Broke 5 month NC - Feeling Terrible & Guilty – Why am I feeling like this?

[foreverace87]

Summary
1.Met HB8 BPD Single Mom, decided I wasn’t gonna marry her, just LTR
2.LTR turned into LDR- she turned her whole world upside down for me
3.Went to court against her ex to so that she could relocate to the state I was residing in – Spent $ 6000
4.Left her job on her will so that she was ready to move in with me, without a job for six months
5.I declined
6.She moved in with parents
7.I offered her a job in my company and loaned her $7000 to buy new car. Signed promissory note and she has been paying me $300/month since.
8.After she found out I wasn’t gonna let her move in with me, she ejected from the company on her own will.
9.I broke up with her. No contact for five months (dated other girls). Got in really good shape and worked on myself.
10.I reinitiated contact (mistake) yesterday and all hell broke loose.
11.This woman put more work into our relationship than any other girl I have dated. I could feel she truly loved me and I “think” I may have farked it up.

Conversation after five months of NC



Me: Had the first photo shoot. Pics came out alright, would you like to see them?
Her: No
Me: No what?
Her: I am busy and I have a bf. I am trying to study.
Me: I had a weird dream last night and wanted to tell you about.
Her: You can email me. I am busy studying with people.
Her: Just email me please, I have a lot to do.
Me: I cant, did you meet your current bf before my last visit with u?
Her: No I have known him before I even knew you. I stayed at his house with him and his gf 2 years ago when I was waiting for my apartment to open up
Me: I remember you had told me about it.
Her: You had a chance but now you can’t be all sweet and nice and chasing me now that you are coming back here to Texas
Me: I know and its not about the chase, we had the greatest connection and emotional bond and no one can ever take that away from me.
Her: Its been 6 months.

…I called her several times with delays after this. No responses….

Her: I don’t have the time to talk neither do I want to. If it’s important enough to call me 10 times than its important enough to put in an email. I will read it and may answer or I may not. I don’t want to talk to you because I don’t trust you and I also put a lot of work and effort into your company without being paid (she is talking about the extra she put in at her own will). I also could have bought a car with my taxes but instead it all went to worthless attorney fees and I am now stuck paying you a monthly payment I could have just bought the car myself. Let’s not forget all the money I could have made while I waited on you to get your **** together. My family had to support me. You didn’t offer to help once and then you backed out. I want nothing to do with you and those are the main reasons why. Plus the threatening collection letter you attempted. Jerk! You knew my situation.

Me: OK

Her: I couldn’t even afford to by my kids school clothes!

Me: What about me? Borrowing money from my best friend to pay your car loan for three months! I even considered hiring u again but u had left on your own terms.

Her: I was one month behind and I don’t give a ****. I turned my world upside down for you. I don’t give a **** about what you had to do. So now you are coming back to Texas and you decide you want to start talking to me and on top of that you have a gf? F U
And I left your company because I gave my word to my son that I would go on his field trip. I was done putting anything important to me aside to you help you get ahead.
And you should be hurt. You are a selfish dicckhole

Me: Stop calling me names please. You are being disrespectful.

Her: You deserve my respect. Not one bit. Now if you will excuse me Mr High and Mighty I have homework to do so I can get MYSELF ahead in life

Me: Stop woman! What’s gotten into you? Ur new man is not spanking you enough. Sush with those words and attitude. I didn’t put up with it then and I am not putting up with it now.

Her: I am not putting up with you! Now leave me the fvck alone!

Me: If that’s how ur gonna be I will leave but know this. If I did or say something to hurt you, I am sorry.

Her: Words don’t fix **** or mean anything to me when they come from you.

Me: Wow. I know both of us are hurt. You have your reasons and I have mine. I have decided to forgive you with what happened in the past and move on. Our ending was abrupt, vague, and unjustified. Its time for closure and to move on.

Her: Vague and unjustified? Yeah move the **** on. I’ve had my closure. I don’t need to be talking to you now. Instead of Texas you were trying to move to DC! I was a brave idiot for doing anything for you because you never deserved any of it.

