squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
- Messages
- 6,620
- Reaction score
- 186
- Age
- 47
OK, so you met this girl...she's cute and she seems interested and she gave you her number, so you figure you may as well take a shot with her. What have you got to lose, right? 
So you go out with her, and as the night progresses, you start to notice the red flags. Maybe she's just boring. Maybe she's annoying to talk to. Maybe she drinks too much. Maybe she's flirting with other guys. Maybe she loses her temper easily. Maybe she's into hardcore drugs or some other dangerous habit.
Whatever it is, you're just about getting tired of it. As a "Don Juan", you know there are 6 other women out there right now who DON'T have these problems and are looking for a man of your caliber...and really you want to believe this girl is OK, but you're just being polite at this point and looking for your "out".
Women can sense this...and every now and then, they pull out the dirtiest, sneakiest desperation ploy they can find...the "Pity-Play".
She'll start to tear up, give you that devastated look, and suddenly it all comes out. She was abused as a child, or had an abusive boyfriend, or failed out of school, or has a disorder, or had bad times in her previous life, fell in with the wrong crowd, etc, etc...
This ploy plays on a man's emotions. It tries to get him to start thinking:
-"All the red flags aren't really her fault"
-"She's a good person that just needs help"
-"She's opening up to me THIS early, she must really like me/feel comfortable"
-"If I'm 'understanding' of her, I'm in!"
-"If I'm NOT 'understanding' of her, I'm a cruel jackass."
It's dirty and underhanded because you feel like if you don't respond in the way she wants you to, you're cruel and heartless. I mean, how could you shut yourself off to a woman crying?? People will look at you and think you're an ass. You'll feel miserable for letting this poor thing suffer.
So under all this pressure, you do EXACTLY what she wants you to do. You make the worst decision possible given the circumstances:
You absolve her of responsibility for ALL her faults and her misdeeds past, present, and future.
From then on:
-When she flirts with other guys, you let her slide.
-When she gets drunk or drugged up, you understand.
-When she flips out for no reason, gives you a hard time, or busts your balls, you have pity.
-When she demands unreasonable things of you, you acquiesce.
-When she denies you affection, you sympathize with her "not wanting to be hurt again".
You have become CAPTAIN SAVE-A-HO. You have vindicated this girls bullsh!t idea that all the things that are wrong in her life that SHE SHOULD BE DEALING WITH are not her fault and therefore should be accepted as normal. You have essentially taken the responsibility of DEALING WITH HER ISSUES FOR HER, BECAUSE SHE WILL NOT.
It's OK, though, because you love her and she loves you, right?
Right??
-She won't have sex with you because she doesn't want to end up "being used", but you still turn her on, right??
-She never has a good time when you're together, but she still enjoys being with you, right??
-She sleeps around with other men, but she still loves only you, right??
-She ruins your life whenever it's convenient for her, but she still respects you, right??
Wake up.
What you have here is NOT a quality girl who's fallen on some tragedy in her life and wants you to help her work through it. What you have here is a tragedy-case who wants to continue screwing up her life at the expense of YOUR good-nature.
DO NOT let women pull this sh!t on you. It's not your responsibility to save them, or vindicate them, or absorb their BS, or fix their life. When you're out on a first or second date and a woman breaks down and drops the "pity-play", it's time to walk. If you feel bad you can give her a hug on your way out.
A real, GOOD woman may cry, and she'll be grateful for your support, but she takes responsibility for dealing with the ill in her life...she doesn't try to pawn it off on you.
So you go out with her, and as the night progresses, you start to notice the red flags. Maybe she's just boring. Maybe she's annoying to talk to. Maybe she drinks too much. Maybe she's flirting with other guys. Maybe she loses her temper easily. Maybe she's into hardcore drugs or some other dangerous habit.
Whatever it is, you're just about getting tired of it. As a "Don Juan", you know there are 6 other women out there right now who DON'T have these problems and are looking for a man of your caliber...and really you want to believe this girl is OK, but you're just being polite at this point and looking for your "out".
Women can sense this...and every now and then, they pull out the dirtiest, sneakiest desperation ploy they can find...the "Pity-Play".
She'll start to tear up, give you that devastated look, and suddenly it all comes out. She was abused as a child, or had an abusive boyfriend, or failed out of school, or has a disorder, or had bad times in her previous life, fell in with the wrong crowd, etc, etc...
This ploy plays on a man's emotions. It tries to get him to start thinking:
-"All the red flags aren't really her fault"
-"She's a good person that just needs help"
-"She's opening up to me THIS early, she must really like me/feel comfortable"
-"If I'm 'understanding' of her, I'm in!"
-"If I'm NOT 'understanding' of her, I'm a cruel jackass."
It's dirty and underhanded because you feel like if you don't respond in the way she wants you to, you're cruel and heartless. I mean, how could you shut yourself off to a woman crying?? People will look at you and think you're an ass. You'll feel miserable for letting this poor thing suffer.
So under all this pressure, you do EXACTLY what she wants you to do. You make the worst decision possible given the circumstances:
You absolve her of responsibility for ALL her faults and her misdeeds past, present, and future.
From then on:
-When she flirts with other guys, you let her slide.
-When she gets drunk or drugged up, you understand.
-When she flips out for no reason, gives you a hard time, or busts your balls, you have pity.
-When she demands unreasonable things of you, you acquiesce.
-When she denies you affection, you sympathize with her "not wanting to be hurt again".
You have become CAPTAIN SAVE-A-HO. You have vindicated this girls bullsh!t idea that all the things that are wrong in her life that SHE SHOULD BE DEALING WITH are not her fault and therefore should be accepted as normal. You have essentially taken the responsibility of DEALING WITH HER ISSUES FOR HER, BECAUSE SHE WILL NOT.
It's OK, though, because you love her and she loves you, right?
Right??
-She won't have sex with you because she doesn't want to end up "being used", but you still turn her on, right??
-She never has a good time when you're together, but she still enjoys being with you, right??
-She sleeps around with other men, but she still loves only you, right??
-She ruins your life whenever it's convenient for her, but she still respects you, right??
Wake up.
What you have here is NOT a quality girl who's fallen on some tragedy in her life and wants you to help her work through it. What you have here is a tragedy-case who wants to continue screwing up her life at the expense of YOUR good-nature.
DO NOT let women pull this sh!t on you. It's not your responsibility to save them, or vindicate them, or absorb their BS, or fix their life. When you're out on a first or second date and a woman breaks down and drops the "pity-play", it's time to walk. If you feel bad you can give her a hug on your way out.
A real, GOOD woman may cry, and she'll be grateful for your support, but she takes responsibility for dealing with the ill in her life...she doesn't try to pawn it off on you.
