"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Blast from the past & making bad decisions

Effington

Master Don Juan
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I decided to call up an old friend from college last night, she's one my favorite persons I've ever met, if not my favorite. I've known her for about six years now; we met in college through friends and became great friends instantly.

Here's the quick rundown on this chick: after college (I graduated three years ago) I moved to the city and haven't visited too much. At first we talked regularly, but it gradually became less and less. Our schedules never matched, so we haven't hung out more than a couple times in the last 2 years. She worked almost full time and had a full load of classes in the cornfields. I'm full-time in the city. The last time I called her, she made an impromptu visit to my place on New Year's Eve (11 months ago). Semester break junior year, we went on an impromptu skiing trip to Aspen, CO because her mom had a timeshare she couldn't use.

I don't think I've ever gotten along with someone better; she's easily the most fun person to hang out with that I know--our personalities mesh really well. She's also hot. There is no doubt in my mind that we would have dated in college (I know she wanted to), save for one pretty fatal character flaw; a lack of common sense.

While fairly book smart, she knowingly makes a lot of bad decisions. Just to highlight her summary of the last 11 months: met a guy, dated for three months, got married, got pregnant, dropped out of school, got divorced, got unpregnant, trying to re-enroll in school now. By the way, she works with her now ex-husband, so is considering quitting her job. She's accumulated about 90 credits in about 7 years because she keeps dropping classes due to weird stuff like this. The reason it's been 11 months since we talked? She has gone thru 3 different cell phone services and lost everyone's number three times over. It's a HUGE coincidence that I called her parent's home the one week she's been there in 8+ months.

Anyway, she's coming to visit me this weekend, and despite all the facts laid out in front of me, I still feel the urge to make a move on her. We've kissed before, although we were both wasted at the time. I know the logical thing is to leave this one be, but I'm not sure I want to do that. I've met a lot of people since I've known her and she still seems to be the one that sticks out.

I know what the correct answer to this riddle is, but I don't think I want to accept the solution. Have you ever been in this situation? It sucks, a lot. By the way, the real reason we never dated in college is because I couldn't get over the fact that she has a kid, who is now seven years old. (She's 26 years old).

I am not really looking for advice on this situation, because I know what you will say and know what I probably should do. But I don't want to. I guess I'm asking, has this happened to any of you guys? It kind of sucks.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Alkali

Senior Don Juan
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She doesn't sound like a catch.

I'd avoid making a move, she sounds like a maneater that's just waiting to take you down.
 

aliasguy

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Just enjoy the visit. She doesn't even live there. Nail her if you (and she) want.

What's the problem/question? She's going back home after the visit. Get the sex over with, and let her go home. You don't have to start up a "relationship," here.

Have a fun time with her. don't make a big ol' deal about it all.

Why does this "suck," man? Enjoy your time with her. Help her have a good time while she's with you. It doesn't HAVE to be a long term deal - lighten up about it.

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Effington

Master Don Juan
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Thanks guy, that may be the most decent advice I've heard.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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