Me: Yes!! Cuz my mother was sick!! All you have done is vent!!

Her: You can’t move on because of guilt and you know you did me wrong. I still don’t have my life back in order but I have definitely moved on. I will talk to you if you pay half of my attorney fees…yeah I didn’t think so.

Me: As God as my witness, I have never anyone wrong and never will. I loved u then and still do the same. Ur being ruthless with no emotions. How much were ur attorney fees?

Her: I really don’t have time to figure it out right now but I gave my dad $5000 and I still owe him money. I have two tests tomorrow and another on Thursday. I don’t want to hear anymore words. I gave you my condition. You already used up your chances.

Me: Were you talking to someone else before my last visit to you?

Her: No I am not a cheater. You cant afford to talk to me? Oh that’s too bad because I can’t afford to talk to you either.

Me: So ur claiming you never cheated on me while were in a LDR?

Her: Never…. Never even talked to anyone in a flirtatious way. It doesn’t matter now. There is your closure and I am not talking to you about my new relationship.

Me: I have to go soon. Do you feel this is ever salvageable?

Her: No. My family is pissed too. I wont bother asking my dad how much I owe him either. Go play games with someone else.

Me: Yea it hurts knowing you jumped into another relationship so fast, feels like you never cared. Atleast I let myself heal for two months.

Her: You know nothing. He has nothing to do with any of this. I would be on the same page I am now whether he was in my life or not. It’s about doing the right thing. Because you only cared about yourself and your business. I am glad you felt abandoned because that’s how I felt for months prior. I am sure the attorneys’ kids have new school clothes.
You are a greedy coward for not offering to pay half of the attorneys’ fees. **** your stupid unnecessary loan. And **** your business. I am sure you have gas money to get to work DICCK. You got a lot more than I did. So why would you care or even understand unless you get what you want. Well you don’t so just move on and I will take care of it. You don’t love me or you would understand. You are in anything for you only. Good bye.

Me: WTF…do not ever tell me what I love and I what I don’t. I decide that.

Her: I wouldn’t make your car payments for the money you loaned me if I went with what I want to do but I stand by my word plus some, just like a man does. If this was an attempt to get me back you have a lot to learn. You failed a lot of tests Mr. How about an apology to my entire family and an apology to my kids dad? He let me take my kids where ever I wanted without putting up much of a fight and then it was for nothing? I am the fool!



So that was the conversation gents….here are some facts

a) She left her job on her own will
b) She went to court against her ex on her own will when he took his kids away form her. She spent $6000
c) She left the job in my company on her own will
d) I made the mistake of not making it clear what the outcome of this relationship was going to be. I broke up with her
e) Loaned her $7000 for a new car, interest free

Keep all of the above in light, I have the following options

a) Pay half her attorney fees, chase her
b) Pay half of her attorney fees, move on
c) Apologize for leading her own, let her keep making payments on the car, move on
d) Anything else you suggest...

So what do you guys suggest? I KNOW I have screwed up, we all do.

 

[Tictac]

Yeah it was a mistake - all of it.

Especially you begging and whining.

 

[The_411]

erm I stopped reading after #1.

If you know a chick is crazy then don't be shocked when she acts crazy with you.

 

[Skyline]

I remember reading a thread similar to this...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=217347

Let her pay off the car loans the delete her from everywhere.

 

[christoff522]

Honestly, are you sure she's the one with BPD?

Anyway, if you actually want this girl back..you need to cut contact again. Give her a week or so, then go in slow, drop the "i'm f***in awesome" attitude with her. I mean, you go in there asking her if she wants to see pics of your photoshoot? wtf?

Cut contact, give it a while. If you're going back to Texas then you're better just waiting til you get back. But seriously..you should just leave it alone. You can manipulate your way in for sex n stuff..thats pretty easy you just have to have the two of you alone and make a jovial atmosphere and be laid back with no chance of interruption.

Do not be needy, do not beg, do not EVER EVER EVER say I love you to her until she says it to you. Act like friends but use kino. Make her feel safe, make her feel comfortable. Honestly, pulling a BPD is like pulling any other girl..just more intense. Now, maintaining a relationship with a BPD is another story.

