"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Bourne's Journal of Approaches and Life - need feedback
- Thread starter Bourne
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
ShyRyder - That BEAST must of took some GUTS to approach, lol. You should of closed with, "Sorry! Can't stop. MOUSTACHE!" (Must dash...get it?) 
Why exactly did you post that here in Bournes thread? Wouldn't it be more at home in your own Approach Journal? Just a thought...
-AudiTy =o
Why exactly did you post that here in Bournes thread? Wouldn't it be more at home in your own Approach Journal? Just a thought...
-AudiTy =o
Wednesday 5.3.2006
Boot camp is awesome! I’m still doing my approaches though.
I was out looking for a job. I am applying for security/bouncer or bartender in local clubs and bars. I have no experience in bartending but I am willing to learn by coming in for free and getting trained. Where I live you do not have to have a license or have gone through a course, it does help though. Also as a bouncer/security, I am a light guy, 150 lbs but I do have some experience in diffusing violent situations and training with police officers and by police officers. I know they are looking for big intimidating guys; but I might as well try. I just want a job on weekend nights in such an environment during summer. I am going to pursue this hard, I really want to do this while I’m out of school during summer.
The following approach was one of the toughest and boldest ones I have ever done. After I was done my confidence level was through the roof, I couldn’t believe I did that. One month ago, I would have kept on driving. Nothing will ever be the same for me anymore. I will never step backwards in my life. Only forward.
FR: Approach #28 Street Approach (10 pm)
I was driving back home and by a movie theater I saw 3 girls sitting on a bench talking. I saw them and kept on driving. I remembered Krassus post on a car approach. Where he used a great line to diffuse a tough approach like that. I decided to turn around. I drove by them again. This is it I told myself, what I really want to do is park and go talk to them, but obviously voice inside my head told me to keep on driving. Do not stop. I remembered all the threads and posts on how speak with your action and do what you want in your life. Just Fvcking DO IT. I parked and started to walk where they were. I walked up right to them, to three girls. First time in my life I was going to approach and open a 3 set of HB6-8s.
Me: Hi girls.I drove by a couple of times and I had to park and talk to you because I hate to let opportunities to pass me by. So I wanted to come over and say hi to you. I’m Bourne.
I reached out to every girl and shook their hand as they introduced themselves with their names.
Me: You girls go to school?
HB6: No. I don’t go to school.
Me: No? … High School? Did you all graduate already?
HB8: Yeah.
Me: Which highschool did you graduate from?
HB6: name of highschool
Me: So college? Perhaps? Anything?
HB8: college name
Me: What are you studying?
HB8: Public relations.
Me: What about you HB7?
HB6: I don’t go to college.
Me: Well we already established that you don’t like school. (playfully)
HB7: I’m going for criminal psychology.
Me: Really, what are you planning to do with that?
HB7: Talk to fvcked up people.
Me: haha, what made you decide to go into that
HB8: haha, probably her fvcked up childhood
HB6: Do you have a lighter?
Me: No I don’t smoke. Do you HB8 and HB7 smoke?
HB7: No.
HB6: I don’t smoke.
Me: So you just want a lighter for no reason?
HB6: No I do smoke.
They were uptight. Talking to them was like pulling teeth. I had to fish every single response from all of them. HB6 looked so bored that I could have had a better conversation with my cat. HB8 was checking her phone. HB7 was looking at HB8, like she was looking for some sort of approval. Good looking chicks and so boring to talk to. I was very playful and full of confidence and direction. I wasn’t nervous after the opening line at all. But they were boring. After few more conversation exchanges.
Me: Well you girls have a great night.
And I walked away. I could hear HB6 saying something like “Have a good summer break too” or something like that. I didn’t care. Maybe they had boyfriends, maybe they were that boring to begin with. Whatever. That was the most boldest approach I have ever done. On the way home I had a huge grin that I couldn’t wipe off my face.
Could have teased them more. I learn and approach and learn and gain experience. Its only a matter of time.
Cold Approach: (28/100) since 03.25.06
Boot camp is awesome! I’m still doing my approaches though.
I was out looking for a job. I am applying for security/bouncer or bartender in local clubs and bars. I have no experience in bartending but I am willing to learn by coming in for free and getting trained. Where I live you do not have to have a license or have gone through a course, it does help though. Also as a bouncer/security, I am a light guy, 150 lbs but I do have some experience in diffusing violent situations and training with police officers and by police officers. I know they are looking for big intimidating guys; but I might as well try. I just want a job on weekend nights in such an environment during summer. I am going to pursue this hard, I really want to do this while I’m out of school during summer.
The following approach was one of the toughest and boldest ones I have ever done. After I was done my confidence level was through the roof, I couldn’t believe I did that. One month ago, I would have kept on driving. Nothing will ever be the same for me anymore. I will never step backwards in my life. Only forward.
