Breaking Up With A Great Girl To Evolve?

SpartanWarrior77

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Hey guys,

I'm a 21 year old male in PA.

I need your advice for a situation with this girl I'm with. I'm pondering whether or not to break up with her...

(I'll make this as short as possible and leave in the most relevant details.)

1 year and a half ago, I picked up this girl on Union Square who is now my girlfriend. We are in an open relationship where she is my primary partner and any other girls in my life are strictly for sex. She has chosen to be exclusive with me and thus I am her only partner. (Which I don't mind at all) haha.

This girl is awesome...and she lives in Brooklyn but visits me every weekend in PA. She commutes every weekend to see me. She cooks for me. She's submissive. She's philosophical. She meditates and does yoga. She and I get along very well. I even took her virginity and the sex is very passionate and loving. If I could describe her, I'd say she's passionate, open, loving, loyal, submissive, and caring. She's truly awesome. She's also a solid 7.5 out of 10. (Russian)

Why do I ponder breaking up with her?

Reason 1:
Back when I first got involved with her, I made a somewhat bad decision; I basically told her that she'd be the only girl that I'd be serious with (emotionally, love-wise, etc). All other girls would strictly be for sex and nothing more. This was a bad decision because it restricted me from dating other girls casually because doing so would be crossing the line. Thus, I haven't really been increasing my seduction skills outside of her.

Reason 2: She demands a lot of my time. Almost every weekend is spent with her. The result is I haven't really been out and gamed in almost a year! If I were to tell her that I wanted to spend a weekend doing something else, she'd be emotionally upset and feel betrayed thinking that I'm not treating her like an actual "girlfriend."

Reason 3: This has a bit to do with reason 2 because it has to do with time. But I haven't seen any of my old friends and buddies I used to game with in months! I miss going out to bars on weekends let alone gaming and just chilling with dudes. All my weekends are about her now.

Reason 4: On several occasions, she has expressed her sadness to the point of crying in regards to the fact that I see other women on the side. She has pushed for monogamy many times and I kept saying "no" with her eventually just compromising. Thus, I feel like this is definitely not something she's down for in the long run anyway. Plus, if I break up with her soon, she'll get over it quicker than if I keep investing in the relationship and thus make the pain worse at the inevitable end.

Reason 5: I'm not planning on being exclusive with anyone until I'm 30. The mistake I made with her was guaranteeing exclusivity on everything except sex. I should have not said anything and simply dated her casually then when she would have pushed for monogamy then I could have simply told her that it wasn't going to happen and moved on, continuing to date women casually and enhance my seduction skills and experience.



Why didn't I break up with her?

On several occasions, I have thought about breaking up with her but I didn't because:

Reason 1: I'm in a small town and having a girl commute to see me every weekend is a great deal. Here there's almost barely any places to game and the girls aren't of great quality. (scarcity) [although I could go to NYC on the weekends quite easily]

Reason 2: She has great qualities such as [submission, kindness, care, intelligence, sexiness, passion, compatability] and I've never met a girl like this before.

Reason 3: If i break up with her, I know I'll miss her like crazy at times. She's really a great girl and I don't know too many like her. I also know she'll be confused and devastated at least for a short period of time.


I'm in a rut man. I've heard of men breaking up with girls to evolve. And I feel the call to do the same thing. My question is how would you go about breaking up with her? How do I do it in a way that keeps us on a positive note? How can I do it in a way that maybe occasionally we can even see eachother for sex? How long should I ponder this decision before making the final call?

I'd appreciate any advice. Thank you.
 
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SpartanWarrior77

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It's not just for trashy PA women lol. It's also to go to NYC on the weekends (1h20 min) away and game there. Also to see my friends and do other activities.
 

SgtSplacker

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Consider the reality of what your want...

Would leaving this girl open doors with enough content to keep you satisfied?

You really need to think about how much you really like this girl. Is she good enough for commitment? Not just her qualities, but do you like her on a personal level? Does she make you happy?

I have been in situations where I keep a girl around because basically she is better than my present options but I don't really like her enough to commit. Kind of on the fence about her. All it caused was problems want to know why?

Because women are all about and I mean all about testing how you feel about them to validate their position in your life. This is a constant thing with them, it never ends. They do it subconsciously and constantly. So you can't spend allot of time with a girl you are on the fence about.