If it makes you feel better, the way she treated her ex is the way she would have treated you when the next AFC came along. With a BPD though, time and cutting off attention is always the way to go. Space out conversations with her, under no circumstances make yourself look needy, be cold for now, let things settle down, the fact she's pissed off is good, it means she has unresolved feelings, they can be molded and shaped.

But theres A LOT of sh*t here, you just gotta be persistent with her, it may take months, a year even of hard effort, but luckily she has emotional inconsistency, so eventually its pretty sure she will paint you white again. I'll give you my BPD checklist of what to do and what not to do.

 

[christoff522]

1. Never tell her that you love her.
2. Do not tell her how much you want to be with her.
3. You cannot make her love you so don't try
4. Hero mentality, trying to save - does not work
5. DO NOT GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO HELP THEM!!
6. Do not tell her she has problems, just fix things on your end
7. Deal with your own emotional issues, not learning DBT etc
8. You cannot 'relate' to a BPD
9. BPD is caused by childhood abandonment, infancy trauma, and attachment issues.
10. If you try to make them like you, long term thats making things worse - they know in their head that they shouldn't be asking you for help, and you're being a doormat.
let them save themselves. You are not a white-knight.
11. Foundational belief is that YOU will abandon them, so they will do the same.
12. They have extremely low self esteem, so they will test you - forever!! If you say yes, you show your love, however thats unattractive to them.
12. Gotta stand strong, yes you love her, but her being wasted is not your fault, she gotta get her **** together.

TURNING THE TIDE

13. LOVE IS A NO WIN WITUATION FOR THESE RELATIONSHIPS
14. TELLING A BPD THAT YOU LOVE THEM, WANT TO BE WITH THEM, WILL MAKE THEM PULL AWAY
15. THEY'RE NOT CAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING REAL LOVE DUE TO THEIR UPBRINGING
16. LOVE IS PAIN
17. IF SHE RUNS, LET HER RUN!!
**18. IF YOU DATE A NEW BPD, BE AWARE OF THE HONEYMOON PERIOD. DON'T FALL FOR IT!! DON'T HANG OUT MORE THAN ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK, KEEP TALKS OF LOVE OUT OF THE EQUATION, DO NOT SAY YOU LOVE HER.
**19. DOWN PLAY LOVE, AT LEAST FOR A WHILE
20. BPDS ONLY WANT YOU WHEN THEY CAN'T HAVE YOU.
21. TO GET THEM REALLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU, WHEN THEY RETURN, DON'T LET THEM HAVE YOU SO EASILY. MAKE HER WORK FOR IT.
22. DO NOT JUST INVITE HER BACK INTO YOU LIFE. DO NOT BE REBOUND GUY
23. PEOPLE WITH BPD ARE SEDUCTIVE AND SEXUAL UNTIL THE RELATIONSHIP IS CONFIRMED, EXCLUSIVE AND OFFICIAL
24. NEVER PROPOSE THE IDEA OF BEING EXCLUSIVE AND GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP
25. YOU'RE IN CONTROL, YOU KNOW WHATS GOING ON, YOU KNOW HOW SHE FEELS. YOU WON'T FALL INTO THE LITTLE TRAPS
26. LETTING THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WILL MAKE THEM PUSH AWAY
27. THE LESS YOU TALK, THE BETTER, BETTER TO JUST ENJOY THE MOMENT.
28. FOCUS ON CHANGING YOURSELF, NOT YOUR PARTNER - YOU ARE NOT THE HERO!!!
29. THE AIM IS STABILITY, NOT RECOVERY - YOU ONLY DO THIS BY CHANGING YOURSELF.
30. THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU NOT HER