FR: Approach #28 Street Approach (10 pm)
I was driving back home and by a movie theater I saw 3 girls sitting on a bench talking. I saw them and kept on driving. I remembered Krassus post on a car approach. Where he used a great line to diffuse a tough approach like that. I decided to turn around. I drove by them again. This is it I told myself, what I really want to do is park and go talk to them, but obviously voice inside my head told me to keep on driving. Do not stop. I remembered all the threads and posts on how speak with your action and do what you want in your life. Just Fvcking DO IT. I parked and started to walk where they were. I walked up right to them, to three girls. First time in my life I was going to approach and open a 3 set of HB6-8s.
Me: Hi girls.I drove by a couple of times and I had to park and talk to you because I hate to let opportunities to pass me by. So I wanted to come over and say hi to you. I’m Bourne.
I reached out to every girl and shook their hand as they introduced themselves with their names.
Me: You girls go to school?
HB6: No. I don’t go to school.
Me: No? … High School? Did you all graduate already?
HB8: Yeah.
Me: Which highschool did you graduate from?
HB6: name of highschool
Me: So college? Perhaps? Anything?
HB8: college name
Me: What are you studying?
HB8: Public relations.
Me: What about you HB7?
HB6: I don’t go to college.
Me: Well we already established that you don’t like school. (playfully)
HB7: I’m going for criminal psychology.
Me: Really, what are you planning to do with that?
HB7: Talk to fvcked up people.
Me: haha, what made you decide to go into that
HB8: haha, probably her fvcked up childhood
HB6: Do you have a lighter?
Me: No I don’t smoke. Do you HB8 and HB7 smoke?
HB7: No.
HB6: I don’t smoke.
Me: So you just want a lighter for no reason?
HB6: No I do smoke.
They were uptight. Talking to them was like pulling teeth. I had to fish every single response from all of them. HB6 looked so bored that I could have had a better conversation with my cat. HB8 was checking her phone. HB7 was looking at HB8, like she was looking for some sort of approval. Good looking chicks and so boring to talk to. I was very playful and full of confidence and direction. I wasn’t nervous after the opening line at all. But they were boring. After few more conversation exchanges.
Me: Well you girls have a great night.
And I walked away. I could hear HB6 saying something like “Have a good summer break too” or something like that. I didn’t care. Maybe they had boyfriends, maybe they were that boring to begin with. Whatever. That was the most boldest approach I have ever done. On the way home I had a huge grin that I couldn’t wipe off my face.
Could have teased them more. I learn and approach and learn and gain experience. Its only a matter of time.
Cold Approach: (28/100) since 03.25.06
Well done Bourne. Your opener line was superb and you got more experience in the field. You just pulled a move that very few (even self-acclaimed DJs) have ever done. AFCs hearing this story in person would probably say what you did was stupid because they'd never have the nerve to do it. Even though you walked away, you won in a big way on a personal level.
:rock:
:rock:
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
resilient
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2005
- Messages
- 1,636
- Reaction score
- 1,366
Wow man. You saw a situation, evaluated it and made your move confidently. It took guts to approach a 3 set on a bench with b!tchshields full blast. You're really improving man, keep going!Bourne said:
Excellent re-calibration here. I think this is what Mystery calls the disqualifier - so she has to work to regain your interest since your social value is currently higher than hers. :trouble:Bourne said:
I think if you had a pivot or wing you'd have a better chance gaming the girls, yet they had the home field advantage 3 vs. 1. Good effort though!
Bourne, you are inspiring me...
That said, if you need any help with 3dmax...Well, I'm out of that game for a while, but I might have some usefull links for you (ie: blueprints of stuff and the best professional boards on the internet)
That said, if you need any help with 3dmax...Well, I'm out of that game for a while, but I might have some usefull links for you (ie: blueprints of stuff and the best professional boards on the internet)
Mantra
Don Juan
Bourne.....inspiring reading. Great work, man. I'm a fair few years older than you, and am also on a cold approach mission at the moment. Have decided to do 30 cold approaches in the month of may.
It's great to see how you've developed your skills through your posts in this thread to a place where you have choice!
Keep it up!!!
It's great to see how you've developed your skills through your posts in this thread to a place where you have choice!
Keep it up!!!
I might have missed some of your follow-ups, but what happened with the girl at the engagement party who wanted to play and the mid-20s woman who said she'd take you out? And have you gone on any dates with the women who you got their numbers?
Blackdragon5095
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2005
- Messages
- 453
- Reaction score
- 6
Bourne, Good job man. I bet that was hard to do. Today I chat 1 girl up and had the same thing. She was hard to chat up and had to ask alot of questions but I did it.
Anyway. Watch out Bourne I'm slowing catching up and getting better too.
Before you know I'll have more then you. :kick: lol
Anyway. Watch out Bourne I'm slowing catching up and getting better too.
