Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Blog/ help needed

Adz--

Don Juan
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Continued

She ended up going to hospital one night cos she was in a lot of pain, so i took her there and spent most of the night there then went to college early the next day, then visited after, this went on for 2 days then she discharged herself the same day that i was going to London to see a university, she decided last minute to come with me so i took her. Through the day i started to kind of get back to the old me, making jokes, speaking my mind bla bla bla, she tuned and said to me why aren't you like this more? i said because all you do is snap at me and don't laugh at anything. She then apologised and became more loving.

She then finished uni and went back home for a while then she came back from her home town to see me for a week, at this point i was on the last week of my college and getting things handed in and waiting on work to get marked, one teacher didn't mark my work and i felt that it could hinder my chances to get into university so i was upset over that, also she looked like a man and was horrible in general unless you kissed her a*s.

So I've hardly seen her as I'm trying to finish this course for the year. She goes out with some her friends but she can't get into one bar because she's banned from it (long story) so she decides to call me and complain, so i tell her to go with her friends back to theirs and drink with them, she says no and wanted to go home so she did, she asks me to come down but i say no as i have a 9am start.
She then started to get abusive on the phone and started talking sh*t and said that she's gonna kill her self and that when she needed me the most i wasn't there etc so i ask my dad for some advice and he's like are you stupid? you have a 9am start you have your priorities, you're not going anywhere. So i tell her to calm down etc and she started getting aggressive, i tell her to say some spiritual thing and she started saying f*uk that and f*vk what you believe in bla bla.
So i say to her look, i think its better if we stopped going out and that you find someone else etc, then she said is that all I'm good for, to break up over the phone and then started to get really aggressive. So i hung up, she kept on calling and calling and calling, so i answered and she started to talk in a more sorrowful tone, and started talking about things, i said that we will meet up tomorrow and talk about this ok. she goes okay.

Now the next day after my 9am start which i was late to. I spoke to one of the mental health/ mentors there who I've been talking to for a long time and told him what happened and he said tell her that you need space, cos i got all my college and uni crap going on so i got to sort that out as thats more important, i haven't spent anytime with my friends or parents over the last few months, haven't been to the gym, haven't done any of my hobbies, meditated or anything that i used to do that made me feel stable or happy. It was always her, even messaging all day for fvcks sake.

So i go and see her and she said apologised for what she said and all that crap, so i said to her look i want some space, and that theres a lot of built up emotions from the last few moths that haven't been sorted out etc, she goes okay, she asked are you sick and tired of me? I said yeah a little but i still love you. she goes okay and we made up and we were fine.

So the next few days she's a little towards me, so i left it. Her gay friend comes down. Then i go to drop them off to the station.
At this point i had a nose operation coming up cos of a football injury, she said that she would be there for me and so did the gay.


Over the next few weeks things are okay, i message her less through the day, my assignments are all completed, i go to see my friends more. She's being okay. Then out of no where she rages out at me again for the same reasons that we spoke about when i said i needed some space.
Now she started to be colder and stopped making an effort in the conversations etc.
She then got her wisdom tooth taken out and half of her face was swollen including her neck, the day after though i was having my operation. She said she would come and see me after she's better. So now she's being more loving towards me etc. a week goes by and she's out with her family and slowly eating again, she then says she's going to go manchester with her gay friend and he tells me the details, they're going for one night.
So the day that they're going i brought her family a few things and sent them off cos they all love me to bits, speak highly of me and also she had bought things for my family too, so id return the favour.

The day that she's going out she being cold with me and we argued and kept on asking why i needed space and that she now needed space, so i was like okay. So my friend comes picks me up and gets some food, so i msged her out of courtesy and she's like okay hope you have fun etc etc.
Now a day goes by and i don't hear anything, i find out from Facebook that they're staying another night, the same the next day, she ended up coming back monday. Then she broke up with me when she got back, saying that "she doesn't feel the same" All whilst I'm recovering from this operation.

So i break down and get all my friends to help me out. Over the next few weeks/ month she asks me to meet her, said I'm busy right now but after I'm done ill come and see you, if you're asleep then its cool if you're awake then ill come over. So an hour later when i was free i msg her and she said, knew i couldn't rely on you for anything I'm going to sleep, i said you expect me to drop everything and come running for you, i have my own life too, i said to you, if you go to sleep then its cool and you said yeah.

