Beta creeping back?

[SHChamp]

For the past 6 months or so I have been continuously dating on and off, created a large social network, raised my own value with people in my own surrounding and in my own eyes and generally I am just following my dreams and ambitions, but this ****ing girl..

I met her 6 months ago, she is an HB9, but back then, other than a bit of flirting and touching here and there I didn't give her much attention because I was constantly surrounded by women. "Having too many options is just as frustrating as having no options." After I started filtering out these girls one by one, I started getting a bit more serious with this girl. Now, she knows that I am wanted, she knows I am confident and has repeatedly mentioned how my 'energy', 'positiveness' and confidence is so attractive to her, she always sees me happy and do my own thing and I think that is what made her fall for me.

Now, the ****ing problem is, I think I am falling for her as well. I don't know, because I can't remember the last time that I allowed it to happen. I realize this is happening to me, and now I have this anxiety creeping up on me. I don't know what to do, whenever we are together the chemistry and attraction is flat out insane, everyone around us knows and have told me before that it's obvious we constantly want to **** each other's brain out.

That's the background, now, the problem.. This morning I texted her, because we were planning on meeting up and someone grabbed her phone and said "She's asleep, but I'll wake her up soon.", so I said, "Who's this?" and the person replied with "Boyfriend.". Now, at this point, my 'hamster' went into ****ing overdrive. I had mad anxiety, I was seriously about to explode. I didn't show this, all I said was 'Ah, good to know." and left it at that. A little later she replied saying "Hey, sorry, I was asleep and phone was on silent.", in which I said "Good thing your boyfriend was around?".

Now, at this point, she said "That's not my boyfriend, silly." and I simply changed the subject and acted like I didn't care. To be honest, I normally couldn't care less who it was, but what pissed me off was my REACTION to it. I hated that feeling of anxiety, and felt like my heart was about to sink to the ground. Flashbacks to my beta days and all the **** experiences from the BPD's creeped up.

Because of this, I am really careful around her now (careful in a sense that I am trying to completely emotionally disconnect), and rather afraid to take the next step. We both know we're getting serious and I know she is LTR material, but ****, if I reacted like that at something so stupid and small, then what would happen if something REAL were to occur? What do you guys suggest I do?

 

[MattR1984]

We both know we're getting serious and I know she is LTR material, but ****, if I reacted like that at something so stupid and small, then what would happen if something REAL were to occur? What do you guys suggest I do?

Have you had sex with her yet? If not you're way too invested man. Back it up a bit.

 

[SHChamp]

I was at her place today, and about ten minutes after we got in she apologized about that text. Some flatmate of hers is staying at her place for a few days until his bed comes in and he grabbed her phone and sent that, but she went off on him after that she said, I said it was fine and didn't make much of it.

This is what just happened though, I was with her for a while and after a bit things started heating up. Massive amounts of touching, warming her up, my hands in her pants etc. After a bit I kissed her, she was into it and then I pulled back to tease her a bit more, now the messed up thing is, which I'm not actually sure is. She refused to kiss after that, she allowed everything else when it came to touching, but that's it. I couldn't stay to **** her, because I had to leave, but I found it weird that she flat out refused to kiss, avoiding it completely. Eventually she avoided getting too intimate.

What do you guys make of this? My gut is telling me she's playing games and that I should take some steps back and focus on other things, because honestly I couldn't be ****ed to start this game all over again. I'm confused, and might be over thinking this. I'd appreciate if you guys were straight up brutally honest with me.

 

[SHChamp]

My honest opinion? Pull back. You reacted very well with the boyfriend thing and no matter how alpha one is, if he gets too invested in a woman emotionally he will react the same way. But that's just it: you havn't fvcked her and you're too involved. And you know that, so good for you.

The next step here is for you to define the relationship, and it's 100% up to you. At this point I still think you've gotten the upper hand. Start talking to all these other options you have and keep in contact with HB9. Go a week without initiating contact and if she starts contacting you, then maybe talk to her then and wait another 4 days or so. Just leave it at 'I've been busy'. No specifics.

Next time you see her try to fvck her. Make it your goal and let her see that you're going to get what you want (obviously consentually). From what you described she seems the type that likes the alpha male who gets what he wants. You made a good first step in feeling her up. But before anything get into a makeout session. If she won't kiss you this time, then either she's scared of something or she gets off on teasing you. Either way it means you probably want to avoid LTR with her, seems like some baggage.

I believe that kissing tells you everything you need to know about how a woman feels about you. If she's attacking you, she wants you. If you have to initiate it, not so much. Maybe it's obvious but some guys overlook the power of a kiss.