Emotional Control

31. The reality is that BPDs don't know love like us, love is disaster, abandonment and turmoil
32. They want love so much, because they never had it, but they don't know what it is!!
33. Nons allow emotions to control them - they don't control their emotions.
34. Eckhart Tolle - emotional control.
35. The very beginning of the relationship determines how you're going to be treated throughout in order to control you.
36. The reason why BPDs do that is because most people who date BPD folks are people pleasers.
37. people pleasers = Frickin' pVssy sh*t
38. You should be more worried about your own feelings, stand up for yourself, don't always be the good guy!
39. If your girls being a jerk you'd better call her out on it.
40. Do not become passive.
41. Your desires and needs need to be first.
42. You have this ultimate fear of losing approval from others. You fear that if you stand up for yourself, she's gonna leave.
43. You give a **** when you need not to give a ****
44. There will never be a successful relationship between a people pleaser and a BPD.
45. Guys that aren't people pleasers don't wanna deal with BPDs.


BEING ASSERTIVE

46. ITS ALL ABOUT DEMANDING RESPECT AND BEING ASSERTIVE
47. DESTROY YOUR PASSIVITY
48. ITS ALWAYS BEST TO BE A FIRM PERSON AND TO SPEAK YOUR MIND WHEN YOU'RE UPSET OR ANGRY.
49. DON'T GET INTO STUPID LITTLE ARGUMENTS, BUT SPEAK UP WHEN SOMETHING BOTHERS YOU.
50. DON'T GET INTO AN ARGUMENT, BE ASSERTIVE BUT NOT AGGRESSIVE.
51. IF SHE STARTS BEING UNREASONABLE, LEAVE FOR A FEW DAYS
52. DON'T BE AFRAID TO HURT HER FEELINGS.
53. SET FIRM BOUNDARIES AND LIMITS, OF THINGS THAT YOU WILL NOT ACCEPT.
54. YOU HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL
55. BE FIRM, DEMAND RESPECT AND BE ASSERTIVE
56. WHEN YOU'RE PASSIVE SHE HAS TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR AGGRESSIVENESS
57. THE NICER AND KINDER YOU ARE, THE WORSE SHE WILL TREAT YOU - NICE GUYS REALLY DO FINISH LAST!
58. BPD LOVE TO GET INTO RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE THEY CAN CONTROL (MAYBE NOT ON PURPOSE)
59. THE REASON WHY YOU'RE ACTING NICE IS BECAUSE YOU FEAR LOSING HER
60. THE BEST ADVICE IS - NEVER BE AFRAID TO WALK AWAY!!
61. THE FACT YOU ARE DATING A PERSON WITH BPD IS BECAUSE YOU EMPATHISE WITH HER, AND HAVE A FEAR OF ABANDONMENT YOURSELF!!
62. YOU FEAR LOSING HER
63. YOU THINK TO YOURSELF "IF I'M MEAN I MIGHT PUSH HER AWAY" - NOT SO

Pushing back

64. When you're not being treated well you don't reward her for bad behaviour
65. Tackle the passivity
66. By being assertive and having self-respect you'll become higher quality and attract higher quality
67. Instead of being passive, push back.
68. Withdrawl of attention and contact is the only thing that gets through to them
69. if you're passive she won't respect you, if she doesn't respect you she won't love you.
70. They need a strong person to put them in their place.

 

[foreverace87]

1. Never tell her that you love her.
2. Do not tell her how much you want to be with her.
3. You cannot make her love you so don't try
4. Hero mentality, trying to save - does not work
5. DO NOT GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO HELP THEM!!
6. Do not tell her she has problems, just fix things on your end
7. Deal with your own emotional issues, not learning DBT etc
8. You cannot 'relate' to a BPD
9. BPD is caused by childhood abandonment, infancy trauma, and attachment issues.
10. If you try to make them like you, long term thats making things worse - they know in their head that they shouldn't be asking you for help, and you're being a doormat.
let them save themselves. You are not a white-knight.
11. Foundational belief is that YOU will abandon them, so they will do the same.
12. They have extremely low self esteem, so they will test you - forever!! If you say yes, you show your love, however thats unattractive to them.
12. Gotta stand strong, yes you love her, but her being wasted is not your fault, she gotta get her **** together.

