Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Broke no contact after 4 months.

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RicBoy

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OP, you obviously have insight as to what is driving this. You used to be a runner. You used to play poker. You hate to lose.

Your problem with women is that you have mis-identified the game. You think that the game you need to win is getting your ex back. In fact, the game is not that at all. Rather, the game you need to win is that of the larger picture... The game is to overcome your dependence on a single girl in order to become a man who calls his own shots when it comes to women.

In a poker game, you don’t slam the cards down on the table because of a bad hand. You either strategize with that hand or you fold and know you’ll do better next time.

Same with running a race. If you stumble, you don’t stop and go back to take that particular step again. Instead you press on.

The victory is in the bigger picture, not in an individual misstep. Victory for you is overcoming this obsession once and for all. Turning and looking backwards guarantees loss. What a hollow “victory” that would be. Manipulating a closed-off woman back into your life is a lost cause. It’s equivalent to obsessing over a single battle and losing the war.

This is not the woman for you. It will never, ever work out. You’re just prolonging your suffering. You are trying to cheat the system. Cheating the system always leaves one empty.

It’s time to grow up and change the way you keep score. You are stuck in an adolescent mindset. Take a step back and realize that the real game is mastery of yourself as a man, not manipulating a woman into perceiving you differently. That is a very childish and even feminine approach.

It strikes me that you need to fix the roof of your house, but you keep putting the ladder up against the wrong house. True victory for a man is mastery over his personal weaknesses and spirit of neediness.
You seem to be a very knowledgeable man. I will try to see the bigger picture of things. I need to make a decison. I know many people told me here to cut contact between the kids no more play dates.

I spoke to my dad which I consider alpha, few words, had many women and was "married" with 2 women at same. Monday with one women, Tuesday with the other, they both knew.

Bottom of line, he said to let the kids see each other and to let my ex pick him up when she wants. He said for me to step back to be almost invisible in the process to let her do as she pleases without pressure, or barriers. For me not to care at all. He said this is the way a mature man would do and possible the only way for her to see me with different eyes in the future.
 

Atom Smasher

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Don’t forget too that women are a drug. We often fall in love with an idealized picture of a woman, the woman who we wish she really was. Usually that stems from early in the relationship when we’re infatuated with that person. We take an emotional snapshot and we end up loving the idea of who we wish that woman really was, but not the real “her”. It’s loving how she once made you feel, but being perpetually disappointed with who she really is.

Leaving a relationship is equivalent to drug withdrawal. “If only I could have just one more hit”.

The least amount of pain comes from walking away and conquering new territory, knowing that you are only walking away from an idealized illusion of who you wish she really was.
 

Atom Smasher

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Once again, I find myself wondering about the relationship between your son and this little girl. Is it really wise to facilitate a relationship between a boy and a girl? Shouldn’t his best friends be male? Something doesn’t seem right about this.
 

RicBoy

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Man use it!
CCIE#23373
Ricardo Martins

I let it expired after 9 years. I find it ridiculous to have to re-certify every 2 years until the day you die. But I still have my diploma and knowledge.
 

Spaz

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I have the highest diploma in network engineer. I'm cisco CCIE 10 years. I have also done university. I choose to have a physical job because I chose too. I hues I kept at it because when I was with my ex she was a supervisor so I wanted to impress her. So I kept doing the same job just a different company.
You downgraded urself just to impress a woman...

No wonder women keep leaving you.

Time to step up and lead women instead of them leading you.
 

Spaz

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Once again, I find myself wondering about the relationship between your son and this little girl. Is it really wise to facilitate a relationship between a boy and a girl? Shouldn’t his best friends be male? Something doesn’t seem right about this.
This too shouldn't be overlooked.

OP, you need to be more responsible for ur son, he needs proper guidance to turn himself into a proper man. That's ur job, don't ever neglect it.