This is solid, thank you. By the end of the night she said that I could sleep at hers next time, so I know how that is going to end up. The fact that she kept avoiding kissing is just gnawing inside, because the last time that happened, I knew the girl had massive baggage and just wanted to bang. Regardless, I'm pulling back and not contacting her from now, which I rarely do anyway. I've got things to do this week and I'll focus on that.

Next time, I'll warm her up before I initiate the makeout session, but if I notice she's pulling the same **** I have a feeling I should just stand up and leave. Getting laid isn't a problem for me, so I'm not going to put up with that ****.

 

[Rainman4707]

How many times have seen this girl? 6? 8?

 

[SHChamp]

I second your plan. It sounds like you've got your sh!t together and that's always the first step to truly becoming a DJ.

It's one thing for her to SAY that you can sleep over one day, but when the night comes her emotions may be different and she could change her mind. Realize women are emotional beings that go off of how they feel right now (sounds awfully similar to a post I read on SS a while back...). So when she told you that she was probably happy. If she's in a bad mood next time, try to get her back into a good mood at the start of the date, so at the end she'll invite you in. And try to make it semi-spontaneous, not a planned event.

Good luck brother!

That's a very good reminder, thank you. So far, this girl has never flaked on me even once, once we agreed on doing something she made absolutely sure she was there on time. To be honest, I flaked on her twice, because at the time I gave other girls priority. Just because this happened though, doesn't mean I should let my guard down and I understand what you mean completely.

Regardless of how she feels though, I am not going to be constantly adapting myself to her emotional states. I feel like I've given this girl too much power over me already, and any more and I'll be at a position where my emotional state is at her mercy. I've made abundantly clear that I like her and I told her that I can see how crazy she is about me, so there is no reason for anything to stand in between us. I am not going to be sitting around, waiting for her to be 'in a good mood' so that I could get a crumb out of the cookie jar. I am going to make clear to her, that if she wants this to continue, no games. If she wants me, then she needs to give me everything that she is, because I know I deserve that. She tries to lure me again with crumbs or tries to play around me, I'm done. I know I have options and I can get more options once I devote my time to it.

I'm tired of how females always think they have complete control over relationships, dating and men in general. The fact that men lately fall on their knees, leaving themselves at a woman's mercy, hoping to get a little something, is the reason why they think they can get away with so much sh!t. Nah, no matter how much I am into this girl, I will not degrade myself back into that AFC mindset, degrade my self-worth, so that I could get with this girl. I'd rather retain my dignity and self-worth as a man, move on and meet someone else amazing an hour later.

/rant over

How many times have seen this girl? 6? 8?

She is in my university, so I see her on a regular basis.

 

[Rainman4707]

If I was going to enter a LTR with this girl then I would tell her I don't like guys stopping at her place regardless.

I'm not insecure. I just don't like it.

Yeah keep spinning plates & regarding the girl the thread is about...it's about time you had sex with her. Hope it works out for you.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Shes a big ass liar. "Thats not my boyfriend silly"? She goes into offensive mode to avoid you asking more questions, and the next day after thinking a plausible lie through she starts talking. Think about it, if you were someone with nowhere to sleep and this girl offers shelter, would you go mess with her phone and send messages? ***** youre the silly one here couse I see through the bullcrap. That "boyfriend" thingy is either her ****ing with your brain alone, or some pathetic fool she is stringing along.

This is exactly the kinda girl I would eject immediately, not worth the hassle, but you know best...

Just know that she is BSing you hard and start from there.

 

[SHChamp]

Shes a big ass liar. "Thats not my boyfriend silly"? She goes into offensive mode to avoid you asking more questions, and the next day after thinking a plausible lie through she starts talking. Think about it, if you were someone with nowhere to sleep and this girl offers shelter, would you go mess with her phone and send messages? ***** youre the silly one here couse I see through the bullcrap. That "boyfriend" thingy is either her ****ing with your brain alone, or some pathetic fool she is stringing along.

This is exactly the kinda girl I would eject immediately, not worth the hassle, but you know best...

Just know that she is BSing you hard and start from there.

Haha, normally I would think the same, but that is not the case here. Even though I find it weird that he stayed over at hers, when I was at her place he dropped by. As he stepped into the house, she laid back on top of me, my hand on her ass, fondling her hard and me deliberately kissing her neck as he was in the room. It was a small payback to the little prank he pulled with the text game.

