"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Boot Camp Query!

malliotjaune

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Ok as a dumb ass noobie (and i'm aware that, this being a forum my mere posting here wil incur wrath beyond my imaginings. Fupp it.) I got a query about the boot camp process.

Now, I downloaded and began it yesterday and went out this very morning with the intention of ten eye contacts and ten eye contacts with "hello" (or something approximating it. Give a little local flavour, you know?)

Ok, mission accomplished. And I feel better already. Even in terms of other things, like all those cycling challenges I've been having problems with (i'm a racer and my downhill riding sucks) I have renewed energy and will to succeed in them. So thanks for that guys.

But here's my query. If I hold a door open for a lady (like at the paper shop this morning.) and THEN make eye contact, does it count? I only ask as I provoked it....

Cheers

Malliotjaune.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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klaz

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lol... answering as a newbie also, I've been applying this with my own rules. I've been making myself be as honest as possible with this.

If I feel as if I'm cheating myself, I discount it.

Perhaps i'm making it too hard with my own limitations, but I've gotten the 50 (in roughly two nights out), and had a great laugh. I've decided to apply a target of 30 a night until I'm completely comfortable to with the idea while everything else is going on.

Hope my answer helps somewhat.
 

malliotjaune

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Cheers lads.


I too am applying the "feels like cheating? Is" rule and being mighty strict with myself.

As i say, i'm aiming for fifty eye contacts and fifty "hi's" this week. Just to normalize it basically.

I'm finding the eye contact thing great fun. It's amazing the lengths some people will go to to avoid it! The talking thing is tougher, i often find myself mumbling. I think the thing to remember is that it's not the response that counts just doing it. I can't effect other peoples reactions.

Anyway, one day (nearly) down and i'm on 16 eye contacts and 5 "hi's"

What say we use this thread to keep each other straight?

Malliotjaune
 

klaz

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For myself, my favourite is approach a group of women, stop in front of them and say "hi" to all of them, in an unhurried manner, smile and walk away. There... I got 4 "hi"'s and i've lost some of my fear of groups aswell.

I'm also not including those that can't move away; waitresses, barstaff etc. UNLESS, I'm really attracted to them. Then i'm getting over my fears still. (BTW i'm only using this on women since they're who i'm nervous approaching)

Have fun with it. I know its a lesson, but take the piss a bit. Have a friend with you, and its more fun. Combining the lesson makes it more interesting also, and gives you more structure.

What say we use this thread to keep each other straight?
I like the sound of that. Always nice to know someone else has the same doubts sometimes.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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malliotjaune

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Well, this concious improvment of confidence is really working nicely!

Two days after reading week one of boot camp and i'm up to 23 of my 50 eye contacts for the week and 11 of my 50 "hi's" The way I figure it is once i hit 50 eye contacts i'll have to start really forcing myself to say hello, thus normalising it, thus... Job Done!

Interesting thing today, I was out training on the bike and met two pretty female cyclists coming the other way, said him carried on going. Saw them again at the end of the loop round the lake (they had done 5 miles to my 8 taking the point we met as a start) one of them shouted "Hi again! You must be fast" Normally i would have leapt at the chance to go talk to them,

However, I was out to train, not to flirt! So i called back "you know it!" and continued with my workout. I won't win many races next summer stopping to talk to women!

I think this shows me starting to take a degree of control and realising that things happen on my terms now!
 
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