RicBoy
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2016
- Messages
- 534
- Reaction score
- 139
- Age
- 41
You seem to be a very knowledgeable man. I will try to see the bigger picture of things. I need to make a decison. I know many people told me here to cut contact between the kids no more play dates.OP, you obviously have insight as to what is driving this. You used to be a runner. You used to play poker. You hate to lose.
Your problem with women is that you have mis-identified the game. You think that the game you need to win is getting your ex back. In fact, the game is not that at all. Rather, the game you need to win is that of the larger picture... The game is to overcome your dependence on a single girl in order to become a man who calls his own shots when it comes to women.
In a poker game, you don’t slam the cards down on the table because of a bad hand. You either strategize with that hand or you fold and know you’ll do better next time.
Same with running a race. If you stumble, you don’t stop and go back to take that particular step again. Instead you press on.
The victory is in the bigger picture, not in an individual misstep. Victory for you is overcoming this obsession once and for all. Turning and looking backwards guarantees loss. What a hollow “victory” that would be. Manipulating a closed-off woman back into your life is a lost cause. It’s equivalent to obsessing over a single battle and losing the war.
This is not the woman for you. It will never, ever work out. You’re just prolonging your suffering. You are trying to cheat the system. Cheating the system always leaves one empty.
It’s time to grow up and change the way you keep score. You are stuck in an adolescent mindset. Take a step back and realize that the real game is mastery of yourself as a man, not manipulating a woman into perceiving you differently. That is a very childish and even feminine approach.
It strikes me that you need to fix the roof of your house, but you keep putting the ladder up against the wrong house. True victory for a man is mastery over his personal weaknesses and spirit of neediness.
I spoke to my dad which I consider alpha, few words, had many women and was "married" with 2 women at same. Monday with one women, Tuesday with the other, they both knew.
Bottom of line, he said to let the kids see each other and to let my ex pick him up when she wants. He said for me to step back to be almost invisible in the process to let her do as she pleases without pressure, or barriers. For me not to care at all. He said this is the way a mature man would do and possible the only way for her to see me with different eyes in the future.