"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Blast from the past & making bad decisions

Effington

Master Don Juan
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I decided to call up an old friend from college last night, she's one my favorite persons I've ever met, if not my favorite. I've known her for about six years now; we met in college through friends and became great friends instantly.

Here's the quick rundown on this chick: after college (I graduated three years ago) I moved to the city and haven't visited too much. At first we talked regularly, but it gradually became less and less. Our schedules never matched, so we haven't hung out more than a couple times in the last 2 years. She worked almost full time and had a full load of classes in the cornfields. I'm full-time in the city. The last time I called her, she made an impromptu visit to my place on New Year's Eve (11 months ago). Semester break junior year, we went on an impromptu skiing trip to Aspen, CO because her mom had a timeshare she couldn't use.

I don't think I've ever gotten along with someone better; she's easily the most fun person to hang out with that I know--our personalities mesh really well. She's also hot. There is no doubt in my mind that we would have dated in college (I know she wanted to), save for one pretty fatal character flaw; a lack of common sense.

While fairly book smart, she knowingly makes a lot of bad decisions. Just to highlight her summary of the last 11 months: met a guy, dated for three months, got married, got pregnant, dropped out of school, got divorced, got unpregnant, trying to re-enroll in school now. By the way, she works with her now ex-husband, so is considering quitting her job. She's accumulated about 90 credits in about 7 years because she keeps dropping classes due to weird stuff like this. The reason it's been 11 months since we talked? She has gone thru 3 different cell phone services and lost everyone's number three times over. It's a HUGE coincidence that I called her parent's home the one week she's been there in 8+ months.

Anyway, she's coming to visit me this weekend, and despite all the facts laid out in front of me, I still feel the urge to make a move on her. We've kissed before, although we were both wasted at the time. I know the logical thing is to leave this one be, but I'm not sure I want to do that. I've met a lot of people since I've known her and she still seems to be the one that sticks out.

I know what the correct answer to this riddle is, but I don't think I want to accept the solution. Have you ever been in this situation? It sucks, a lot. By the way, the real reason we never dated in college is because I couldn't get over the fact that she has a kid, who is now seven years old. (She's 26 years old).

I am not really looking for advice on this situation, because I know what you will say and know what I probably should do. But I don't want to. I guess I'm asking, has this happened to any of you guys? It kind of sucks.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Alkali

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She doesn't sound like a catch.

I'd avoid making a move, she sounds like a maneater that's just waiting to take you down.
 

aliasguy

Master Don Juan
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Just enjoy the visit. She doesn't even live there. Nail her if you (and she) want.

What's the problem/question? She's going back home after the visit. Get the sex over with, and let her go home. You don't have to start up a "relationship," here.

Have a fun time with her. don't make a big ol' deal about it all.

Why does this "suck," man? Enjoy your time with her. Help her have a good time while she's with you. It doesn't HAVE to be a long term deal - lighten up about it.

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Effington

Master Don Juan
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Thanks guy, that may be the most decent advice I've heard.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

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