You either have her over just to bone and kick her out. Or you go for the whole GFE thing and start spending time together. Pick one or the other.
 

SpartanWarrior77

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First of all, I wouldn't commit to her anyway. Part of our relationship is the fact that I see other women sexually.
I know that there's a good possibility that I won't find another girl with her qualities in a while but it will at least open up the freedom and the weekends that I've been missing out on. It will also give me a window to practice my game in NYC. I mean I stated all the reasons above...

I'm on the fence about breaking up with her or just letting our relationship be for a while longer. We will eventually have to break up anyway since she knows I'll never commit to her...
 

Von

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Why you just don't move to NYC... sounds you don't like her... and she clinging on you.... Russian have a ''open-romance attitude'' (they expect their man to have mistress... like the french,russian,latino, italian etc...)

You wanna game go ahead... but I doubt you'll have something like her again.

I believe you just want to move out of your little town
 

SpartanWarrior77

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I won't move out from PA because I'm taking over a family business here and I like it here. She allows me to have a mistress but demands too much of my time. I don't have enough time for friends, gaming and casual relationships. She's definitely a great catch but like the title of the thread says "breaking up to evolve". Does anybody have any advice on how to go about breaking up with her?
 

Von

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I won't move out from PA because I'm taking over a family business here and I like it here. She allows me to have a mistress but demands too much of my time. I don't have enough time for friends, gaming and casual relationships. She's definitely a great catch but like the title of the thread says "breaking up to evolve". Does anybody have any advice on how to go about breaking up with her?
I understand, I am in the same situation has you... but dating has come more a time consuming than anything else cause they always ask for time.

Just say ''its over''
PS: You can add she's a great girl but it won't work due to location, what you living, and you wanna give her the space she deserves, talk to her rational side

No breakup is nice and might drag but once she understand its over, she'll move on
 

SpartanWarrior77

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I understand, I am in the same situation has you... but dating has come more a time consuming than anything else cause they always ask for time.

Just say ''its over''
PS: You can add she's a great girl but it won't work due to location, what you living, and you wanna give her the space she deserves, talk to her rational side

No breakup is nice and might drag but once she understand its over, she'll move on

Would you do this in person, over the phone, what?
 

SpartanWarrior77

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Consider the reality of what your want...

Would leaving this girl open doors with enough content to keep you satisfied?

You really need to think about how much you really like this girl. Is she good enough for commitment? Not just her qualities, but do you like her on a personal level? Does she make you happy?

I have been in situations where I keep a girl around because basically she is better than my present options but I don't really like her enough to commit. Kind of on the fence about her. All it caused was problems want to know why?

Because women are all about and I mean all about testing how you feel about them to validate their position in your life. This is a constant thing with them, it never ends. They do it subconsciously and constantly. So you can't spend allot of time with a girl you are on the fence about.

You either have her over just to bone and kick her out. Or you go for the whole GFE thing and start spending time together. Pick one or the other.
I really like this girl but she's demanding on the time-front. She just sent me such a sweet text too and it's the middle of the day. Ugh...
 

SgtSplacker

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I really like this girl but she's demanding on the time-front. She just sent me such a sweet text too and it's the middle of the day. Ugh...
It's this like one of those situations where you meet a perfectly intelligent petite cute girl that you just can't seem to find any defects with her. And just see a beautifully perfect and utterly boring future with?

But what you really want is a huge titted slore to swallow nuts and do lines with on weekends typa thing?
 

SpartanWarrior77

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It's this like one of those situations where you meet a perfectly intelligent petite cute girl that you just can't seem to find any defects with her. And just see a beautifully perfect and utterly boring future with?

But what you really want is a huge titted slore to swallow nuts and do lines with on weekends typa thing?
Not exactly lol. I agree with the first part of the sentence. Although, I don't think it would be boring, it's just that I want to go out and experience more and have more time to do other things. With her, It's going great but it doesn't leave much time for anything else...
 

Von

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Not exactly lol. I agree with the first part of the sentence. Although, I don't think it would be boring, it's just that I want to go out and experience more and have more time to do other things. With her, It's going great but it doesn't leave much time for anything else...
I would say your problem is you don't know what you want other than adventure.

That girl giving you all those possibilities.

