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Best Products + Threads + Advice for overcoming Approach Anxiety

TheNimbus

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Preface: I know approach anxiety has been discussed plenty of times, but I would like to start a thread particularly for collecting the three things mentioned below.

After recently ending a seven year relationship I seem to have developed a debilitating approach anxiety. It has gotten so embarrassingly bad that even asking for directions feels daunting.

I know people often say "stop looking for more information, and 'just do it'", but a crippling approach anxiety won't allow some people to "just do it".

Also, I feel that me knowing that I have read/heard some good information will aid me to give myself the "permission" to actually start approaching, if you see what I mean.


So in this thread I would like to collect your answers for the following three things:

A: Which PRODUCTS/PROGRAMS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

B: Which THREADS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

C: What ADVICE do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?
 

Frozen799

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Preface: I know approach anxiety has been discussed plenty of times, but I would like to start a thread particularly for collecting the three things mentioned below.

After recently ending a seven year relationship I seem to have developed a debilitating approach anxiety. It has gotten so embarrassingly bad that even asking for directions feels daunting.

I know people often say "stop looking for more information, and 'just do it'", but a crippling approach anxiety won't allow some people to "just do it".

Also, I feel that me knowing that I have read/heard some good information will aid me to give myself the "permission" to actually start approaching, if you see what I mean.


So in this thread I would like to collect your answers for the following three things:

A: Which PRODUCTS/PROGRAMS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

B: Which THREADS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

C: What ADVICE do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?
Try getting few drinks and approach after that.

Keep in mind however that women wouldn't go with you if you are drunk even if they liked you, so keep your limit. After that you should be able to slowly do it without any drinks.
 

Kotaix

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What you need to learn is that what other people think doesn't matter. You are now free, act like it.

Like stringpuller said, start with baby steps. Look people in the eyes as you pass them on the street, in the grocery store, etc. ALL people, men and women. Learn how they react to you. You'll never see these people again. Get your eyes up and looking foward, doing so literally will help you do it figuratively.

I also strongly recommend you listen to Alan Watts. This one is great: How to get your mind back

I'm going to assume you have a case of unceasing inner monologue. You compulsively think about everything and obsess over details of everything. Am I correct? If so, this needs to stop and it'll fix a good portion of your anxiety.
 

Trump

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After recently ending a seven year relationship I seem to have developed a debilitating approach anxiety. It has gotten so embarrassingly bad that even asking for directions feels daunting.
What?

You had sex with your ex-girlfriend 18 different ways from Sunday, but you can’t ask someone which way to McDonalds?

That’s strange.


I know people often say "stop looking for more information, and 'just do it'", but a crippling approach anxiety won't allow some people to "just do it".
OK. Please just do it.

So in this thread I would like to collect your answers for the following three things:

A: Which PRODUCTS/PROGRAMS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

B: Which THREADS do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?

C: What ADVICE do you consider being the best for overcoming approach anxiety?
Was your ex-girlfriend dropped off on your step? How did you approach her?

Do the same thing.
 

TheNimbus

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There is a guy that goes by the name Eric Disco that has an E book i read some years ago. Its not a gimmick and he actually starts you with baby steps. I found the information useful in helping in just general social anxiety. I found the system pretty well thought out.
Get out,
Get close, ask a question etc etc etc then he keeps turning up the wick.
I've actually started reading that book and it suits me quite well. Before reading it, I had brainstormed a plan for myself how to get over AA, and it is very similar to his approach.
 

TheNimbus

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Try getting few drinks and approach after that.

Keep in mind however that women wouldn't go with you if you are drunk even if they liked you, so keep your limit. After that you should be able to slowly do it without any drinks.
Oh, I should probably have mentioned that I'm mostly interested in daygame. And that I don't drink ;-)
 

TheNimbus

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What you need to learn is that what other people think doesn't matter. You are now free, act like it.

Like stringpuller said, start with baby steps. Look people in the eyes as you pass them on the street, in the grocery store, etc. ALL people, men and women. Learn how they react to you. You'll never see these people again. Get your eyes up and looking foward, doing so literally will help you do it figuratively.

I also strongly recommend you listen to Alan Watts. This one is great: How to get your mind back

I'm going to assume you have a case of unceasing inner monologue. You compulsively think about everything and obsess over details of everything. Am I correct? If so, this needs to stop and it'll fix a good portion of your anxiety.
You know what? I actually don't have much inner monologue. I have a very high self esteem in general, but that is kind of what is tripping me up - I think it is mostly my pride getting in the way of letting myself be rejected again and again.
I have listened a bit to Alan Watts before, but I will give your link a listen. Thanks!
 

TheNimbus

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For a start, everyone experiences that anxiety. It's normal.

But I've been through the initial, and there literally isn't any answer to that, other than jump iin and try to swim. Being serious.

I would recommend watching a few infields of guys that are inset (not the bloody clown v-bloggers such as above), and then hitting the street or wherever - being understanding with yourself if you bottle out a few times. You will eventually think "f.uck it" and open someone, and that point you are just in it. You'll realize hopefully that it's a quite positive experience and be extremely pumped up afterwards. Women are seriously alright in the main on this.

If not, then you really have approached a c.unt and just need to do another, or perhaps the approach is off - which I doubt if you have simply followed the most practical stuff (being that needs force it, if you are serious) in a simple google search. It allsorts itself, and you will be fine, if you make the effort.
Thank you. Yes, but it feels like its an almost physical force stopping me from taking the "dive", so to speak. That along with my pride. Or perhaps they're even the same thing.

