Best Products + Threads + Advice for overcoming Approach Anxiety

TheNimbus

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Preface: I know approach anxiety has been discussed plenty of times, but I would like to start a thread particularly for collecting the three things mentioned below.

After recently ending a seven year relationship I seem to have developed a debilitating approach anxiety. It has gotten so embarrassingly bad that even asking for directions feels daunting.

I know people often say "stop looking for more information, and 'just do it'", but a crippling approach anxiety won't allow some people to "just do it".

Also, I feel that me knowing that I have read/heard some good information will aid me to give myself the "permission" to actually start approaching, if you see what I mean.


So in this thread I would like to collect your answers for the following three things:

A: Which PRODUCTS/PROGRAMS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

B: Which THREADS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

C: What ADVICE do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?
 

stringpuller

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Preface: I know approach anxiety has been discussed plenty of times, but I would like to start a thread particularly for collecting the three things mentioned below.

After recently ending a seven year relationship I seem to have developed a debilitating approach anxiety. It has gotten so embarrassingly bad that even asking for directions feels daunting.

I know people often say "stop looking for more information, and 'just do it'", but a crippling approach anxiety won't allow some people to "just do it".

Also, I feel that me knowing that I have read/heard some good information will aid me to give myself the "permission" to actually start approaching, if you see what I mean.


So in this thread I would like to collect your answers for the following three things:

A: Which PRODUCTS/PROGRAMS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

B: Which THREADS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

C: What ADVICE do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?
There is a guy that goes by the name Eric Disco that has an E book i read some years ago. Its not a gimmick and he actually starts you with baby steps. I found the information useful in helping in just general social anxiety. I found the system pretty well thought out.
Get out,
Get close, ask a question etc etc etc then he keeps turning up the wick.
 

Frozen799

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Preface: I know approach anxiety has been discussed plenty of times, but I would like to start a thread particularly for collecting the three things mentioned below.

After recently ending a seven year relationship I seem to have developed a debilitating approach anxiety. It has gotten so embarrassingly bad that even asking for directions feels daunting.

I know people often say "stop looking for more information, and 'just do it'", but a crippling approach anxiety won't allow some people to "just do it".

Also, I feel that me knowing that I have read/heard some good information will aid me to give myself the "permission" to actually start approaching, if you see what I mean.


So in this thread I would like to collect your answers for the following three things:

A: Which PRODUCTS/PROGRAMS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

B: Which THREADS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

C: What ADVICE do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?
Try getting few drinks and approach after that.

Keep in mind however that women wouldn't go with you if you are drunk even if they liked you, so keep your limit. After that you should be able to slowly do it without any drinks.
 

Kotaix

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What you need to learn is that what other people think doesn't matter. You are now free, act like it.

Like stringpuller said, start with baby steps. Look people in the eyes as you pass them on the street, in the grocery store, etc. ALL people, men and women. Learn how they react to you. You'll never see these people again. Get your eyes up and looking foward, doing so literally will help you do it figuratively.

I also strongly recommend you listen to Alan Watts. This one is great: How to get your mind back

I'm going to assume you have a case of unceasing inner monologue. You compulsively think about everything and obsess over details of everything. Am I correct? If so, this needs to stop and it'll fix a good portion of your anxiety.
 

rando5495

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For a start, everyone experiences that anxiety. It's normal.

But I've been through the initial, and there literally isn't any answer to that, other than jump iin and try to swim. Being serious.

I would recommend watching a few infields of guys that are inset (not the bloody clown v-bloggers such as above), and then hitting the street or wherever - being understanding with yourself if you bottle out a few times. You will eventually think "f.uck it" and open someone, and that point you are just in it. You'll realize hopefully that it's a quite positive experience and be extremely pumped up afterwards. Women are seriously alright in the main on this.

If not, then you really have approached a c.unt and just need to do another, or perhaps the approach is off - which I doubt if you have simply followed the most practical stuff (being that needs force it, if you are serious) in a simple google search. It allsorts itself, and you will be fine, if you make the effort.
 

Espi

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The reason why you are here at this website, improving in ways you never dreamed possible before in your life, was because you failed at achieving what you wanted with women.

Listen to yourself before you came to this website:

“Oh, how I have failed with the ladies! If only I knew what to do! If only I knew the secrets of attraction, love, and women!”

And so here you are gobbling up more information than ever. And this is good.

But…

Do you allow yourself to fail? Or do you go search on posts on EXACTLY how you should act on a date? Do you try to push your comfort zones or do you read the pages of seduction material for the 435473th time?