Before you know I'll have more then you. :kick: lol
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Blackdragon5095
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2005
- Messages
- 453
- Reaction score
- 6
Then start 1 too man. Come on dude. The field is where it's at. Don't be like the rest of the Keyboard jockeys wanting to sit here all day and prove how smart you are. Get out their man. Not every appoarch will be that bad you will learn something. Trust meMyWay said:
Friday & Saturday May 5-6
Friday 5.5.2006 - Saturday 5.6.2006
Thanks guys, I am glad I help some people out. I know how it feels not to have any control over your life, I've been there for far too long. It hasn't been easy, but it has been so rewarding that not to do anything about one's life is death.
The milf from engangement party I ended up going kayaking with, and I had a pretty good time but I couldn’t see myself doing anything with her. After that was over with she has liked me a lot more but now I didn’t know if I wanted to do anything more with her. She talked a big game with no backing it up.
The 20's + hottie from the beach. I haven't heard anything from her and I didn't really expect it. She got my number and that pretty much ended right there.
As for dates. Nothing I would call a date per se. I have been “hanging out” with 5 girls on regular basis. Going out to breakfast, lunch, parties, bars. I don’t want to force “lets go on a date”. I usually tell them we should hang out and have fun together and we end up doing just that. Once we do hang out I force myself to kino and be playful. Have fun and enjoy every minute is my goal for each hang out. One girl “russian hottie” that I’ve been hainging out with lately is up there who I really do like spending my time with, but still I don’t want any relationships in next few years. We’ll see.
Friday 5.5.2006
What a night. Great night. Went out and hung out with few girl/friends that I have been seeing. Me and 2 other girls went to a campus party on another college. A lot of flirting and teasing and a lot of fun. Then we all went to a house party. All three of us danced our assess off. Funny part is we were the only ones. 3 other girls joined but I was the only guy with them. Why is that most guys don’t want to dance even if they are not good. Most people just stood there in their own little circle. Get out of there, meet new people, meet girls!!! I got somewhat drunk and ended up crashing at the Russian hottie’s girl house. Nothing happened. She is a tough cookie, but not that I’m trying to get with her but she does have a lot of barriers to break down in order to do anything with her. Oh yeah, PLAYFIGHTING is the BEST.
One tip that I've learned to do is go dance. It doesn't matter if you don't have rhythm. Its better to go out there and still dance then to sit on the sidelines and wish you could go out and dance. Just do it.
FR: Approach #29 Mall (8 pm)
Went through Sears. Noticed a HB8 in the kids section. She was in her early 20s and very good looking. Reason I decided to approach MILF, were 2 reasons. First I was going to practice more conversational skills and improve without wanting a number from her or the approach was going to be bad and I was going to get rejected so I purposely put myself in a position where I would suffer rejection or improve my conversation. As I walked past by her I noticed a bad sunburn on her shoulders.
Me: Ouch, bad sunburn. You don’t believe in sunscreen do you?
HB8: Yeah. Oh yeah, hehe.
As she said that she walked away, I just stood there. Ouch. Rejected. Didn’t feel as bad as years of social conditioning made it out to be.
Saturday 5.6.2006
Techno Club Night
Two girls that I know and talk to once in a while invited me to go to techno club Saturday night. I ended up going. It was just me and one other girl/friend, I knew her from a mutual friend and we talked on few occasions. She is about HB4-5. Low.
Let me say this, this particular night was one of the craziest nights I have ever had. I ended up kiss-closing two girls in a club. I danced, and danced and I was having a good time and in doing that other people saw me just having a blast. I ended up pulling in two girls for a heavy make out session, right there on the dance floor.
I also ended up making out with my friend-girl once we got back to her house. As we lay on her bed I just went in for a kiss. I was trying to get laid, but she couldn’t do it. It was that time of the month. I’m not going to do anything with her. She doesn’t look good and I don’t particularly like her. I’m actually glad it didn’t go anywhere. I told her straight up I don’t want to have any sort of a relationship, I just want to have fun and get laid. She was all for it. I won’t be getting that close to her again. I would have regretted it if I did get laid by her. Man, am I glad it didn't go anywhere.
I can’t believe the stuff that happened last night with me at the club. I had great, wild time. I have learned a lot about myself and other people. This is the first week into my summer break. Talking about the “Summer of Bourne!!!” Summer of Bourne is going to be a road of 13 weeks of self-discovery and self-examination as I put myself out there and test my limits and develop myself into a great catch and great man.
Kiss Closes: 3
Cold Approach: (29/100) since 03.25.06
Friday 5.5.2006 - Saturday 5.6.2006
Thanks guys, I am glad I help some people out. I know how it feels not to have any control over your life, I've been there for far too long. It hasn't been easy, but it has been so rewarding that not to do anything about one's life is death.
The milf from engangement party I ended up going kayaking with, and I had a pretty good time but I couldn’t see myself doing anything with her. After that was over with she has liked me a lot more but now I didn’t know if I wanted to do anything more with her. She talked a big game with no backing it up.
