Tomatoes
Master Don Juan
Funny email i received recently.Apparentlly this has been going round NY at the moment. 1st is a girls apology to her boyfriend for cheating on him. 2nd is his reply that he bcc'd to his entire address book. He makes some excellent points!
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worset person ever. First, let me start by saying that i am truly truly sorry, and i hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I wont even try other than to say all of us had WAY to much to drink, and i did a stupid thing.
I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I cant handle is thinking that you see me as a diffrent person. It is wierd, The world looked funny yesterday. I couldnt crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I cant listern to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I dont know if you meant everything you said to me, and im hoping you didnt. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but i am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds tottally crazy and stupid but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I cant imagine my days without you. Its is tottally strange and wierd to say that, and you could say my behavior didnt reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hte me, and I hate feeling like all your friends think im a terrible person, because im not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but i just want you to know that fighting with you was bout the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and i would give santhing in the world to rewind and fix it.
I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks you wont. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also thanks for getting my stuff together, although i think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I cant even focus on work today, I cant eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please dont cut me off, I really dont think I can handle that.
I am so sorry
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "long-winded diatribes from drunken *****s I couldnt care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is a "stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a white wash is a "stpuid thing: Blowing some guy in the bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you are taking so long because you ate to much bran that morning isnt as much a "stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
TO be honest, Im not sure if it was more amusing that you degraded yourself in a public toilet not once byt twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didnt f**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldnt care less if your world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, prada bags and Jelly beans, Im sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends dont think you are a terrible person, they think your're the average run of the mill ***-guzzling blonde who commands as much respect as your average child porn collector.
I could be wrong but, its pretty hard to respect some B&T chickwho comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New Jersey and wunds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up withfor a hand job in the mens room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad that finger blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in clasee you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate.
Thought you might like to know.
PS. I bcc'd this to most my address book.
Talk to you never
Brad
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worset person ever. First, let me start by saying that i am truly truly sorry, and i hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I wont even try other than to say all of us had WAY to much to drink, and i did a stupid thing.
I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I cant handle is thinking that you see me as a diffrent person. It is wierd, The world looked funny yesterday. I couldnt crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I cant listern to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I dont know if you meant everything you said to me, and im hoping you didnt. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but i am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds tottally crazy and stupid but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I cant imagine my days without you. Its is tottally strange and wierd to say that, and you could say my behavior didnt reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hte me, and I hate feeling like all your friends think im a terrible person, because im not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but i just want you to know that fighting with you was bout the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and i would give santhing in the world to rewind and fix it.
I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks you wont. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also thanks for getting my stuff together, although i think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I cant even focus on work today, I cant eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please dont cut me off, I really dont think I can handle that.
I am so sorry
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "long-winded diatribes from drunken *****s I couldnt care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is a "stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a white wash is a "stpuid thing: Blowing some guy in the bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you are taking so long because you ate to much bran that morning isnt as much a "stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
TO be honest, Im not sure if it was more amusing that you degraded yourself in a public toilet not once byt twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didnt f**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldnt care less if your world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, prada bags and Jelly beans, Im sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends dont think you are a terrible person, they think your're the average run of the mill ***-guzzling blonde who commands as much respect as your average child porn collector.
I could be wrong but, its pretty hard to respect some B&T chickwho comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New Jersey and wunds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up withfor a hand job in the mens room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad that finger blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in clasee you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate.
Thought you might like to know.
PS. I bcc'd this to most my address book.
Talk to you never
Brad