TURNING THE TIDE

13. LOVE IS A NO WIN WITUATION FOR THESE RELATIONSHIPS
14. TELLING A BPD THAT YOU LOVE THEM, WANT TO BE WITH THEM, WILL MAKE THEM PULL AWAY
15. THEY'RE NOT CAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING REAL LOVE DUE TO THEIR UPBRINGING
16. LOVE IS PAIN
17. IF SHE RUNS, LET HER RUN!!
**18. IF YOU DATE A NEW BPD, BE AWARE OF THE HONEYMOON PERIOD. DON'T FALL FOR IT!! DON'T HANG OUT MORE THAN ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK, KEEP TALKS OF LOVE OUT OF THE EQUATION, DO NOT SAY YOU LOVE HER.
**19. DOWN PLAY LOVE, AT LEAST FOR A WHILE
20. BPDS ONLY WANT YOU WHEN THEY CAN'T HAVE YOU.
21. TO GET THEM REALLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU, WHEN THEY RETURN, DON'T LET THEM HAVE YOU SO EASILY. MAKE HER WORK FOR IT.
22. DO NOT JUST INVITE HER BACK INTO YOU LIFE. DO NOT BE REBOUND GUY
23. PEOPLE WITH BPD ARE SEDUCTIVE AND SEXUAL UNTIL THE RELATIONSHIP IS CONFIRMED, EXCLUSIVE AND OFFICIAL
24. NEVER PROPOSE THE IDEA OF BEING EXCLUSIVE AND GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP
25. YOU'RE IN CONTROL, YOU KNOW WHATS GOING ON, YOU KNOW HOW SHE FEELS. YOU WON'T FALL INTO THE LITTLE TRAPS
26. LETTING THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WILL MAKE THEM PUSH AWAY
27. THE LESS YOU TALK, THE BETTER, BETTER TO JUST ENJOY THE MOMENT.
28. FOCUS ON CHANGING YOURSELF, NOT YOUR PARTNER - YOU ARE NOT THE HERO!!!
29. THE AIM IS STABILITY, NOT RECOVERY - YOU ONLY DO THIS BY CHANGING YOURSELF.
30. THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU NOT HER

Emotional Control

31. The reality is that BPDs don't know love like us, love is disaster, abandonment and turmoil
32. They want love so much, because they never had it, but they don't know what it is!!
33. Nons allow emotions to control them - they don't control their emotions.
34. Eckhart Tolle - emotional control.
35. The very beginning of the relationship determines how you're going to be treated throughout in order to control you.
36. The reason why BPDs do that is because most people who date BPD folks are people pleasers.
37. people pleasers = Frickin' pVssy sh*t
38. You should be more worried about your own feelings, stand up for yourself, don't always be the good guy!
39. If your girls being a jerk you'd better call her out on it.
40. Do not become passive.
41. Your desires and needs need to be first.
42. You have this ultimate fear of losing approval from others. You fear that if you stand up for yourself, she's gonna leave.
43. You give a **** when you need not to give a ****
44. There will never be a successful relationship between a people pleaser and a BPD.
45. Guys that aren't people pleasers don't wanna deal with BPDs.


BEING ASSERTIVE

46. ITS ALL ABOUT DEMANDING RESPECT AND BEING ASSERTIVE
47. DESTROY YOUR PASSIVITY
48. ITS ALWAYS BEST TO BE A FIRM PERSON AND TO SPEAK YOUR MIND WHEN YOU'RE UPSET OR ANGRY.
49. DON'T GET INTO STUPID LITTLE ARGUMENTS, BUT SPEAK UP WHEN SOMETHING BOTHERS YOU.
50. DON'T GET INTO AN ARGUMENT, BE ASSERTIVE BUT NOT AGGRESSIVE.
51. IF SHE STARTS BEING UNREASONABLE, LEAVE FOR A FEW DAYS
52. DON'T BE AFRAID TO HURT HER FEELINGS.
53. SET FIRM BOUNDARIES AND LIMITS, OF THINGS THAT YOU WILL NOT ACCEPT.
54. YOU HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL
55. BE FIRM, DEMAND RESPECT AND BE ASSERTIVE
56. WHEN YOU'RE PASSIVE SHE HAS TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR AGGRESSIVENESS
57. THE NICER AND KINDER YOU ARE, THE WORSE SHE WILL TREAT YOU - NICE GUYS REALLY DO FINISH LAST!
58. BPD LOVE TO GET INTO RELATIONSHIPS WITH PEOPLE THEY CAN CONTROL (MAYBE NOT ON PURPOSE)
59. THE REASON WHY YOU'RE ACTING NICE IS BECAUSE YOU FEAR LOSING HER
60. THE BEST ADVICE IS - NEVER BE AFRAID TO WALK AWAY!!
61. THE FACT YOU ARE DATING A PERSON WITH BPD IS BECAUSE YOU EMPATHISE WITH HER, AND HAVE A FEAR OF ABANDONMENT YOURSELF!!
62. YOU FEAR LOSING HER
63. YOU THINK TO YOURSELF "IF I'M MEAN I MIGHT PUSH HER AWAY" - NOT SO