The 20's + hottie from the beach. I haven't heard anything from her and I didn't really expect it. She got my number and that pretty much ended right there.
As for dates. Nothing I would call a date per se. I have been “hanging out” with 5 girls on regular basis. Going out to breakfast, lunch, parties, bars. I don’t want to force “lets go on a date”. I usually tell them we should hang out and have fun together and we end up doing just that. Once we do hang out I force myself to kino and be playful. Have fun and enjoy every minute is my goal for each hang out. One girl “russian hottie” that I’ve been hainging out with lately is up there who I really do like spending my time with, but still I don’t want any relationships in next few years. We’ll see.
Friday 5.5.2006
What a night. Great night. Went out and hung out with few girl/friends that I have been seeing. Me and 2 other girls went to a campus party on another college. A lot of flirting and teasing and a lot of fun. Then we all went to a house party. All three of us danced our assess off. Funny part is we were the only ones. 3 other girls joined but I was the only guy with them. Why is that most guys don’t want to dance even if they are not good. Most people just stood there in their own little circle. Get out of there, meet new people, meet girls!!! I got somewhat drunk and ended up crashing at the Russian hottie’s girl house. Nothing happened. She is a tough cookie, but not that I’m trying to get with her but she does have a lot of barriers to break down in order to do anything with her. Oh yeah, PLAYFIGHTING is the BEST.
One tip that I've learned to do is go dance. It doesn't matter if you don't have rhythm. Its better to go out there and still dance then to sit on the sidelines and wish you could go out and dance. Just do it.
FR: Approach #29 Mall (8 pm)
Went through Sears. Noticed a HB8 in the kids section. She was in her early 20s and very good looking. Reason I decided to approach MILF, were 2 reasons. First I was going to practice more conversational skills and improve without wanting a number from her or the approach was going to be bad and I was going to get rejected so I purposely put myself in a position where I would suffer rejection or improve my conversation. As I walked past by her I noticed a bad sunburn on her shoulders.
Me: Ouch, bad sunburn. You don’t believe in sunscreen do you?
HB8: Yeah. Oh yeah, hehe.
As she said that she walked away, I just stood there. Ouch. Rejected. Didn’t feel as bad as years of social conditioning made it out to be.
Saturday 5.6.2006
Techno Club Night
Two girls that I know and talk to once in a while invited me to go to techno club Saturday night. I ended up going. It was just me and one other girl/friend, I knew her from a mutual friend and we talked on few occasions. She is about HB4-5. Low.
Let me say this, this particular night was one of the craziest nights I have ever had. I ended up kiss-closing two girls in a club. I danced, and danced and I was having a good time and in doing that other people saw me just having a blast. I ended up pulling in two girls for a heavy make out session, right there on the dance floor.
I also ended up making out with my friend-girl once we got back to her house. As we lay on her bed I just went in for a kiss. I was trying to get laid, but she couldn’t do it. It was that time of the month. I’m not going to do anything with her. She doesn’t look good and I don’t particularly like her. I’m actually glad it didn’t go anywhere. I told her straight up I don’t want to have any sort of a relationship, I just want to have fun and get laid. She was all for it. I won’t be getting that close to her again. I would have regretted it if I did get laid by her. Man, am I glad it didn't go anywhere.
I can’t believe the stuff that happened last night with me at the club. I had great, wild time. I have learned a lot about myself and other people. This is the first week into my summer break. Talking about the “Summer of Bourne!!!” Summer of Bourne is going to be a road of 13 weeks of self-discovery and self-examination as I put myself out there and test my limits and develop myself into a great catch and great man.
Kiss Closes: 3
Cold Approach: (29/100) since 03.25.06
Last edited:
3 Approaches in one day. I RULE!!!
Tuesday 5.9.2006
FR: Approach #30 Mall – Department Store (2 pm)
I was going around today looking for a job and at the same time trying to complete boot camp week 2 of talking to strangers. Well I wanted to concentrate on girls. I saw a cute HB7 standing next to jewelry counter. I didn’t approach her right away. I walked up to the counter and looked interested in stuff under the case. I saw her looking at me. As I kind of gotten closer to her looking at jewelry I opened her with a BS opinion line but an opener nonetheless.
Me: Let me ask you something. I have a roommate who I live with and it his g/f’s birthday tomorrow. Now I want to get her something but at the same time I don’t want to upstage my friend in the gift. I was thinking about getting her a necklace or a pair of earrings but that might be a bit too much for a girl who is just your friend and I sure don’t want to give her any thoughts or ideas.
HB7: Oh yeah, wow. Defiantly giving jewelry to a girl is going to put something in her mind.
Me: Exactly, that is why I’m hesitant and I wanted to ask a female opinion on this. Well, put yourself in my position. Would you think something more then just a gift?
HB7: yeah, I would. If a guy friend who I consider just a friend gave me something like that I would be thinking he wants something more.