After this she went birmingham, i got told she was walking about with another guy who wasn't the gay friend, then the next day she called me up to apologise so i drive by hers and see her walking out of her flat gated entrance with some guy.
Then a few weeks later she says she hates me, so i ignore it. Then she started to call me off private number and threatened to come down to my house and slap me up and get some people after me (apparently her last ex was thrown into a back of a car then dropped off into a forest).
So i told her how it was and what she's done and how she acted, she said you'd rather be in manchester then be seeing me, she said what would you have done if i said to you I'm sick and tired of you, i said i still would have come to see you.
Told her that she was seen with other guys and sh*t, she got aggressive and got one of the gays involved who's a little b*tch that thinks he's gods gift to the world.

Met her up and spoke about all this crap again, she basically said it was my fault etc bla bla bla bla, i drop her home, hug her and kiss her. Feel like **** and went to my mates and chilled there.

Next day she called me up saying that she wants to see me badly, so i go, but i go tool'ed up just incase i get thrown in a car. she's drunk and high at this point and I'm sure i saw the same guy that i saw her with before walking away near by. Anyway she's all loving takes me to her room and says that she loves me and that the last time she will say that. That she misses me, starts holding me tight etc etc, i was being a little cold. Then around 3am i start to go and she starts moaning saying why am i going etc, i say cos i have to, she tells me to fvck off, so i walked out, then she starts calling me and asks why do i always have to leave. i told her my sister is waiting for me, and a whole load of other things and in the end she goes, it doesn't make any sense. For fvcks sake woman.

Then she gets physical, blocks the door way out and starts to hit me, head but me, slap me, scratch me etc. So i duck and weave then get annoyed and pick her up then but she ends up hitting her head on the wall, so i looked after her for the next few hours, then she didn't want me to leave again, but i went. Called her the next day to make sure she didn't have concussion, she didnt and was very brief. So i left it.

A day later, she msgs me saying that i got her book, i said that id post it, she said no and that its fragile and will break in the post, so i ignored her for 5 days. She got more aggressive as each day went by, on the last day she gave me 14 missed calls and got her gay friend involved again.

I delivered it the next day to her flat, i didnt want anymore bs from her, i told her its been delivered, she gave an abusive message back.
After a few days i took a look on her twitter and she was talking crap about me, so then my sister blocked and deleted her number and all social media.

Through the time we were together she never encouraged me to go onto university, she used to say that i should do another course in preparation for university, not to try to get into it.


SHORT VERSION
I was an really good to her, gave her too much positivity, support, she was ungrateful, took the p*ss, was a b*tch, was a liar, got abusive, hit me, threatened me, then got mad that i was being a cold to her.


Now I'm broken, slowly fixing myself, no longer happy, no longer in a positive state and mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually depleted. After typing all of that i feel really fvcking angry, at her and myself, myself for letting her do that. There were times where i missed this stupid b1tch. I don't even know why. All i know right now is that i want a ciggerete or get into the gym.

adz--
 

marmel75

Master Don Juan
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Brother..in all that time you learned things and made improvements you undid all of that by putting yourself through it again...now you see why the advice is to never get back with your ex...there is rarely a happy ending...usually just more of the same BS...
 

Adz--

Don Juan
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Brother..in all that time you learned things and made improvements you undid all of that by putting yourself through it again...now you see why the advice is to never get back with your ex...there is rarely a happy ending...usually just more of the same BS...
I can see that now, it didn't help that she was BPD, depressed and other bs.
Strangely enough, it wasn't the same bs when I got back with her, it was different bs.
I should have known better.
A person cannot be helped or loved no matter how hard you try.
You can only bring the horse to water but yoh Cannot make it drink.

Sadly though, she will Probably end up going through a downward negative spiral. Oh well, I tried to help that was the most I could do.

Onwards and upwards now.

Adz--
 

Adz--

Don Juan
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Self note/ self Reminder/ self uplift (3rd person)

This post is a self reminder for myself, if for one day in the future i come to this state again so i can look back and reflect/ uplift myself and maybe others who read it too.

