BPD from years ago returns

Pandora

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#1
So the BPD I posted about from years ago has returned and I fu*ked up. I was about 1 year totally sober from this chick. Didn't call, erased number, no contact, the works. She hits me up on my old phone saying some sappy nonsense. I held out for a month. I didn't respond even though everyday it was a struggle. Like a true recovering junkie I responded. Big mistake. Fast forward to a month later I pay for a portion of her ticket to come see me. I made her pay for a lot of it just out of principle and for the fact that she is very unpredictable. She had flaked on me many times in the past and I wasn't gonna shell out hundreds of dollars on a ticket just to get flaked on.

Sure enough about a week out she comes up with some issue. Apparently I am player and her parents don't think its right ( shes in her mid twenties adult, ex stripper who has never listened to her divorced parents ever) and that she doesn't want me to expect sex because she not giving it blah blah blah blah. Long phone call, a lot of yelling and talking over each other. A lot of her saying " I don't know what I want" etc etc. I basically got gaslighted for her not coming. It was my fault somehow.

I have made a lot of progress but relapse is always hovering over me. Its been 3 yrs since I have seen her and she still has not changed. I always imagined that she would be different. They never change. This brings back bad memories of what a borderline is like. I haven't had to deal with them for 3 years since I moved away and dated more healthy women. I think the universe did me a big favor by her not coming out here. I am going on a date with a sane women this weekend so I should be ok.
 
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LARaiders85

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#2
I can't even fathom what she could possibly have said to you that made you consider this. Like, they only have so many tricks and they burn bridges so severely.
 
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sazc

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#3
I can't even fathom what she could possibly have said to you that made you consider this. Like, they only have so many tricks and they burn bridges so severely.
It takes time and situations/experiences to be able to feel confident in no contacting ppl like this. Seems like ppl always have to learn the hard way.
 

LARaiders85

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#4
It takes time and situations/experiences to be able to feel confident in no contacting ppl like this. Seems like ppl always have to learn the hard way.
Normally you're more vulnerable when you don't understand the nature of the disorder so innocuous excuses for their flakiness is more plausible. I was hoovered for a good 5-6 months until I first learned of this stuff and since then, not even once. In fact they don't bother.
 

Pandora

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#5
I can't even fathom what she could possibly have said to you that made you consider this. Like, they only have so many tricks and they burn bridges so severely.
Well it had been 3 years. My main issue is that I am still in denial about how insidious this disease is. I cant imagine how these creatures could be so self unaware. I am always holding out hope that she would snap out of it. I thought she had improved. Apparently she was in counseling and had changed her life etc.

Many times the parents enable the bad behavior. The father was telling her not to come out and that I was just trying to use her for sex. This pissed me off so much. Im like now you want to be a father you dic*head. You let her get molested ( probably did it) and abandoned her and now I am the bad guy?
 

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sazc

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#6
Well it had been 3 years. My main issue is that I am still in denial about how insidious this disease is. I cant imagine how these creatures could be so self unaware. I am always holding out hope that she would snap out of it. I thought she had improved. Apparently she was in counseling and had changed her life etc.

Many times the parents enable the bad behavior. The father was telling her not to come out and that I was just trying to use her for sex. This pissed me off so much. Im like now you want to be a father you dic*head. You let her get molested ( probably did it) and abandoned her and now I am the bad guy?
In general, with these types of ppl ...

Even if she was in counseling and "changed her life" there was still a toxic dynamic between you both, triggers and such, that hasn't ever been addressed. This would absolutely lead to the second catastrophic failure of any relationship, even if it was just a friendship, unless you both did counseling together.

That said, a relationship should be mostly good times and, when bad times pop up, you both should be able to successfully deal with them, without spiritual, physical or emotional injury. Always look for, and give your time to, this type of person, not a past or present toxic person.
 

LARaiders85

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#7
Well it had been 3 years. My main issue is that I am still in denial about how insidious this disease is. I cant imagine how these creatures could be so self unaware. I am always holding out hope that she would snap out of it. I thought she had improved. Apparently she was in counseling and had changed her life etc.

Many times the parents enable the bad behavior. The father was telling her not to come out and that I was just trying to use her for sex. This pissed me off so much. Im like now you want to be a father you dic*head. You let her get molested ( probably did it) and abandoned her and now I am the bad guy?
So she told you she had changed, admitted her diagnosis etc?

To me, even if I believed that was effective, she would THEN have to go through the normal screening process I have for women. Given that she already rejected you, shouldn't that make her disqualified automatically?

I'm not being self-righteous, I'm just not sure how something like this actually happens. Id like to know to make sure I never fall for it myself. This is not some new woman who's red flags you ignore bc of scarcity.

Who cares about her triangulation with her dad and you? You need to identify that as meaningless info.
 
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Pandora

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#8
So she told you she had changed, admitted her diagnosis etc?

To me, even if I believed that was effective, she would THEN have to go through the normal screening process I have for women. Given that she already rejected you, shouldn't that make her disqualified automatically?

I'm not being self-righteous, I'm just not sure how something like this actually happens. Id like to know to make sure I never fall for it myself. This is not some new woman who's red flags you ignore bc of scarcity.

Who cares about her triangulation with her dad and you? You need to identify that as meaningless info.
hahaha bruh trust me my best friend already fried me for this one. He doesn't get it either. I don't get it. Its this one girl I am fatally attracted to man. This ONE girl. Im like Charlie Brown with the football.