I think I could handle myself fairly well if I could somehow just get myself to actually approach.
 

TheNimbus

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Ah, good ol' Pook! I read "The Book of Pook" back in the days. Thank you for the refresher! His words still ring true.
 

Mike32ct

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This is an extremely common problem, so no judgement here.

But one thing I learned about facing anxiety (or fear or procrastination) is you should not view it as a mountain to climb. Don’t view it as some Herculean effort that can ONLY be accomplished by brute force. All that does is scare you more, intimidate you more and lead to more avoidance/procrastination.

Keep telling yourself some version of the following:

1. This is no big deal.

2. This is easy.

3. This is simple and will only take a few minutes.

(I don’t care if you have to “lie to yourself” or brainwash yourself per se. Although the above is rather close to the truth and really isn’t lying.)

You don’t fear things that you truly believe are “no big deal.” You only fear things that your mind is convinced are extremely difficult/daunting/painful/time-consuming.
 

TheNimbus

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TheNimbus

Don Juan
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This is an extremely common problem, so no judgement here.

But one thing I learned about facing anxiety (or fear or procrastination) is you should not view it as a mountain to climb. Don’t view it as some Herculean effort that can ONLY be accomplished by brute force. All that does is scare you more, intimidate you more and lead to more avoidance/procrastination.

Keep telling yourself some version of the following:

1. This is no big deal.

2. This is easy.

3. This is simple and will only take a few minutes.

(I don’t care if you have to “lie to yourself” or brainwash yourself per se. Although the above is rather close to the truth and really isn’t lying.)

You don’t fear things that you truly believe are “no big deal.” You only fear things that your mind is convinced are extremely difficult/daunting/painful/time-consuming.
Good advice.
Lately I've been trying to pay attention to how I feel inside and what's stopping me from approaching.
I've noticed I feel fairly calm inside, but it's like I'm not "allowing" myself to approach. So yeah, I need to ingrain it into myself that approaching is not a huge deal.
 

TheNimbus

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Its a great book. Good dude. One of my favorite things to do when i was doing those things is while at the grocery store ask elderly women were certain ingredients are.
At the time i was dating an italian girl and we did alot of crazy recipes.
I usually got not only the isle number of the ingredient but tips and additional ideas for the recipe. Its a fantastic social exercise.
Opened a gorgeous brunette one time in the same way in the beer cooler section.
As soon as i asked her the question. Big fckn grin on her face.
The biggest first step is getting out. I focused on allowing those things to naturally blend with my life.
Like anytime your going to a local store or pub or market. If you have to find something ask the hottest women available. If possible.
If not the elderly are always fun.
Staring into a 8-10s eyes takes practice to not show pedestal type voice tones if your not used to it. Dont let anyone tell you any different. Practice everywhere.
Yes, leaving the house to just practice approaching feels hard, at least without wings, so incorporating it in everyday errands would be ideal. I just need to get myself to act when the opportunities present themselves, and "warming up" or "reconditioning" myself by approaching less daunting targets is probably a good idea. I will try to do so.
Thanks! :)
 

thinker

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Most people have an internal false reality that they are on some type of stage and everyone else is looking at them and they need to be perfect. The first thing you need to do is realize that approach anxiety is normal everyone has it and it never goes away completely. The second thing you need to realize is that you are not on this false stage and most people are so absorbed in their own life that they don't even know that you exist even when you are right next to them, this is especially true today with smart phone and social media. Now as far as tips, talk to everyone you can young , old, male, female , ugly, and beautiful. When you are at a coffee shop buying you brew look for something unique about the person working the register and talk to them about it, if it is a man the hat he is wearing from his favorite football team, if it is a women talk about her nails, this one is really good for me as I also will grab their hand to get a better look and then thank them for dolling themselves up for me;). To show you how this can work , I was at a gas station waiting in line. In front of me was a really cute blond college girl. I was trying to think of what I could use to start a conversation with her while we waited in line to pay. She was wearing a t-shirt of a local bait and tackle shop that was next to the gas station and that I had been to a couple of times, so I asked her about the t-shirt and if she worked their. Sure enough she worked their and once we started the conversation their was 0 anxiety and it flowed super smooth, from there it was cake.
 

Roober

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DJ boot camp has a very simple methodical approach. It scales about and focuses on repetition, which is really the only way to get over it... Lot and lots of repetition.
 

TheNimbus

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Update: I have been lucky enough to find two dedicated wings in my town, and this has been a game changer.

We've been out day-gaming a few times and approaching doesn't feel nearly as hard with wings at your back.

I wish I could be as comfortable doing it by myself, but day-gaming alone makes me feel like a weirdo prowling the streets. I wonder how to overcome that feeling...?


Also, I've paid more attention to what feelings inside me are stopping me from approaching when I want to, and one thing that keeps crippling me is when there are other people nearby who would be overhearing my approach. That is also something I would like to overcome.
 

sexymanman

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well if you have girls approaching you it makes things easier.
Just go out and about and practice mindfulness meditation while out with your eyes open. Focus on your breath or feel the body or listen to the spaces in the music in the club. Once your present girls will approach you like crazy and will start giggling when you look them in the eyes and will try and distract you. they might even start crying if you can keep it up enough. takes practice though. leading them and pulling is another game in itself and has to flow without you being reactive.
 
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