Adz, its been 37 days since you last spoke to this ex. 37 days of NC and she's still blocked on your FB and whatsapp.
You've been at rock bottom with this chick,you've seen pics of her with another guy, seen her with a different guy, you've contemplated talking to her, going back to her, seeing how she is, snooping around her social media, but you didn't, you knew that you did the best you could for her (even though you shouldn't have done all of what you did, by that i mean put her before yourself, not only her, everyone else) also how "nice, or putting up with her Bull*****"

Put it bluntly to you adz, if she really gave a damn or gave single ounce of caring about you she would have contacted you or found out by someone how you are or what you are up to. The fact is she doesn't. Yes you know she's going to go through some **** over the next few months but that doesnt mean that you have to be there for her, she wasn't there for you when you went for your operation (remember what she put you through), why should you lower your self value for her (egotistical i know man but, if she did that to you why bother?, if you really really want to but i highly suggest you don't when she goes through her **** is to send her a msg along the lines of "hey i hope your *insert situation* goes well and you recover well" and leave it at that. Nothing more. even then you're playing with fire my friend and you're going to end up burning yourself"

Yes i understand that no one can predict the future and all that jazz, but what you need to understand right now adz is that you're in control of your happiness, you're in control of your life, no one is going to do education for you, no one is going to gym for you, no one is going to carry you or wipe your a55 for you, not even your parents or friends. You need to do that for yourself.
Do things that you like my friend, meditate, gym, work on your cars, go see your friends, do your chores (unless they're taking the p1ss)

Over these past 37 days, you have gotten into somewhere to further your education, half way through your hobby to near completion, gone gym for 4 weeks 3days a week (and results are starting to show), eating more, still haven't gotten back to smoking ciggs, meet up your friends, do your assignment work and ask for help from your lecturers when you need to. You're working hard my friend on yourself, keep it up, you've also brought a new jacket. Keep this hard work, grit and determination (even though it doesn't feel like determination right now).
Her brother has msged you on snapchat and spoken like nothings happened and so has one of gay friends, so what? let them relay to her whatever they want, let them relay to her how good you're doing now.
You're so busy right now that you don't even have time to spin plates, but thats okay, work on yourself and learn to love yourself and find your value and self worth again. Because in all honesty i don't think you ever did.
Stand by your principles, morals and ethics and don't stand for bull5hit from others who break that (if you know what i mean).

Yes at the moment you're finding it difficult to mingle with strangers or new people and your new place of education but keep on working on it man, yes you had anxiety and almost a panic attack when you walked through town because you thought you were going to see her. but you will get through this and you will be a better you.

Yes theres still work left to do, you've applied for some counciling therapy sessions to help your mental state and thats a good step. You still need to think more positively and optimistically. Not be so serious and up tight, find the humour in everything.

You've so far managed to leave the past where it is and not over think it and over analyse where you could have done better or contemplated what if i changed this or what if that. You've also managed to leave the future alone as well in regards of, if i do this i could see her or if i do this this will happen or if that. You've learnt to leave all the ifs. What has happened has happened my friend you cant change it, once an apple falls from the tree it cannot go back to the tree and fall in a different place.
What will happen will happen, the apple will fall from the wherever or it may not even fall and rot away.


This is a self note to myself.

Im proud of how far you've come adz, you can do this and go further and smash all your goals, aspirations and whatever else you want. Remember, put in the work and it will happen.
Keep on going adz.


Adz--

( A note from you to you)
 

Adz--

Don Juan
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Help needed\ where have I gone wrong?

Last night I went out and did not get any results. Didn't try too many cold approaches, I started conversations with loads of random people on the night.
I did notice that there were way too many guys to girls, almost 6 guys to 1 girl type ratio.

In the club and a bar, tried dancing with a few Hb 4's and got turned down. Tried to dance with one Hb4 that Ive met a few times through a friend, kissed her on neck and tried dancing with her but she wasn't intrested.
Wingmaning one of my friends and I lightly pull on a Hb 4 at bests arm, but she was unresponsive.