Failure is a necessary component of growth. Let yourself fail.

Not all the time. You are not the Nice Guy who crashes and burns without a clue (and does it again and again and again). Don Juans are made by failing, not by succeeding.

When you fail, you have information sent back on things that can be worked on. Are you too scrawny? Do you not have fun dates? Is your personality the problem? Do you let yourself have fun? Are you scared of sex? What is it?

A failure can help you more than reading every damn post on this board. Failure will aid you much more than the whole of the DJ Bible.

Going into Don Juan is not a light switch. You do not stuff this information in your head and become a drone of the ideas here. You need to fail. You MUST fail. You will always learn more about failing because it won’t be hypothetical! You won’t be having fantasies of you, being a blazing Don Juan, and going from girl to girl. No, you will be OUT THERE (which is where you learn everything) and you WILL FAIL. This failure points out where you NEED to improve.

“But Pook! If I fail, I will lose the girl!”

For every love that dies, a new one is born. It is a law of Nature!

Keep the focus on YOU. So what if you lose the girl? Another girl will quickly take her place. If you WAIT on the first girl, you will be worse off when you meet that second girl. FAIL NOW.

“But Pook! I remember the pain before. I am learning this information so I will not enter that pain again.”

Let me tell what is MORE PAINFUL. It is getting trapped in a tortuous cycle of devouring more and more information with no action. In this case, the Nice Guy is more admirable than you because at least the Nice Guy allows himself to fail. You never let yourself fail so you will never grow.

“But Pook! Isn’t the point of the information to AVOID failure?”

This is the number one common mistake that makes long time regulars here still stuck in their cycle. They think the information is going to remove failure. That is not the point. Just as in order for your muscles to grow, you must let them fail (and fill in the void with protein, sleep, etc.). So too that in order to GROW (not in your mental self, but in your real self OUT THERE), you must let yourself fail (and if you do fail, fill in the void with the information and feedback here.)

“But Pook! Why should I intend to fail?”

The point is not to INTEND to fail. It is to LET yourself fail. If you fail with a girl, IT IS AN OPPORTUNITY THAT YOU MISSED ABOUT YOURSELF.

Let us repeat it again:

FAILURE IS AN OPPORTUNITY. After all, risk is the key to self-improvement.

The Number 2 common mistake here is people thinking that they ARE NOT ALLOWED to fail because of all this ‘information’ they have soaked up. In other words, that if they failed, they really ‘aren’t don juans.

Let me tell you something: Don Juans are not made on message boards. They are made OUT THERE. Whatever happens to you out there, no matter how bad it is, come back here and we will help you. You are beyond your Nice Guy days.

But flaws can only be removed by confronting them, never by masking them.

“But Pook! I did what you said and… I had great success! I was hoping I would fail so I could improve but dammit, I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations! I was looking forward to failing so I can improve but the hot chick accepted my advances and dates! How could she do that!?…”

Now you see the point of it all. Even though there are TONS of posts that say ‘not to fear rejection’ or ‘that she is missing out on you’, you still are scared of failing. Failure is actually a GOOD thing since it helps you grow. It is good to IMAGINE success, but do not FEAR failure. Embrace it like the gift it is since it allows you to grow. (For if you don’t fail now, you will fail later on. Get it over with.)

It is a win-win situation.

SO GO OUT THERE AND LET YOURSELF FAIL!
 

Trump

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After recently ending a seven year relationship I seem to have developed a debilitating approach anxiety. It has gotten so embarrassingly bad that even asking for directions feels daunting.
What?

You had sex with your ex-girlfriend 18 different ways from Sunday, but you can’t ask someone which way to McDonalds?

That’s strange.


I know people often say "stop looking for more information, and 'just do it'", but a crippling approach anxiety won't allow some people to "just do it".
OK. Please just do it.

So in this thread I would like to collect your answers for the following three things:

A: Which PRODUCTS/PROGRAMS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

B: Which THREADS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

C: What ADVICE do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?
Was your ex-girlfriend dropped off on your step? How did you approach her?

Do the same thing.
 

TheNimbus

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There is a guy that goes by the name Eric Disco that has an E book i read some years ago. Its not a gimmick and he actually starts you with baby steps. I found the information useful in helping in just general social anxiety. I found the system pretty well thought out.
Get out,
Get close, ask a question etc etc etc then he keeps turning up the wick.
I've actually started reading that book and it suits me quite well. Before reading it, I had brainstormed a plan for myself how to get over AA, and it is very similar to his approach.
 

