The Difference Between Attractive And AttractionBy Derek Vitalio
A lot of guys don’t make the distinction between being attractive and creating attraction. This is a FATAL flaw in their thinking and is the primary reason men fail with women. If you’re not particularly attractive, women can use their critical mind to filter you out.
For example, they see you and think, “He’s not my type.” Probably 85% of men or more are not attractive enough to get attention from women alone just based on their looks. And just about all men worry about whether they’re attractive enough to get women. Thus, they never approach a woman or take a risk because any sign of disinterest on her part would be a massive blow to their ego. If a woman showed any disinterest it would make him crash with the reality that he is NOT attractive enough for women to fall all over him based on his looks. That would imply a lot of bad things – like maybe you’re a failure in some way or your charisma and personality sucks.
That’s why EVERYONE, even experienced players have hesitation at times. The hesitation and fear is there to protect our egos from an ego crash. It’s to protect us from the idea that we’re bad with women when feeling desirable is so important to our self-image. I will explain how to eliminate this problem a little later.So we are all running around worried about whether a woman will accept us or not because we’ve built into our self-image that we’re attractive.
To actually face a woman who shows disinterest would destroy our little ego bubble. And it’s true – a woman can decide whether she feels attraction to you or not based on your “look”. It is a conscious choice for her. She is the selector, the chooser, and this makes men run scared that they can’t control her choice.Now what 99% of men don’t get is that being attractive and creating attraction are completely DIFFERENT things. You can be the butt-ugliest man in the world and still make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you that she had no control over through sex cues. Let me tell you two stories to illustrate.At my bank was filling out some papers.
The bank representative with me was about 50 years old, over weight, and not attractive at all. To reiterate, I was NOT attracted to her and had already filtered her out as a possible play partner with my critical, rational mind. In fact, my critical rational mind thought “ughh” at the very idea of anything more than doing bank business with her. After we were done however, she started to open up to me and tell me different stories about her life. I was in no particular rush and her stories were interesting and she exuded a warm rapport.
So I stayed and chatted to see what she was about. She made me laugh and after a while she dropped into a sexy tonality. She began to drop hints to me, talking about movies and how Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher made a good couple and how he probably “gave her good sex so who cares what people thought that he was with an older woman.”After about an hour I told her I had to leave. As I left, she said, “I don’t normally open up like that to people and you’re a very handsome young man.”As I left I realized something very, very important.
In no way was I attracted to this rather old overweight woman – my conscious critical mind filtered out the possibility altogether. Yet as I was walking down the hall I was beginning to think some rather erotic thoughts about her. Her sexy voice tonality, making me laugh, making me feel at ease and comfortable with good rapport, and the sexual hints and innuendo were all sex cues that triggered attraction in me. Attraction was not a my conscious choice. She had bypassed my critical brain and directly triggered my limbic brain which controls sexual arousal.
I was responding to her sex cues against my will and it was much more powerful than I’d like to admit!Even now I think back, “God, I’m glad I didn’t act on my impulses!” but that’s now me thinking with my critical mind. The immediacy of her sex cuing is long gone. But at the time, I was almost ready to jump on her.Another story that illustrates the difference between being attractive (which a woman can choose or not choose you) versus creating attraction using sex cues (which she will respond to, it’s not a conscious choice) happened just recently to me.I was on the phone with a new client of mine.
She had a really cute, giggly kind of voice like a yummy-yummy wanna-be porno chicks. You could describe her voice is youthful, playful and flirtatious. Yummy yummy yum.I immediately dropped down into a more resonant tonality myself and slowed down my speech. This wasn’t a conscious decision, just an automatic response I normally have around beautiful women.The next day, I met her in person and was shocked. '''
She was not someone I would have normally been attracted to at all. She wasn’t outright ugly, but very plain looking. My mind immediately disengaged her as a potential play partner. Then she opened her mouth and out came that really cute, playful voice that exuded warmth, fun, and sexiness. She had mastery control over the sex cue of voice tonality and I was COMPELLED to respond. I was COMPELLED to be attracted. Whereas based on her looks I could feel attraction if I chose to, based on the sex cue of voice tonality I had NO CHOICE but to feel attraction.
Likewise, when you can master the key sex cues like the smile, voice tonality, body language and the others, you can make women feel deep attraction even if you look like a half-mutant crossbreed between Chewbacca and Greedo. The key to getting rid of that hesitation and fear with women is to DISENGAGE the idea of being attractive and visually desirable to women from your self-image. If you remove the idea that being attractive and visually desirable is what will get you women, then you remove much of the fear you have with them.
Because if one shows disinterest in you, you know it’s not because of who you are or how you look, but because you haven’t mastered sexual cuing that COMPELS her to feel attracted to you.And this isn’t a little mind game you’re playing on yourself. It’s the cold hard truth.You’ve just thought wrongly this whole time. You thought that if a woman shows disinterest in you or ignores you, that something was wrong with your personality or looks.
So you avoid putting your neck out on the line for fear of having your self-image and ego destroyed. But the fact is, even good-looking guys with great personalities get rejected by women ALL THE TIME. Almost NO men are good with women based on their looks and personality alone.However, ANYONE who masters sexual cuing with a self-image that does not include that they are particularly attractive or desirable to women based on their looks or who they are will experience 500% more success than even good-looking guys.