If we don't highlight this we are doing a great disservice not only to you and your son but also to the larger community of Sosuave.
 

xplt

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CCIE#23373
Ricardo Martins

I let it expired after 9 years. I find it ridiculous to have to re-certify every 2 years until the day you die. But I still have my diploma and knowledge.
I think it's three years with cisco, but it would be something to get the foot back into the door for an it job.
 

RicBoy

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Once again, I find myself wondering about the relationship between your son and this little girl. Is it really wise to facilitate a relationship between a boy and a girl? Shouldn’t his best friends be male? Something doesn’t seem right about this.
I'm really nervous when I have to interact with my ex again after 6 months silence apart from the email and birthday msg last weekend she didn't reply. But I guess I'll try to be mature about it.. Hi and bye and keep it short casual during kids exchange. Gonna stink a lot to see her tooking all hot knowing probaly someone else is doing her..
 

Aniki1818

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Don’t forget too that women are a drug. We often fall in love with an idealized picture of a woman, the woman who we wish she really was. Usually that stems from early in the relationship when we’re infatuated with that person. We take an emotional snapshot and we end up loving the idea of who we wish that woman really was, but not the real “her”. It’s loving how she once made you feel, but being perpetually disappointed with who she really is.

Leaving a relationship is equivalent to drug withdrawal. “If only I could have just one more hit”.

The least amount of pain comes from walking away and conquering new territory, knowing that you are only walking away from an idealized illusion of who you wish she really was.

Bingo.
 

Zontyy

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Man use it!
CCIE#23373
Ricardo Martins

I let it expired after 9 years. I find it ridiculous to have to re-certify every 2 years until the day you die. But I still have my diploma and knowledge.
I have my CCNP my current self study project is CCIE. Your obviously a smart guy and can identify your issues.

Just need to overcome them my man!
 

RicBoy

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I have my CCNP my current self study project is CCIE. Your obviously a smart guy and can identify your issues.

Just need to overcome them my man!
I passed the ccie back in 2009...was worth back then..kots of money, had Mercedes, house with pool on the beach.. Those were the days. Back then my kid's mom would never dream of leaving me or she would be under the bridge lol.

Anyways I think thr plan here is too keep improving, forget my ex, no contact... And deal with her when she comes around for the kids, a mix of being polite and brushing her off. Let's see. In forcing myself not to plan or being obsessive
 

Lynx nkaf

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CCIE#23373
Ricardo Martins

I let it expired after 9 years. I find it ridiculous to have to re-certify every 2 years until the day you die. But I still have my diploma and knowledge.
national welding certificates are like that in my country. Every two years until the day you die, or so it feels like.

I like the challenge of practicing certain techniques for the tests and it feels good when you pass again.

Some can't pass.
 

Atom Smasher

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I'm really nervous when I have to interact with my ex again after 6 months silence apart from the email and birthday msg last weekend she didn't reply. But I guess I'll try to be mature about it.. Hi and bye and keep it short casual during kids exchange. Gonna stink a lot to see her tooking all hot knowing probaly someone else is doing her..
This is an example of how self-deceiving you are acting. I asked about the relationship between these two kids and whether it’s appropriate to encourage a best-friendship between a boy and a girl, and your answer had absolutely nothing to with my question that you quoted.

Methinks that question is hitting close to home and that this is something you need to address.
 

RicBoy

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This is an example of how self-deceiving you are acting. I asked about the relationship between these two kids and whether it’s appropriate to encourage a best-friendship between a boy and a girl, and your answer had absolutely nothing to with my question that you quoted.

Methinks that question is hitting close to home and that this is something you need to address.
In my ex culture, Estonia. Seems like women have lots of male friends. My ex often says guys are better friends than girls. My ex is a bit masculine. She prefers bone cracking than massage. All her exes are friends are very much friendzoned except me lol I'm hated. My ex calls honey bunny all her guys friends even her moms boyfriend.