Tried talking to one girl who was bumping into me, but she gave a wtf face, tried to get two random girls (hb5s) dancing and said to them smile it's not that bad, they were unresponsive too.

Im also trying some dating apps to build my confidence up again.

Where have I gone wrong? I thought I would have been able to pull at least 1 with the low quality that was out there last night.

Adz--
 

Adz--

Don Juan
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Update

So I'll try and keep this short and sweet. I've come to realise that there are issues within myself that need to be addressed so that i can move forward in my life and for me to develop so that i can become a better Don Juan.
For the last year i haven't developed myself and been in the same place with the same or similar problems occurring. I've now learnt and accepted that self developing is only going to benefit myself and better my self so that i can be the best that i can be for my own self.

Now bear with me for this part.
Over the past year I've become riddled with fear, self doubt, overthinking, slowly becoming less confident, no backbone, no faith always thinking the worst. I've lost my social circles, some from my own accord and most of these things happening because of my ex.
Now what I've learnt is that, if i had a backbone and didn't listen to the bullsh*t insecurities that she projected on to me and did whatever i wanted to do some or if not most of these things wouldn't have happened.

Further to that, ONE BIG ERROR that i did was to try and fix her problems when she had any, this was a major hell no, what i should have done is "listened", nod and say a few things instead of absorbing her issues and treating them like my own, as difficult as it is for me personally i should have put up that emotional/ spiritual or whatever you call it barrier where it just deflects.
Also if she acted like a spoiled little kid and threw her toys out of the pram every time she didn't get her way then i should have let her carry on, because at the end of the day i don't need/ have time for that bs. I'm here because of me and what i want to do, not her and what she wants to do all the time.

Another mistake i made was becoming way to serious with her, she was a plate but i went on like i was going to marry this chick and did basically what i did with the ex before her. I guess i didn't learn and slapped worse this time. The point is to screen her to see if she is worth for me and if she can jump through all the hoops that i set.
Thats another thing, i shouldn't be afraid of setting hoops for them to jump through. If they don't jump i know where they stand.

Now what i need to do is, to set goals and targets for myself to achieve, this will not only give me focus and confidence within myself but it will teach me to time manage better along with saying no to things because i know what MY priorities are. I also need to focus heavily on my university/ college course because this is MY future that i am working towards to and its my last chance to get into university in order to further study for my future job.
I also need to continue doing things that make me happy and that are good for me such as going to the gym 3 times a week and working on my hobbies/ projects because this will teach me discipline and how to appreciate my own company and be comfortable with myself.
Another thing is that i need to start getting in touch with my old friends again and trying to salvage old friendships that got burnt by my ex, and build new ones with my new university class mates.

I've also got therapy/ counciling sessions sorted which will start soon, as i have anxiety issues and some depression issues. I'm going to remain positive and i will come back to a point where i was before my ex but i will be better, stronger, happier, bigger and bolder.

And on a final note, i'll try and post my progress and update this as i go along as i found that it helped me in the past and i don't see why it can't again.

Onwards and upwards, i will rise like the Phoenix from the ashes.

Adz--
 

Adz--

Don Juan
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Quick Thread update and very very short rusty rapport

So, things havent been too great lately, my mental health situation has gotten worse, my inner confidence is completly gone, I tend to keep to myself and just get on with sh*t. But I do make an effort to dress well and appear well groomed so I don't look like a complete mess. My therapy sessions got pushed back and have only just started.
I've been overwhelmed with the amount of assignments I've been given from uni too, I've been mainly focusing on that lately.
My hand is still injured from when a bar fell on it from gym so I no work out sessions which suck.

But on the bright side my projects have been slowly moving forward! And one is almost complete after a year!

Plate spinning wise, there is absolutely nothing at all. The mental health issues have taken their toll on me in this aspect.
I'm finding it extramly difficult to even approach and I'm riddled with fear. It feels worse then my AFC days. But today I feel was a big step for me. As I feel like I'm starting from zero again.
I approached a potential plate in the library today, I was doing some uni work and asked her to give what I wrote a read.
Got her name, introduced my self, built a very short rapport with her, finding out what she's doing, how much work she has to do.

I know it may not seem major or anything, but this is a big thing for me, and man did it feel good to do it. Hopefully there will be more and this will set my anxiety at ease slightly.