Me: Exactly what I was thinking. At first I said to myself, I’m going to get her what I want. She is my friend and I’m going to get her something cool. But what if her boyfriend gets her a crappy gift and I get her this. Bad situation for all of us.
We talked back and forth about that and I got a lot of SOI from her. After about 5 minutes a clerk came over and asked if we needed help. That is where I told her thanks and nice meeting her and left.
I should have gotten a number or at least asked. I think I was a bit intimidated by that she had a ring on her finger and she was shopping for a ring. I later saw her walking around the mall more and she smiled at me with a huge smile.
FR: Approach #31 Department Store (3 pm)
I went into Bed Bath and Beyond. I was in the area looking for jobs but I thought to take a detour and perhaps get more approaches and conversations under my belt in that store. As soon as I walked in I saw a cute HB6 sitting down filling out application. Well, I sat down right next to her and started to fill one out myself. I opened her immediately.
Me: Is this where you fill out a job application?
HB6: Yes
Me: Fun.
Few seconds later.
Me: Have you worked here before?
HB6: No.
Me: I wanted to know what this crappy job consists of.
HB6: haha, yeah, I put down position – any.
Me: Yeah, I put sales. I’m Bourne.
HB6: HB6
Me: Nice to meet you.
HB6: I’m just looking for any job right now.
Me: Me too. I’ve been driving around applying for a server, but I saw the sign and said to myself why not. Do you go to school?
HB6: Yeah, I go to so-so college. You?
Me: Yeah, I go to so-so. What do you study HB6?
HB6: Blah, Blah. You?
Me: So, and So.
Conversation then went rather good. We talked about and made fun of application questions and I made her laugh a few times. She was done before me. She got up.
HB6: It was nice meeting you.
Me: You too HB6. Good luck with the job.
HB6: You too.
Me: Want to get a cup of coffee sometime?
HB6: Yeah.
Me: Write down your phone number.
I tear a piece of paper off, give her the pen so she writes it down. Number score!!!
FR: Approach #32 Department Store (3 pm)
I am continueing filling out the damn stupid Bed Bath and Beyond application. There is no way I want to work here I tell myself. Cute HB7 who works there walks by and puts away a cart and looks at me.
Me: How do you like your job?
She shakes her head.
Me: You like it that much?
HB7: Boring.
Me: Great. Much to look forward to.
She walks away. I get done with application and try to turn it in. Women tells me that the guy is talking to HB6 who was filling out application before me. I have to wait. I see HB7 cashiering and she is looking rather bored. I walk over to her.
Me: I’m reconsidering the job now. I used to work at a similar Department store and I hated it.
HB7: Job is very boring.
Me: I’m Bourne.
HB7: I’m HB7.
Me: That is a very interesting name HB7. Where are you from?
We chat about the job. Then I transition to if she goes to school and how old she is and where she is from and so on. She is legal. She is down here for the summer and then she is going away. Customers come and I have to walk around and wait again. I walk away and write my number on a piece of paper. Now reason I did that was that she was busy and I decided not to turn my application in. I wanted to walk away. So by me giving her my number I didn’t have to wait in line for her to be done and I could just bail. I walked up to her and said.
Me: I decided against the job, so here is my number and when you are not busy and working give me a call because we should hang out.
HB7: Thank you.
Cold Approach: (32/100) since 03.25.06
Tuesday 5.9.2006
FR: Approach #30 Mall – Department Store (2 pm)
I was going around today looking for a job and at the same time trying to complete boot camp week 2 of talking to strangers. Well I wanted to concentrate on girls. I saw a cute HB7 standing next to jewelry counter. I didn’t approach her right away. I walked up to the counter and looked interested in stuff under the case. I saw her looking at me. As I kind of gotten closer to her looking at jewelry I opened her with a BS opinion line but an opener nonetheless.
Me: Let me ask you something. I have a roommate who I live with and it his g/f’s birthday tomorrow. Now I want to get her something but at the same time I don’t want to upstage my friend in the gift. I was thinking about getting her a necklace or a pair of earrings but that might be a bit too much for a girl who is just your friend and I sure don’t want to give her any thoughts or ideas.
HB7: Oh yeah, wow. Defiantly giving jewelry to a girl is going to put something in her mind.
Me: Exactly, that is why I’m hesitant and I wanted to ask a female opinion on this. Well, put yourself in my position. Would you think something more then just a gift?
HB7: yeah, I would. If a guy friend who I consider just a friend gave me something like that I would be thinking he wants something more.
Me: Exactly what I was thinking. At first I said to myself, I’m going to get her what I want. She is my friend and I’m going to get her something cool. But what if her boyfriend gets her a crappy gift and I get her this. Bad situation for all of us.
We talked back and forth about that and I got a lot of SOI from her. After about 5 minutes a clerk came over and asked if we needed help. That is where I told her thanks and nice meeting her and left.