Its not scarcity either. I can literally be with sleeping with two other good looking women in my city but if she were to come through I would drop them like a bad habit. I cant explain it man.
 

billtx49

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#9
hahaha bruh trust me my best friend already fried me for this one. He doesn't get it either. I don't get it. Its this one girl I am fatally attracted to man. This ONE girl. Im like Charlie Brown with the football.

Its not scarcity either. I can literally be with sleeping with two other good looking women in my city but if she were to come through I would drop them like a bad habit. I cant explain it man.
Recognize it for what it is, an addiction to her initial love bombing stage that is now in the past…
She may attempt a short rehit of it via a hoover, but it’s never coming back.
 

Pandora

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#10
Recognize it for what it is, an addiction to her initial love bombing stage that is now in the past…
She may attempt a short rehit of it via a hoover, but it’s never coming back.
You are right man. What scares me is that this addiction is always latent in me. Its like an alcoholic and how they cant be around it because one sip will send them on a spiral. I have no other addictions anymore except this *****. She is literally a drug. She is my physical ideal, tiny cute Latina. But even other cute Latinas don't have the same effect.
 
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sazc

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#11
You are right man. What scares me is that this addiction is always latent in me. Its like an alcoholic and how they cant be around it because one sip will send them on a spiral. I have no other addictions anymore except this *****. She is literally a drug. She is my physical ideal, tiny cute Latina. But even other cute Latinas don't have the same effect.
It's latent in everyone, it's a question of if you are smart enough to recognize it AND restrain yourself
 

Pandora

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#12
It's latent in everyone, it's a question of if you are smart enough to recognize it AND restrain yourself
Very true. I have gotten a lot better. My thing Sazc is that I always feel like I can make her see the light. Their issues are such a simple fix. Its like how hard is it to do the right thing. This is why I relapse because I feel like if I can just show her how to make the simple decisions. I tell her " its not that complicated".

They tend to self sabotage. For example she will so close to doing something good for herself, then she won't go. Or she will make the stupidest decision when the right decision was so simple.
 

markfromeurope

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#13
So the BPD I posted about from years ago has returned and I fu*ked up. I was about 1 year totally sober from this chick. Didn't call, erased number, no contact, the works. She hits me up on my old phone saying some sappy nonsense. I held out for a month. I didn't respond even though everyday it was a struggle. Like a true recovering junkie I responded. Big mistake. Fast forward to a month later I pay for a portion of her ticket to come see me.
She played you and used you to hurt you to feel better about herself. Possibly because she was used by some alpha and you didn't know it.

Never ever go back to your BPD woman.
 

billtx49

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#14
I always feel like I can make her see the light.

Their issues are such a simple fix.
This could be a true statement with an emotionally healthy woman, but you say she has a personality disorder…

Wrong, these disorders take time with a trained psych professional.
You’re still thinking of her as the normal woman she initially portrayed herself as…
 

sazc

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#15
Very true. I have gotten a lot better. My thing Sazc is that I always feel like I can make her see the light. Their issues are such a simple fix. Its like how hard is it to do the right thing. This is why I relapse because I feel like if I can just show her how to make the simple decisions. I tell her " its not that complicated".

They tend to self sabotage. For example she will so close to doing something good for herself, then she won't go. Or she will make the stupidest decision when the right decision was so simple.
You're trying to white knight for her. You need to realize, the only person who can change a person is themselves.

At it's simplest, you need to understand/accept that you and she are not compatible cognitively, and never will be. Because of that, there will never be harmony between you two.
 
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Chev.Chelios

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#17
these types of girls are always with the degenerate drug dealer type. she's really hot yes? theyre usually drop dead fvcking stunning chicks that are impossible to forget about.

I've met alot of them, they get off abusing and dealing drugs, fighting and breaking chit, hitting punching, screaming, toxic gossip, fierce victim complex so terrible youd think they were an ex pow in some fvcked up war.

if you havnt reached the point where you're over her and every other girl like her you're still not ready in pimp life.

if you had a child with her and got engaged odds are you wouldn't be alive today.

I've faced that situation and idk how tf I'm even here lolol..

you need not get over her, you need to heal yourself for getting involved with every girl LIKE HER.

like I said, she was probably so fvcking hot that you know you'll never find another chick as hot as her. and every other girl you fvck with just isn't enough. they seem okay but nothing like the heroin hit you get while being with the bpd..

very trippy ****.
 

Pandora

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#19
these types of girls are always with the degenerate drug dealer type. she's really hot yes? theyre usually drop dead fvcking stunning chicks that are impossible to forget about.

I've met alot of them, they get off abusing and dealing drugs, fighting and breaking chit, hitting punching, screaming, toxic gossip, fierce victim complex so terrible youd think they were an ex pow in some fvcked up war.

if you havnt reached the point where you're over her and every other girl like her you're still not ready in pimp life.

if you had a child with her and got engaged odds are you wouldn't be alive today.

I've faced that situation and idk how tf I'm even here lolol..

you need not get over her, you need to heal yourself for getting involved with every girl LIKE HER.

like I said, she was probably so fvcking hot that you know you'll never find another chick as hot as her. and every other girl you fvck with just isn't enough. they seem okay but nothing like the heroin hit you get while being with the bpd..

very trippy ****.
yes exactly. She was the hottest girl I have ever been with or damn near close to. My ideal. She was a petite Latina with dark hair, big butt ( for her size), small waist, ex stripper with dimples. I wish I post pictures on here but thats not a good idea. But you are spot on about everything you said. How do u deal with ur ex bpd. You just stay tf away from her huh? Did u move cities?
 
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