Adz--
 

wifehunter

Master Don Juan
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Quick Thread update and very very short rusty rapport

So, things havent been too great lately, my mental health situation has gotten worse, my inner confidence is completly gone, I tend to keep to myself and just get on with sh*t. But I do make an effort to dress well and appear well groomed so I don't look like a complete mess. My therapy sessions got pushed back and have only just started.
I've been overwhelmed with the amount of assignments I've been given from uni too, I've been mainly focusing on that lately.
My hand is still injured from when a bar fell on it from gym so I no work out sessions which suck.

But on the bright side my projects have been slowly moving forward! And one is almost complete after a year!

Plate spinning wise, there is absolutely nothing at all. The mental health issues have taken their toll on me in this aspect.
I'm finding it extramly difficult to even approach and I'm riddled with fear. It feels worse then my AFC days. But today I feel was a big step for me. As I feel like I'm starting from zero again.
I approached a potential plate in the library today, I was doing some uni work and asked her to give what I wrote a read.
Got her name, introduced my self, built a very short rapport with her, finding out what she's doing, how much work she has to do.

I know it may not seem major or anything, but this is a big thing for me, and man did it feel good to do it. Hopefully there will be more and this will set my anxiety at ease slightly.

Adz--
Google: Valerian... It's an herb that's helps with what you're dealing with. I've heard st. johns wort helps too.

Anxiety sucks, also watch your internal dialog because you can easily shoot yourself in the foot, as it were.
 

Adz--

Don Juan
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Update and field report!

Update
After my last post I decided to fully dedicate myself into my uni course and to the gym. However 2nd month in, I got a gym injury and hand has nerve damage so I stopped. Through this time I also got counciling therapy over the phone which helped a little. I'm on the waiting list for some one to one therapy now.
I have finished my uni course for this year so now I'm free.

Towards the last few months at uni I was f*ucking one of my classmates (Hb4) and saw a few escorts. I thought having some is better then none. Still hookup with the classmate now and then but only when im in the same city. (my uni is an hour away from where I currently live)

In my time off I've been looking into gym diets and work outs so once I'm ready I can hit the gym hard.

I'm going to try and set myself little targets from now on to get things completed and see how I feel in regards to helping my mental health side of things. Things like
-Clean room
-Make a meal
-Start to practice meditation again
-Be mindful
-Get in touch with old friends again
-Read the Bible again




Field report
Tonight one of my friends called me out for a spontaneous night out, we hit this first bar/club up. I've already had some drinks prior to meeting them. We have one more then we go to the smokers area, chit chat for a bit over a cig then I turned and I saw a brunette (HB7) and a blonde (HB7) sitting down. The Bruette just so happens to adjusted her b**bs and I burst out in laughter and so does she. I then go over introduce myself and have a bit of chat with them. Got their names and what they do etc. Significant intrest from both.
I then had to go and catch up with my friends (no wingman and they were going to another bar)

I hugged them both and broke down some kino with them both through the conversation a few times.
Me and my friends then hit two more bars/clubs then end up In this last place.
I'm walking up the stairs and I see blonde (HB7) shout out "adz--" and pointing to me. So naturally at this point I'm a quite Drunk and I just go up to her and start grinding on her for one song whilst I grab her a** then she turns around and I grind on her a**. Her friend the brunette then says let's go for a cig to her. As she goes to walk off I pull her by her hand and say come find me later, she responds with I'll be in the smokers sectjon come and find me..
So after a lap of the bar to see other potential Hb's I go up to the smokers section and smoke a cigarette with my friends and wingman one of my mates but that failed and she walked off.
I then get a tap on my shoulder from some drunk guy saying "she wants to f*ck you and points to the blonde HB7. So I go over to her and her friend goes she'll f*uck you if you remember her name, at this point I don't have a clue being drunk, so my friend guesses it and I try and play it out that I said it first hahaha, long story short I get her number and made out with her a few times, Whilst my friend occupies get friend.
I tried to push to go back to her place at the end of the night but it didn't happen.

How do I go about escalating this further? Shall I message her and say hey what's up?

Thanks
Adz--

 
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