I should have gotten a number or at least asked. I think I was a bit intimidated by that she had a ring on her finger and she was shopping for a ring. I later saw her walking around the mall more and she smiled at me with a huge smile.
FR: Approach #31 Department Store (3 pm)
I went into Bed Bath and Beyond. I was in the area looking for jobs but I thought to take a detour and perhaps get more approaches and conversations under my belt in that store. As soon as I walked in I saw a cute HB6 sitting down filling out application. Well, I sat down right next to her and started to fill one out myself. I opened her immediately.
Me: Is this where you fill out a job application?
HB6: Yes
Me: Fun.
Few seconds later.
Me: Have you worked here before?
HB6: No.
Me: I wanted to know what this crappy job consists of.
HB6: haha, yeah, I put down position – any.
Me: Yeah, I put sales. I’m Bourne.
HB6: HB6
Me: Nice to meet you.
HB6: I’m just looking for any job right now.
Me: Me too. I’ve been driving around applying for a server, but I saw the sign and said to myself why not. Do you go to school?
HB6: Yeah, I go to so-so college. You?
Me: Yeah, I go to so-so. What do you study HB6?
HB6: Blah, Blah. You?
Me: So, and So.
Conversation then went rather good. We talked about and made fun of application questions and I made her laugh a few times. She was done before me. She got up.
HB6: It was nice meeting you.
Me: You too HB6. Good luck with the job.
HB6: You too.
Me: Want to get a cup of coffee sometime?
HB6: Yeah.
Me: Write down your phone number.
I tear a piece of paper off, give her the pen so she writes it down. Number score!!!
FR: Approach #32 Department Store (3 pm)
I am continueing filling out the damn stupid Bed Bath and Beyond application. There is no way I want to work here I tell myself. Cute HB7 who works there walks by and puts away a cart and looks at me.
Me: How do you like your job?
She shakes her head.
Me: You like it that much?
HB7: Boring.
Me: Great. Much to look forward to.
She walks away. I get done with application and try to turn it in. Women tells me that the guy is talking to HB6 who was filling out application before me. I have to wait. I see HB7 cashiering and she is looking rather bored. I walk over to her.
Me: I’m reconsidering the job now. I used to work at a similar Department store and I hated it.
HB7: Job is very boring.
Me: I’m Bourne.
HB7: I’m HB7.
Me: That is a very interesting name HB7. Where are you from?
We chat about the job. Then I transition to if she goes to school and how old she is and where she is from and so on. She is legal. She is down here for the summer and then she is going away. Customers come and I have to walk around and wait again. I walk away and write my number on a piece of paper. Now reason I did that was that she was busy and I decided not to turn my application in. I wanted to walk away. So by me giving her my number I didn’t have to wait in line for her to be done and I could just bail. I walked up to her and said.
Me: I decided against the job, so here is my number and when you are not busy and working give me a call because we should hang out.
HB7: Thank you.
Cold Approach: (32/100) since 03.25.06
Blackdragon5095
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2005
- Messages
- 453
- Reaction score
- 6
Not again.... Bourne you always get the number. Or you will be the 1 worried about her calling you. Alot of times women end up throwing the number away.Bourne said:
If she dose ask for yours, say something like.
Hb7: whats your phone number ( test time )
You: I rather have yours ( nice try )
Or
Hb7: whats your phone number ( test time )
You: I rather have yours (nice try )
Hb7: (gives a look on her face ) ( wow my rejection line didn't work )
You: are you gonna me your number or what ?
Don't fall for the "give me your phone number trap" It's just a way of testing you.
Why dose she do this ? Because she likes to boost her ego up by playing tricks. In other words..... Mindgames!!! Don't look like another afc.
Overall good field report just don't give your number away to girls anymore !!!!!!!!
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Day of Rejections.
Thursday 5.11.2006 - Monday 5.14.2006
I had a bit of realization and discovery on Thursday . I felt a bit down on myself. Nothing in particular, just a day where you think about yourself, past, present, your situation and etc. Everyone has a day and time they get up from the bed a feel a bit down. So after more job hunting I went to local mall to get food and approaches. What I thought of was, “I’m feeling a bit down, I’m going to go and approach and make myself feel better.” I walked down the mall then it hit me. I’m looking outside myself to help me feel better. I should approach regardless of how I feel, and it shouldn’t be a way to make me feel better about myself. I stopped in the middle of the mall, I thought this to myself and I turned around and walked the same way I came in. I left the mall. I didn’t get any hi’s, any approaches but I did reach something very important.
All the way through the week I didn’t do any approaches, I went out on Friday and danced and hung out. I took it easy and a day of contemplation on Saturday and Sunday. I am realizing few things lately. I will let you know eventually what they are. I'm still figuring myself and those things out.