I know from experience when a girl is being flat out manipulative, but my gut tells me that that is definitely not the case with this girl. Regardless of that however, I am not going to tolerate any games anymore from her. As I explained in my previous post, I'm pulling back and making that abundantly clear next time I see her.

Plus on top of that, we are not in a relationship and we are not exclusive. I still have plates that I am talking and playing around with, so I can't expect her to be completely exclusive to me. I am not affected by any other guys she is stringing along, all I know is, I am not one of them. I have her whenever I ask for her, and when she is around me she treats me with respect and affection. My worry is not that she has other guys strung along, my concern is that she doesn't know what she wants and that she is playing around while she thinks. Her mistake is, thinking that I will be right there waiting patiently for her to make up her mind finally, now that is where she got things wrong.

I am not going to wait for anyone, if she wants me, she has to show it now by proper actions. If she doesn't, I move on, simple as that.

 

[SHChamp]

Shes a big ass liar. "Thats not my boyfriend silly"? She goes into offensive mode to avoid you asking more questions, and the next day after thinking a plausible lie through she starts talking. Think about it, if you were someone with nowhere to sleep and this girl offers shelter, would you go mess with her phone and send messages? ***** youre the silly one here couse I see through the bullcrap. That "boyfriend" thingy is either her ****ing with your brain alone, or some pathetic fool she is stringing along.

This is exactly the kinda girl I would eject immediately, not worth the hassle, but you know best...

Just know that she is BSing you hard and start from there.

Man, this post has made me so paranoid. I was fine and clear, but I can't get that whole situation out of my mind now. First of all, her house is extremely small, where the **** did this guy sleep? And second of all, her phone is password protected, how did this guy (who she only recently met) find out her password, open it and then start replying at 6 AM in the morning?

These thoughts have been constantly clouding my mind since yesterday and it's gnawing at me badly. Just because of this I am quite literally done with this one, the fact that I have this nasty anxiety is reason enough for me to turn around and walk away. Something is telling me to completely drop her and move on before I have another 'learning experience' on my hand.

Do you guys think I am thinking rationally, or out of fear? I just don't know anymore, confused as sh!t. If it wasn't for this community, I would be fvcked by now.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Ok, you are afraid of falling back in love again. What BrainDamage said was TOTALLY reasonable, but I would try to not let it affect you as much. Now I personally, would just stay with her for a bit and see how she is. You can call it a form of the 2 strike rule. Continue your plans with her, be natural, whenever you catch yourself thinking about her, stop, and force yourself to stop thinking about her. If she does something wrong, that's strike one. If she does another thing wrong, strike 2, don't ever communicate with her ever again.

Als, don't think about how you are going to wait a little longer to text her back or something like that, keep your actions congruent with yourself. Now you leave it up to her, if she wants a LTR and wants you enough, then you will be able to tell. If not, well hey it's her loss, so NC. Then, like I said before, force yourself to stop thinking about her, or do something productive that will improve yourself to keep your mind off of her.

Just remember, stay strong and don't bow down to anyone's will but your own.

Till then,
best of luck to ya.

 

[SHChamp]

Ok, you are afraid of falling back in love again. What BrainDamage said was TOTALLY reasonable, but I would try to not let it affect you as much. Now I personally, would just stay with her for a bit and see how she is. You can call it a form of the 2 strike rule. Continue your plans with her, be natural, whenever you catch yourself thinking about her, stop, and force yourself to stop thinking about her. If she does something wrong, that's strike one. If she does another thing wrong, strike 2, don't ever communicate with her ever again.

Als, don't think about how you are going to wait a little longer to text her back or something like that, keep your actions congruent with yourself. Now you leave it up to her, if she wants a LTR and wants you enough, then you will be able to tell. If not, well hey it's her loss, so NC. Then, like I said before, force yourself to stop thinking about her, or do something productive that will improve yourself to keep your mind off of her.

Just remember, stay strong and don't bow down to anyone's will but your own.

Till then,
best of luck to ya.

I completely understand what you're saying, but if I remain the same throughout her previous behavior, how will she know that her current behavior is not okay and that she needs to bring her A game if she wants to keep me?

My behavior around her is normally constant physical allure, I touch her, she touches me and we continuously keep flirting and the conversation tends to become sexual rather quick. After her recent behavior, if I acted like this again with her she would have no reason to think that her behavior is not okay, am I wrong?

I want to make clear to her that I'm not going to play any games, and that bullish!t with the no kissing and the guy staying at hers is definitely not okay. I'm not going to be a D!ck about it with her, but my behavior will be neutral. No excessive flirting and no flirting at all and no out of uni meetings. I feel like I should be focusing on other options and generally just get myself back out there and she'll notice this.