Pushing back

64. When you're not being treated well you don't reward her for bad behaviour
65. Tackle the passivity
66. By being assertive and having self-respect you'll become higher quality and attract higher quality
67. Instead of being passive, push back.
68. Withdrawl of attention and contact is the only thing that gets through to them
69. if you're passive she won't respect you, if she doesn't respect you she won't love you.
70. They need a strong person to put them in their place.

Thanks for the checklist Chris. I am literally printing off a hard copy of this. The thing is though she is dating someone else right now, someone she had known well before she met me.

 

[Anargyros]

Sometimes I wonder if BPD isn't actually some sort of "gradient", meaning that some chicks are a bit BPD, others are pretty much BPD and then you got extreme BPD's with an actual psychiatric diagnostic.

As for the OP situation, I think it's common sense that the problem isn't breaking the NC after FIVE MONTHS... (I broke the NC with my ex a few weeks ago and I'm ok with it) but the fact that she still has this sort of power over him!

 

[christoff522]

Thanks for the checklist Chris. I am literally printing off a hard copy of this. The thing is though she is dating someone else right now, someone she had known well before she met me.

They're notes I wrote out whilst listening to Rick Reynolds from reignitethefire.net

I'll pm you a link, its all about having a successful BPD relationship.

The BPD that I love is also with someone else. They're always with someone else it seems. I managed it very badly when I first met her because I was/am AFC, I've literally spent months trying to figure out how I could have, or could now, make it work. I wouldn't worry about any relationship she's in, it will almost always be with an AFC. It will usually only last a few months at most. It depends if he's abusive/narcissistic or a pro in these relationships.

 

[foreverace87]

They're notes I wrote out whilst listening to Rick Reynolds from reignitethefire.net

I'll pm you a link, its all about having a successful BPD relationship.

The BPD that I love is also with someone else. They're always with someone else it seems. I managed it very badly when I first met her because I was/am AFC, I've literally spent months trying to figure out how I could have, or could now, make it work. I wouldn't worry about any relationship she's in, it will almost always be with an AFC. It will usually only last a few months at most. It depends if he's abusive/narcissistic or a pro in these relationships.

So in other words they are happy with abusive/narcissistic guys?

 

[christoff522]

Sometimes I wonder if BPD isn't actually some sort of "gradient", meaning that some chicks are a bit BPD, others are pretty much BPD and then you got extreme BPD's with an actual psychiatric diagnostic.

As for the OP situation, I think it's common sense that the problem isn't breaking the NC after FIVE MONTHS... (I broke the NC with my ex a few weeks ago and I'm ok with it) but the fact that she still has this sort of power over him!

No sir, BPD is caused by mommy and daddy issues. Usually Dad leaves because mom is BPD herself and cheats/abuses. Mother turns her attention on the kid and basically f*cks her up for life.

My BPD despises - literally detests to the point of demonic hatred - her mother. All women tend to have insecurities, need for attention etc which could be considered BPD traits, but until you actually encounter one you don't know any better. Trust me when I say this, if you encounter and get into a relationship with a BPD you will see the difference, you'll also be able to spot traits in other people and usually (I can vouch for this) you can see another BPD from a mile away. I can actually encounter people in my day to day life, and be able to tell that they're BPD. I can also watch TV shows and see how characters (like Becca in Californication) are actually played as BPDs. Most people wouldn't be able to spot it.

