath]

Might have been the covert type. Those are dangerous because they can hide it for so long and do it so well, but I know what to look for now. They’re silent ragers, they’ll use silent treatment like it’s their job. My first experience with a narcissist, my instincts were sounding the alarms that something was off but in didn’t listen. Now I listen if I am around a girl and get that weird feeling again. I recently ghosted a girl because she came on way too strong and too fast after knowing her for only 2 weeks, I was like “nope, been here before, let me nope the fvck outta here!”. She was love bombing me, I’d attracted another narcissist but this time I knew what to do and I got rid of her.

Yeah Covert Narcisssit was the only i could come up with, i did expremce that silent rage. Felt a bit like everything was my fault

Looking back i think i handled her well never gave in to her bs, ended dumping her but i am still angry at myself for not dumping her faster.


Live and learn

 

[lamath]

Some men come here and they are differing with serious emotional pain that completely prevents solid advice from taking root. The fact is they must suffer some more until they get completely sick and tired of living the way they are. But the seeds we are planting are not sewn in vain, because they will likely spring to life down the road in their due time. Plus, others who read this thread and similar, will benefit from the golden advice given here.


You can usually tell when a guy simply has to suffer more and see the drama through before getting to the point of being able to understand and assimilate. I’ve observed that it’s usually not a matter of intellectual shortcomings, but rather deep emotional pain that makes a man unable to accept and act upon solid advice. What has to be, has to be.

I think OP is learning but that the pain of this is clouding his few and is making him do things he knows he should not do in the hope of receiving any time of attention from her.

Learning from experience is good but its much wiaer to learn from the experience of others.

 

[RicBoy]

I see the thread was re-opened. It's nice to talk a bit with someone who knows my story.

So it's been a week since I sent that email and the birthday text where I broke no contact after 4,5 months.

So to recap. I sent a birthday text to my ex's phone (maybe blocked), I then asked her best friend which I know her too to pass her the msg. 3 days later I created a new email and sent my ex an email to her Gmail account. She probably got it. I don't think you can block in Gmail without knowing the email. And then texted her friend if she had passed the text to my ex.

Neither my ex or her friend replied.

Even tho i shouldn't have sent anything to my ex, and probably the context of the texts were maybe needy, they were rather polite. No reply at all, very harsh and disrespectful.

My son will move here in exatctly one month.

 

[RicBoy]

I guess now I just keep moving forward, work, gym, etc and be a good father for my kid when he is here. Reaching out to my ex is not an option no more especially after the birthday text and email which I got no reply. I guess enough is enough. No woman in this world should be worth of so much trouble and humiliation.

I have talked to friends, family, etc I will let my ex pick up my son or have her daughter come to my place for night overs if my ex reached out which she most likely will. I'll just be 'invisible' in the background, quiet and let her do as she pleases. Only reply to her msgs short and straight to the point about the kids. If the kids interactions will make her come closer to me, great, if not, so be it.