What sh does with that knowledge is up to her, but regardless of the outcome I'll be fine. Do you think I'm wrong? Please tell me if you do and tell me what you guys think.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Hahah I love both your replies to my post.

Its like I see you ejecting from the matrix gradually. Thats good. You were letting your guard down, and you dont want that, esp with this girl. Of course I may be wrong, just a wild guess hypothesis, and again, this whole thing stinks from a mile away.

Lemme take a wild guess again based on the detail. They were laying in her bed together when you wrote to her so the chump got jealous. And this is more than a wild guess man, I mean if hes just someone to whom she gave shelter his actions dont make sense at all. Not in the slightest. Im thinking right now about another plausible reason than them sleeping together, I cant come up with one, apart from serious mental illness on his part.

Id say hes the jealous insecure worst type of guy, and he creeped her password. Or maybe she implemented it after the incident. Ye the latter seems more like it. Id also say both of them deserve a good old fashioned ass wooping, but again, none of your business...

Sometimes I think if I had an AK with a truck of ammo Id clear alot of these mistakes of nature before they stop me couse peeps like these make me cringe. Anyway...

Be very vigillant with this girl. So you dont end up in the position of the chump.

PS: wtf who made me senior Don Juan, Im 23, pls, I need alot more experience for that title... and low profile is better... (who am I kidding I love it)

 

[SHChamp]

Small update:
I started pulling back from her, not initiating any contact whatsoever and generally just focus on myself. The first day I did this, I went from overly sexual, kind, affectionate and dominant to straight up being cold and kind of ignoring. I noticed she noticed this immediately and she was taken aback, but a good friend of mine who was there during the whole thing explained to me that I'm being too negative by being cold like that. He said that it would be best to just be myself, but withdraw any touching, since that is a big part of my personality and that would be enough for her to know something is wrong.

I thought about this and I felt that he was right, I generally become very cold and distant towards a girl once she ****ed up. This is because I emotionally disconnect from them as soon as possible to make myself safe in the long run, but this doesn't do much in terms of actual progress.

The second day, I followed his advice and to be honest, it felt better. I was generally being myself, surrounded by girls at the time, but not ignoring her. I was being myself and having fun, laughing etc. But just withdrew any touching, and I noticed that she had issues with this as well as she started initiating kino, however I didn't reciprocate.

I noticed I needed to get away, so during a get together with all our friends I said that I was going to be gone for a week. I'm going to a different country for a big festival and just to relax, everyone was laughing and making jokes about me getting laid everywhere and her face went sour. At the end of it, I was getting hugs goodbye from everyone, and then when she came, she looked really awkward and litterally shook my hand to say bye.

Since I've been here, I've been going out and having as much fun as possible, I've played around with a few girls, got some numbers. But, having to go through filtering girls all the way from scratch again, just feels frustrating to me, because apart from that one situation this girl is checking out all the check boxes for me.

What do you guys make of the situation?

 

[Rainman4707]

Small update:
I started pulling back from her, not initiating any contact whatsoever and generally just focus on myself. The first day I did this, I went from overly sexual, kind, affectionate and dominant to straight up being cold and kind of ignoring. I noticed she noticed this immediately and she was taken aback, but a good friend of mine who was there during the whole thing explained to me that I'm being too negative by being cold like that. He said that it would be best to just be myself, but withdraw any touching, since that is a big part of my personality and that would be enough for her to know something is wrong.

I thought about this and I felt that he was right, I generally become very cold and distant towards a girl once she ****ed up. This is because I emotionally disconnect from them as soon as possible to make myself safe in the long run, but this doesn't do much in terms of actual progress.

The second day, I followed his advice and to be honest, it felt better. I was generally being myself, surrounded by girls at the time, but not ignoring her. I was being myself and having fun, laughing etc. But just withdrew any touching, and I noticed that she had issues with this as well as she started initiating kino, however I didn't reciprocate.

I noticed I needed to get away, so during a get together with all our friends I said that I was going to be gone for a week. I'm going to a different country for a big festival and just to relax, everyone was laughing and making jokes about me getting laid everywhere and her face went sour. At the end of it, I was getting hugs goodbye from everyone, and then when she came, she looked really awkward and litterally shook my hand to say bye.

Since I've been here, I've been going out and having as much fun as possible, I've played around with a few girls, got some numbers. But, having to go through filtering girls all the way from scratch again, just feels frustrating to me, because apart from that one situation this girl is checking out all the check boxes for me.

What do you guys make of the situation?

See other women.