I wouldn't call it a gradient, theres no "a little bpd", even what would be called 'traits' in normal people, they're not the same. Like the average girls insecurity is not the same as the raging psychotic terror of you leaving that a bpd has. Like a normal insecure girl won't send you 20 texts just because you said goodnight.

I do agree however that the issue with OP (and myself) is that SHE is in control. Its hard not to though, a BPD plays at your insecurities, like a little falling out will lead the partner of a BPD to feel a similar level of abandonment woe that the BPD feels, its because of something called mirroing and projection and it stems from the beginning of the relationship, they tell you so much sh*t and it all goes in your subconscious, and often its tuned specifically for you to get at the white-knight. Its why a BPD seems to be so much more like a soulmate, because she's there in your head pulling it all out. BPDs often are the ultimate seductress, they've seduced hundreds of times before, sometimes just for fun and they know what works and what doesn't. They're the ultimate game player.

The issue is that she's BPD, and once shes got her claws into you it's very hard for you to pull away. NC is always the way to go when you've finally had enough, and it can take months if not years to finally get your balls back to the point where if you saw her out it wouldn't make you have a panic attack of desperation and fear.

If you're unsure of this go into the archive and read the BPD thread from start to finish. Sometimes I'll be reading what guys have said about a girl and how they feel, and it's obvious that this isn't just the average lady.

 

[christoff522]

So in other words they are happy with abusive/narcissistic guys?

I wouldn't say happy - its the level of control that the narc has over the BPD. It creates a temporary level of stability, the BPD usually calms down with all the drinking and partying and sleeping around, but they still harbour resentment whilst worshipping the guy. Her first ex: she triangulated herself with me when she was with him. I was like her emotional tampon (yet she also said I was her god and that she gave me her soul etc)


My BPD also claimed abuse from her first ex, yet even now months after the breakup she still mentions how she's "glad to be away from him". It's like a mantra for her and it doesn't sound remotely convincing. She's concocted all this drama about guys in balaclavas hanging round her house and stuff and him leaving a carrier bag of letters sprayed with perfume and stuff.

I think most guys who encounter BPDs have narcissistic tendencies (now there is a gradient there) I would definitely count myself in there. Its not a bad thing, but the more narcissistic a guy is, the more controlling he will be, whilst thinking the BPD is sh*t. A psychopath and a BPD are the best combo because her sh(t tests won't phase him. Its hard to describe. A true narcissist who matches all the psych criteria is essentially a psychopath (look at natural born killers for an example of a BPD narcissist combo).

Honestly, if you want to sustain a relationship with her, it's going to be very very hard. Read the stuff I linked you. But I would also spin other plates to lessen the blow, trust me when I say that you will feel much better knowing that you have an escape route. I'm already working on this.

 

[skinnyguy]

Wow. My life is pretty good after all.

 

[jimmy18]

Good lord.

 

[foreverace87]

Haha I hear a lot of shock and awe..but no one is willing to pick one of the choices listed. Alright Gents, I know you can pick one! ....thats how fvcked up the situation is...

 

[El Payaso]

Personally, I think you're the one with BPD.

 

[marmel75]

If there were 10 commandments of DJ, you'd be going straight to hell because you broke all of them...

That was a train wreck, I had to stop reading...

 

[foreverace87]

If there were 10 commandments of DJ, you'd be going straight to hell because you broke all of them...

That was a train wreck, I had to stop reading...

I know it was a train wreck, that's why I am here. Do you care to explain?

 

[Heisenberg]

"The accused was a member of a 'Pickup Artist' community known as SoSuave - a website the FBI has shut down pending the investigation of this gruesome murder/suicide."

 

[foreverace87]

"The accused was a member of a 'Pickup Artist' community known as SoSuave - a website the FBI has shut down pending the investigation of this gruesome murder/suicide."

Hahaha...Heisenberg you are killing me.