Monday 5.14.2006 – Day of Rejections
Today is nothing but a day of rejection. I have come to few conclusions in my life. Things I have to stop pursuing. I didn’t do much of approaches this weekend, I needed time to reflect. I have started to do them for right reasons, but it developed into as validation from others and of myself if I approach or not. I realized that. So today I failed to do many approaches. After reading few posts by bondjamesbond and photo1 and buggerman something clicked. I went out with sole purpose of approaching and getting shut down. I wasn’t going to be an ass and get shut down but I was going to direct game and get turned down in the process.
I also need to start going further and number closing. Getting dates and going into getting laid.
Also the day of rejections today consisted of:
Most important thing today, with all the crap that didn’t work out my way. My mental state didn’t put me in the depression. It would have in my past. I sort of rolled with the punches and was completely fine. I succeeded, because that was exactly what I wanted and needed.
Here are my four rejections. All the approaches I concentrated on smiling and good body language. I also concentrated on being direct and overcoming my fear of seeing like am uninterested. I wanted to hit on them. They know if you are hitting on them or not. I didn’t want to hide that and be indirect.
Called Approach # 31. I left a message.
Me: Hi, this is Bourne, the guy you met at Bed Bath and Beyond. Haha, I enjoyed listening to your waiting music on the phone. Give me a call back at 555-555-5555. So long.
No call back. I'm moving on unless she calls me.
FR: Approach #33 Mall (6 pm)
Walking down the mall saw a cute HB8 walking out of the store. I made eye contact and she did as well. 3 second rule in effect. I didn’t hesitate for a second and I walked right up to her and said
Me: Hi I’m Bourne. What is your name?
HB8: HB8
Me: What are you up to?
She had a boyfriend.
FR: Approach #34 Art Store (7 pm)
Walked into the isle that I intended to go. Saw a HB6.
Me: A fellow artist. Hi, How are you?
HB6: Good and you?
Me: Great. What do you do?
HB6: Ah just calligraphy. How about you.
Me: Draw and paint. I want to paint more but its proving to be a challenge
HB6: (with a very uninterested and condescending tone) Well, you will find your medium.
I left it at that. My gut feeling told me to let go. I did. She left the isle few seconds later.
FR: Approach #35 Grocery Store (7 pm)
Saw a HB9. Just went right up to her.
Me: Hi, I usually don’t do this in a grocery store, but you seem like a very cool girl and I wanted to come and say hi. What is your name?
HB9: HB9, What is your name?
Me: Bourne. I can’t stick around for long but I wanted to know if I can get your phone number and get together over a cup of coffee.
HB9: I’m actually engaged.
Me: Cool, congratulations. Nice meeting you.
I didn't build any rapport, I just went into closing. If she was single I would have gotten probably same results unless she thought I had alot of balls and confidence and she seemed curious.
FR: Approach #36 Music Store (7 pm)
HB6 listening to music. I didn’t find her too appealing and I think she picked up on that subconsciously. But I knew I wanted to practice. So I went for it.
Me: What were you listening to because I heard the music through your headphones a bit and it seemed interesting.
HB6: Name of the Band
Me: Can I see that CD?
After small talk about the band I continued to browse my selection. Few minutes later, I was about to leave and I came up to her.
Me: Enjoy your CD, by the way what is your name?
Silence. She is ignoring me and I’m standing right next to her. She starts to shake her head and grin a bit. Grin but not the good kind.
Me: Yeah, it doesn’t matter. Take care.
Good day in a interesting sense. I faced many fears today. I faced them dead ON.
With each rejection I cared less and less what the next approach thought of me and what other people around me thought. That my friends is a great feeling!
Sticking Points and Improvement Points:
Cold Approach: (36/100) since 03.25.06
Thursday 5.11.2006 - Monday 5.14.2006
I had a bit of realization and discovery on Thursday . I felt a bit down on myself. Nothing in particular, just a day where you think about yourself, past, present, your situation and etc. Everyone has a day and time they get up from the bed a feel a bit down. So after more job hunting I went to local mall to get food and approaches. What I thought of was, “I’m feeling a bit down, I’m going to go and approach and make myself feel better.” I walked down the mall then it hit me. I’m looking outside myself to help me feel better. I should approach regardless of how I feel, and it shouldn’t be a way to make me feel better about myself. I stopped in the middle of the mall, I thought this to myself and I turned around and walked the same way I came in. I left the mall. I didn’t get any hi’s, any approaches but I did reach something very important.
All the way through the week I didn’t do any approaches, I went out on Friday and danced and hung out. I took it easy and a day of contemplation on Saturday and Sunday. I am realizing few things lately. I will let you know eventually what they are. I'm still figuring myself and those things out.
Monday 5.14.2006 – Day of Rejections
Today is nothing but a day of rejection. I have come to few conclusions in my life. Things I have to stop pursuing. I didn’t do much of approaches this weekend, I needed time to reflect. I have started to do them for right reasons, but it developed into as validation from others and of myself if I approach or not. I realized that. So today I failed to do many approaches. After reading few posts by bondjamesbond and photo1 and buggerman something clicked. I went out with sole purpose of approaching and getting shut down. I wasn’t going to be an ass and get shut down but I was going to direct game and get turned down in the process.