If you taking over the family business, you might want to go Monk style or keep the girl instead.

Cause chasing skirts takes just has much time has a LTR... unless you out in clubs-bar and you get ONS (like me when I go out - cause I am doing the monk style above due to taking over the family business)

You are the perfect example of what every guys here would love but you haven't experienced enough of life to appreciate it.

And for breakups, I would go meet her
 

SpartanWarrior77

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I would say your problem is you don't know what you want other than adventure.

That girl giving you all those possibilities.

If you taking over the family business, you might want to go Monk style or keep the girl instead.

Cause chasing skirts takes just has much time has a LTR... unless you out in clubs-bar and you get ONS (like me when I go out - cause I am doing the monk style above due to taking over the family business)

You are the perfect example of what every guys here would love but you haven't experienced enough of life to appreciate it.

And for breakups, I would go meet her
Honestly, i think you're right man.

I can see A LOT of men wanting what I have and I maybe not appreciating it as much.

Plus, with her I still can see other girls, it's just a bit more difficult.

I think I'm going to go ahead and stay with her for now...
 

dk1990S111

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You are the perfect example of what every guys here would love but you haven't experienced enough of life to appreciate it.
Exactly what I was thinking lol would love to find a cool, sexy Russian girl. My buddy is with one currently, best personality of any girl Ive met in a long time, probably partially because she grew up in Russia.
 

SpartanWarrior77

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Exactly what I was thinking lol would love to find a cool, sexy Russian girl. My buddy is with one currently, best personality of any girl Ive met in a long time, probably partially because she grew up in Russia.
yeah, man I jjust got off the phone with her and she's really sweet. My situation is convineant given Im taking over a family business and that she's so cool and feminine. Im going to be grateful and let it play out for now...
 

SpartanWarrior77

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****...A prominent dating coach that I know just sent me this message after I asked him...

What do you guys think?

I would say leave...

you have become comfortable with what you guys have but the fact that you are a growing man, your path of growth should be more important than her. Now, you have a lot to learn from with making promises that can change based on your own change

She has found a one of a kind man, so of course she will do whatever to keep you and demand that you give her time in return for her efforts to keep you happy. She is basically trading her efforts for you investing more time.

i have way more to say about this but from what i have learned, keeping her around will hurt her because you want something different than what she wants. For growth as a man, you have probably run your course of time with her...

this is from what i learnt but ultimately you follow your heart from a clear place within. Get clear with her on what she is looking fro with you guys and you state what you REALLY want at this point in your life.
 

El Payaso

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She probably just wants you for citizenship.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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Man you suck. I'd go full on exclusive with her just to see what she does. If she remains good, then you will never find a woman like this ever again. Good luck.
 

guru1000

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Break up with a girl to evolve? Lol

Only two meritorious reasons that I find to stay with one girl:

1) For kids;
2) To make more money.
 

BeExcellent

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What do you want out of life?

Now?

For long term?

Nobody is going to blame you for wanting to sow your oats and party at your age. But if you eventually want a woman around to have and raise your babies, potentially be your wife, mother your children, and be an asset to you as you build the family business then the woman you describe sounds like a pretty valuable commodity. Her problem is she hasn't recognized her value yet (or she would not put up with being an option) and your problem is (assuming these are your long term goals) that you don't recognize her value either.

A woman like you describe is RARE. As you age they become more and more RARE because this is the type of woman men wife up for the long term, so there are fewer and fewer in the market and all the older guys with designs on settling down are happy to find a woman like her.

Now that doesn't mean you should automatically sacrifice your "grass is greener" in NYC or whatever ideas and that doesn't mean this girl goes on a pedestal, but what you have is a "good girl" who is still perhaps a little immature and a little insecure but who loves you and wants you to lead her. Trust me, there are hotter girls in NYC or where ever...but that does not mean better. This girl sounds like a "total package" kind of woman that many men would love to have.

The kicker is you never know when in life you will meet this sort of girl, but they don't come around often. So is she worth modifying pursuit of short term pleasure in favor of long term goals?

That looks like what you are wrestling with, if I am accurately reading between the lines. You'd rather continue to have your cake and eat it too, but eventually she will begin to realize she has quite a lot to offer, and then you'll lose her. And she'll make someone else a good wife after she gets over you.
 
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