"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Beta Friend Needs Advice!!!!!

Mr. Suave

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This is a thread I'm making for my friend (no, seriously) because I'm trying to help him out but it'd be cool to get some input.

Basically... He met this girl who is a "friend of a friend". She lives in Amsterdam (the awesome land of weed and hot prostitutes). He self-reportedly "reaaaaaally likes her :(", but nothing is happening between them. He hasn't shown her that he's interested despite hanging out together... I asked him what he's doing to try and become more than her friend, and he was like "uhm... uhm... I dunno... uhm..." so basically he's doing absolutely nothing to try and connect with her on a sexual/romantic level as opposed to a friendly one. He says he's scared because he doesn't want to lose her as a friend and doesn't want her to be like "ewwww!" (his self-esteem is below zero)...

Last time he went to see her they "hung out at this little pizza place". He smiled and looked like he was about to cry as he said that by the way.

Apparently his friend told her that he likes her but she said she's not into him, but there's no proof of that being true. I tried to give him some advice. I told him that if he does nothing he's choosing to be just her friend and may as well forget her, but I don't think it has been helpful to him because he's just simply petrified. He's quite a beta guy, I think it might even be in his genetics, he's very short in stature, friendly-faced (even when angry he looks kinda pathetic if I'm honest) and unimposing. Also extremely low self-esteem and talking himself down constantly. I've told him many times to stop doing it and to pick himself up but he just doesn't.

In other words to put a long story short, he's the VERY typical beta in a VERY typical "love" situation which is likely going to turn into a VERY routine rejection as is always the case in these situations, unless he does something about it. Only thing he hasn't done wrong is that he hasn't bought her flowers, thank God, but he very likely bought her pizza. Can anybody offer some advice for this poor guy?
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

Read more...

TheMusic

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Where does he live himself? In Amsterdam too? (Amsterdam isn't a land btw :p). But if it's gonna be an oversea relationship than I would reconsider it.

About self-esteem; just compliment him on things he does. Let him progress in his hobbies, compliment him about it, make others compliment him (only if they mean it). Self-esteem is really just a stupid state of mind.
It takes a long time to get positive about yourself, but as soon as you get there you'll grow more confident and happy, seriously.

And no, I don't really have any good advices. Sorry.
 

Mr. Suave

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TheMusic said:
Where does he live himself? In Amsterdam too? (Amsterdam isn't a land btw :p). But if it's gonna be an oversea relationship than I would reconsider it.

About self-esteem; just compliment him on things he does. Let him progress in his hobbies, compliment him about it, make others compliment him (only if they mean it). Self-esteem is really just a stupid state of mind.
It takes a long time to get positive about yourself, but as soon as you get there you'll grow more confident and happy, seriously.

And no, I don't really have any good advices. Sorry.
He lives in the UK, he flew all the way over there to meet her when he doesn't even know if she's interested in him. He didn't even visit the red light district or smoke weed so seems like a ****ty trip IMO.

His self-esteem isn't good. I tried to tell him to stop putting himself down etc but he just got super-offended and almost cried... All I said was that he constantly self-deprecates and needs to fix his lack of self-esteem which is true.
 

Professor Booty

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Self-deprication is very British. It's a self-defense mechanism that with a lot of wit can seem charming but it's ultimately just sad. Your friend should move to Amsterdam for a few years, smoke weed, do hookers and just chill out. If that won't shake the low self-esteem out of him nothing will.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Young Stallion

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Joined
Sep 17, 2004
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Mr. Suave said:
This is a thread I'm making for my friend (no, seriously) because I'm trying to help him out but it'd be cool to get some input.

Basically... He met this girl who is a "friend of a friend". She lives in Amsterdam (the awesome land of weed and hot prostitutes). He self-reportedly "reaaaaaally likes her :(", but nothing is happening between them. He hasn't shown her that he's interested despite hanging out together... I asked him what he's doing to try and become more than her friend, and he was like "uhm... uhm... I dunno... uhm..." so basically he's doing absolutely nothing to try and connect with her on a sexual/romantic level as opposed to a friendly one. He says he's scared because he doesn't want to lose her as a friend and doesn't want her to be like "ewwww!" (his self-esteem is below zero)...

Last time he went to see her they "hung out at this little pizza place". He smiled and looked like he was about to cry as he said that by the way.

Apparently his friend told her that he likes her but she said she's not into him, but there's no proof of that being true. I tried to give him some advice. I told him that if he does nothing he's choosing to be just her friend and may as well forget her, but I don't think it has been helpful to him because he's just simply petrified. He's quite a beta guy, I think it might even be in his genetics, he's very short in stature, friendly-faced (even when angry he looks kinda pathetic if I'm honest) and unimposing. Also extremely low self-esteem and talking himself down constantly. I've told him many times to stop doing it and to pick himself up but he just doesn't.

In other words to put a long story short, he's the VERY typical beta in a VERY typical "love" situation which is likely going to turn into a VERY routine rejection as is always the case in these situations, unless he does something about it. Only thing he hasn't done wrong is that he hasn't bought her flowers, thank God, but he very likely bought her pizza. Can anybody offer some advice for this poor guy?
Mr. Suave, I do hope that I never have a friend like you. Look how you just described your own buddy!
 
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