I also need to start going further and number closing. Getting dates and going into getting laid.
Also the day of rejections today consisted of:
- got turned down for a job, they said they went with more qualified applicant.
- my friend/girl called me up a day later to try to b1tch me out for something I did as a joke and very harmless. She also cancelled a trip we and few of her friends were supposed to go on this weekend. She suggested it and she cancelled it. I thing there is alot more to that. I call BS.
- Approached 4 girls and got rejected by all of them. Was my goal in a way, to overcome the validation of others.
- Saw my ex g/f again. We both were on ignore.
Most important thing today, with all the crap that didn’t work out my way. My mental state didn’t put me in the depression. It would have in my past. I sort of rolled with the punches and was completely fine. I succeeded, because that was exactly what I wanted and needed.
Here are my four rejections. All the approaches I concentrated on smiling and good body language. I also concentrated on being direct and overcoming my fear of seeing like am uninterested. I wanted to hit on them. They know if you are hitting on them or not. I didn’t want to hide that and be indirect.
Called Approach # 31. I left a message.
Me: Hi, this is Bourne, the guy you met at Bed Bath and Beyond. Haha, I enjoyed listening to your waiting music on the phone. Give me a call back at 555-555-5555. So long.
No call back. I'm moving on unless she calls me.
FR: Approach #33 Mall (6 pm)
Walking down the mall saw a cute HB8 walking out of the store. I made eye contact and she did as well. 3 second rule in effect. I didn’t hesitate for a second and I walked right up to her and said
Me: Hi I’m Bourne. What is your name?
HB8: HB8
Me: What are you up to?
She had a boyfriend.
FR: Approach #34 Art Store (7 pm)
Walked into the isle that I intended to go. Saw a HB6.
Me: A fellow artist. Hi, How are you?
HB6: Good and you?
Me: Great. What do you do?
HB6: Ah just calligraphy. How about you.
Me: Draw and paint. I want to paint more but its proving to be a challenge
HB6: (with a very uninterested and condescending tone) Well, you will find your medium.
I left it at that. My gut feeling told me to let go. I did. She left the isle few seconds later.
FR: Approach #35 Grocery Store (7 pm)
Saw a HB9. Just went right up to her.
Me: Hi, I usually don’t do this in a grocery store, but you seem like a very cool girl and I wanted to come and say hi. What is your name?
HB9: HB9, What is your name?
Me: Bourne. I can’t stick around for long but I wanted to know if I can get your phone number and get together over a cup of coffee.
HB9: I’m actually engaged.
Me: Cool, congratulations. Nice meeting you.
I didn't build any rapport, I just went into closing. If she was single I would have gotten probably same results unless she thought I had alot of balls and confidence and she seemed curious.
FR: Approach #36 Music Store (7 pm)
HB6 listening to music. I didn’t find her too appealing and I think she picked up on that subconsciously. But I knew I wanted to practice. So I went for it.
Me: What were you listening to because I heard the music through your headphones a bit and it seemed interesting.
HB6: Name of the Band
Me: Can I see that CD?
After small talk about the band I continued to browse my selection. Few minutes later, I was about to leave and I came up to her.
Me: Enjoy your CD, by the way what is your name?
Silence. She is ignoring me and I’m standing right next to her. She starts to shake her head and grin a bit. Grin but not the good kind.
Me: Yeah, it doesn’t matter. Take care.
Good day in a interesting sense. I faced many fears today. I faced them dead ON.
With each rejection I cared less and less what the next approach thought of me and what other people around me thought. That my friends is a great feeling!
Sticking Points and Improvement Points:
- Smile and Body language
- Kino
- Validation of others. Get rid of it.
- Number Close. Date set up.
- Live and take greater risk.
- Be daring and don't hold back in conversations. Stop being their little brother. They know why you came up, stop acting like they and you don't.
- Improve conversational skills more. Talk and listen.
- Read and field test.
- Build rapport with approaches more
- Don't give your number away
- Be more confident in approaches and be bold. Stop being a fvcking ***** and beating around the bush. Go in, and improve every day, every approach. Learn and move on.
Cold Approach: (36/100) since 03.25.06
Thanks khash and Audity.
I just got a job as a server for summer time in a respectable Italian restaurant. What a perfect job to try new things and become a better conversationalist. I'm happy.
I have 2 jobs now, will I stop sarging? NO. HELL NO.
One of the greatest things I read recently and this is the line I found to be so brilliant.
"Enter a venue looking for openers, rather then looking for targets."
I just got a job as a server for summer time in a respectable Italian restaurant. What a perfect job to try new things and become a better conversationalist. I'm happy.
I have 2 jobs now, will I stop sarging? NO. HELL NO.
One of the greatest things I read recently and this is the line I found to be so brilliant.
"Enter a venue looking for openers, rather then looking for targets."
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.