Her daughter is the same 90% of her friends are all boys. She also is a bit masculine. Skate board, football etc..
 

bcude

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In my ex culture, Estonia. Seems like women have lots of male friends.
I have dated several women in Estonia. Absolutely fantastic women with good sense of humour.
But It's true, women seem to have alot of male friends. One reason could be that there are more women than men living there so there's actually more competition over men and they want to keep as many potential options as possible out of necessity because they're pursued by less thirsty men. It's also such a small country where everyone knows everyone and cheating is so common that no one seem to really care. But, that doesn't make it right and women with lots of male friends are a big red flag for something serious. If it's volountarily then they crave the male attention and your relationship becomes just a ticking bomb.
If it's not volountarily, then she's seriously damaged to a point (usually openly promiscuous) where other women know to stay away.

Your ex sounds more like a man than a woman, do you like to be dominated by women or what is so attractive about her?

I ask because you're surrounded by beautiful feminine women that value traditional masculinity wherever you go.
 

RicBoy

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I have dated several women in Estonia. Absolutely fantastic women with good sense of humour.
But It's true, women seem to have alot of male friends. One reason could be that there are more women than men living there so there's actually more competition over men and they want to keep as many potential options as possible out of necessity because they're pursued by less thirsty men. It's also such a small country where everyone knows everyone and cheating is so common that no one seem to really care. But, that doesn't make it right and women with lots of male friends are a big red flag for something serious. If it's volountarily then they crave the male attention and your relationship becomes just a ticking bomb.
If it's not volountarily, then she's seriously damaged to a point (usually openly promiscuous) where other women know to stay away.

Your ex sounds more like a man than a woman, do you like to be dominated by women or what is so attractive about her?

I ask because you're surrounded by beautiful feminine women that value traditional masculinity wherever you go.
I'm from Portugal, she is from Estonia, we live in Finland.
My ex is a boss at the company she works for, she is strong and a bit masculine.
She is insecure about her body and has bulimia. I think she is not the cheating type but she loves the male attention. I didn't mind she had male friends, some of them were from high school. Sometimes they would come by and we all drunk and hangout. But she kept friendship with 2 ex **** buddies. And she saw them twice for coffee or so. I know for fact it's just friends, they other guys were dating at all. But as soon as our relationship became serious I told her those guys had to go. To be fair she only saw one of them 2x in our relationship. My personality probably for her is overly controling.
The 2 exes before me by the looks of it were very passive, she likes them.

With me, I was raised in Portugal. For instance we had several arguments because o never let her drive. I said the man drives. I don't want u to drive me. Or when we wall outside, I used to tell her, you either walk by my side or behind, I don't wanna see u ahead of me. She liked walked ahead of me.

Looking back, I played too much the macho latino guy controling, she got smothered ...

In the country where I live women have too much power. You can't control them too much, they feel like a bird in the cage, they will leave u.
 

RicBoy

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Bottom of line, she didn't reply to my birthday text and email after 4,5 months no contact. Its not just lack of interest, she really hates my guts.
She is friends with all her exes.
 

Visionist

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I don't like being driven by a woman either. Unless she's wearing a suit & cap and I'm in the back seat with another woman or two or course.

Clinging on to your dominant masculinity is a good thing. In fact it's the first good news you've given us about you, apart from the new job and house.

Men lead, women follow. Damaged women try to lead, weak men want to follow.

No more damaged women for you.
 

Robert28

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I don't like being driven by a woman either. Unless she's wearing a suit & cap and I'm in the back seat with another woman or two or course.

Clinging on to your dominant masculinity is a good thing. In fact it's the first good news you've given us about you, apart from the new job and house.

Men lead, women follow. Damaged women try to lead, weak men want to follow.

No more damaged women for you.
If you notice, damaged women tend to take on men traits and personalities. They’ll try to act like men they’ve dated in the past and being that into a new relationship. I’ve dated women that used lines that men use all the time and I knew they’d picked it up from past relationships. Total turnoff for me.
 
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