TheNimbus

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Try getting few drinks and approach after that.

Keep in mind however that women wouldn't go with you if you are drunk even if they liked you, so keep your limit. After that you should be able to slowly do it without any drinks.
Oh, I should probably have mentioned that I'm mostly interested in daygame. And that I don't drink ;-)
 

TheNimbus

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What you need to learn is that what other people think doesn't matter. You are now free, act like it.

Like stringpuller said, start with baby steps. Look people in the eyes as you pass them on the street, in the grocery store, etc. ALL people, men and women. Learn how they react to you. You'll never see these people again. Get your eyes up and looking foward, doing so literally will help you do it figuratively.

I also strongly recommend you listen to Alan Watts. This one is great: How to get your mind back

I'm going to assume you have a case of unceasing inner monologue. You compulsively think about everything and obsess over details of everything. Am I correct? If so, this needs to stop and it'll fix a good portion of your anxiety.
You know what? I actually don't have much inner monologue. I have a very high self esteem in general, but that is kind of what is tripping me up - I think it is mostly my pride getting in the way of letting myself be rejected again and again.
I have listened a bit to Alan Watts before, but I will give your link a listen. Thanks!
 

TheNimbus

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For a start, everyone experiences that anxiety. It's normal.

But I've been through the initial, and there literally isn't any answer to that, other than jump iin and try to swim. Being serious.

I would recommend watching a few infields of guys that are inset (not the bloody clown v-bloggers such as above), and then hitting the street or wherever - being understanding with yourself if you bottle out a few times. You will eventually think "f.uck it" and open someone, and that point you are just in it. You'll realize hopefully that it's a quite positive experience and be extremely pumped up afterwards. Women are seriously alright in the main on this.

If not, then you really have approached a c.unt and just need to do another, or perhaps the approach is off - which I doubt if you have simply followed the most practical stuff (being that needs force it, if you are serious) in a simple google search. It allsorts itself, and you will be fine, if you make the effort.
Thank you. Yes, but it feels like its an almost physical force stopping me from taking the "dive", so to speak. That along with my pride. Or perhaps they're even the same thing.

I think I could handle myself fairly well if I could somehow just get myself to actually approach.
 

TheNimbus

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Ah, good ol' Pook! I read "The Book of Pook" back in the days. Thank you for the refresher! His words still ring true.
 

Mike32ct

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This is an extremely common problem, so no judgement here.

But one thing I learned about facing anxiety (or fear or procrastination) is you should not view it as a mountain to climb. Don’t view it as some Herculean effort that can ONLY be accomplished by brute force. All that does is scare you more, intimidate you more and lead to more avoidance/procrastination.

Keep telling yourself some version of the following:

1. This is no big deal.

2. This is easy.

3. This is simple and will only take a few minutes.

(I don’t care if you have to “lie to yourself” or brainwash yourself per se. Although the above is rather close to the truth and really isn’t lying.)

You don’t fear things that you truly believe are “no big deal.” You only fear things that your mind is convinced are extremely difficult/daunting/painful/time-consuming.
 

TheNimbus

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stringpuller

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I've actually started reading that book and it suits me quite well. Before reading it, I had brainstormed a plan for myself how to get over AA, and it is very similar to his approach.
Its a great book. Good dude. One of my favorite things to do when i was doing those things is while at the grocery store ask elderly women were certain ingredients are.
At the time i was dating an italian girl and we did alot of crazy recipes.
I usually got not only the isle number of the ingredient but tips and additional ideas for the recipe. Its a fantastic social exercise.
Opened a gorgeous brunette one time in the same way in the beer cooler section.
As soon as i asked her the question. Big fckn grin on her face.
The biggest first step is getting out. I focused on allowing those things to naturally blend with my life.
Like anytime your going to a local store or pub or market. If you have to find something ask the hottest women available. If possible.
If not the elderly are always fun.
Staring into a 8-10s eyes takes practice to not show pedestal type voice tones if your not used to it. Dont let anyone tell you any different. Practice everywhere.
 

stringpuller

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Try getting few drinks and approach after that.

Keep in mind however that women wouldn't go with you if you are drunk even if they liked you, so keep your limit. After that you should be able to slowly do it without any drinks.
Drinks do help. No doubt but they are masking anxiety most of the time. Its better to practice outside the clubs then the club scene just gets that much easier.
 
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